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Devil Duckys World Cup Essentials

PY

International Coach
Looks like the pond has dryed up for the duck recently :lol: no posts for 4 days :O
 

luckyeddie

Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack> Oh ye of little faith. LE's been doing his website for a couple of days, and today he went swanning about with his tenpin bowling buddies (see LE's website). I've done a few bits myself, but I'm not that happy with it as yet. You guys demand perfection and that's what you'll have.

Tomorrow's job is a 'proper' match report for CW, then I'll catch up with the 'essentials' tomorrow evening.

Hmmm. Been doing that much HTML recently, I really ought to end it </quack>

:D
 

luckyeddie

Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack>

On to the super Sixes. Sorry for the delay.

7 March, Australia v Sri Lanka, Centurion

Mahela Jayawardene (Sri Lanka)

Brett Lee, steaming in, gives Mahela Jayawardene a quite excellent 'throat ball'. The Sri Lankan, taken by surprise by the pace of the delivery can only fend it off. Gilchrist dives and snaffles the catch one-handed. Three balls.
DD rating - 3 lilypads

Breadcrumb moment - Adam Gilchrist (Australia)

Oscar Wilde once said "There is only one thing in the world WORSE than being talked about - and that is NOT being talked about".

Well, there is only one thing in the world funnier than getting a duck - and that is getting out for 99.
There is only one thing in the world funnier than getting out for 99 - and that is an Australian getting out for 99.
There is only one thing in the world funnier than an Australian getting out for 99 - and that is an Australian getting run out for 99.
There is only one thing in the world funnier than an Australian getting run out for 99 - and that is an Australian getting run out for 99 when it was his partner who hit the ball AND whose call it was AND who was running to the danger end AND his partner was the captain AND he went on to register a century himself AND the skipper went on to win the 'Man of the Match' award.

Take a bow, Oscar Gilchrist.
 

luckyeddie

Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack>

7 March, India v Kenya, Cape Town

<DD> No ducks.
<LE> Not one.
<DD> What do you think we ought to talk about?
<LE> The masterful Indian fielding?
<DD> They impressed me no end. Almost as good as South Africa in the dropping department.
<LE> What about that knock by Thomas Odoyo?
<DD> A fine effort, but do you think that we going to waste precious kilobytes on that?
<LE> Knowing you, I very much doubt it.
<DD> Anyway, this is how I saw the game panning out. Chasing 226 to win, the Kenyans had India 22-3 with the strong-headed Virender Sehwag already gone, the cool, clean, crisp Sachin Tendulkar finished and Mohammed Kaif drained to the last drop, keeping his smooth creamy head to the last.
<LE> What on earth are you rabbiting on about?
<DD> The game. Fancy a beer?
<LE> Yes please.
<DD> (Pours out smooth, refreshing glass of lager). Here - try this.
<LE> Superb. What is it?
<DD> Only a glass of the finest brew in Bangalore.
<LE> Not Kingfisher beer?
<DD> It certainly is. Have you had it before?
<LE> Never, although it is now sold in over 7,000 Indian Restaurants in the United Kingdom.
<DD> I'm not surprised.
<LE> It certainly has a smooth, malty, hoppy taste.
<DD> It's been brewed by United Breweries of Bangalore since 1857, so there's years of experience behind that unique flavour.
<LE> It is a rare pleasure, colourful, revered and the most thrilling chilled.
<DD> Pardon?
<LE> Just reading the label. I remember reading somewhere that they are a sponsor of the Indian cricket team too.
<DD> I had no idea. That explains it, then.
<LE> What?
<DD> The century by his regal left-handedness, Sourav.
<LE> You think it's what gives him his mighty, god-like powers of inspiration and leadership?
<DD> Without a doubt. Kingfisher's promise is 'The King of good times'.
<LE> Hence 'Good times' For 'The King?'
<DD> Surely. If it comes down to the beer, then India are certainties to win the World Cup.
<LE> Why do you say that?
<DD> Because Fosters is weasel-pee. The Australians won't stand a chance.
<LE> How much did you get paid for this blatant advertising?
<DD> Four crates.
<LE> I've just remembered something.
<DD> What?
<LE> Kingfisher sponsor the West Indies
<DD> Pour the rubbish down the sink.
 

luckyeddie

Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack>

8 March, New Zealand v Zimbabwe, Bloemfontein

Dion Ebrahim (Zimbabwe)

Having watched Craig Wishart play out an uneventful first over without dufficulty, Dion gets his chance to impress as he faces up to receive his first ball from Andre Adams. The ball is hopelessly wide, Ebrahim swishes aimlessly and misses. So does the wicket-keeper. McCullum does really well to lay a glove on it but four wides is the result. Ah well. Where was I? Oh yes. Dion gets his chance to impress as he faces up to his first ball (again) from Andre Adams (still). The ball is short, outside off stump. Ebrahim shows his versatility by cleverly dragging the ball on to his stumps for an (honorary) golden duck.
DD rating - 6 lilypads

Guy Whittall (Zimbabwe)

With Zimbabwe having just lost their third wicket in the 17th over, drinks are called for. New batsman Guy Whittall strolls out to the wicket, confident in his ability to see Zimbabwe through to a big total. He watches as Andy Flower successfully negotiates the first three balls of Chris Cairns's third over. A single off the fourth ball brings Whittall on strike. With his skippers words still ringing in his ears ("Take your time - have a good look at the bowling and then take it to them!") he takes his time as advised and has a good look at the fifth ball which sails safely wide of the off stump. Yup - it's white and round. Final ball (Whittall's second), Guy's confident that he's played himself in. A cross-batted heave, the outside edge and Brendon McCullum takes a fine catch. Next time you wander out to the middle during a drinks interval, Guy, you just might be taking it to them (the tray, that is).
DD rating - 6.5 lilypads
 
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luckyeddie

Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack>

10 March, India v Sri Lanka, Johannesburg

Marvan Atapattu (Sri Lanka)

Atapattu faces his seventh delivery, a regulation Javagal Srinath long-hop. Tony Greig's favourite player, 'Morvellous Morvan Otopottu' shapes to smash the ball through the covers for four. Unfortunately, he is unable to get over the shot and Mohammed Kaif takes a far-from-regulation catch at cover.
DD rating - 4 lilypads


Jehan Mubarak (Sri Lanka)

The oh-so-disappointing Jehan Mubarak gets a beauty from Srinath second ball up. Pitches off, it draws the shot. A tad of away movement, the outside edge is found and Rahul Dravid takes a fine, tumbling catch low to his left. There have been some fine (some would say regal) performances with the bat by left-handers in this World Cup. This, alas, wasn't one of them.
DD rating - 4 lilypads


Mahela Jayawardene (Sri Lanka)
Sri Lanka are 2-2. Enter the out-of-form Mahela Jayawardene (are any of the Sri Lankan batsmen actually IN form?). His first ball from the sensational Srinath is a nervous prod towards mid-off, the ball ends up at square leg. End of the over. Down the other end, Jayasuriya pinches a single. 3-2 - a recovery. Zaheer Khan to Mahela, defensive. Easy game, this. Khan's no Srinath. Next ball, he pads up, offering no stroke. Not out - dead lucky. Jayasuriya comes down the track. We switch on the DevilDucky stump-mic (patent pending) for the first time in a few days (Arthur X has bought a new battery) to eavesdrop.
<Sanath> Look, matey, these umpires are giving that many LBW's in this World Cup - don't make it easy for them.
<Mahela> Sorry, skip. How's the arm?
<Sanath> Fine. just make sure you play a stroke at the ball.
<Mahela> OK, mate. How's the thumb?
<Sanath> Fine. Stop changing the subject. Look, it's Zaheer bowling, so he's not likely to pitch many on the stumps. Bat and pad together, well forward - I'll help you through this bad patch.
<Mahela> Thanks, skip. Play a stroke, bat and pad together - I've got it.
<Sanath> Just like I do.
<Mahela> Right.
Jayawardene goes back to face the next ball from Zaheer Khan.
<Mahela> <<<Swipe - Thuddd>>> Bum!
<Zaheer> HOWZAAATTTT?
<Mahela> Sorry, skip. How's the side?
<Sanath> Rubbish.
DD rating - 4 lilypads

Aravinda de Silva (Sri Lanka)
A three-baller for Anavinda. Srinath steams in, our man shuffles across his stumps (as usual), Javagal is on target (as usual), de Silva falls across his stumps (as usual), swipes at it (as usual) and misses it (for once). LBW (as usual). Normal service is resumed, Sri Lanka are rattling along at more than 5 runs an over (as usual) and more than a wicket an over (as usual).
DD rating - 4 lilypads (as usual)

Prabath Nissanka (Sri Lanka) - sponsored by Mark Knopfler
Nissanka is disgusted when he walks to the wicket. After all, he's a bowler. He's witnessed four of his so-called batsman colleagues register ducks (to the delight of this columnist). Some people expect Money for Nothing. Not Nissanka. He plays this game not thinking of financial rewards. For him, it is a case of Love Over Gold. The Communique has been sent to him from his skipper - stay there. If he can pull it off, back home they will be Making Movies about him for years. On Every Street, people will whisper the name of Ratnayake Arachchige Prabath Nissanka. On The Night he was born, it was written that he was destined for greatness. Some call it fate - others call it Alchemy. Four of his Brothers in Arms have failed miserably - he will not, nay MUST not - be the fifth.
Unfortunately, Ashish Nehra and the Sultans of Swing see things differently. 78-8 has become, in the space of just 4 balls, 78-9 as Nissanka tamely prods a short ball to Kaif in the slips. Five ducks in the innings and Sri Lanka are truly in Dire Straits.
DD rating - 8.5 lilypads
 
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V Reddy

International Debutant
luckyeddie said:
<quack>
Mahela Jayawardene (Sri Lanka)
Sri Lanka are 2-2. Enter the out-of-form Mahela Jayawardene (are any of the Sri Lankan batsmen actually IN form?). His first ball from the sensational Srinath is a nervous prod towards mid-off, the ball ends up at square leg. End of the over. Down the other end, Jayasuriya pinches a single. 3-2 - a recovery. Zaheer Khan to Mahela, defensive. Easy game, this. Khan's no Srinath. Next ball, he pads up, offering no stroke. Not out - dead lucky. Jayasuriya comes down the track. We switch on the DevilDucky stump-mic (patent pending) for the first time in a few days (Arthur X has bought a new battery) to eavesdrop.
<Sanath> Look, matey, these umpires are giving that many LBW's in this World Cup - don't make it easy for them.
<Mahela> Sorry, skip. How's the arm?
<Sanath> Fine. just make sure you play a stroke at the ball.
<Mahela> OK, mate. How's the thumb?
<Sanath> Fine. Stop changing the subject. Look, it's Zaheer bowling, so he's not likely to pitch many on the stumps. Bat and pad together, well forward - I'll help you through this bad patch.
<Mahela> Thanks, skip. Play a stroke, bat and pad together - I've got it.
<Sanath> Just like I do.
<Mahela> Right.
Jayawardene goes back to face the next ball from Zaheer Khan.
<Mahela> <<<Swipe - Thuddd>>>
<Zaheer> HOWZAAATTTT?
<Mahela> Sorry, skip. How's the side?
<Sanath> Rubbish.
DD rating - 4 lilypads

:lol: :lol:
 

luckyeddie

Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack>

11 March, New Zealand v Australia, Port Elizabeth

Brad Hogg (Australia)

The all-too-familiar 'Collapse of Australia-esque proportions' is well under way. The brittle upper and middle order have disappeared without trace yet again. All is not lost though, because striding to the wicket is George Bradley Hogg, GLA. The fearful Kiwis are aware that this southpaw comes straight out of the Sourav Ganguly book of left-handed batting excellence. For Shane Bond, having already removed the rabbits Hayden, Gilchrist, Ponting and Martyn, this first ball to Brad is a different proposition entirely. He shuts his eyes and hopes for the best. The bowler hears a resounding thud!!! "I hope it's only four" says Shane to himself. Seeing the ball lying in the middle of the pitch, he realises that the noise was pad. Bond turns to his best mate Asoka de Silva and his promise of beer is answered in the affirmative.
DD rating - 7 lilypads
<LE> One thing puzzles me. What does 'GLA' stand for?
Greatest Living Australian.
<LE> Whatever happened to Kylie?

Nathan Astle (New Zealand)

Glenn McGrath, fresh from scoring his first runs ever in a World Cup game at the 25th attempt, is relishing his unfamiliar role of all-rounder. The hard-hitting Nathan Astle, facing just his third ball of the innings receives an absolute peach. Pitching outside off stump it jags away and lifts - the edge is found and Ricky Ponting takes a simple catch.
DD rating - 5 lilypads


Jacob Oram (New Zealand)

First ball, Brett Lee to Jacob Oram, pitches leg, hits the top of off. Did him for sheer pace. All too predictable. All too unplayable. All too unlilypadable.
DD rating - 0 lilypads


Andre Adams (New Zealand)

Using all of his skills of flight and guile, honed from years of playing on the dustbowl which is the SCG, Brett Lee totally bamboozles Andre Adams who has been in for half a dozen balls. The ball absolutely fizzes in to the base of the stumps. The six-hitting Aussie elbow-spinner has done it again. Killer Harbhajan, eat your heart out.
DD rating - 7.5 lilypads


Breadcrumb moment - Andre Adams (New Zealand) v Andy Bichel (Australia)

Bichel and Bevan have done it again, rescuing Australia from disgrace and disaster. The Kiwis turn to Adams in order to break the stubborn partnership.

Andre comes charging in to bowl to Andy. Which of his secret weapons will it be? Ah, number 23, the back of the hand thing. The ball hits the bowler on the toe before bouncing again half way down the track. There is a resounding <<<Th-wack>>> and the ball is deposited in the crowd.

Andre comes charging in to bowl to Andy. Which of his secret weapons will it be? Ah, number 24, the back of the head thing. The ball hits the batsman on the helmet before bouncing again half way down the road. There is a resounding <<<Th-Waqar>>> and the batsman is deposited in the dirt.
 

luckyeddie

Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack>

12 March, Kenya v Zimbabwe, Bloemfontein


Heath Streak (Zimbabwe)

It's 97-6. Zimbabwe, fighting for their World Cup lives against the non-test-playing giants of Kenya, send Heath Streak out to bat, fresh from his brilliant 72 against New Zealand. Collins Omondi Obuya is a different proposition altogether, though. He is that rarest of rare breeds - an accurate leg-spin bowler with no idea where the chemist is. Ravindu Shah waits at slip, anticipating, licking his lips. First ball from Obuya, a tentative prod from Streak and the turn is so prodigious, it would have missed the edge of 'Shock' White's bat (look it up). Second delivery, another fizzer. Success for the Zimbabwean skipper - he gets near it. The third ball is a little flatter, and Heath actually hits it - just wide of Shah. Streak continues his improvement - he gats a bit more bat to the next ball (his fourth and last) - just enough to give Ravindu Shah a simple catch.
DD rating - 5 lilypads


Breadcrumb moment - Andy Flower and Arnoldus Blignaut (Zimbabwe)

Aasif Yusuf Karim bowling, the batsman on strike is Andy Flower. From the non-strikers end, Emperor Arnoldus 'Augustus' Mauritius Blignaut Caesar has watched Flower go to a superb fifty when everything is tumbling down around his ears. At this point, we turn on the Devil Ducky stump-mic(patent pending) to eavesdrop, just as we normally do when something silly's going to happen. Karim to Flower, the ball is played to a squarish midwicket or a midwicketish square leg.
<Andy> er.....one?
<Arnie> er.....three?
<Andy> no no no no yes no no no
<Arnie> yes yes yes yes no yes yes yes
<Andy> er.... my call?
<Arnie> no no no no yes no er perhaps no yes no no pythagoras
<Andy> yes yes yes wait yes no yes come one .... what do you mean pythagoras?
<Arnie> well, I'm trying to work out if the ball is behind square ar not.
<Andy> what if it is?
<Arnie> then it's my call
<Andy> your call?
<Arnie> yes yes no yes no no no yes
<Andy> no no yes no no yes no.
<Arnie> five
<Andy> but it's my call
<Arnie> look - he's definitely behind square.
(he comes down for a closer look)
<Arnie> Oh, he was in front of square. Your call.
<Andy> Bye
<Arnie> No, you hit it.
<Andy> No, bye. AND I said 'WAIT'.
<Arnie> Is it the end of the over?
<Andy> Why?
<Arnie> Kennedy Otieno's just run up to the other end with the ball. Ohhhhhhh, THAT bye.
 

luckyeddie

Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack>

14 March, New Zealand v India, Centurion

Craig McMillan (New Zealand)

It's the second ball of the innings. New Zealand desperately need a good start. Their tenure in the tournament looks precarious, but it is in their own hands - for a while. Craig McMillan's had a pretty nondescript World Cup 2003 - just the 75 against Bangladesh in the 'credit' column, but you know what they say : "Cometh the hour, cometh the man." The ball is pitched up on leg stump. Craig flicks at it, the ball flies to square leg and The Dentist, Killer Harbhajan takes the catch. Yes, "Cometh the hour..". The hour is 10.01 am local time so the man is obviously Zaheer Khan. Soon be eating one of those wonderful Malaysian Airlines dinners, Craig.
DD rating - 4.5 lilypads

Nathan Astle (New Zealand)

The one-time leader in the lilypad league seems intent on securing the title he considers his by right as he registers his third entry in the competition and his second in successive games. Three ducks. As many as Nicky de Groot and Gerrie Snyman. OK, we know you've got that undefeated ton against Zimbabwe so you're not in their class yet, but you're working on it. This first-baller, though, was as straightforward as they come. Zaheer Khan delivers, pitched up on middle, it would have hit the same about halfway up if it hadn't been for the pad getting in the way. Not much to write home about so don't bother - you can tell them about it yourself in a couple of days. The roast's pretty good on the plane, but don't have the duck.
DD rating - 1 lilypad
 

luckyeddie

Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack>

15 March, Zimbabwe v Sri Lanka, East London

Douglas Hondo (Zimbabwe)

Chaminda Vaas has taken 19 wickets this World Cup. Wait a minute - here's Douglas. First ball, teaser. Missed it. Second ball, you know the rest. Yorker, bye bye Douglas. Bye bye Zimbabwe. Bye bye New Zealand. Chaminda Vaas has taken 20 wickets this World Cup. Hello Australia.
DD rating - 3 lilypads

Breadcrumb moment - Henry Olonga and Andy Flower

Note I did not put 'Zimbabwe' in parentheses alongside their names. No man is greater than a nation, but it is clearly obvious to me that these two are greater men than the LEADER of a nation.

Nothing else to say about the cricket, but the cricketing world will be all the poorer following the departure of Henry Olonga and Andy Flower from the international game. Two of the bravest men in sport. As I said five weeks ago, let's hope that your actions .... "may help to restore sanity and dignity to our Nation"
 
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luckyeddie

Cricket Web Staff Member
<quack>

15 March, Australia v Kenya, Durban

Brijal Jagdish Patel (Kenya)

Brett Lee, marginally less ferocious than Killer Harbhajan (but getting there) has just dismissed Kennedy Otieno with a brute of a delivery. Brijal is yet to register his first duck in World Cup 2003, but with the Aussie speedster steaming in, it's his turn for a brief moment in the sun. As brief as they come too - first baller, shortish, vicious, because our Mr Patel has played forward instead of back. The ball pops up off the shoulder of the bat, Ricky Ponting dives and makes a difficult catch rather straightforward.
DD rating - 6 lilypads

David Oluoch Obuya (Kenya)

Brett's tail is up. There have only been 3 hat tricks in World Cup history. We've already had one - can we get another? David Obuya has other ideas. His previous innings in World Cup 2003 have been at number 8. Today, 2 wickets have fallen in two balls from Brett Lee, all the other recognised batsmen suddenly lose their gloves, pads, box, bat - anything rather than be the next man in. David's gear is to hand - he didn't hide it well enough. He's not worried - he's a Kenyan - he has the heart of a lion. Ha! He's not afraid of a mere man. Suddenly, as he strolls to the crease, he wonders what time it is. He looks towards the scoreboard - he cannot see a clock. As he takes guard, he glances up at the giant television screen - he still cannot see a clock. This is beginning to bother him, but still he is not afraid. The spirits of his ancestors are with him. Suddenly, he sees the replays of the two previous deliveries. Immediately, he realises what time it is - Brown Trousers O'Clock. The ball is through his late jab in a flash, Brett goes mental, The rest of the Aussies take 5 minutes to catch him and it's 3-3.
DD rating - 9 lilypads. There are now 3 leaders.

Brad Hogg (Australia)

George Bradley Hogg GLA strides purposefully to the wicket. The Aussies have stumbled a little to 117-4 chasing 175 to win. Aasif Yusuf Karim is in the middle of as unbelievably good spell of slow left arm that World Cup 2003 has witnessed. Darren Lehmann has warned Brad about Karim's 'arm ball'. He takes guard - two legs. What a strange expression when you think about it. The one in the middle's actually called 'middle', not 'the other leg stump'. Brad eyes the field - he's got company. A couple of close catchers just waiting for the mistake. The first ball from Karim is on off stump - arm ball!. Ha - can't fool our Brad like that. Second ball - on leg stump - arm ball! Turns it to short square leg. Third ball - on the other leg stump er sorry, middle. Arm ba... oh, spit! Brad plays a tad early and Karim takes an exceptional caught and bowled. 117-5 and GAME ON!

Breadcrumb Moment - Brett Lee (Australia)

Kennedy Otieno Obuya b Brett Lee 1
Brijal Jagdish Patel c Ricky Thomas Ponting b Brett Lee 0
David Oluoch Obuya b Brett Lee 0

At least it takes half an hour less to type out than the hat trick taken by Chaminda Vaas.
 

luckyeddie

Cricket Web Staff Member
Paid The Umpire said:
bit harsh on Hogg
<quack>

This thread is harsh on EVERYONE because it glorifies the mundane, holds the inept in the highest esteem and worships de Groot.

I admit that the occasional 'breadcrumb moment' does lavish occasional grudging praise on the particularly unworthy - Tendulkar, Lee, Vaas and so on, but for the most part we steer clear of that dodgy ground and stick to what we know best - and that is rubbish.

Just take solace in the fact that he didn't make the 'team of the tournament'.

<LE> I used the term 'Rubbish' sparingly in the ball-by-ball commentary yesterday. Just once - and that was reserved for Brad's stock ball - aka the 'long hop'.

I'm sorry for that interruption - what was the statement again?

Ah yes - Bit harsh on Hogg.

Using the same sort of negative psychology which applies in this thread, you are accusing me of being KIND to Hogg. OK point taken. I'll make up for it later.
 
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Anna

International Vice-Captain
I've a feeling DD could be harsh on anyone.

Yay! My 300th post. I know it's not much by some standards, but it's something!
 

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