*Official* CW XI Media Coverage

[thewizard1o1]

Considering I couldn’t make the invitational XI (in which they played 4 or 5 seamers), I would assume there is a bus full of players in front of me in the test waiting list. But at the moment all my energies are being put to see CW Green out of its current little slump in form, I would also thank Mr Jihad for his support.

 

[Mr Mxyzptlk]

Camps Speaks Out

Chairman of selectors, Liam Camps has responded to the recent criticism aimed at him and his role on the Selection Panel.

"We have been picking the best XI and will continue to do so."

Speaking a press conference held after the Boatshrimp Charity at the desolate CW Bar, Camps said, "We do not feel the need to justify any of our selections, and captain Goff has been happy with the team he's led onto the field. We are confident in these men to do the job at this time."

Asked to comment on Mr. Jihad's yearlong state of unemployment, Camps said, "It's a wonder he got his name in the papers."

 

[age_master]

Considering I couldn’t make the invitational XI (in which they played 4 or 5 seamers), I would assume there is a bus full of players in front of me in the test waiting list. But at the moment all my energies are being put to see CW Green out of its current little slump in form, I would also thank Mr Jihad for his support.

i wouldn't say your too far away from the test team, just keep taking wickets

 

[dinu23]

CWBCC FEEL THE HEAT FROM JIHAD

Local sports commentator and former mental patient Mohammed Jihad blasted the CWBCC over the exclusion of CW Green seamer Nathan Hoy during his radio show 'The Durka Durka Ends Here'.

Speaking passionately on his radio show, he spoke of his 'complete and utter disappointment' in the CWBCC. In a venomous spray, he called the chairman and selector, Liam Camps, "a pot smoking wacko" and then went on to call into question Mr. Camps' ability to be a selector.

"He [Camps] is way past it. He simply does not understand the game of cricket itself at the level that you would expect from a selector. His little obsession with his namesake and second cousin twice removed, Liam Camps, captain of Cricketweb Blue, doesn't help either," the outspoken host spat to viewers across the airwaves.

"How the CWBCC can continually 'exclude' Nathan Hoy from the test team is beyond me. Last season, whilst Mr. Camps is sitting in his bedroom smoking up, Nathan Hoy was bowling his way to 90 wickets at an average of 21.84. Perhaps the marijuana is taking it's effect?"

"It's time that the CWBCC did something. When you have players like Nathan Hoy and Bryce Cunningham at your disposal, you don't need to put up with players underperforming. At the very least, they could shuffle things up a bit. Yet continually, we see Mr. Camps sticking with the same, losing lineup. Great, a win against Sri Lanka and the whole issue is swept aside. It's high time they took some risks, they need to get rid of the 'losing mentality' that's been adopted by CWLand."

He finished the fiery segment with his catchphrase, "The durka durka ends here, Mr. Camps."

lol! priceless!!

 

[marc71178]

Robbins denies injury claims

CW XI all-rounder Marc Robbins has denied he is on the verge of missing the 5th Test due to a wrist injury.

"While it is true I did take a knock on my wrist in training, it is far from true that my wrist is such that I am not 100% fit to play in the 5th Test if selected" the World Cup hero said.

"If the selectors decide that I am not playing in the 5th Test then I can only interpret it as being dropped from the side, and it will be nothing to do with any fitness issue." he continued, before finishing his brief press release with "As such, I will resume my role in the Reds side if not selected for the 5th Test. I will not allow a supposed injury to be used as a smokescreen"

 

[ash chaulk]

awwwww

 

[roseboy64]

Tough talk.

 

[Nate]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You`ve just gotta take it, take it like a man. Cursed injury sim.

 

[marc71178]

Robbins admits defeat

A clearly distraught Marc Robbins has issued an apology to the CWBCC medical staff following his previous statement.

"I'm a proud member of any team I play in, and as such I hate being injured," he said "Having just played a part in a crucial win following our recent run of losses, I didn't want to accept what was, in hindsight, inevitable, and thus released my previous statement regarding the status of my wrist"

"I'd like ot wish the team all the best for the next game, and rest assured I will still be around supporting you in the dressing room, so all you practical jokers who've played your tricks on me in the past had better be wary when you're in the field!"

 

[KennyD]

Serves you right to get injured Marc, you shouldn't be doing that sort of thing before the big game.

 

[David]

CW Rumour Mill

Pickup in Child Abuse Allegations!
Loddy Twinshins

This evening in CW land, bizarre circumstances, as veteran CW spinner and popular Black Captain Neil Pickup was recently questioned by Cricket Web police about a child abuse case. Pickup, often pictured as the stylish ginger rebel, was overheard saying

I threw the last one out the dressing room window and hit a small child round the head with it.

when in a conversation about the reliability of mobile phones.

After a long conversation, the police left, seemingly satisfied, and of course, the CW rumour Mill was on the scene. When questioned about the incident, Pickup had this to say

The child involved now owns a full set of signed CWXI replica gear and holds no grudges towards me, I will also be running several coaching sessions at the child's school.

He then pleaded no further comment, and left the scene. Interestingly, he didn't seem to show much remorse about the actual incident, although at the time he did seem quite flustered and agitated. We expect a full report from the Blacks legal camp shortly.

 

[Neil Pickup]

The NJS News
The Official Newspaper of Nixonstown Junior School: Issue 35

NJS Pupil in Cricket Scandal
By Mark Thomas

One of Nixonstown Junior's year fives was involved in one of the biggest new stories to hit CWLand cricket this season yesterday. Lewis Mitchell (5C) was queuing for autographs at the foot of the pavilion at the CW Oval in the city, when he was hit on the head by an object flying from the windows upstairs. The object turned out to be a mobile phone thrown by one of the CWLand players, Neil Pickup.

"I was waiting for Chris Butler to sign my autograph book because Buts is my favourite batsman because he's left handed like me" said Lewis. "Then something smacked me on the head really hard on the head and I didn't know what it was and I nearly started to cry but didn't."

"Next thing I remember was I was sitting down by the boundary rope and my dad was arguing with someone. Then the man he was arguing with, Neil Pickup, came over to me and said he was very very sorry for throwing the phone out the window and didn't know anyone was out there. I told him that it was a bit of a stupid thing to think seeing as it was the end of a Test match and he told me I'd got a point there."

Lewis, who is shown batting for Nixonstown Junior U11s against Twybridge St Matthew's in the CWLand U11 cup, was then treated to a tour of the player's pavilion at the new CW Oval ground, and was given a full CWXI replica kit plus tickets to the second ODI at the Oval next week. Neil Pickup told the NJS News that whilst passion is a big part of his game, he knew that he lost control too much and had to work on cutting out the irresponsible acts as it's not setting a good example for his young fans.

Pickup is also going to run a free weekend coaching session at our school, and whilst his actions in throwing the phone in the first place are unacceptable, the general feeling amongst NJS pupils is that he has made up for them and remains one of the school's favourite players. Even Lewis still likes him, "I know Neil's not a perfect player, but I like the way he treated me after the accident and that he didn't seem to treat me any different to any other person. He also said I was a better batsman than him."

The NJS News will carry full coverage of the weekend coaching session in Issue 37

 

[Blewy]

He also said I was a better batsman than him

HAHAHAHA Gold!!

 

[Nate]

Pretty much the best article yet Neil, absolute quality and a picture to match. Love it.

 

[Nate]

A clearly distraught Marc Robbins has issued an apology to the CWBCC medical staff following his previous statement.

"I'm a proud member of any team I play in, and as such I hate being injured," he said "Having just played a part in a crucial win following our recent run of losses, I didn't want to accept what was, in hindsight, inevitable, and thus released my previous statement regarding the status of my wrist"

"I'd like ot wish the team all the best for the next game, and rest assured I will still be around supporting you in the dressing room, so all you practical jokers who've played your tricks on me in the past had better be wary when you're in the field!"

Well done Marc, it isn`t ever easy to admit your wrong. And I want to know practical jokes you`ve got in store.

 

[Robertinho]

Borcich in Tram Ticket row
CW Red bowler, Nick Borcich, has become involved in yet another public transport scandal.

It was a warm, summers day and the birds were chirping, the sun was shining and a small town lad by the name of Nicholas Borcich was on a tram following a recovery session with the Reds after their dominant win over featherweight contenders, CW Black.

He was happily recalling the uprooting of Alex Blackman's middle stump when he was awaked by a tram inspector.

What followed has been described as many things... "pure gasoline - it burnt the nostrils" and "smelt like a diaper with curry." It is alleged Borcich was unable to produce a ticket and was then fined.

"Do you have any idea who I am?!" Borcich was reported to have yelled at the inspector. "I'm a bowler with Cricketweb Red. I'm Nick Borcich, and I'm awesome!!!"

Onlookers were said to be shocked and appalled and the inspector allegedly replied, as cool as a cat, "At least I'm adequate."

The incident is touted to be another blow for the struggling fast bowler, who recently tested positive for inadequacy aswell as having embarrassing photos released of him bowling with no pants on at a training session.

CW Blue fast bowler and former PA Rep Nath Patrick agreed to comment on the issue. "I can`t say I`m surprised to hear this," he confessed, "it had to come out sometime. You see, Nick has money issues. He doesn`t have too much of a problem getting it, you know, all that "late-night" stuff, but it`s just the way he spends it." He paused.. then went on. "Nick has had an... an operation. A sort of 'life-changing' experience. Now that he`s been through it, he`s no longer 'man enough' to confront his financial issues. You catch my drift?" It was then decided that in Mr. Borcich's interests, the interview would not continue.

Teammate Robert Dauth had the following to say, "Well, I'm not surprised, as often when I'm going home from training, I constantly find him trying to hitch a free ride by hiding under my bonnet, inside my boot and sometimes even in the glovebox compartment."

 

[Nate]

It`s not even the hiding-in-the-car bit that worries me, it`s the 'present' he leaves behind afterwards.

 

[Hoggy31]

Meh...

 

[KennyD]

"I'm Nick Borcich, and I love Robert Dauth!!!"

 

[Nate]

That bit got me as well.