<quack>
10 March, India v Sri Lanka, Johannesburg
Marvan Atapattu (Sri Lanka)
Atapattu faces his seventh delivery, a regulation Javagal Srinath long-hop. Tony Greig's favourite player, 'Morvellous Morvan Otopottu' shapes to smash the ball through the covers for four. Unfortunately, he is unable to get over the shot and Mohammed Kaif takes a far-from-regulation catch at cover.
DD rating - 4 lilypads
Jehan Mubarak (Sri Lanka)
The oh-so-disappointing Jehan Mubarak gets a beauty from Srinath second ball up. Pitches off, it draws the shot. A tad of away movement, the outside edge is found and Rahul Dravid takes a fine, tumbling catch low to his left. There have been some fine (some would say regal) performances with the bat by left-handers in this World Cup. This, alas, wasn't one of them.
DD rating - 4 lilypads
Mahela Jayawardene (Sri Lanka)
Sri Lanka are 2-2. Enter the out-of-form Mahela Jayawardene (are any of the Sri Lankan batsmen actually IN form?). His first ball from the sensational Srinath is a nervous prod towards mid-off, the ball ends up at square leg. End of the over. Down the other end, Jayasuriya pinches a single. 3-2 - a recovery. Zaheer Khan to Mahela, defensive. Easy game, this. Khan's no Srinath. Next ball, he pads up, offering no stroke. Not out - dead lucky. Jayasuriya comes down the track. We switch on the DevilDucky stump-mic (patent pending) for the first time in a few days (Arthur X has bought a new battery) to eavesdrop.
<Sanath> Look, matey, these umpires are giving that many LBW's in this World Cup - don't make it easy for them.
<Mahela> Sorry, skip. How's the arm?
<Sanath> Fine. just make sure you play a stroke at the ball.
<Mahela> OK, mate. How's the thumb?
<Sanath> Fine. Stop changing the subject. Look, it's Zaheer bowling, so he's not likely to pitch many on the stumps. Bat and pad together, well forward - I'll help you through this bad patch.
<Mahela> Thanks, skip. Play a stroke, bat and pad together - I've got it.
<Sanath> Just like I do.
<Mahela> Right.
Jayawardene goes back to face the next ball from Zaheer Khan.
<Mahela> <<<Swipe - Thuddd>>> Bum!
<Zaheer> HOWZAAATTTT?
<Mahela> Sorry, skip. How's the side?
<Sanath> Rubbish.
DD rating - 4 lilypads
Aravinda de Silva (Sri Lanka)
A three-baller for Anavinda. Srinath steams in, our man shuffles across his stumps (as usual), Javagal is on target (as usual), de Silva falls across his stumps (as usual), swipes at it (as usual) and misses it (for once). LBW (as usual). Normal service is resumed, Sri Lanka are rattling along at more than 5 runs an over (as usual) and more than a wicket an over (as usual).
DD rating - 4 lilypads (as usual)
Prabath Nissanka (Sri Lanka) - sponsored by Mark Knopfler
Nissanka is disgusted when he walks to the wicket. After all, he's a bowler. He's witnessed four of his so-called batsman colleagues register ducks (to the delight of this columnist). Some people expect Money for Nothing. Not Nissanka. He plays this game not thinking of financial rewards. For him, it is a case of Love Over Gold. The Communique has been sent to him from his skipper - stay there. If he can pull it off, back home they will be Making Movies about him for years. On Every Street, people will whisper the name of Ratnayake Arachchige Prabath Nissanka. On The Night he was born, it was written that he was destined for greatness. Some call it fate - others call it Alchemy. Four of his Brothers in Arms have failed miserably - he will not, nay MUST not - be the fifth.
Unfortunately, Ashish Nehra and the Sultans of Swing see things differently. 78-8 has become, in the space of just 4 balls, 78-9 as Nissanka tamely prods a short ball to Kaif in the slips. Five ducks in the innings and Sri Lanka are truly in Dire Straits.
DD rating - 8.5 lilypads