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Thread: The Devil Ducky Interviews

  1. #1
    Cricket Web Staff Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    The Devil Ducky Interviews

    <quack>

    <DD> Mr Agarkar, before we start recording, I should like to do a quick sound-check, please. Would you do me a favour and read what is on the card?
    <AA> This one?
    <DD> Yes, please.
    <AA> It is a very large card
    <DD> I have a very large ego
    <AA> Pardon?
    <DD> I said, 'We are having some difficulty with the sound system'
    <AA> "Devil Ducky, you were hatched amongst some reeds beside a Scarborough pond three and a half years ago. Last year, you made your first public appearance as first prize in a 'Twopenny Falls' machine in Corrigans Amusement Arcade. You were hired...." Look, DD. Is this strictly necessary?
    <DD> Please continue. Our sound man Arthur is still having difficulty with your accent.
    <AA> My accent?
    <DD> Yes. To tell the truth, he's new. Continue, please.
    <AA> Where was I?
    <DD> "You were hired...."
    <AA> Very well. "You were hired by Cricket Web one week later and were an instant success. In addition, you have carefully nursed LuckyEddie, at great personal sacrifice, through his first tottering steps towards achieving his lifelong ambition of becoming a tolerably adequate Sports Journalist....." Where is this sound man, Arthur?
    <DD> He's in the kitchen. That's where all the sophisticated sound equipment is.
    <AA> All I saw in the kitchen was a small, old-fashioned reel-to-reel tape recorder. Oh yes, and a sheep.
    <DD> Yes, that's Arthur. His full name is Arthur X. (shouts) Arthur - have we got enough yet?
    <Arthur X> Not yet, Mr Ducky, Sir
    <DD> Just a few more lines, please, Mr Agarkar.
    <AA> OK. ....."Despite your best efforts, he has failed miserably. You, on the other hand, have gone from strength to strength and become an icon in the sphere of international cricket. Tonight, Devil Ducky, 'This is Your Life'......" What is this?
    <DD> My mothers motto was 'Be Prepared'
    <AA> Can we start the interview, please? I am a very busy man and my wife Fatima will be here soon.
    <DD> Are we OK, now, Arthur?
    <Arthur X> Baaaaarely...
    <DD> Ok, rolling. Ladies and gentlemen, we are fortunate today to have one of the greatest heroes of Cricket Web in the studio this evening - Ajit Agarkar.
    (canned applause)
    <AA> Good evening, DD.
    <DD> Good evening. Ajit. When you were a boy in Mumbai did you ever imagine that you would become a household name throughout the cricketing world?
    <AA> Oh, I used to dream, like all young lads I suppose. My father was a huge cricket fan, and I suppose that's why in part I was named Ajit...
    <DD> After Ajit Wadekar?
    <AA> Yes, I was born in the same city, we played for the same club - and Mr Wadekar is a very good friend of the family.
    <DD> Did he have any influence on how you played?
    <AA> Naturally...
    <DD> But he was left-handed, you are right-handed, he was a slow bowler, you on the other hand are a fast (giggle) bowler...
    <AA> Look, if you are not going to take this seriously...
    <DD> Sorry, bit of a cough. Ahem. To continue, how did Ajit Wadekar influence your career?
    <AA> Well, he is always available to talk to, he knows so much about the international game. It's true that we are very different as players, but he is an inspiration to me.
    <DD> The name - Ajit. I understand that it has a significant meaning?
    <AA> Yes, it means "Invincible" or "Cannot be conquered".
    <DD> Tell us about your last seven innings against Australia.
    <AA> I thought that you might bring that up.
    <DD> Well, it's only natural that I am going to ask you about the low points of your career as well as the high points...
    <AA> You haven't asked me about the high points.
    <DD> Are there any?
    <AA> You know very well there are. For instance, there was that time when...
    <DD> (interrupts) We'll come on to some of your marvellous achievements in a few moments, and I promise that I will not mention the fact that your last seven innings against Australia you have registered seven ducks, but first, a message from our sponsors (play tape 2, please, Arthur)

    (sings) "Cricket Web, Cricket Web the only place to be, Cricket Web, Cricket Web with Devil Ducky"
    (voice-over) "Tired? Painful shoulder? Buy Moduretic for those minor indiscretions. Covers a multitude of sins."

    <DD> Welcome back to "The Duck and I". Ajit Agarkar, before the break you were telling us that in your last eight test match innings against Australia, you had registered a total of just 19 runs. Could you tell me how many you scored on your debut against them?
    <AA> 19 - hey, you said....
    <DD> (whispers) ssshhh - I didn't.
    <AA> It's true that I have struggled with the bat against Australia, but they are a fine team
    <DD> Granted. You came on to the scene with a bang what - five, six years ago - and people were talking about you being the new Kapil Dev
    <AA> Yes?
    <DD> He was a great player, wasn't he? 434 test match wickets, 5248 runs, 8 centuries...
    <AA> I agree that Kapil Dev was a wonderful player, but if you wanted to talk about him, why didn't you ask him to your, er, studio?
    <DD> He wanted paying.
    <AA> I am leaving - right now (gets up to leave).
    <DD> Tell us about your records, Mr Agarkar....
    <AA> What?
    <DD> (pats chair) your records, Mr Agarkar..
    <AA> Well, I scored the fastest fifty in a one-day international by an Indian player
    <DD> Against Zimbabwe, yes, 21 balls...
    <AA> Meaning?
    <DD> Nothing at all.
    <AA> I'm sorry, I thought that you were belittling the standard of the opposition. I mean, Mark Bouchers 19-baller came against Kenya
    <DD> Fine side - destroyed Sri Lanka today
    <AA> OK, bad example...
    <DD> Mr Agarkar, yours was a fine innings - I saw it...
    <AA> (agitated) It was before you were born...
    <DD> ...on film earlier today. And I was 1 at the time.
    <AA> It was faster than Kapil Dev's fastest fifty....
    <DD> ...and you were also the quickest Indian to take fifty wickets in one-day internationals..
    <AA> Not just India. I was the fastest of all time to 50 ODI wickets - just 23 matches.
    <DD> Ajit Agarkar, thank you once again for coming in to the studio tonight
    <AA> (interrupts) I was the 14th fastest in the world to reach 100 ODI wickets
    <DD> Next week, we hope to have Shane Warne...
    <AA> (interrupts) The sixth fastest to 150
    <DD> ... in to talk about Why you should "just say no" to your mum
    <AA> (interrupts) I scored an undefeated hundred at Lords. What are your sporting credentials, Mr so-called Devil Ducky?
    <DD> At least my name isn't Devil Seven-Ducky
    <AA> Roast duck is my favourite food
    Nigel Clough's Black and White Army, beating Forest away with 10 men

  2. #2
    Rik
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    Oh well, what other interviews can we expect? What about a real one with God...sorry...James
    Last edited by Rik; 24-02-2003 at 06:33 PM.
    "Age is just a stupid number"

    20...that's a rather big number :(:(:(

  3. #3
    International Captain masterblaster's Avatar
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    Lol, Very Funny LE, but yeah Rik, when India come down here (to Melbourne) in 2003, hopefully I can meet up with Ajit Agarkar again and interview him. Because when i met him, i wasnt working for cricketweb
    Self Elected Vice-President of AAAS
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  4. #4
    Eyes not spreadsheets marc71178's Avatar
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    Originally posted by masterblaster
    Lol, Very Funny LE, but yeah Rik, when India come down here (to Melbourne) in 2003, hopefully I can meet up with Ajit Agarkar again and interview him. Because when i met him, i wasnt working for cricketweb
    If you do, mention his legion of fans the world over, because of Cricketweb!!!!!
    marc71178 - President and founding member of AAAS - we don't only appreciate when he does well, but also when he's not quite so good!

    Anyone want to join the Society?

    Beware the evils of Kit-Kats - they're immoral apparently.


  5. #5
    Cricket Web Staff Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Originally posted by masterblaster
    Lol, Very Funny LE, but yeah Rik, when India come down here (to Melbourne) in 2003, hopefully I can meet up with Ajit Agarkar again and interview him. Because when i met him, i wasnt working for cricketweb
    <quack> mention me mention me mention me

    you went a little too far in your interview. He got quite angry at the end. I shouldn't be surprised if AA were to take further action

    <quack> Don't think so. His missus the lovely Fatima told me to do it

    Why on earth would she do that?

    <quack> Promise you won't tell anyone?

    Promise.

    <quack> Well, apparently, AA is a bit of a tiger when he's angry and (whisper whisper whisper)

    Well, I never.



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