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Devil Duckys World Cup Essentials
- Thread starter luckyeddie
- Start date
Mr Mxyzptlk
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Bulbeck? Only the most brilliant English prospect since Harmison....
Langeveldt
Soutie
anilramavarma said:
A slightly talented Englishman who bowls left arm medium and is an agressive batsman. Young and previously peroxide-haired, his short career has been blighted by injury, but he is one to watch for the future.
I particularly enjoyed Riaan Walters yesterday. The first ball faced in Namibian international cricket, and he sets the tone by nicking it to Taibu. He looked like he was feasting on his helmet as he walked off, he was probably so nervous.
Ah well there is always a next time.
luckyeddie
Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack> I knew there had to be a reason for his fallibility.....Gotchya said:
luckyeddie
Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack>
12 February, South Africa v Kenya, Potchefstroom
Collins Obuya (Kenya)
Lance Klusener brings one back sharply and Collins Obuya is trapped in front first ball. It was a terrific delivery, much too good for the young Kenyan all-rounder. Who is this young Klusener? Runs in one game, wickets in another? Party like it's 1999, Zulu.
DD rating - 5 lilypads
Martin Suji (Kenya)
Lance gets one to pop. Martin Suji can't keep it down and the ball loops gently to Shaun Pollock at short fine leg. Eight minutes, five balls, no runs, no hope, no worries, no chance. No dismembered trunk of a man in his late twenties, no head in a bag, nothing.
DD rating - no lilypads either.
Breadcrumb moment - Herschelle Gibbs (South Africa) and Maurice Odumbe (Kenya)
A joint award here. Odumbe has just bowled a very tight first over, conceding just a single. With the crowd baying for quick runs, Gibbs obliges 0-6-4-0-4-6. For those of you who lost count, that's a big twenty off the over. Credit the bowler for keeping going - at least there were no extras. I understand that the next time South Africa play, the crowd are going to be issued with helmets. The entire match had taken just 59.2 overs from start to finish.
"Time for a 20 overs game before the pubs open, guys?"
12 February, South Africa v Kenya, Potchefstroom
Collins Obuya (Kenya)
Lance Klusener brings one back sharply and Collins Obuya is trapped in front first ball. It was a terrific delivery, much too good for the young Kenyan all-rounder. Who is this young Klusener? Runs in one game, wickets in another? Party like it's 1999, Zulu.
DD rating - 5 lilypads
Martin Suji (Kenya)
Lance gets one to pop. Martin Suji can't keep it down and the ball loops gently to Shaun Pollock at short fine leg. Eight minutes, five balls, no runs, no hope, no worries, no chance. No dismembered trunk of a man in his late twenties, no head in a bag, nothing.
DD rating - no lilypads either.
Breadcrumb moment - Herschelle Gibbs (South Africa) and Maurice Odumbe (Kenya)
A joint award here. Odumbe has just bowled a very tight first over, conceding just a single. With the crowd baying for quick runs, Gibbs obliges 0-6-4-0-4-6. For those of you who lost count, that's a big twenty off the over. Credit the bowler for keeping going - at least there were no extras. I understand that the next time South Africa play, the crowd are going to be issued with helmets. The entire match had taken just 59.2 overs from start to finish.
"Time for a 20 overs game before the pubs open, guys?"
luckyeddie
Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack>
12 February, India v Netherlands, Paarl
This tournament just gets better and better....
Zaheer Khan (India)
Fifth ball of the 49th over - nine wickets down, eight balls to go, eight singles will do. Playing on borrowed time and flushed with his involvement in the successful demise of Mongia from the previous delivery (see Breadcrumb moment), Zaheer plays what I can only describe as a 'flop' across the line. The ball from de Leede had pitched on middle-and-off and was heading nowhere else but halfway up the sticks. It was so plumb, even the man driving the drinks cart appealed. In fact, even the square-leg umpire appealed! Not bad. In for just 2 balls, involved in 2 dismissals. Man of the Match de Leede finishes with the highly creditable figures of 9.5-0-35-4 and game on!
DD rating - 7.5 lilypads - a clear second place and pushing Nathan hard.
Jan Kloppenburg (Netherlands)
First over, the Dutch want a good start. Should they block for a while, or should they give it a bit of clog? Fourth ball of Javagal Srinaths first over, we get the answer - well, we don't actually. The ball is just too good for the tentative prod of Kloppenburg and Virender Sehwag takes a smart, low catch at second slip.One lilypad for each ball faced by the opener. 300 ODI wickets for the evergreen Srinath.
DD rating - 4 lilypads
Bastiaan Zuiderent (Netherlands)
Good foot movement, the batsman gets to the pitch of the ball nicely. An expansive drive, pose for the cameras and the ball races across the outfield to the extra cover boundary. Well, that's the theory. If you've been in for an hour or you are a Lara or Tendulkar, perhaps you can get away with it. If, however, you are Bastiaan Zuiderent, you are facing your sixth ball in the World Cup and the bowler is a decidedly sharp Zaheer Khan, the game's not that easy. The flamboyant drive makes contact all right, the ball flies hard all right, but straight to Virender Sehwag at slip.
DD rating - a criditable 7 lilypads
Timotheus de Leede (Netherlands)
Enter Harbhajan Singh into the fray. 'Barnacle' de Leede has decided to play the sheet-anchor role, allowing Daan van Bunge and the splendid Extras to take the game to India. Final ball of Harbhajan's first over, the top-spinner totally bamboozles de Leede. A snick and the chance is taken by Rahul Dravid behind the sticks. Seventeen minutes in, nine balls faced, the second-longest duck so far of the tournament. Not bad, but a long way short of the best.
DD rating - 5.5 lilypads
Breadcrumb moment - Dinesh Mongia (India)
Timotheus de Leede from the Nederburg end to Zaheer Khan, fourth ball of the 49th over. A push to Jan Kloppenburg at mid on. Dinesh Mongia, going well, smelling a half-century, desperate to get the strike, charges down the wicket. He knows there is never a run there, but sometimes sacrifices have to be made for the greater good of the cause. Zaheer is unmoved : "... an Indians crease is his castle, and I'll stay here as long as I choose" - well, for this ball anyway. Mongia turns, sprints, dives, home easily. It was a dreadful return to the bowler - wide, looping. To tell the truth, if the throw had been good it would have been very tight. The bails are removed as an afterthought. But wait..... the third umpire is called for. Apparently, Mongia has decided to celebrate making his ground by waving his bat in the air in triumph. At the critical moment, you could drive a bus between bat and crease. Oh dear! Bye bye, Dinesh. Bye bye India? Only time would tell. Win or lose, they'll be saying "Hey, man, who's Cricket?" in the coffee shops of Amsterdam tonight.
Breadcrumb moment - Harbhajan Singh (India) and Edgar Schiferli (Netherlands)
"Hey, Charlie. Give him de throat ball" was the cry which used to go up in the Caribbean during the 1960s. Well, the 'Turbanator' is a bit of a killer, too. Batting bravely without a helmet to the lightning-fast Harbhajan and whirling at every spitting delivery like a windmill, Schiferli amazingly plays too soon at a searing top-spinner. There is a sickening crunch as the Flying Dutchman gets well and truly poleaxed. There is a five minute delay as
a) The Dutch all-rounder finds his feet again
and
b) Harbhajan finds his tooth to keep as a trophy. "I'm opening with Srinath next game, eh, skip?"
Breadcrumb moment - Javagal Srinath (India)
They always say "bowl a yorker, then follow it up with a slower one"
<luckyeddie> Who always says that?
Those who really know their cricket. You know.....ducks. Quiet, LE, this is my column.
As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, Srinath to the previously immovable Daan van Bunge - a superb yorker. Clean bowled.... only the bails don't fall.
Next ball, an extraordinarily extravagant extroverted.....
<luckyeddie> less of the exes, DD
Anyway, van Bunge is ex....tracted (a bit like Schiferli's tooth) ex...actly as intended with a real looper. Srinath's playing so well - reminds me of a young Matt Bulbeck.
12 February, India v Netherlands, Paarl
This tournament just gets better and better....
Zaheer Khan (India)
Fifth ball of the 49th over - nine wickets down, eight balls to go, eight singles will do. Playing on borrowed time and flushed with his involvement in the successful demise of Mongia from the previous delivery (see Breadcrumb moment), Zaheer plays what I can only describe as a 'flop' across the line. The ball from de Leede had pitched on middle-and-off and was heading nowhere else but halfway up the sticks. It was so plumb, even the man driving the drinks cart appealed. In fact, even the square-leg umpire appealed! Not bad. In for just 2 balls, involved in 2 dismissals. Man of the Match de Leede finishes with the highly creditable figures of 9.5-0-35-4 and game on!
DD rating - 7.5 lilypads - a clear second place and pushing Nathan hard.
Jan Kloppenburg (Netherlands)
First over, the Dutch want a good start. Should they block for a while, or should they give it a bit of clog? Fourth ball of Javagal Srinaths first over, we get the answer - well, we don't actually. The ball is just too good for the tentative prod of Kloppenburg and Virender Sehwag takes a smart, low catch at second slip.One lilypad for each ball faced by the opener. 300 ODI wickets for the evergreen Srinath.
DD rating - 4 lilypads
Bastiaan Zuiderent (Netherlands)
Good foot movement, the batsman gets to the pitch of the ball nicely. An expansive drive, pose for the cameras and the ball races across the outfield to the extra cover boundary. Well, that's the theory. If you've been in for an hour or you are a Lara or Tendulkar, perhaps you can get away with it. If, however, you are Bastiaan Zuiderent, you are facing your sixth ball in the World Cup and the bowler is a decidedly sharp Zaheer Khan, the game's not that easy. The flamboyant drive makes contact all right, the ball flies hard all right, but straight to Virender Sehwag at slip.
DD rating - a criditable 7 lilypads
Timotheus de Leede (Netherlands)
Enter Harbhajan Singh into the fray. 'Barnacle' de Leede has decided to play the sheet-anchor role, allowing Daan van Bunge and the splendid Extras to take the game to India. Final ball of Harbhajan's first over, the top-spinner totally bamboozles de Leede. A snick and the chance is taken by Rahul Dravid behind the sticks. Seventeen minutes in, nine balls faced, the second-longest duck so far of the tournament. Not bad, but a long way short of the best.
DD rating - 5.5 lilypads
Breadcrumb moment - Dinesh Mongia (India)
Timotheus de Leede from the Nederburg end to Zaheer Khan, fourth ball of the 49th over. A push to Jan Kloppenburg at mid on. Dinesh Mongia, going well, smelling a half-century, desperate to get the strike, charges down the wicket. He knows there is never a run there, but sometimes sacrifices have to be made for the greater good of the cause. Zaheer is unmoved : "... an Indians crease is his castle, and I'll stay here as long as I choose" - well, for this ball anyway. Mongia turns, sprints, dives, home easily. It was a dreadful return to the bowler - wide, looping. To tell the truth, if the throw had been good it would have been very tight. The bails are removed as an afterthought. But wait..... the third umpire is called for. Apparently, Mongia has decided to celebrate making his ground by waving his bat in the air in triumph. At the critical moment, you could drive a bus between bat and crease. Oh dear! Bye bye, Dinesh. Bye bye India? Only time would tell. Win or lose, they'll be saying "Hey, man, who's Cricket?" in the coffee shops of Amsterdam tonight.
Breadcrumb moment - Harbhajan Singh (India) and Edgar Schiferli (Netherlands)
"Hey, Charlie. Give him de throat ball" was the cry which used to go up in the Caribbean during the 1960s. Well, the 'Turbanator' is a bit of a killer, too. Batting bravely without a helmet to the lightning-fast Harbhajan and whirling at every spitting delivery like a windmill, Schiferli amazingly plays too soon at a searing top-spinner. There is a sickening crunch as the Flying Dutchman gets well and truly poleaxed. There is a five minute delay as
a) The Dutch all-rounder finds his feet again
and
b) Harbhajan finds his tooth to keep as a trophy. "I'm opening with Srinath next game, eh, skip?"
Breadcrumb moment - Javagal Srinath (India)
They always say "bowl a yorker, then follow it up with a slower one"
<luckyeddie> Who always says that?
Those who really know their cricket. You know.....ducks. Quiet, LE, this is my column.
As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, Srinath to the previously immovable Daan van Bunge - a superb yorker. Clean bowled.... only the bails don't fall.
Next ball, an extraordinarily extravagant extroverted.....
<luckyeddie> less of the exes, DD
Anyway, van Bunge is ex....tracted (a bit like Schiferli's tooth) ex...actly as intended with a real looper. Srinath's playing so well - reminds me of a young Matt Bulbeck.
Last edited:
luckyeddie
Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack>
13 February, West Indies v New Zealand, Port Elizabeth
Breadcrumb moment - Marlon Samuels (West Indies)
Over number 48, Andre Adams is looking for runs. He has just slammed a huge six over long off - the ball after Ian Botham in the Sky Sports commentary team has said "Adams is not timing the ball today" - when the batsmans eyes light up again. A swat to leg and Chris Gayle, bowling from the Duckpond End, looks expectant as the ball loops out to where the ever-reliable Samuels awaits. "Put it in de scorebook, man - he's a goner." Now there are times when things are just too easy, so Samuels climbs up the rope ladder, gets on his unicycle and rides across the tightrope juggling three clubs just to make it a little more challenging. At least, that's what it looked like. Four attempts at grasping the ball later, the batsmen had run two. Adams continued his savage assault in the last two overs, helping New Zealand to a challenging 241 when frankly 220 looked more likely.
Breadcrumb moment - Lou Vincent and Chris Cairns (New Zealand)
Sponsored by Fernando's Guest House and Grill, 102 Cape Road, Mill Park, Port Elizabeth. Tel (041) 34-4080 (International +27 41) for bookings. Parties catered for.
Andre Adams has just removed Chris Gayle with a long hop, Flushed with success, he tries his second secret weapon - a leg stump half-volley - to Brian Lara. The Master Blaster whips the ball through midwicket and plods off for an easy two. Seeing that the man on the boundary is Vincent, he calls Wavell Hines through for a third. "Come on, man. Lou got an arm like a stick o' rhubarb". The batsmen meet in mid-track, where we pick up the conversation on the DevilDucky stump-mic (pat pending).
<WH> What do you think of Port Elizabeth, Brian?
<BL> It's beautiful - and the people are so friendly. Do you know they actually call Port Elizabeth 'The Friendly City', Wavell?
<WH> I was not aware of that fact, but it makes sense. As you so rightly say, the people are so friendly.
<BL> Yes. It is also known as the 'Gateway to the Eastern Cape'
<WH> Did you know that it has over 40km of breathtaking coastline and beaches?
<BL> Yes, I did know that. I may come back at Easter for the 'Vodacom Splash Festival.' Mr Fernando from Fernando's Guest House and Grill told me about it last night.
<WH> By the way, did you enjoy your meal?
<BL> Oh yes. Fernando's certainly do the best steaks in town (sound of Brian sucking his teeth).
Unbeknown to Lara, the ball is tossed back to Chris Cairns at halfway who, with just a single stump to aim at, does the rest, thus rudely interrupting this most interesting and informative travel guide.
Breadcrumb moment - Jacob Oram (New Zealand)
Ridley Jacobs, the last real hope for the West Indies, has decided to open his ample shoulders and launch a serious assault on the New Zealanders. Having just poleaxed a guy in the crowd who was desperately protecting his pint, he tries the same again to a ball from Scott Styris. An outside edge looks a safe single to third man, but we reckon without a quite magnificent diving catch from the giant Jacob Oram, the former New Zealand under-19 goalkeeper.
<LE> You were really scraping the barrel today, Devil Ducky.
<DD> What do you mean, Lucky Eddie?
<LE> Tourist guides indeed! How much did you get paid for that?
<DD> I'm not going to tell you.
<LE> It was an interesting game of cricket between two closely matched teams - with twists and turns every few overs - and yet you have written so little about the game itself.
<DD> It was a rubbish match between two bunches of no-hopers - and I gave it more column inches than it deserved.
<LE> Why do you say that?
<DD> Look, St George's Park is supposed to have a Duck Pond End.
<LE> I know.
<DD> Well?
<LE> Well, what?
<DD> No ducks!
13 February, West Indies v New Zealand, Port Elizabeth
Breadcrumb moment - Marlon Samuels (West Indies)
Over number 48, Andre Adams is looking for runs. He has just slammed a huge six over long off - the ball after Ian Botham in the Sky Sports commentary team has said "Adams is not timing the ball today" - when the batsmans eyes light up again. A swat to leg and Chris Gayle, bowling from the Duckpond End, looks expectant as the ball loops out to where the ever-reliable Samuels awaits. "Put it in de scorebook, man - he's a goner." Now there are times when things are just too easy, so Samuels climbs up the rope ladder, gets on his unicycle and rides across the tightrope juggling three clubs just to make it a little more challenging. At least, that's what it looked like. Four attempts at grasping the ball later, the batsmen had run two. Adams continued his savage assault in the last two overs, helping New Zealand to a challenging 241 when frankly 220 looked more likely.
Breadcrumb moment - Lou Vincent and Chris Cairns (New Zealand)
Sponsored by Fernando's Guest House and Grill, 102 Cape Road, Mill Park, Port Elizabeth. Tel (041) 34-4080 (International +27 41) for bookings. Parties catered for.
Andre Adams has just removed Chris Gayle with a long hop, Flushed with success, he tries his second secret weapon - a leg stump half-volley - to Brian Lara. The Master Blaster whips the ball through midwicket and plods off for an easy two. Seeing that the man on the boundary is Vincent, he calls Wavell Hines through for a third. "Come on, man. Lou got an arm like a stick o' rhubarb". The batsmen meet in mid-track, where we pick up the conversation on the DevilDucky stump-mic (pat pending).
<WH> What do you think of Port Elizabeth, Brian?
<BL> It's beautiful - and the people are so friendly. Do you know they actually call Port Elizabeth 'The Friendly City', Wavell?
<WH> I was not aware of that fact, but it makes sense. As you so rightly say, the people are so friendly.
<BL> Yes. It is also known as the 'Gateway to the Eastern Cape'
<WH> Did you know that it has over 40km of breathtaking coastline and beaches?
<BL> Yes, I did know that. I may come back at Easter for the 'Vodacom Splash Festival.' Mr Fernando from Fernando's Guest House and Grill told me about it last night.
<WH> By the way, did you enjoy your meal?
<BL> Oh yes. Fernando's certainly do the best steaks in town (sound of Brian sucking his teeth).
Unbeknown to Lara, the ball is tossed back to Chris Cairns at halfway who, with just a single stump to aim at, does the rest, thus rudely interrupting this most interesting and informative travel guide.
Breadcrumb moment - Jacob Oram (New Zealand)
Ridley Jacobs, the last real hope for the West Indies, has decided to open his ample shoulders and launch a serious assault on the New Zealanders. Having just poleaxed a guy in the crowd who was desperately protecting his pint, he tries the same again to a ball from Scott Styris. An outside edge looks a safe single to third man, but we reckon without a quite magnificent diving catch from the giant Jacob Oram, the former New Zealand under-19 goalkeeper.
<LE> You were really scraping the barrel today, Devil Ducky.
<DD> What do you mean, Lucky Eddie?
<LE> Tourist guides indeed! How much did you get paid for that?
<DD> I'm not going to tell you.
<LE> It was an interesting game of cricket between two closely matched teams - with twists and turns every few overs - and yet you have written so little about the game itself.
<DD> It was a rubbish match between two bunches of no-hopers - and I gave it more column inches than it deserved.
<LE> Why do you say that?
<DD> Look, St George's Park is supposed to have a Duck Pond End.
<LE> I know.
<DD> Well?
<LE> Well, what?
<DD> No ducks!
Langeveldt
Soutie
lol keep em coming eddie!
luckyeddie
Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack> I'm working him with my foot
<LE> Heeeeeyyyyyyy. I invented you!!!!
<quack> As AC/DC once said, "Who made who?"
<LE> Heeeeeyyyyyyy. I invented you!!!!
<quack> As AC/DC once said, "Who made who?"
luckyeddie
Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack>
14 February, Sri Lanka v Bangladesh, Pietermaritzburg
Hannan Sarkar (Bangladesh)
Chaminda Vaas is opening the bowling from the Duzi End. Hannan Sarkar takes guard to the first ball of the day - a delightful inswinger from the Colts CC leftie. Hannan Sarkar flails without a deal of foot movement and the off peg is rattled. To tell the truth, so are Bangladesh. Not a good start.
DD rating - 6.5 lilypads
Mohammad Ashraful (Bangladesh)
Chaminda Vaas is opening the bowling from the Duzi End. Mohammad Ashraful takes guard to the second ball of the day - a delightful inswinger from the Colts CC leftie. Mohammad Ashraful thinks "Ah, the same as Hannan just got" - but not quite! This delivery is a cleverly disguised slower one. The batsman plays a little too soon and Vaas takes a smart return catch high over his head. Definitely not a good start.
DD rating - 5 lilypads
Ehsanul Haque (Bangladesh)
Chaminda Vaas is opening the bowling from the Duzi End. Ehsanul Haque takes guard to the third ball of the day - a delightful inswinger...
<luckyeddie> Are you using automatic commentary-writing software, Devil Ducky?
<DD> zzzzzzzzzzzz.
....... from the Colts CC leftie. Ehsanul Haque thinks "We've been here before. I know just what to do...". Actually, we haven't. It's there for the drive, but pushed across the batsman a little. Ehsanul thinks about a slash through the covers (perhaps he should have gone before he came out to bat) but eventually decides to push down the line. The ball takes the outside edge and flies to Mahela Jayawardene at second slip. HAT TRICK!!!!! Cue the bowler to run around like a lemon playing 'Aeroplanes'. Wait a tick. HAT TRICK!!!! HAT TRICK!!! More to the point, THREE DUCKS!!! Bangladesh don't need me to tell them they are in trouble big-time. Chaminda Vaas thinks this wicket is a Duzi.
DD rating - 9 lilypads (Nathan Astle, your moment in the sun has ended)
Breadcrumb moment - Chaminda Vaas (Sri Lanka)
Abdul Hannan Sarkar bowled Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas 0
Mohammad Ashraful caught and bowled Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas 0
Ehsanul Haque caught Denagamage Proboth Mahela de Silva Jayawardene bowled Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas 0
Breadcrumb moment - Brent Fraser 'Billy' Bowden (with thanks to John Cleese for giving me the idea)
<quack> With the game finishing early, I took the opportunity to interview Kiwi extrovert and general good egg Billy Bowden a few moments after the game.
<DD> Mr Bowden, I should like to thank you for taking time to talk to your fans at Cricket Web.
<BB> A pint of 'Whistling Weasel Pale Ale,' please, barman
<DD> Mr Bowden.... Mr Bowden...... Oi, Billy!!
<BB> What?
<DD> Allow me to pay for that (hands 100 Rand over) and two slices of bread soaked in 'Pickled Pig Porter' please - keep the change!
<BB> Can we go over to that quiet corner of the bar? I don't wish to be seen in public being interviewed by any duck, let alone you, Devil Ducky.
<DD> Thank you, Billy. It is all right to call you Billy, is it?
<BB> Of course. Everyone in cricket calls my Billy.
<DD> Thank you. You were born in Auckland, New Zealand?
<BB> Yes, a suburb called 'Henderson'.
<DD> When was that?
<BB> 1963, DD. On the 11th of April.
<DD> Ah, yes. That makes you an Aries, doesn't it?
<BB> Yes.
<DD> Aries. The Ram.
<BB> Yes!
<DD> And you are from New Zealand.
<BB> (hesitates) er, yeeeees?
<DD> Is Aries a common star sign among New Zealanders?
<BB> Right, stop that now.
<DD> Stop what?
<BB> This line of questioning.... I'm going - now!
<DD> Tell me about your cricketing background, Mr Bowden
<BB> What?
<DD> I understand that you played cricket as a boy
<BB> No more sheep gags?
<DD> I promise!
<BB> Well, I played schoolboy cricket to a fairly high level but when I was 21 I developed rheumatoid arthritis. I played on for a few years but it was a struggle.
<DD> What made you turn to umpiring?
<BB> A single incident. I was bowling to a young slugger one day. I remember that, first ball of the over, he hit the ball back at me like a bullet. Never had chance to move - ball hit me slap bang right between the eyes.
<DD> That's it, is it? The defining moment?
<BB> Not quite. Third ball, I tried my slower one. Batsman took one pace down the wicket, hit the ball back at me like a bullet. Never had chance to move - ball hit me slap bang right between the eyes.
<DD> And?
<BB> Last ball, a quicker one. Batsman played back, hit the ball back at me like a bullet - never had chance to move - couldn't protect myself - hit me slap bang right between the eye eye eye eye eye b-b-b-b-b-b.
<DD> Amazing!
<BB> Of course, I was getting used to it by then.
<DD> Another beer?
<BB> Please.
<DD> These extraordinary signals of yours....
<BB> You mean when I'm umpiring...
<DD> No, just then, when you were trying to catch the barman's eye
<BB> Touch of cramp, I think.
<DD> I'm just going to put a few Rand in the juke box. Can I select anything for you?
<BB> Something by Buddy Holly and the Crickets, please.
<DD> Ah yes. Very funny.
<BB> I'm sorry?
<DD> Mr Bowden, cricketing umpire extraordinaire, Cricket Web thanks you for your time.
14 February, Sri Lanka v Bangladesh, Pietermaritzburg
Hannan Sarkar (Bangladesh)
Chaminda Vaas is opening the bowling from the Duzi End. Hannan Sarkar takes guard to the first ball of the day - a delightful inswinger from the Colts CC leftie. Hannan Sarkar flails without a deal of foot movement and the off peg is rattled. To tell the truth, so are Bangladesh. Not a good start.
DD rating - 6.5 lilypads
Mohammad Ashraful (Bangladesh)
Chaminda Vaas is opening the bowling from the Duzi End. Mohammad Ashraful takes guard to the second ball of the day - a delightful inswinger from the Colts CC leftie. Mohammad Ashraful thinks "Ah, the same as Hannan just got" - but not quite! This delivery is a cleverly disguised slower one. The batsman plays a little too soon and Vaas takes a smart return catch high over his head. Definitely not a good start.
DD rating - 5 lilypads
Ehsanul Haque (Bangladesh)
Chaminda Vaas is opening the bowling from the Duzi End. Ehsanul Haque takes guard to the third ball of the day - a delightful inswinger...
<luckyeddie> Are you using automatic commentary-writing software, Devil Ducky?
<DD> zzzzzzzzzzzz.
....... from the Colts CC leftie. Ehsanul Haque thinks "We've been here before. I know just what to do...". Actually, we haven't. It's there for the drive, but pushed across the batsman a little. Ehsanul thinks about a slash through the covers (perhaps he should have gone before he came out to bat) but eventually decides to push down the line. The ball takes the outside edge and flies to Mahela Jayawardene at second slip. HAT TRICK!!!!! Cue the bowler to run around like a lemon playing 'Aeroplanes'. Wait a tick. HAT TRICK!!!! HAT TRICK!!! More to the point, THREE DUCKS!!! Bangladesh don't need me to tell them they are in trouble big-time. Chaminda Vaas thinks this wicket is a Duzi.
DD rating - 9 lilypads (Nathan Astle, your moment in the sun has ended)
Breadcrumb moment - Chaminda Vaas (Sri Lanka)
Abdul Hannan Sarkar bowled Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas 0
Mohammad Ashraful caught and bowled Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas 0
Ehsanul Haque caught Denagamage Proboth Mahela de Silva Jayawardene bowled Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas 0
Breadcrumb moment - Brent Fraser 'Billy' Bowden (with thanks to John Cleese for giving me the idea)
<quack> With the game finishing early, I took the opportunity to interview Kiwi extrovert and general good egg Billy Bowden a few moments after the game.
<DD> Mr Bowden, I should like to thank you for taking time to talk to your fans at Cricket Web.
<BB> A pint of 'Whistling Weasel Pale Ale,' please, barman
<DD> Mr Bowden.... Mr Bowden...... Oi, Billy!!
<BB> What?
<DD> Allow me to pay for that (hands 100 Rand over) and two slices of bread soaked in 'Pickled Pig Porter' please - keep the change!
<BB> Can we go over to that quiet corner of the bar? I don't wish to be seen in public being interviewed by any duck, let alone you, Devil Ducky.
<DD> Thank you, Billy. It is all right to call you Billy, is it?
<BB> Of course. Everyone in cricket calls my Billy.
<DD> Thank you. You were born in Auckland, New Zealand?
<BB> Yes, a suburb called 'Henderson'.
<DD> When was that?
<BB> 1963, DD. On the 11th of April.
<DD> Ah, yes. That makes you an Aries, doesn't it?
<BB> Yes.
<DD> Aries. The Ram.
<BB> Yes!
<DD> And you are from New Zealand.
<BB> (hesitates) er, yeeeees?
<DD> Is Aries a common star sign among New Zealanders?
<BB> Right, stop that now.
<DD> Stop what?
<BB> This line of questioning.... I'm going - now!
<DD> Tell me about your cricketing background, Mr Bowden
<BB> What?
<DD> I understand that you played cricket as a boy
<BB> No more sheep gags?
<DD> I promise!
<BB> Well, I played schoolboy cricket to a fairly high level but when I was 21 I developed rheumatoid arthritis. I played on for a few years but it was a struggle.
<DD> What made you turn to umpiring?
<BB> A single incident. I was bowling to a young slugger one day. I remember that, first ball of the over, he hit the ball back at me like a bullet. Never had chance to move - ball hit me slap bang right between the eyes.
<DD> That's it, is it? The defining moment?
<BB> Not quite. Third ball, I tried my slower one. Batsman took one pace down the wicket, hit the ball back at me like a bullet. Never had chance to move - ball hit me slap bang right between the eyes.
<DD> And?
<BB> Last ball, a quicker one. Batsman played back, hit the ball back at me like a bullet - never had chance to move - couldn't protect myself - hit me slap bang right between the eye eye eye eye eye b-b-b-b-b-b.
<DD> Amazing!
<BB> Of course, I was getting used to it by then.
<DD> Another beer?
<BB> Please.
<DD> These extraordinary signals of yours....
<BB> You mean when I'm umpiring...
<DD> No, just then, when you were trying to catch the barman's eye
<BB> Touch of cramp, I think.
<DD> I'm just going to put a few Rand in the juke box. Can I select anything for you?
<BB> Something by Buddy Holly and the Crickets, please.
<DD> Ah yes. Very funny.
<BB> I'm sorry?
<DD> Mr Bowden, cricketing umpire extraordinaire, Cricket Web thanks you for your time.
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luckyeddie
Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack>
15 February, Australia v India, Centurion
Yuvraj Singh (India)
Last ball before the end of the bowling restrictions, although the biggest restriction at the moment is the one posed by the superb Aussie attack. Glenn McGrath rips one through the forward defensive push of a subdued Yuvraj who has faced 8 deliveries. The ball MAY have pitched a fraction outside leg stump. It MAY have just done a bit too much. It MAY have been a little high. I'm sure that if I watch the action replays a few more times I MAY be able to detect an inside edge or the bowler MAY have overstepped - but apart from that it was plumb - look in the scorebook. These things happen. On reflection, the umpire MAY have taken into account the rotation of the Earth and the Coreolis effect. Either that or he was asleep. Cue DevilDucky stump-mic (patent pending).
<Glenn McGrath> HOWZAAAAAAATTTTTTT?
<Umpire de Silva> zzzzzzzzzzzzzz what?
<Glenn McGrath> Is there an aeroplane flying over your head?
<Umpire de silva> Why, yes - look - up there (points skyward)
<Yuvraj Singh> MAYday
DD rating - 6 lilypads
Javagal Srinath (India)
Loads of overs to go, last two men at the crease, the last thing that India could do with is a run out. Push the ball about, don't take any sharp singles. Rotate the strike, push it into the gaps, take the easy ones but whatever you do, DON'T GET RUN OUT! Block everything even - the Aussies are so far behind the required rate that they are looking at losing at least 4 overs from their own allocation. Brad Hogg to Anil Kumble, the ball is prodded gently into the off side. Kumble calls Javagal Srinath through for the sharpest of sharp singles. Darren Lehmann swoops, the ball is flicked at the stumps and the bails are off - so's Srinath.
The duck thinks hard, then awards 1 lilypad per brain cell involved in the combined decision to take the single
DD rating - 0 lilypads
Breadcrumb moment - Harbhajan Singh (India)
Brett Lee, his tail up, greets the new batsman with one which strikes him on the noggin. Whatever happened to the 'Fast Bowlers Club'? The 'Peril of Paarl' decides to exact his own sort of revenge. The batsman backs away to leg. The bowler follows him. A carve and the ball whistles to the boundary over the head of the wicket-keeper - 4. A couple of deliveries later, the Turbaned Terror tries it again. This time, Lee doesn't follow him. He decides to bowl a fast yorker at the unguarded stumps. Harbhajan slams the ball over third man for a maximum. How? Don't ask me. I'm only a duck!
15 February, Australia v India, Centurion
Yuvraj Singh (India)
Last ball before the end of the bowling restrictions, although the biggest restriction at the moment is the one posed by the superb Aussie attack. Glenn McGrath rips one through the forward defensive push of a subdued Yuvraj who has faced 8 deliveries. The ball MAY have pitched a fraction outside leg stump. It MAY have just done a bit too much. It MAY have been a little high. I'm sure that if I watch the action replays a few more times I MAY be able to detect an inside edge or the bowler MAY have overstepped - but apart from that it was plumb - look in the scorebook. These things happen. On reflection, the umpire MAY have taken into account the rotation of the Earth and the Coreolis effect. Either that or he was asleep. Cue DevilDucky stump-mic (patent pending).
<Glenn McGrath> HOWZAAAAAAATTTTTTT?
<Umpire de Silva> zzzzzzzzzzzzzz what?
<Glenn McGrath> Is there an aeroplane flying over your head?
<Umpire de silva> Why, yes - look - up there (points skyward)
<Yuvraj Singh> MAYday
DD rating - 6 lilypads
Javagal Srinath (India)
Loads of overs to go, last two men at the crease, the last thing that India could do with is a run out. Push the ball about, don't take any sharp singles. Rotate the strike, push it into the gaps, take the easy ones but whatever you do, DON'T GET RUN OUT! Block everything even - the Aussies are so far behind the required rate that they are looking at losing at least 4 overs from their own allocation. Brad Hogg to Anil Kumble, the ball is prodded gently into the off side. Kumble calls Javagal Srinath through for the sharpest of sharp singles. Darren Lehmann swoops, the ball is flicked at the stumps and the bails are off - so's Srinath.
The duck thinks hard, then awards 1 lilypad per brain cell involved in the combined decision to take the single
DD rating - 0 lilypads
Breadcrumb moment - Harbhajan Singh (India)
Brett Lee, his tail up, greets the new batsman with one which strikes him on the noggin. Whatever happened to the 'Fast Bowlers Club'? The 'Peril of Paarl' decides to exact his own sort of revenge. The batsman backs away to leg. The bowler follows him. A carve and the ball whistles to the boundary over the head of the wicket-keeper - 4. A couple of deliveries later, the Turbaned Terror tries it again. This time, Lee doesn't follow him. He decides to bowl a fast yorker at the unguarded stumps. Harbhajan slams the ball over third man for a maximum. How? Don't ask me. I'm only a duck!
Last edited:
luckyeddie
Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack>
15 February, Canada v Kenya, Cape Town
Nicholas de Groot (Canada)
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. 159-5 became 159-6 in the 43rd over when Maurice Odumbe drifted one in from well outside off stump to somewhere else not quite so well outside off stump but still outside off stump all the same, with the batsman well down the wicket and playing a shot (albeit a pretty crummy one). The ever-consistent Nicky de Groot had maintained his World Cup 2003 average of 0. When I say consistent I mean consistent - 4 balls again. One lilypad last time, but this one's definitely worth more. Smart umpiring too - the finger was up before the appeal. Must have been another aeroplane flying overhead..
DD rating - 6.5 lilypads
Breadcrumb moment (and boy, it's a long one) - Hitesh Modi (Kenya)
The splendid John Davison, bowling from the Kelvin Grove End, has just witnessed the clearest bat-pad of the tournament turned down by umpire Mohammad Nadeem Ghauri. Modi has previously struggled for almost an hour to get the ball off the square and is just craving blessed release. All I can suggest is that the bowler has managed to persuade the umpire that the batsman has made no contact. This is confirmed by the following delivery when Modi gives Davison the charge with reckless ineptitude. The ball is collected by keeper Ashish Bagai who, seeing that it is Modi out of his ground, gives up the simplest stumping chance by fumbling the ball - thus just about keeping Canada in the game. Further confirmation of this tactic is to come in Davisons following over when the same batsman edges the ball through to Joseph Harris at slip. The fielder takes the catch clean enough but - horror of horrors - he subsequently recognises that it is the hapless Modi whose fate he holds in his hands. Realising his mistake too late, he quickly hurls the ball to the ground but the batsman has already fled the scene, thus condemning Canada to almost certain defeat. His six runs have taken just 48 balls.
<quack> and another thing.....
How come you lot only rate this thread 2/5?
<luckyeddie> ignore him - he has, as we in Derbyshire say 'got a bag on' today
15 February, Canada v Kenya, Cape Town
Nicholas de Groot (Canada)
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. 159-5 became 159-6 in the 43rd over when Maurice Odumbe drifted one in from well outside off stump to somewhere else not quite so well outside off stump but still outside off stump all the same, with the batsman well down the wicket and playing a shot (albeit a pretty crummy one). The ever-consistent Nicky de Groot had maintained his World Cup 2003 average of 0. When I say consistent I mean consistent - 4 balls again. One lilypad last time, but this one's definitely worth more. Smart umpiring too - the finger was up before the appeal. Must have been another aeroplane flying overhead..
DD rating - 6.5 lilypads
Breadcrumb moment (and boy, it's a long one) - Hitesh Modi (Kenya)
The splendid John Davison, bowling from the Kelvin Grove End, has just witnessed the clearest bat-pad of the tournament turned down by umpire Mohammad Nadeem Ghauri. Modi has previously struggled for almost an hour to get the ball off the square and is just craving blessed release. All I can suggest is that the bowler has managed to persuade the umpire that the batsman has made no contact. This is confirmed by the following delivery when Modi gives Davison the charge with reckless ineptitude. The ball is collected by keeper Ashish Bagai who, seeing that it is Modi out of his ground, gives up the simplest stumping chance by fumbling the ball - thus just about keeping Canada in the game. Further confirmation of this tactic is to come in Davisons following over when the same batsman edges the ball through to Joseph Harris at slip. The fielder takes the catch clean enough but - horror of horrors - he subsequently recognises that it is the hapless Modi whose fate he holds in his hands. Realising his mistake too late, he quickly hurls the ball to the ground but the batsman has already fled the scene, thus condemning Canada to almost certain defeat. His six runs have taken just 48 balls.
<quack> and another thing.....
How come you lot only rate this thread 2/5?
<luckyeddie> ignore him - he has, as we in Derbyshire say 'got a bag on' today
Neil Pickup
Cricket Web Moderator
I rated it 5/5...
Come on you lot, Sort it out!
Come on you lot, Sort it out!