Mr Mxyzptlk
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He's bringing chicken legs back.
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*Official* CW XI Media Coverage
- Thread starter Mr Mxyzptlk
- Start date
Mister Wright
Cricket Web: All-Time Legend
Heard of rumours that Smith and Patrick are secretly in love and the decision was decided after a romantic getaway to Vanuatu.
ash chaulk
International Captain
hate your guts. love your face.
dontcloseyoureyes
BARNES OUT
Chaulk, I would've chatted with you beforehand if you had been around much recently. You had stood down from FC vc last season and I felt we needed the single vc. Sorry man.
c'd.
Mister Wright
Cricket Web: All-Time Legend
There's a c.d rom of the honeymoon?
Travis_Teh
International Regular
Wright took the gay joke opportunity from me. Expect a law suit on your hands, Kyle.
ash chaulk
International Captain
naa i understand.
Mister Wright
Cricket Web: All-Time Legend
Yeah, unfortunately truth is not an adequate defence under Queensland law, but if Smith wants to try me in the N.S.W. courts I should be safe.
Smudge
Hall of Fame Member
The sperm whales’ loss is Cricketweb XI’s gain with Matt “Mikey” Smith’s return from the Antarctic wilderness for the forthcoming season – the 14th in the competition’s history.
The something-year-old native of the South Island of New Zealand has spent the last year in the chilly waters off the Antarctic coast, participating in research surrounding the breeding patterns of sperm whales, based on the good ship “Lollipop”.
Smith, a brooding yet handsome man who has been compared in recent times to a ***ier George Clooney without a kooky pot-bellpig fetish, also underwent back surgery after a rogue harpoon from a neighbouring Japanese whaling vessel lodged itself between his L5/S1 vertebrae.
But after recuperation at the hands of a lithe Eskimo Indian who – inexplicably – is said to have been holidaying in Antarctica at the time of Smith’s unfortunate spearing, Smith believes he’s fighting fit.
“The biggest issue for me has been getting a good grip on the seam, as Iyaroak’s hands – while soothing – have left quite a residue of baby seal fat about my body, including my fingers,” Smith explained as he enjoyed yet another back massage from the 14-year-old Iyaroak, who appears to prefer partaking in her tasks sans clothing.
Smith is keen to commit for the season, but is aware that Canadian police have called on the assistance of Interpol to track him down, as Iyaroak’s tender age – combined with their lewd acts during the journey back to CW Land - have confirmed him as the most wanted man in Canada.
“I’ll jump those hurdles as they come, but until those nasty Canadians lock me up, I’ll be all set to find my form which I displayed for the Blues,” Smith said.
“That said, I’m open to selection from any team which wants a disruptive influence in their clubrooms.”
The something-year-old native of the South Island of New Zealand has spent the last year in the chilly waters off the Antarctic coast, participating in research surrounding the breeding patterns of sperm whales, based on the good ship “Lollipop”.
Smith, a brooding yet handsome man who has been compared in recent times to a ***ier George Clooney without a kooky pot-bellpig fetish, also underwent back surgery after a rogue harpoon from a neighbouring Japanese whaling vessel lodged itself between his L5/S1 vertebrae.
But after recuperation at the hands of a lithe Eskimo Indian who – inexplicably – is said to have been holidaying in Antarctica at the time of Smith’s unfortunate spearing, Smith believes he’s fighting fit.
“The biggest issue for me has been getting a good grip on the seam, as Iyaroak’s hands – while soothing – have left quite a residue of baby seal fat about my body, including my fingers,” Smith explained as he enjoyed yet another back massage from the 14-year-old Iyaroak, who appears to prefer partaking in her tasks sans clothing.
Smith is keen to commit for the season, but is aware that Canadian police have called on the assistance of Interpol to track him down, as Iyaroak’s tender age – combined with their lewd acts during the journey back to CW Land - have confirmed him as the most wanted man in Canada.
“I’ll jump those hurdles as they come, but until those nasty Canadians lock me up, I’ll be all set to find my form which I displayed for the Blues,” Smith said.
“That said, I’m open to selection from any team which wants a disruptive influence in their clubrooms.”
Mr Mxyzptlk
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Safe to say that (M) Smith puts the *** in rape.
Travis_Teh
International Regular
CW Blue would love to have Smith back. *** appeal at the club has been given a large boost recently with Thamba leaving, but we're always on the look out for more.
Mr Mxyzptlk
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Camps: It's been a good run
Allrounder announces international retirement
Veteran allrounder Liam Camps Jr. today announced his retirement from international cricket at the completion of the coming home season. There has long been speculation that Camps would call time on his international career, starting when he withdrew from the Cricket Web XI's last ODI series, against India.
"I've been so blessed in my career. Not just to get the opportunity to play international cricket, but having had a decent career there," said Camps, "Every day I thank God. I've been blessed. I know I've had my problems and rifts with others at times, but I'd like to mend those bridges and leave on a high note."
Camps has played 29 Tests and 122 one-day internationals. His major success came in the shorter form of the game, where he presently averages 30.43 with the bat and 24.02 with the ball. He has taken 177 ODI wickets and is the second highest wickettaker in the shorter form for CW XI. Speaking of the prospect of 200 wickets, Camps was realistic: "It'd be good, but very ambitious. I'll certainly be going for it though."
"I won't be giving up on Development League cricket just yet, and I still think I have a few more good seasons at that level for Cricket Web Blue," he said, "Right now I'm just focussed on preparing for the new season, and in time to come I hope to devote all my efforts to helping Blue achieve greater success. It's been a good run."
Test Batting M I NO Runs Avge Ct St 50 100 HS Duck/s
LA Camps 29 49 10 1298 33.28 21 0 7 1 113* 4
Test Bowling O W Runs Avge 5w 10w BB Econ SR
LA Camps 720.5 46 2150 46.74 0 0 4 for 112 2.98 93.98
ODI Batting M I NO Runs Avge Ct St 50 100 HS SR
LA Camps 122 104 15 2708 30.43 43 0 15 2 114 64.65
ODI Bowling O W Runs Avge 4w 5w BB Econ SR
LA Camps 935.5 177 4252 24.02 7 6 6 for 34 4.55 31.71
Allrounder announces international retirement
Veteran allrounder Liam Camps Jr. today announced his retirement from international cricket at the completion of the coming home season. There has long been speculation that Camps would call time on his international career, starting when he withdrew from the Cricket Web XI's last ODI series, against India.
"I've been so blessed in my career. Not just to get the opportunity to play international cricket, but having had a decent career there," said Camps, "Every day I thank God. I've been blessed. I know I've had my problems and rifts with others at times, but I'd like to mend those bridges and leave on a high note."
Camps has played 29 Tests and 122 one-day internationals. His major success came in the shorter form of the game, where he presently averages 30.43 with the bat and 24.02 with the ball. He has taken 177 ODI wickets and is the second highest wickettaker in the shorter form for CW XI. Speaking of the prospect of 200 wickets, Camps was realistic: "It'd be good, but very ambitious. I'll certainly be going for it though."
"I won't be giving up on Development League cricket just yet, and I still think I have a few more good seasons at that level for Cricket Web Blue," he said, "Right now I'm just focussed on preparing for the new season, and in time to come I hope to devote all my efforts to helping Blue achieve greater success. It's been a good run."
Test Batting M I NO Runs Avge Ct St 50 100 HS Duck/s
LA Camps 29 49 10 1298 33.28 21 0 7 1 113* 4
Test Bowling O W Runs Avge 5w 10w BB Econ SR
LA Camps 720.5 46 2150 46.74 0 0 4 for 112 2.98 93.98
ODI Batting M I NO Runs Avge Ct St 50 100 HS SR
LA Camps 122 104 15 2708 30.43 43 0 15 2 114 64.65
ODI Bowling O W Runs Avge 4w 5w BB Econ SR
LA Camps 935.5 177 4252 24.02 7 6 6 for 34 4.55 31.71
alternative
Cricket Web Content Updater
Oh my.
NZTailender
I can't believe I ate the whole thing
Massive loss.
Travis_Teh
International Regular
Good knock, that.
Matteh
Cricket Web: All-Time Legend
Kyle is no longer the Wright stuff.
Rumours are circulating CW Land tonight that Colts captain Kyle Wright isn't secure in his position amidst a set of internal riffs at the club, the latest being the departure of highly respected spinner Jack McNamara. A definite split has occured between the loyal Wrightites and the dissident faction of Gegarians, who claim they do most the work anyway. What will be the outcome of this infighting? This reporter reckons
for Colts this season.
Rumours are circulating CW Land tonight that Colts captain Kyle Wright isn't secure in his position amidst a set of internal riffs at the club, the latest being the departure of highly respected spinner Jack McNamara. A definite split has occured between the loyal Wrightites and the dissident faction of Gegarians, who claim they do most the work anyway. What will be the outcome of this infighting? This reporter reckons
for Colts this season.
Travis_Teh
International Regular
Hahahhahah. Classic.
chaminda_00
Hall of Fame Member
Dire first Halsey and now Camps. There goes our bowling attack. Smith better learn how to bat again this season, or Wilson learn how to bowl.
dontcloseyoureyes
BARNES OUT
The offseason in Australia showed I can actually bat in OD.