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The BYE

D

Dan

Hall of Fame Member
THE BYE IN KARE KUP KRISIS​
The BYE held crisis talks with CribbSim officials late last night, threatening to withdraw from the Care Cup following a shock first round loss to the Squirts. At the crux of the dispute was a late scheduling change, depriving The BYE of their first round clash against the Koyal Kamplers and catching the players off-guard.

A representative of The BYE's corporate leadership, A Vauge, Yet Menacing, Government Agency, expressed displeasure at the loss of revenue associated with the postponement of the #BattleOfTheSriLankanDomesticKeepers. Meanwhile, the BYE General Manager, Theodore Long fronted media after the defeat, caught mumbling "should've drafted Ashwin for this". Long took no questions, and his statement is provided in full below:

"Holla holla playas, now that was not a good day at the office. But we'd prepared for the Koyal Kamplers and got the Squirts, it's like prepping to go ONE ON ONE WITH DA UNDERTAKAH and having a tag team match instead!"

The crisis only deepened with news that, between the CWPL draft and the first Care Cup match being played, Ben Stokes had actually been imprisoned, Mohammad Amir announced his retirement from long-form cricket, Misbah-ul-Haq had become coach of Pakistan, and Wasim Jaffer had died.

Stokes is due for release in 2024, Amir will probably sell out his principles if the money is right, and Jaffer will make a full recovery, meaning all will be available for the opening round of the CWPL season-proper. Misbah-ul-Haq has been named in the squad for the second trial match; on Wednesday evening he told officials that he expects to be fired and back at training by Thursday morning.

The BYE Chairman of Selectors, Mary the Horse, has made two changes to the 12-player squad ahead of the second trial match. Jaffer's death has resulted in NSW cricketing hero Nick Bertus being promoted to the playing XI, as BJ Watling has still not fully recovered from his knee injury. Yasir Shah replaces Rachin Ravindra, who has been made 12th man for this match.

We think we're playing the Koyal Kamplers this time, but we're not quite sure. It starts sometime, somewhere. Keep using the hashtag #BattleOfTheSriLankanDomesticKeepers, because we spent way too much money getting a consultant to come up with it.

The squad is as follows:


  1. Tatenda Taibu
  2. Nick Larkin
  3. Rohit Sharma
  4. Mominul Haque
  5. Misbah-ul-Haq
  6. Nick Bertus
  7. Scott Kuggeleijn
  8. Yasir Shah
  9. Aizaz Cheema
  10. Malinda Pushpakumara
  11. Mohammad Asif
    ---
  12. Rachin Ravindra
[/QUOTE]
 
D

Dan

Hall of Fame Member
CARE CUP CRISIS CONTINUES

​
Two matches. Two losses. That's the sad, sad story for The BYE as they prepare for the first season of the CWPL.

Misbah-ul-Haq, fresh off a highly successful three hour stint as Pakistan coach, has led his team from the front - registering The BYE's maiden century in Round 1 of the Care Cup. Nick Larkin came perilously close to joining him in Round 2, but was criminally given out for 97, caught behind by a Sri Lankan domestic wicketkeeper who shall remain nameless, off the bowling of an English medium pacer who shall also remain nameless. With the ball, there have been no standouts - though the evergreen Aizaz Cheema tops the wickets tally with 11 from his two matches.

Full statistics are available below.

The fallout from the Care Cup goes deeper than just the results, however. The unavailability crisis engulfing The BYE has shown no sides of abating; BJ Watling is currently in Colombia for stem cell transplants to repair his troublesome knee, Ben Stokes reports that his prison cell bed is "more comfortable than the one at home", Mohammad Amir is locked in deep negotiations over the amount of money needing to be transferred into his Swiss bank account to convince him that it's time to un-retire, and Wasim Jaffer is recovering from being dead. In addition, following his third cheap dismissal in the Care Cup, Tatenda Taibu realised he had, in fact, lost his head.

To make matters worse, someone in HR ****ed up and let Rohit Sharma take his annual leave between the end of the Care Cup group stage and season-proper, approved time off for Mominul Haque to get married next week, and failed to consider that Rachin Ravindra needed to be born before the season started. This leaves The BYE with 8 fit players for their first trial match.

Chief Selector Mary the Horse told reporters that desperate times call for desperate measures.

"We put out a few urgent calls to undrafted players but it just won't be possible to get them to the CribbSim Complex in time. For a state run by libertarians, Cribbistan has some serious visa requirements and border checks! We inquired as to whether we were allowed to get our batting coach, That Photo of Victor Trumper, to fill in for the match, but were told that it was a requirement that all players are, in fact, sentient. It ruled out our Plan B too - now Yoshihiko is cramped up in express post for no reason!"

"I volunteered to take the field but was told NEIGHHHHHHHHHH. Apparently Peter Fulton is the only horse talented enough to receive special clearance to play CWPL cricket, and he went undrafted. Outrageous, I say."

The BYE's owners - A Vague, Yet Menacing, Government Agency - are continuing negotiations with CWPL management to resolve the situation.


Code: 
[B] CARE CUP STATISTICS[/B]
            
[TABLE="width: 199"]
[TR]
[TD="width: 87"][B]NAME[/B][/TD]
[TD="width: 87"][B]RUNS[/B][/TD]
[TD="width: 92"][B]AVERAGE[/B][/TD]
[TD="width: 92"][/TD]
[TD="width: 92"][B]NAME[/B][/TD]
[TD="width: 92"][B]WICKETS[/B][/TD]
[TD="width: 92"][B]AVERAGE[/B][/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]MISBAH UL HAQ[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]215[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]71.67[/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD]AIZAZ CHEEMA[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]11[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]30.55[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]NICK LARKIN[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]182[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]45.50[/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD]SCOTT KUGGELEIJN[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]9[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]38.89[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]ROHIT SHARMA[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]120[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]30.00[/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD]MALINDA PUSHPAKUMARA[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]8[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]43.50[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]NICK BERTUS[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]92[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]46.00[/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD]MOHAMMAD ASIF[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]6[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]54.83[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]MOMINUL HAQUE[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]80[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]20.00[/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD]YASIR SHAH[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]5[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]32.00[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]SCOTT KUGGELEIJN[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]76[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]19.00[/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD]ROHIT SHARMA[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]0[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]-[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]MALINDA PUSHPAKUMARA[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]59[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]19.67[/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD]MOMINUL HAQUE[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]0[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]-[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]RACHIN RAVINDRA[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]51[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]25.50[/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD]RACHIN RAVINDRA[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]0[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]-[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]AIZAZ CHEEMA[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]40[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]10.00[/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD]TATENDA TAIBU[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]0[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]-[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]TATENDA TAIBU[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]32[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]8.00[/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD="align: right"][/TD]
[TD="align: right"][/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]YASIR SHAH[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]31[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]15.50[/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD="align: right"][/TD]
[TD="align: right"][/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]WASIM JAFFER[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]26[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]13.00[/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD="align: right"][/TD]
[TD="align: right"][/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]MOHAMMAD ASIF[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]18[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]9.00[/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD="align: right"][/TD]
[TD="align: right"][/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]BJ WATLING
[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]-
[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]-
[/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD="align: right"][/TD]
[TD="align: right"][/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]BEN STOKES
[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]-
[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]-
[/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD="align: right"][/TD]
[TD="align: right"][/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]MOHAMMAD AMIR
[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]-
[/TD]
[TD="align: right"]-
[/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[TD="align: right"][/TD]
[TD="align: right"][/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
 
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