Brutal Cricinfo bios

[_Ed_]

So I noticed that one of the umpires for today's Women's World Cup game was Alex Wharf, and I clicked on his profile to remind myself of what he did as a player. I was greeted with this.

Wharf was called up to the England one-day side and made an immediate mark against India at Trent Bridge, taking the wicket of Sourav Ganguly with his fifth ball and striking twice more in an impressive opening spell. After this Wharf faded from the international scene due to a combination of injuries, loss of form and not being good enough.

Whoa. Any other hard-hitting profiles people can find?

 

[Gnske]

Andrew Johns, one of the world's best rugby league players, was recruited into the New South Wales Twenty20 side in 2006-07 in an effort to draw large crowds to the Blues' two home games. There was plenty of interest, but his appearance did no favours for the team on the field. In the first outing, at his hometown of Newcastle, Johns came in at No. 11 but with 13 needed off the final over his partner, the captain Simon Katich, could not find the boundary and refused to put Johns on strike, leading to a tame loss. In his second outing, at Sydney, Johns proved he was not a hopeless batsman and made 9 from 10 balls but again the Blues' chase was unsuccessful.

 

[OverratedSanity]

Maharaja of Porbandar

The Maharaja of Porbandar assumed the title as ruler of the small state of Kathiawar. on the death of his father in 1908 aged seven, ascending to the throne in 1920. A keen cricketer, he was handicapped by being almost useless. Despite that, he was picked to captain the All-India side on their first major tour of England in 1932 when the Maharaja of Patiala had to withdraw through illness. It was considered necessary for a prince to lead the side, and so Porbandar was appointed. He acknowledged his limitations, playing in only four of the tour matches and handing over the captaincy for India's first Test to C.K. Nayudu. He scored two runs on the whole trip, provoking the quite justified comment that he owned more Rolls Royces than he had made runs.

 

[Gnske]

https://www.espncricinfo.com/player/noel-david-28149

An offspinning allrounder of middling ability, Noel David was flown to the Caribbean in 1997 to replace the injured Javagal Srinath in one of those incredibly muddle-headed decisions. A virtual passenger until the Test series was over, David sprang into action in the ODI's, with his nagging off breaks claiming 3 for 21 on debut at Port-of-Spain. More than his contributions with bat or ball, David hogged the attention for some dazzling work in the field. He made the squad for the Asia Cup in Colombo later that year but played in only one game after which his services were dispensed with for good. David has a first-class best of 207 not out against Andhra in 1993-94 when Hyderabad scored 944 for 6 dec - the highest score in Ranji history. After retiring he emigrated to the United States.

https://www.espncricinfo.com/player/david-johnson-29712

On the short side for a fast bowler, David Johnson came into the Indian side on the basis of some fine performances around the domestic circuit. He recorded his best match figures of 10 for 152 against Kerala in the 1995-96 Ranji Trophy season. This brought him into national reckoning and he made his debut against Australia in the one-off Test at the Ferozshah Kotla in 1996. India were without Srinath, having sustained an injury, and Johnson was drafted into the squad. He bowled in tandem with his Karnataka team-mate Venkatesh Prasad and picked up the wicket of Michael Slater in the second innings. Johnson then went on the tour of South Africa but got to play only in the first Test, taking the wickets of Gibbs and McMillan. But he could never really make it big in the international arena what with the lack of penetration and his tendency to spray the ball all over being obvious shortcomings.

 

[Gnske]

Speaking of Maharajas, here's an excerpt from the Maharajah of Vizianagram. What a legacy.

https://www.espncricinfo.com/player/maharajah-of-vizianagram-35930

Whereas the Marharajah of Porbandar in 1932 had shrewdly left himself out of most matches, Vizzy was far more arrogant and the tour was an unhappy one. He sent the best player, Lala Amarnath, home on disciplinary grounds and fell out with other leading lights. He was mocked for his lack of ability - his 600 runs on tour came at an average of 16.21, and in the three Tests he scored 33 runs at 8.25. But even then, all was not as it seemed. There is a story that in one county match Vizzy gave a gold watch to the opposing skipper. "I gave him a full toss and a couple of long hops," recalled the recipient, "but you can't go on bowling like that all day, not in England."

Vizzy was lambasted when he returned home and many blamed him for what had happened. He withdrew, maintaining a low profile, but he returned in the 1950s as a politician, administrator and broadcaster. He was a far from universally popular commentator, with accusations of pomposity and dullness to the fore. It is said that when discussing tiger shooting - and he claimed to have bagged more than 300 - he was lecturing on hoiw it was done. "Really," said Rohan Kanhai. "I thought you just left a transistor radio on when you were commentating and bored them to death."

 

[Gnske]

Oh my this is good

https://www.espncricinfo.com/player/greg-loveridge-37609

New Zealand legspinner Greg Loveridge was the Test bowler who didn't bowl. He got his one cap against Zimbabwe at Hamilton in 1995-96, but he fractured a knuckle while batting - on his 21st birthday too. He didn't get a chance again, which might seem harsh, but not if you look at his first-class record. He also played for Cambridge University.

 

[a massive zebra]

Benjamin Aislabie

Benjamin Aislabie was quite possibly one of the worst first-class cricketers of all time, although in fairness to him, many of the records from his career when a younger man are unaccounted for. Even so, an average of 3.15 from 100 innings does not suggest he was not good. His lack of skill was further hampered by his girth, and towards the end of his career he was so fat that he had a permanent runner who also used to field for him. A wine merchant by trade, he was MCC president in 1823 and secretary from 1822 until his death in 1842. Under his tenure the club lurched from crisis to crisis, and while not dishonest, he was certainly a dreadful financial controller. He was also, among other posts, Custodian of the MCC snuffbox.

 

[Fuller Pilch]

Oh my this is good

https://www.espncricinfo.com/player/greg-loveridge-37609

He's now a high powered businessman worth $50-100 mn NZD. Also Vettori debuted the season after Loveridge's one off test.

 

[mr_mister]

Junior Murray:

One of the few Test players to emerge from the tiny island of Grenada, Junior Murray was a batsman-***-wicketkeeper who never quite proved himself in either department. He rarely looked elegant behind the stumps, being too tall and heavy-handed to rival Jeffrey Dujon, his svelte predecessor. And although his bottom-fisted batting earned him one Test hundred, and a regular berth as a one-day opener, an average of 24 was also well short of Dujon's benchmark of 32. Some shoes are hard to fill.


Tony Suji:

Tony Suji, younger brother of Martin, is an allrounder who can count himself fortunate to have had a prolonged run in the Kenyan side without ever coming up with the goods. In 44 ODIs he managed only one fifty, and his first-class record is not much better. His hundred against Bermuda in the 2005 Intercontinental Cup semi-final was his first in competitive cricket, and only the second time he had passed fifty in 78 innings. He was a member of both the 1999 and 2003 World Cup squads, although he did not feature in all of the matches, and while he retained a place in the squad for the World Cricket League and the World Cup, it is hard to see him forcing his way back into the side on ability alone.

 

[BoyBrumby]

Ian Salisbury

his line of attack - just outside off stump - is unthreatening, and his only variation, the googly, is telegraphed by a higher arm action. England have picked him on and off since 1992, usually after a long and successful period of county convalescence, but each time he has struggled to control both his nerves and his radar.

Salisbury's Test career came to an end after a desperate tour of Pakistan in 2000-01, where he picked up one solitary wicket for 193 runs.

 

[a massive zebra]

C.S. Nayudu.

It was very different at Test level, where only three of his 11 appearances came at home. The others were in England, in 1936 and 1946, and in Australia in 1947-48, where in four Tests he went without a wicket and scored just 18 runs. His 1936 teammate, Cota Ramaswami, identified his problem: "C. S. bent his body so low while delivering the ball that his head was almost on a level with the top of the stumps. He stretched his arm fully and threw his body weight into his delivery so that the ball came off the pitch very quickly. He also spun the ball extremely well but unfortunately his length and direction were not always controlled." His two Test wickets cost 359 runs while his hard-hitting batting was scarcely more successful, producing 147 runs at 9.18. Yet his future had looked so bright when, making his Test debut at 19, he hit 36 and then a prolonged 15 to help India stave off defeat by England at Calcutta.

 

[Line and Length]

John Watkins was a legspinner from country New South Wales plucked out of obscurity to play his only Test against Pakistan in 1972-73 after only five first-class appearances in which he had taken 11 wickets at 37.18 - his reputation had been established in grade cricket for Newcastle. He struggled with the ball, but a career-best 36 helped the Aussies set up an unlikely victory. Watkins went on the West Indian tour that followed, but wasn't risked in the Tests, and hardly played at all. Keith Stackpole dubbed him "possibly the luckiest player ever to represent Australia", and recalled how in one of the tour games "he almost hit the square-leg umpire with the widest full-toss I've seen." His always-fragile confidence fractured, Watkins never played first-class cricket again.

 

[ankitj]

Basit Ali Profile - Cricket Player Pakistan | Stats, Records, Video

Read about Basit Ali cricket player from Pakistan profile, stats, rankings, records, videos, photos at ESPNcricinfo

www.espncricinfo.com

Basit Ali was compared with Javed Miandad when he first burst onto the international scene at the age of 22. He was a natural timer of the ball through the covers and point, a dashing, daring hooker and puller against the quicks, and possessed a seemingly nerveless temperament, But some of the gloss was taken off a fine maiden series in the Caribbean by allegations of involvement in match-fixing, and Basit's career quickly nosedived after he smashed the West Indies all over Sharjah and then hit his only Test century, in New Zealand, both in 1993-94. His risk-taking tendencies made him a regular in the Pakistan one-day side for three years. Subscribed to the Inzamam-ul-Haq school of dieting.

 

[h_hurricane]

Chris Martin Profile - Cricket Player New Zealand | Stats, Records, Video

Read about Chris Martin cricket player from New Zealand profile, stats, rankings, records, videos, photos at ESPNcricinfo

www.espncricinfo.com

Hardworking with the ball and outrageously feeble with the bat, Chris Martin was the most consistent thing about the New Zealand pace attack in the first decade of the 2000s. A tall, angular fast-medium bowler with a high leap as he approached the crease, Martin relied more on accuracy and gentle seam movement than pace or prodigious swing.

He would have been an ideal second lead in the armoury of captains Stephen Fleming and Daniel Vettori, but Shane Bond's frequent injuries meant Martin was often thrust into the role of No. 1 fast man. The 11 wickets he took against South Africa in Auckland in March 2004, in his first Test for nearly two years, showed that he could bowl New Zealand to victories, but tearing through batting line-ups was not his usual modus operandi and he has often had to bowl long spells à la Ewen Chatfield.

By the end of the decade Martin was New Zealand's fourth-highest Test wicket-taker of all time but he was equally well known for his comically inept batting. Getting Martin out was as difficult as making a cup of tea and often took less time. No New Zealand player has made more Test ducks than Martin, who did not make a double-figure score until his 36th Test, against Bangladesh. His inability to put bat on ball has cost him the chance to play more one-day and Twenty20 cricket.

With New Zealand finding a new crop of fast bowlers, Martin announced his retirement from all forms in cricket in July 2013, at the age of 38.

 

[Line and Length]

John Watkins was a legspinner from country New South Wales plucked out of obscurity to play his only Test against Pakistan in 1972-73 after only five first-class appearances in which he had taken 11 wickets at 37.18 - his reputation had been established in grade cricket for Newcastle. He struggled with the ball, but a career-best 36 helped the Aussies set up an unlikely victory. Watkins went on the West Indian tour that followed, but wasn't risked in the Tests, and hardly played at all. Keith Stackpole dubbed him "possibly the luckiest player ever to represent Australia", and recalled how in one of the tour games "he almost hit the square-leg umpire with the widest full-toss I've seen." His always-fragile confidence fractured, Watkins never played first-class cricket again.

Re John Watkins, I recall a story about his (lack of) accuracy. When asked if Watkin's was turning it much, NSW 'keeper Brian Taber said, "I don't know about on this pitch but he's turning it on the one we used last week."

 

[Moss]

Chris Mpofu Profile - Cricket Player Zimbabwe | Stats, Records, Video

Read about Chris Mpofu cricket player from Zimbabwe profile, stats, rankings, records, videos, photos at ESPNcricinfo

www.espncricinfo.com

One definite shortcoming, however, is his crease occupation. Not content with being stumped twice in an afternoon (for a pair) in the first Test against New Zealand in August 2005, he followed up by being run out for 3 in the second match, as he strolled down the pitch to congratulate his team-mate on reaching his half-century. He still tends to blow hot and cold and has few rivals in the race to be considered international cricket's worst batsman, but when Zimbabwe return to Test cricket Mpofu will have an important role to play.

 

[a massive zebra]

has few rivals in the race to be considered international cricket's worst batsman

This is baseless hyperbole. Chris Martin played at the same time and was a far, far worse batsman. Mpofu averaged double figures in first class cricket and made a fifty. Chris Martin barely ever even reached double figures in any innings in his entire career. True, Mpofu failed as a batsman in Test cricket but he still averaged over twice as much as Martin with a high score nearly three times as high.

 

[Dendarii]

Mpofu wasn't even the worst player to bat for Zimbabwe. That accolade would have to go to Pommie Mbangwa.

 

[Fuller Pilch]

Mpofu wasn't even the worst player to bat for Zimbabwe. That accolade would have to go to Pommie Mbangwa.

True, but PM is such a great commentator I don't want to hear a bad word about him. He's in my top 5.

 

[Daemon]

Mbangwa is great. Good enough for the nerds to appreciate without being a boring **** that the masses won’t enjoy.