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steds' story: yet another tour diary?!?! Aren't there enough?!?!


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So, here I am. It's the end of season 7 and I need to get away. Not that I don't like you or ought, it's just I need a change to refresh me for season 8. AM Zebra's 5Day average in season 7 was in the 50's, so I have a window of oppertunity. An chance to make the Reds #1 5Day spinners spot my own.
<Cue Rocky theme tune>But I must be fitter, more accurate and more consistent. Therefore I'm going to play professional cricket in the off season.

I have several choices:
England- Nah, too cold
Australia- Well, I heard Western Australia were looking for a spinner, so I applied. This was the Responce(or something like):
Is this a f***ing joke?!?!?! You're a Pom!!!!!!!!!!! F*** OFF!!!!!!!!
That leaves USA or Trinidad and Tobago. I shall decide through a series of head to heads.
Standard of Cricket: T&T
Sun and Beaches: T&T(hopefully no hurricanes)
Scantilly clad women:T&T(you seen those Carib beer girls? ;) )
Availability of Cannabis: T&T
Least George W Bushes: T&T

We have a winner!!! I'm off to T&T, hopefully


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So, I secured myself a contract with San Fernando Thunderbirds, captained by CW XI ODI star Liam Camps. Other development league players joining us are David Kearsley of the Blacks and my mate from the Reds, Gareth Gooljar(Supah Freak). I'm so excited to be here, especially as San Fernando have signed one of my wrist spinning heroes, West Indian test player Dave Mohammed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So much to learn off him!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We travelled from CWland together, and Kearsley didn't seem to appreciate being held up after one of the police dogs that sniffs out drugs in the airport attacked Liam and we were detained. But we got there eventually, being let loose into Trinidad 49 hours after landing.

Super Cup, here I come!!!!!


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By the way, I know it's poo. I just wanted a go at writing one. They look so much fun!


Eyes not spreadsheets
steds said:
So, I secured myself a contract with San Fernando Thunderbirds, captained by CW XI ODI star Liam Camps. Other development league players joining us are David Kearsley of the Blacks and my mate from the Reds, Gareth Gooljar(Supah Freak).

If nothing else, the Thunderbirds will have the best cheer squad!


Hall of Fame Member
Once in San Fernando, I expected to be greeted by hundreds of adoring fans. Which we were...well, Camps was. He gave the media some **** and bull story about finding the dogs when they were abandoned, then raising them before giving them to the Police. They just recognised him, that's all. Yeah, right. Next lie, please :p . But all those Trinidadians believed him!! He's hero worshipped over there almost like Sachin in India :-O
I was also mistaken in expecting a nice captain, rather than some grumpy old Aussie. Derryk Campos is Glenn McGrath stuck in Mike Gattings body, and he hasn't particularly endeared himself to me by forgetting my name and just calling me "that f***ing pom". Other players in this magnifcent team are some Xavier Marshall, a West Indian under 19 star or something
Ian Harvard-Canadian, reaaaaal fast, can't bat for toffee
A number of experienced veterans: Timothy Ramnarine-opening bat and part time leggie, Rondell Lochan-allrounder who bowls offspin, Taurean Linton-6'5" fast medium bowler. Several others that I don't know that well.
But the main man is Dave Mohammed, possibly the greatest chinaman bowler I have ever seen. When I go back to development league I will be so much better off with his influence. I still can't believe I'm playing with this legend :D


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For the first match, we travelled to the very North-East of the island to play Toco. They include Development League players Andrew Garven, Simon Fitzsimmons and Kenny Dobson. Their self appointed captain, Fitzsimmons, won the toss and chose to bowl. That was a mistake. Marshall and Kearsley blasted them everywhere! Putting on 167 in just 157 balls!! Marshalls 115 off 126 balls really excited the crowd. Kearsley didn't slouch, either. Scoring 110 off 176. Camps put his "encounter" with the police dogs behind him and scored 27 not out off just 32, and we were able to declare on the first day. We were on a high.
Garven came out to open with some Imran Jan fellow. Neither made big scores and the giant Linton took the first 3. They were 63/3 and we had 'em. Unfortunately Dobson and Fitzsimmons saved them. Dobson falling on 47, LBW to my top spinner whilst trying to sweep. Fitzsimmons smashed 144, though. It took a bit of Mohammed magic to dismiss him. Simon batted 6, for some reason. Maybe it was a tactical ploy. Toco took a first innings lead of 12, but it had taken us less than a day to score ours, and we declared. El Tortoises over there ruined the game, taking us into the third and final day with two and a bit innings to play. Our spin trio of me, Dave and Freak got through 52.4 overs between us and I think I was by far the best. Dave got more wickets than me, but went at over 3 an over. I took 1/40 off 15. That Aussie captain showed a bit of anti-pomness in bowling me least out of the three aswell, I think.
We scored 183/1 in 45 overs, trying desperately to keep the game alive. Marshall scored 95*, then had a bit of a moan about not being allowed to get his hundred in a dead game. These two innings have changed my whole views on him. From being an over-hyped prima-donna who can't pick my googly, I now see him as a class player. Look out for him.
In the end, maybe he should have got that hundred, as we were never going to bowl Toco out in 10 overs. I didn't get a bowl, but the Trinidadian spinners, Gooljar and Mohammed, did. Favouritism, eh?!
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Mr Mxyzptlk

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The reason why the declaration was made was because there was a fair bit more than 10 overs left in the game, but rain fell for a couple of hours to make it dead.

Simon batted at 6 due a hangover, or so the media says...


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Mr Mxyzptlk said:
The reason why the declaration was made was because there was a fair bit more than 10 overs left in the game, but rain fell for a couple of hours to make it dead.
shush! You're ruining my story


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Match 2: Gunning for the porters

Our second match was "the battle of the cities" between San Fernando Thunderbirds and the Port of Spain Porters. It was another road trip for us, and thanks to Rondell Lochans extremely bad driving, our two stars Xavier Marshall and Dave Mohammed were traumatised. According to Liam, the journey should take about an hour, but thanks to kamikaze Lochan, us four made it in 35 minutes. However, we might as well have walked as the two prides of the West Indies were vomiting into a toilet until the toss.

It was decided that we couldn't play without them, but they both had to field on the boundary, accompanied by buckets. Port of Spain won the toss and batted on a very poor wicket, hoping that our spin trio wouldn't get to bowl on the last day. We started well, batsman Timothy Ramnarine catching Gareth King for a duck off Harvard's (the Canadian) bowling. However, things quickly turned sour. The third wicket yielding 96 runs, 32 of them off 5 overs of me!!!!!!! :( . But when Simmons played on to Liam, a flurry of wickets came-4 wickets going down for 39 runs. I cleaned up numbers 10 and 11 to make my figures look slightly better, finishing with 9.1-1-50-2. Please ignore the economy rate ;) . We had managed to bowl them out for 219 in the first day, not bad...

...Or so we thought before they bowled. We were all out for 192. PR Sajith(Biased Indian) tore through our middle order like a shark through a surfboard, removing numbers 2,4,5,6,7, and 9 to claim 6/27. I predict that him and Hoy will lead the CW XI attack by season 10. He'd obviously done his homework, bowling to everyones weakness. Liam got a bouncer, whilst everything for me was pitched up outside off stump before I edged to first slip. Only captain Campos resisted in any way, bludgeoning 58 before falling to Sajith, too. (Bloody Indians!! Why they got to be so bloody good?!?!)

We had to take a lot off cheap wickets, and we started well enough, me and Dave dismissing the openers cheaply to reduce them to 49/2. From then on, it was downhill as they compiled 350/9 before declaring. Being declared upon is so demeaning :( .

We were really never going to get 378 in less than a day but, being Aussies, Campos and Kearsley weren't going to die wondering. They took the attack to the Porters, their bats scything through almost every ball. Seeing them in partnership would have been interesting, but Campos(who scord 77 off 78) was undone by a slower ball from Tam to bring Kearsley in, who promptly smashed 64 off 55 to keep the crowd, knowing the match was heading for another draw, entertained.

In summary, we got our ar$es kicked. My match figures of 34.1-4-137-4 weren't particularly flattering. Well, back to the nets with Dave.


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One thing I noticed about cricket in T&T is that it's a batsmans game over here. Even in the three day games bowlers regularly go at over 4 runs an over, especially me :( . All of a sudden, my grand illusions of sun, spliffs, *** and stacks of wickets have deteriorated into dust. I haven't had much chance to chase the first three as my game comes first. Unforetunately, my game's poo. Camps and Gooljar are from over here, and they spend most of their time catching up with some old mates in the traditional west Indian way-sharing a joint. I'm left confined to the nets with Kearsley, who's confidence is starting to soar after being fed my pies for the duration of the off season. He's in real good nick.

What makes it worse is I hear that Markus and Richards are having a whale of a time :dry: .

Anyway, we faced another trip to the North-Eastern point of the island to Toco for a 40 over match followed by another drink or two with the Aussies Fitzsimmons, Garven and Dobson. Captain Campos won the toss and elected to bowl. The opening partnership between Fitzsimmons and Garven lasted just 11 balls, and that set the trend for the rest of the match. Camps, Kearsley and Gooljar bowled beautifully. They’re figures combined were 20.3-0-72-5, and I think you’ll all agree that’s good going. Kearsley’s bowling surprised me as I haven’t seen a lot of it, but he deserved his 3 wickets-the prized scalps of Fitzsimmons, Jan and Simmons (the last down to a brilliant catch at point by me ;) ).

My bowling wasn’t up to any of the other development league players standard but we bowled them out for 193 and wrapped up the win with 28 balls to spare. Kearsley, the deserved man of the match, treated the Toco bowling just like my pies in the nets before getting out one short of his 50. Yours truly chipped in with 31 not out and hit the winning runs with a pull which I got three for.

In summary, today San Fernando ran s*** hot. However, I personally didn’t :(


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After the last match I hit an all time low. I wasn’t playing well and I wasn’t having fun. All of a sudden, I was homesick for St.Helens. All these doubts filled up in my head. What am I doing here?!?! I’m poo!!!! Then Dave Mohammed, my idol, decided to help cheer me up by taking me with him into town one night, forgetting that we had a match tomorrow vs. Port Of Spain. Anyway, I hit the town with my hero…

Woke up in a strange house, lying on the floor. I fumbled about for my watch a bit. God, my head hurts! 9:45. I stumble around, trying to find out where I am. Dave’s in the bed, with a woman. Haven’t I got something to do today? A MATCH!!!! 9:45, less than an our to the start!!! Oh s***!

I had to wake Dave up and run to the ground. We arrived just in time for the start. The 12th and 13th men were ready, but as soon as we got there they were demoted again. We took to the field first-two of our number hungover. With the last ball of the first over Linton trapped Ramdass LBW. From third man, I wondered whether I might not have to bowl today. Linton picked up Tam for his second wicket. Zimbabwe captain Tatenda Taibu and Development league player Anthony Lezama threatened to fight back, but Lezama drove to me at mid on off Dave’s bowling and, three balls later, Dave got Sajith(Biased Indian). I was called upon to bowl the 20th over, my head banging away. I ran in to bowl, telling myself to try not to **** up too much. Every step of my run up felt like I was going to be sick. The ball left my hand, pitched and span past Taibu’s advancing bat. Captain Campos collected and stumped Taibu. YES! :D
I then picked up King, Zafar Mohammed and Maynard to announce my return to form with 8-1-18-4 (despite dropping King off my own bowling) as we restricted them to 176/8.

Xavier Marshall went quickly for just 10, I always said he was overrated :p . Campos and Lochan then put on 100 for the 2nd wicket. Kearsley registered a rare failure – just 17, and Camps scored 31 off 38. By the time Liam got out, the game was over-just three runs needed. Sajith bowled well again, picking up 3/25, but he couldn’t stoop us marching on. I don’t think my 3 not out at the end helped that much, but I managed to get man of the match!! :D

In summary, hangovers make you a better player :) .


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After the last match I stopped worrying about my game and started enjoying myself. Everything started to brighten up, even Kearsleys spats with Camps and Gooljar about the dressing room always being fogged out. I would join in, supporting Kearsley, but then I'd be a hypocrite. The whole place seemed to have a jokey atmosphere. We were full of self confidence, having been unbeaten since the CW lads got here. We'd need all the confidence we could get, because next up are Princes Town-packed with stars such as Tino Best, Sherwin Ganga, my CW Reds mate Ian Markus and CW Blacks Dave Richards.

This match was the biggest one so far, and both sides were up for it. I joined Liam in smoking his customary pre-match bong to calm our nerves. Campos won the toss again, he's on a roll. This news was met by our one day specialist #8 batsman and long-on fielder, Kevin Adams, pessimistically declaring "well, at least we've won something today". It looked as if we weren't going to win anything else after they were 68/0 after 11. However, super Dave Mohammed picked up namesake( and I think, relative) Dominic and Sherwin Ganga. I then collected my mate Markus, Manson and Hundley, but me and Dave both collecting 3/30 from our 8 overs each couldn't stop them reaching 203 in their 40.

We started slowly, and the required run rate started picking up. Xavier Marshall went cheaply again. Campos scored 47, but far too slowly. Kearsley and Camps both scored 50's, Liam's came in just 48 balls. But the required rate spiralled out of control. I came in and struggled to get bat on ball.

It came down to the last over. Best bowled at Camps, with me at the other end, and 15 needed. First ball was drove back over Tino's head for 6!!! Second ball-no ball!8 needed off 5. Third ball rapped Liam on the pads-dot ball. 8 off 4. Fourth ball-1 run. 7 off 3. Fifth ball, me on strike, I drive, Richards fumbles, 1 run. 6 needed off 2. Sixth ball-four! Liam reaches 50. 2 needed off the last ball-Tino bowls a yorker, Liam digs out, no run. Princes Town win by 1 run!!

Hundley, Ganga and Winslow bowled really well. CW's Markus, Richards and Broadbent less so, but they did enough to make us fall just one short of their score. Kearsley and Liam batted magnificentely, whilst me and Dave did the damage with the ball. The Pirates were deserved winners and we lost our unbeaten run. I suppose I grudgingly have to go and buy Fatty a drink now.
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You'll never beat the Pirates! Even when we are off form we do the job, when we start playing well we gonna seriously smash some teams


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We were all really anxious to gain vengence for our one run loss against the Pirates. Foretunately, we didn't have to wait long as the three day match was the very next. We were all up for it. No drinking the night before, Kearsley had, for one day at least, stopped moaning at Liam for fogging out the dressing room and at the captain for not bowling him, and Ian Harvard, who's batting was almost as good as Pickup's :-O , was practising his straight dive in the mirror.

The Pirates won the toss and elected to field. Whereas we were fit and hungry for it, it soon became clear that a group of the oppostion, namely Richards, Markus, Broadbent, Manson and Lallman, were nursing rather large hangovers. Slack bowling and fielding (aswell as top notch batting) allowed us to get to 181/2, before Ramnarine, Kearsley(52), Lochan and me fell quickly. However, Liam (68) and Dave (49*) rebuilt and we managed to reach 346.

When they came in to bat, Linton (2/25), Dave (2/38), Freak (3/28) and me (3/28) tore through them as they were bowled out for 157 and forced to follow on.

...and the Thunderbirds were go! We bowled them out again for 181 to secure a crushing victory by an innings and 8 runs. My 3/34 in that innings helped secure man of the match for myself, but it was a team effort. Everybody contributed, be it scoring runs, taking wickets or stopping their edges (well, they didn't play any proper shots :p ) going to the boundary.

My personal highlight was getting Markus in both innings to add to getting his wicket in the OD-he's becoming my bunny :p . Now I'll have a way to get to him when we're back at the Reds and he's eaten my pie at lunch before I've even got in off the field.


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Full of confidence having got a win amongst all the three day draws, we next travelled to Marabella-a place I'd never heard of and still don't actually know where it is (I fell asleep in Daves car travelling there), but I'm told it's about 2 miles north of San Fernando.

They won the toss and elected to bat, and 8 balls in they had lost a wicket. We made them work for every run, apart from these
22.6 Camps to Carnavan, FOUR, What a blunder by Ian Harvard. He gave away 4 runs with that misfield
27.4 Mohammed to Deo, one run, The misfield by Sean Bennett allows yet another run
28.2 Gooljar to Deo, FOUR, What a blunder by Sean Bennett. He gave away 4 runs with that misfield
We managed to bowl them out for 214. None of them really got in other than opener Dimes Carnavan, who compiled 55 before I bowled him with a beauty. Kearsley started moaning again about not bowling and Captain Campos, being a fellow Aussie, gave him 5 overs at the tail so he could get 1/18. Just because they're the same nationality :dry: . If I asked to bat at 3, Campos would say "f*** off, pom!" :dry: . I was happy with 17-7-33-3, and Liam finished with 15-6-36-3.

In response, Marshall and Campos scored 135 for the first wicket, before Campos fell on 70. Then Kearsley ran out Marshall on 95. Flavour of the month he is no longer. I'm chuffed with 18 off 21, especially this:
59.2 Wilkinson to Bennett, FOUR, Who needs Bradman when weve got Sean Bennett
:D :D

We finished with a lead of 108, which is exactly what they got. Dave Mohammed opened the bowling ( :huh: ) and took 5/45. Gareth Gooljar (SupaFreak) bowled extremely tight (10-5-14-1), and Mohammed and Campos marched out needing just one. It took two balls to complete the victory and we go marching on.