Yes I'll admit, the concept of this thread is pretty lame. But suppose the upcoming double Ashes was a movie; what is your perfect script?
For me, Australia win the first test at Trent Bridge by about 150 runs or 5 wickets. Australia's batting still looks somewhat fragile, but an improvement on previous series. Clarke and Hughes both score tons coupled with effective tail-wagging by Patto and Siddle, All Australian bowlers (Patto/Starc/Siddle/Lyon) take wickets, and everybody is Australia happy. Unfortunately, Clarke injures his back. and is out for the next test at Lord's. England dominate this test, winning by 9 wickets off the back of tons by Cook, Pieterson and Bell and a double 5-for from Anderson. England also win the 3rd test in similar dominant fashion. Clarke returns for the fourth test, with Australia needing to win to keep their Ashes hopes alive. Rogers scores 200 along with centuries from Warner (who has replaced Cowan) and Smith giving Australia a first innings score of 650, but England pull an England and bat out the draw to retain the Ashes. In the fifth and final dead rubber test, Australia win convincingly, with Root and Bairstow tonning up while England's top batsmen fail.
Australia win at at the Gabba in dominant fashion. Watson scores a big 150 (after scoring one ton in the England Ashes), Starc takes most of the wickets. Trott also makes 150, but nobody else does much for England. Adelaide is an England win that I couldn't really be bothered explaining. Australia win in Perth, with a returning Mitch Johnson (you heard it first) taking a bag and also making a hundred, once again conning people into believing that he is good.
The series heads to Melbourne 2-1. I am attending this match so I will go to the effort of describing it a bit better. England bat first on a road and score 600 off the back of double centuries from both Cook and KP, then bowl Australia out for around 300, with Watson getting injured and retiring hurt early in the innings. The Australian media are going crazy and saying everybody should be dropped. England bat again and score a quickfire 200, leaving Australia 500 to score from just over 5 sessions. England look certain to win and retain the Ashes. But out comes Smiffy at 5, and scores a big triple hundred in the fourth innings with partnerships with Warner and Clarke. This will be hilarious because I love Smiffy but many of my friends dislike him and Warner immensely. Needing 120 from the final session, Watto bats and 7 and scores a 40-ball 75 to put Australia up 2-1 in the series.
At Sydney, Australia bat first with the intention of compiling a ludicrously big score and guaranteeing against a loss. Clarke and Rogers put on a partnership of 500, with Clarke scoring 442 and Rogers scoring a double. Australia are all out for 850 halfway through day 3. England have to win to retain the Ashes, so they try to score quickly and lose. THE END.
Best I could do #Australianism #SMiffeh #CLArkeh