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Classifying Bowlers by the Objects they Appear to be Bowling

kiwiviktor81

International Debutant
I wrote this article as a joke, but the more I wrote the more realistic it appeared.

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There are several ways to classify bowlers; pace vs. spin is the most common one, with a number of variations between these two poles, depending on how much the bowler slows his action for the sake of increasing the tweak. Although the ball used in all of these styles is, of course, the same, the style of bowling can make it appear as if the bowler is bowling different objects.

This article describes a system of classification according to what object the bowler appears to be bowling, with the least dangerous objects at one end of the scale and more dangerous ones at the other.

The foremost category here is the one of the pie, or lemon. It is delivered with some effort, producing a slow delivery that loops more than it needs to and can easily be found with the middle of the bat, even with an uncultured swing. Perhaps named because the stroke it invites could also be played to a pie and still have an excllent chance of knocking it to the fence. Lemons are similar are that they're great for aggressive throwdowns when the player has no pads, and half-volleys outside the off-stump often fall into this category.

The second category is the dart-chucker. Gavin Larsen, Saeed Ajmal and Sunil Narine are in this category, as is - perhaps embarrassingly - New Zealand opening bowler Kyle Mills. These bowlers don't beat the batsmen with pace or deception but manage to aggravate them into playing false shots, usually by bowling entire spells of balls that the batsman can't quite hit out of the middle. Chris Harris was a master of the dipping slower ball that incited a spooned return for the caught-and-bowled.

The third category are those bowlers who are said to bowl a "heavy ball," as if the ball were made of metal. The ball seems to skid on as if pinging off the surface of the pitch like a golfball off concrete, often hurrying the batsman into a misdirected shot or one with little power in it. In this category are Jacques Kallis, Andrew Flintoff and Corey Anderson. Because the ball skids and seams off the surface it is often reaches the batman at some point in a wide area, like a shotgun. It is seldom super-quick but gets its danger from its unexpected bounce.

To the fourth category belong the dangerous spinners, who represent the grenadiers. They bowl the ball on a high trajectory so as to maximise the grip it takes off the surface. Perhaps the classic grenade lobber was Abdul Qadir (see .gif above). Muttiah Muralitharan got as much bite and turn as one would expect from an oval object and Shane Warne's deliveries were famous for zipping in any direction after landing. A spinner like Daniel Vettori, although he was dangerous in ODIs, is more of a category two dart-chucker owing to the rarity of his taking a wicket with great spin.

The fifth and final category are the javelin/snake chuckers. These two refer to the top drawer of the pacemen, with the express pace of Shaoib Akhtar, Mitchell Johnson or Jeff Thomson throwing javelins, and the black magic swing and seam of Wasim Akram, Dale Steyn or Shane Bond throwing snakes. These balls slither and slide through the air, focused ruthlessly on the stumps, the shoes, the bat handle or the throat. These deliveries are effective because the batsman can't figure out what to do in time.

The major advantage with this system is that it defeats the overemphasis on pace in cricket classification and instead takes the perspective of the experience of the batsman facing the ball. This makes it much more useful for spectators and enthusiasts alike.

Link to original (with ,gifs!)
 
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