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greatest cricketing sledges of all time...

dinu23

International Debutant
I got these from a friend...

1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match,
> Marsh
> welcomed him to the wicket with the
> immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"
>
> 2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne: As Cullinan was on his way to the
> wicket,
> Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years
> for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating,"
> Cullinan retorted.
>
> 3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo
> Brandes): "Hey Eddo, why are you so ******* Fat?"
> Eddo Brandes: "Because everytime I **** your mother, she throws me a
> biscuit"
>
> 4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith
> after he played & missed:"You can't ******* bat".
> Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make
> a
> fine pair. I can't ******* bat & you can't ******* bowl."
>
> 5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called
> Merv
> a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets
> please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

there's lot more...i'll post them later.

EDIT: A half intelligent 10 yo could piece together the bad language in this little number. :nono:

The filter is there for a reason, please don't try to get round it on such a grandiose scale. :)
 
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dinu23

International Debutant
6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards: During a test match in the West Indies,
> Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him
> after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring
> at
> me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he
> dismissed
> him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say **** off."
>
> 7. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which
> was
> picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for
> a
> runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You
> don't get a runner for being an
> overweight, unfit, fat ****!!!"
>
> 8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was
> greeted
> by Mark Waugh....... MW : "**** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you
> doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England"
> JO :
> "Maybe not, but at least I'm the
> best player in my family"
>
> 9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's **** taste
> like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."
> McGrath (losing it): "If you ever ******* mention my wife again, I'll
> ******* rip your ******* throat out."

EDIT: See post above
 
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dinu23

International Debutant
sorry PY. I guess thats the end of this thread. there won't be anything left of the sentences if I edited them. :D
 

Demolition Man

State Vice-Captain
These ones do the rounds a bit

1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:
When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"

2. Daryl Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

3. Glenn McGrath and Eddo Brandes
McGrath was bowling to the Zimbabwe number 11 - who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball.
McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: "Why are you so fat?"
Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: "Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a cookie."
Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics.

4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:
During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: “You can't ******* bat" Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can’t ******* bat & you can't ******* bowl."

5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:
During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a ** bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me? In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say **** off."

7. Ian Healy and Arjuna Ranatunga (aka fatatunga)
And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, ****!!!"

8. James Ormond and Mark Waugh
James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh.......
MW: "**** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England"
JO: "Maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my family"

9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan:
Glenn McGrath was watching Sarwan and Lara having a fine partnership, patting each other on the back so he said to Sarwan, "So what does Brian Lara's **** taste like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."

10. Mark Waugh and Adam Parore
Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Oh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were **** then, you're ******* useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly *** & now I hear you've married her. You dumb ****".

11. Ranatunga and Healy
Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it." Ranatunga is believed to have replied, "I'd try but Boonie (who was fielding at bat-pad) would get there first".

12. Ravi Shastri
Ravi Shastri v/s the Aussie 12th man (don't remember who, and don’t want to slander anyone) Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single...this guy gets the ball in and says "if you leave the crease I’ll break your ******* head" Shastri: "if you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the ******* 12th man"

13. Malcolm Marshall and David Boon
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall: "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"

14. Fred Trueman
Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn’t say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" he replied.

15. Greg Thomas and Viv Richards: (also credited again to Ricky Ponting and Shaun Pollock)
This incident took place during a county championship match between Glamorgan and Somerset.
Glamorgan paceman Thomas had beaten the bat a couple of times and informed Richards: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering."
The very next ball was given the King Viv treament and smashed out of the ground, into a river - at which point Richards piped up: "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it.

16. Jamie Siddons
Jamie Siddons (considered one of the best players never to have played Test Cricket for Australia) was fielding at first slip and the batsman was fidgeting around and basically taking his sweet time to face up.
Siddons: "For ********s sake, It's not a ****** Test Match"
Batsman turning round: "Obviously - You're here!”

17. Trueman and Aussie batsman
In an England v Australia Test during early 1960's Trueman was fielding close to the gate from the pavilion. As a new batsman came out he turned to shut the gate, Trueman said "Don't bother son, you won't be out there long enough."

18 Merv Hughes and umpire dickie bird
Merv asks dickie how man balls he has bowled that particular over. (An over being 6 balls)
Merv: How many is that?
Dickie Bird: 3
Merv: 3 gone or 3 to come?
Dickie: 3 gone, 4 to come as I am going to no ball you for being a ****************
 
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andyc

Cricket Web: All-Time Legend
I guess I'll be the first one to say that the bad word filter is there for a reason
 

luckyeddie

Cricket Web Staff Member
The thing that strikes me is that many of them are very clever - and you would think that with such creativity available to many cricketers, they would be able to keep the pithiness and avoid the obscenity.

Then I look again and I realise that the vast majority of the obscenities emanate from those players from upsidedownland.
 

Smudge

Hall of Fame Member
Demolition Man said:
These ones do the rounds a bit
18 Merv Hughes and umpire dickie bird
Merv asks dickie how man balls he has bowled that particular over. (An over being 6 balls)
Merv: How many is that?
Dickie Bird: 3
Merv: 3 gone or 3 to come?
Dickie: 3 gone, 4 to come as I am going to no ball you for being a ****************
I really can't imagine Dickie saying something like that...
 

cric_manic

First Class Debutant
Demolition Man said:
These ones do the rounds a bit



2. Daryl Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

3. Glenn McGrath and Eddo Brandes
McGrath was bowling to the Zimbabwe number 11 - who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball.
McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: "Why are you so fat?"
Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: "Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a cookie."
Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics.








8. James Ormond and Mark Waugh
James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh.......
MW: "**** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England"
JO: "Maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my family"

9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan:
Glenn McGrath was watching Sarwan and Lara having a fine partnership, patting each other on the back so he said to Sarwan, "So what does Brian Lara's **** taste like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."

10. Mark Waugh and Adam Parore
Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Oh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were **** then, you're ******* useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly *** & now I hear you've married her. You dumb ****".
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 

Josh

International Regular
Merv Hughes was bowling to a Pakistan batsman (can't remember who), and he'd been hit for six, comes in to bowl the next ball, gets hit for six again, Merv falls over in his follow through. The batsman comes down the wicket to ask if Merv is ok. Merv groans, lets out a whopping great fart and exclaims "Hit that for six, ya ****!!"
 

Matteh

Cricket Web: All-Time Legend
My personal favourite is still Flintoff saying: 'Mind the windows, Tino'...who then got stumped
 

Francis

State Vice-Captain
One of my favorites was when Shane Warne was bowling to Ganguly and he tossed a few balls up that Ganguly let go. Warne went up to talk to him and said something along the lines of "what are you doing? This guy (Tendulkar was at the other end) is the reason why people bought a ticket and your not giving them what they want." Ganguly then charged the next delivery, but it was a wrong'un that deceived him and he got stumped.

I also liked the Basid Ali story where he kept on stalling Shane Warne so Warne stalled for five minutes before the last ball of the day talking to Ian Healey about what they eat for tea. Warne then bowled Ali out, last ball of the day, through his legs.
 

Francis

State Vice-Captain
Apparently there was a good natured joust between Hershelle Gibbs and Steve Waugh at the world cup in 1999 where Gibbs made a century so of course, Waugh had to reply in kind. When Waugh was in the 50s he propped the easiest catch never caught that I've ever seen that Gibbs dropped. At the end of the over he said to Gibbs "Hershelle, you realised you just cost Sough Africa the world cup don't you?" He was right it turned out as Waugh played his best ever one-day innings and won the game for Australia in a flukey win. Australia then drew SA in the next game.
 

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