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Thread: BarStar: Charity Tournament for all 20:20 Captains

  1. #31
    Hall of Fame Member HeathDavisSpeed's Avatar
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    Another round of contrasting styles and results with one match wowing the crowds whilst the other bout turned into a 'clean-off' which saw the lowest attendance figures in BarStar history.

    The afternoon match kicked off between Liam Camps and Jamee Gray with low anticipation. Both players had been defeated in the first round whilst showing quite defensive bar tending styles. The match failed to reach an interesting pace, with the extra experience of Camps behind the pumps proving the difference between the two players - Camps pouring 3 perfect pints in the time that it would take Gray to pour one.

    Gray once again attempted to compensate by the pouring of cocktails, but sadly due to the low attendance, the demand for these was low. In another disappointment, both players failed to provide any amusement to the local female population, many of whom walked off mid match.

    Camps romped away in the end, but the scoreline fails to reflect how dismal this match was. The result leaves Gray falling out at the first hurdle of this year's competition, whilst Camps will have to improve the standard to defeat Reddlapalli in the last round of matches to progress to the semi final.

    In contrast, the match between Gough and Reddlapalli proved to be an all-action nailbiter. Thankfully scheduled for the evening session, the bar rapidly filled in the hour between the completion of the previous round and the start of this match up.

    Once again, Gough neglected the beer pumps - only successfully serving 5 drinks all night. He also managed to score an early 5 pointer by spotting Jamee Gray in the crowd and having him thrown out for being under age. Gough had also been given free rein by his missus for the evening that in order to win the competition, he could go out and chat up as many ladies as he could. The release of energy saw Gough break all chat-up records, successfully obtaining 31 phone numbers over the course of the evening.

    In contrast, Reddlapalli showed a different sort of game, wowing the crowds by telling tall tales whilst pouring pints; at one point managing to successfully mix a cocktail whilst pouring a pint. Sadly for Reddlapalli, Gough was succeeding in elbowing him away from the peripheral bar facilities, ensuring that Gough sold all access to the pool table. In the end, convincing a patron into a bet that saw him have to invest in playing the Spin Doctors' 1990s classic, Two Princes three times in succession saw him gain the lead which would give him a classic victory.
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    >>>>>>WHHOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHH>>>>>>
    Fascist Dictator of the Heath Davis Appreciation Society
    Supporting Petone's Finest since the very start - Iain O'Brien
    Also Supporting the All Time #1 Batsman of All Time Ever - Jacques Kallis and the much maligned Peter Siddle.


    Vimes tells it how it is:
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    Heath worryingly quick.
    ~~~~Categorically not Heath Davis~~~~

  2. #32
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    Damit.
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  3. #33
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    I'm stunning. The commentators don't do me justice.
    Sreesanth said, "Next ball he was beaten and I said, 'is this the King Charles Lara? Who is this impostor, moving around nervously? I should have kept my mouth shut for the next ball - mind you, it was a length ball - Lara just pulled it over the church beyond the boundary! He is a true legend."

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  4. #34
    Hall of Fame Member HeathDavisSpeed's Avatar
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    Another day and another BarStar to sink your teeth into.

    In a first match of contrasting fortunes, Clapham was demolished by a rampant Davis. Clapham was not aided by an injury early on in his tie making it nearly impossible to either pour a pint or scrub the bar surface. At no point was Clapham in the tie; finishing on the lowest ever total scored in BarStar, and only marginally breaking even. To his credit though, Clapham managed to finish the match and not withdraw through injury; ensuring the crowd at least got their money's worth. If Davis was disappointing in his loss first up to Thomas, then he was unstoppable in this match - and will need to replicate this form to defeat David Boon and progress to the semi finals. In particular, Davis broke all cocktail pouring records whilst also telling tall tales and serving a solid number of pints.

    The points differential should assist Davis in progressing to the next round.

    In the second match, Thomas proved to be a stern examination for crowd and tournament favourite, David Boon. In fact, Thomas had ample opportunity to pulling of a stunning victory until the pressure got to him in the last hour of play, causing the spillage of several pints and cocktails. Thomas proved to be Boon's match in chatting up the laideez and in fact out-told Boon in the anecdotes stakes. Another failing of Thomas, however, was his inability to spot the underage drinkers - even serving up a bottle of methylated spirits to Morgan Burridge at one point. Falling to defeat by a mere 42 points has given Thomas the succour to believe that he can win the tournament, and with a game against the demoralised Kingsley Clapham up next, progression is virtually assured.
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  5. #35
    Hall of Fame Member HeathDavisSpeed's Avatar
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    Tables

    DIVISION ONE:
    Code:
    		W	L	D	Pf	Pa	Net Points	Pts
    K. Gough	2	0	0	617	535	82		6
    L. Camps	1	1	0	610	393	217		3
    M. Reddlapalli	1	1	0	751	736	15		3
    J. Gray		0	2	0	512	826	-314		0
    DIVISION TWO:
    Code:
    		W	L	D	Pf	Pa	Net Points	Pts
    D. Boon		2	0	0	581	350	231		6
    H. Davis	1	1	0	921	385	536		3
    G. Thomas	1	1	0	580	604	-24		3
    K. Clapham	0	2	0	155	898	-743		0

  6. #36
    Hall of Fame Member HeathDavisSpeed's Avatar
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    The remaining league games have been simmed and will be up later today. It has to be said, there's a couple of shocking results in there and a surprise early exit for one contestant.

  7. #37
    Hall of Fame Member HeathDavisSpeed's Avatar
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    Not much interest in the last set of matches, hopefully a bit more this time around.

    Division one

    The match of real interest here was the battle between the non-Captains - Camps vs. Reddlapalli, which would decide who would progress with Gough to the next round.

    This prompted a rearrangement of the draw, rescheduling the key game for the evening session. This saw Gough kicking off in the early game against the luckless Gray in an expected walk over.

    From the start of the tie, Gough appeared to lack interest in the game, spending a significant time reorganising the Fardingham cricket team photographs from seasons past on the wall into a chronological order. Meanwhile, Gray was garnering double-points by cleaning both his own, and Gough's bar of spillages and stains. Gray also wowed the crowd in his final BarStar appearance of the year by shaking his groove with each cocktail mixed, showing exceptional co-ordination and a definate improvement in skill over the course of the tournament. Gray eventually romped home by nearly 50 points, with Gough having preserved his energy for the upcoming semi-final.

    If the first match of the day was relaxed, then the second was played under immense pressure. Reddlapalli upped the pressure on Camps early on by intentially knocking a glass of orange juice over Camps' bar just prior to taking up his position. This earned Reddlapalli a torrent of abuse from Camps, as well as a five minute penalty from the referee. The spillage cost Camps a significant amount of time, however, as the orange juice quickly became sticky and congealed over the bar surface. The match was to continue in a similar vein, with Camps receiving a penalty for stuffing a toffee in the coin slot of Reddlapalli's pool table.

    Following the completion of his five minute penalty, Reddlapalli served like a man possessed, coupling drinks pouring with some fine anecdotes - a particularly interesting one involving Dick Cheney, some cough medicine and a tazer. He rapidly surged into a lead, whilst Camps' attempted subterfuge failed as he was caught trying to swap the hoses for the lemonade and coca-cola. Reddlapalli emerged at the final whistle victorious by 170 points, giving him a large enough margin to top the division one table. Camps making a disappointed early exit, and both players with an appointment with the BarStar disciplinary tribunal.

    Division Two

    The early match in Division Two saw Kingsley Clapham looking to show a massive improvement against the in-form Thomas. Sadly for Clapham, although he'd improved his game, his lack of focus on drinks serving again cost him in the overall match. Whilst Clapham cleaned, chatted and obtained phone numbers, Thomas focused on the drinks - serving a decent range of beer, wine, cocktails and spirits. Little interest was shown from Clapham as Thomas built up a handy lead. The eventual result saw Thomas home by 180 points. Clapham didn't go home completely disappointed as he not only successfully obtained a few phone numbers from some female punters, but was seen heading to the Fardingham Motel with a blonde female cricket fan from Queensland who was over in CW Land to watch Andy Bichel and to earn some money as a fruit picker in the vine yards of Davistow.

    The second match in division two was now key. Thomas had secured a decent margin over Clapham which now meant that Boon had to defeat Davis in order to progress. If Davis were to win, then given the points differential then Davis would progress with Thomas. As the players entered the arena, it was clear from the first stumbling footsteps that Boon was already considerably drunk. This continued into the first exchanges of the game as Boon proceeded to operate a "one for you, one for me" bar policy. Whilst this scored him a significant number of early points, it meant a dulling of the reactions was seen over the course of the tie. In contrast, Davis appeared focused, continuing the form shown in his record-breaking victory over Clapham in the previous tie.

    With an hour left in the match, the scores were level but the drink was starting to take its toll on Boon, who was unable to see the identification of the punters when he asked for it. This saw him serve a spate of underage punters, including the jar of pickled eggs donated by the local fish and chip shop to feed the hungry punters. Davis eased away as the points penalties for Boon racked up. Davis emerging the eventual winner by over a hundred points, and sending the pre-tournament favourite crashing out.
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  8. #38
    Hall of Fame Member HeathDavisSpeed's Avatar
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    Final tables and Semi Finals

    Division One

    Code:
    		W	L	D	Pf	Pa	Net Points	Pts
    M. Reddlapalli	2	1	0	1156	968	188		6
    K. Gough	2	1	0	874	844	30		6
    L. Camps	1	2	0	842	798	44		3
    J. Gray		1	2	0	821	1083	-262		3
    Division Two

    Code:
    		W	L	D	Pf	Pa	Net Points	Pts
    H. Davis	2	1	0	1394	744	650		6
    G. Thomas	2	1	0	963	807	156		6
    D. Boon		2	1	0	940	823	117		6
    K. Clapham	0	3	0	358	1281	-923		0
    Semi Final One: Reddlapalli vs Thomas
    Semi Final Two: Davis vs Gough
    Last edited by HeathDavisSpeed; 07-07-2008 at 05:21 PM.

  9. #39
    Global Moderator Magrat Garlick's Avatar
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    Judges clearly bribed by Davis. Investigations have been set in motion by the Fardingham Police.

    Oh, and a pint of Czech pilsner, please
    once you think you're out they pull you back in

    Quote Originally Posted by jason diakite
    how are things?
    well m'lad we are, once again, looking at the same old problems
    the immeasurably large and the tiny ones
    standing between us and total indescribable utopian bliss

    and i have no idea how to solve those problems
    but i think

    maybe

    if only we don't give a &^&% and don't do ****
    time will sort it out

    mañana mañana, or manana manana as we say up here

  10. #40
    Hall of Fame Member HeathDavisSpeed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Samuel_Vimes View Post
    Judges clearly bribed by Davis. Investigations have been set in motion by the Fardingham Police.
    No bribery involved, but any stories of me taking Boony out to the pub before hand and only drinking lemonade whilst he was served pints of vodka may be accurate.

  11. #41
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    Boony what a gun, such a ladies man he is.

  12. #42
    Hall of Fame Member Goughy's Avatar
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    Ready to take Davis on on his home turf.
    If I only just posted the above post, please wait 5 mins before replying as there will be edits

    West Robham Rabid Wolves Caedere lemma quod eat lemma

  13. #43
    Hall of Fame Member HeathDavisSpeed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Goughy View Post
    Ready to take Davis on on his home turf.
    No cheap man of the match awards here, Goughy. You may even be forced to serve a few drinks!

  14. #44
    Hall of Fame Member Goughy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeathDavisSpeed View Post
    No cheap man of the match awards here, Goughy. You may even be forced to serve a few drinks!
    Not on my watch. I’m an anecdote and phone numbers guy.

  15. #45
    Hall of Fame Member HeathDavisSpeed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Goughy View Post
    Not on my watch. I’m an anecdote and phone numbers guy.
    That's gonna cost ya! They'll come flocking to my bar to quench the severe thirst they'll have built up listening to your tales of late night shenangans and Bulgarian drivers... A lot of listening, but when they need a drink, they'll come running to Heath.

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