The correct answer to this question -- as with every question ever asked -- is Scott Kremerskothen.
Anyway,
Ben Hollioake vs
Adam Hollioake
Ben had real promise; Adam had an inexplicable MMA 'career'. Adam is more meme.
Mark Ealham vs
Mark Alleyne
Ealham is chronically underrated. Meanwhile Alleyne...uhh...
yeah
Dominic Cork vs
Mike Watkinson
Watkinson turned from meds to spin, and had a real hand in making Saj Mahmood a thing. Heroic. Cork got nothing.
Alex Tudor vs Phil DeFreitas
Both arguably known more for their meme batting than their bowling (DeFreitas had Adelaide '94, Tudor that 99* vs NZ), but only Tudor got pinged big time by a Tory bouncer.
Vince Wells vs Ronnie Irani
This one is genuinely tough, but Irani was arguably too good a FC trundler to get through here -- a pre-Ravi Spudpara. Vince Wells is a proper battler. What a man.
Robert Croft vs Dermot Reeve
Reeve is more no-rounder than the hero that is Robert Croft, but I do feel a tinge of sympathy for him. Take an early shower, Dermot. You deserve a break.
Craig White vs Derek Pringle
Got his brother-in-law out in Test cricket, twice. Fighting it out with Chris to be the best flavour has nothing on that.
Gavin Hamilton vs
Chris Lewis
Sunstroke. That is all.