luckyeddie
Cricket Web Staff Member
Spain 1 Russia 0
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The great thing about this tournament is the preparations the Portuguese have made in ensuring that all goes smoothly. They have employed advisors from all around the world, making sure that they are aware of customs, foibles and other areas of potential embarrassment. One advisor, a Mr Bruce Bondi, is employed purely to verify National Anthems are up to date - and with good reason. Who can forget the faux pas committed by a Mr B Bondi at the recent Davis Cup match between Australia and Spain?
So it was that the new Soviet Union National Anthem, "Filthy Western Capitalist American Lackey Running-Dogs" was played instead of the more modern, old Russian "Lend Us Some Cash And We Will Give You Our Mafia".
The Russian goalie, Greesiest Flashigit, pulled off a couple of fine saves early in the game as the Spanish right-winger, Franco, caused havoc. Intricate link-up play between Raul Bravo and Raul Lessbravo ended with Raul Positivelychicken diving over the challenge of Thug, the Russian central defender, which earned him a yellow card from the Swiss referee, Kukuclok.
The Spanish midfielder, Minackers found Lotsovexes in the clear but he only found himself following extensive phychoanalysis.
The Russians continually broke very well, but the linesman, Mr Certa Nofside, waved to the referee who shouted "Yoo-hoo" back. After indicating that the Russian back four were, in fact, a back eight formed of those little dolls which fit one inside the other, the referee cautioned four of them and made the rest hide a pea underneath one of them.
At half time, a score was still twenty, but only old people use terms like that nowadays.
And gross.
With the hosts already having given us a laugh by losing to the underdogs in their first game, the Russians took confidence and finally took down the boards they had nailed up in front of the goal for the second half. They made one substitution at half time, taking off Chelski and bringing on the hero of the playoff against the Welsh, Cheetindruggi.
Spain nearly took the lead early in the second half when an awful mistake by Koktitup allowed Paella to mussel in at the far post, but the ball was eventually cleared by Wipedasmileov.
The Spanish coach, Trollibus, brought off Krappa for Valdoonican and the substitute deservedly gave Spain the lead with his first touch following a great pass by Koffishop. Almost immediately, a spirited break down the left by Pisartist so nearly brought an equaliser and perhaps would have done so but for a diving stop by the Spanish goalkeeper, Slippi.
As the Russians pressed, Helforleather became the second Spaniard to be booked, then Fishwife slipped when it seemed easier to score.
The final throw of Zidice, the Russian manager, saw Itzmiparty replaced by Karikot for the final 15 minutes of the game, then Spain gave a debut to Porridge, replacing Real of Raul. As the clock ran down, Alenkey nearly opened up the Russian defence again but the run by Porridge was cut short by Cynic who became the first player to receive a red card in this year's tournament.
Deep into injury time, Karaoke came within an ace of equalising, but Anace scrambled the ball away in the nick of time. Another break saw Porridge shoot over the bar before the referee blew his whistle for full time.
<quack>
The great thing about this tournament is the preparations the Portuguese have made in ensuring that all goes smoothly. They have employed advisors from all around the world, making sure that they are aware of customs, foibles and other areas of potential embarrassment. One advisor, a Mr Bruce Bondi, is employed purely to verify National Anthems are up to date - and with good reason. Who can forget the faux pas committed by a Mr B Bondi at the recent Davis Cup match between Australia and Spain?
So it was that the new Soviet Union National Anthem, "Filthy Western Capitalist American Lackey Running-Dogs" was played instead of the more modern, old Russian "Lend Us Some Cash And We Will Give You Our Mafia".
The Russian goalie, Greesiest Flashigit, pulled off a couple of fine saves early in the game as the Spanish right-winger, Franco, caused havoc. Intricate link-up play between Raul Bravo and Raul Lessbravo ended with Raul Positivelychicken diving over the challenge of Thug, the Russian central defender, which earned him a yellow card from the Swiss referee, Kukuclok.
The Spanish midfielder, Minackers found Lotsovexes in the clear but he only found himself following extensive phychoanalysis.
The Russians continually broke very well, but the linesman, Mr Certa Nofside, waved to the referee who shouted "Yoo-hoo" back. After indicating that the Russian back four were, in fact, a back eight formed of those little dolls which fit one inside the other, the referee cautioned four of them and made the rest hide a pea underneath one of them.
At half time, a score was still twenty, but only old people use terms like that nowadays.
And gross.
With the hosts already having given us a laugh by losing to the underdogs in their first game, the Russians took confidence and finally took down the boards they had nailed up in front of the goal for the second half. They made one substitution at half time, taking off Chelski and bringing on the hero of the playoff against the Welsh, Cheetindruggi.
Spain nearly took the lead early in the second half when an awful mistake by Koktitup allowed Paella to mussel in at the far post, but the ball was eventually cleared by Wipedasmileov.
The Spanish coach, Trollibus, brought off Krappa for Valdoonican and the substitute deservedly gave Spain the lead with his first touch following a great pass by Koffishop. Almost immediately, a spirited break down the left by Pisartist so nearly brought an equaliser and perhaps would have done so but for a diving stop by the Spanish goalkeeper, Slippi.
As the Russians pressed, Helforleather became the second Spaniard to be booked, then Fishwife slipped when it seemed easier to score.
The final throw of Zidice, the Russian manager, saw Itzmiparty replaced by Karikot for the final 15 minutes of the game, then Spain gave a debut to Porridge, replacing Real of Raul. As the clock ran down, Alenkey nearly opened up the Russian defence again but the run by Porridge was cut short by Cynic who became the first player to receive a red card in this year's tournament.
Deep into injury time, Karaoke came within an ace of equalising, but Anace scrambled the ball away in the nick of time. Another break saw Porridge shoot over the bar before the referee blew his whistle for full time.