Devil Duckys World Cup Essentials

[Anil]

Hey DD, how about that no-holds-barred interview with the cricketweb icon, the one and only AA? I am sure a lot of us are eagerly awaiting that.

[luckyeddie]

<quack>

16 February, England v Netherlands, East London

Klaas-Jan van Noortwijk (Netherlands)

James Anderson, taking to international cricket like a duck to water , discovers the secret which has sustained the truly great bowlers over the years - it doesn't have to be a good ball to take a wicket. Klaas-Jan Noortwijk attempts to turn a short one to fine leg but only succeeds in giving Alec Stewart a bit of catching practice down the leg side. Two balls faced.
DD rating - 2 lilypads

Andrew Flintoff (England)

Daan van Bunge had just removed Michael Vaughan for a swashbuckling 51. Enter the Errol Flynn-like Andrew Flintoff to administer the coup-de-grace to the Dutch hopes with a quickfire 30 off 9 balls. So much for theory, but we reckon without 'cheesy' van Bunge and his secret weapon - the disguised rank long-hop. Quick as a flash, England's master slugger is on to his second ball. There is a resounding 'thwack-ack' as Flintoff makes a right hash of a regulation long-handled heave across the line. With worse timing than the average UK passenger train, his double contact loops invitingly to the veteran Roland Lefebre at midwicket who makes no mistake.
DD rating - 5 lilypads

Breadcrumb moment

Sorry, I watched the whole game and could come up with nothing which warranted inclusion.

[luckyeddie]

<quack>

16 February, Pakistan v Namibia, Kimberley

Riann Walters (Namibia)

Facing his third ball of the first over from an inspired Wasim Akram, Riann Walters can only get an inside edge to the fast inswinger. Keeper Rashid Lateef takes a smart catch and the chase to achieve the lowest World Cup score is on. Walters joins Nicky de Groot with an average of 0 from 2, but goes to the top of the averages having faced fewer balls. Not much of a duck, though.
DD rating - 3 lilypads

Daniel Keulder (Namibia)

There is no finer sight for a fast bowler than to see the middle stump cartwheeling across the pitch - unless your name is Harbhajan 'The Dentist' Singh, of course. Anyway, Shoaib Akhtar's second delivery to Daniel Kuelder was just too fast, too good, toodeloo.
DD rating - 2 lilypads

Louis Jacobus Burger (Namibia)

4-17 becomes 5-17 in the third over - that record score is still on the cards. The Namibians have no answer to the Pakistani openers. Louis Burger's bat gets nowhere near the ball, which thuds into his front pad. The ball would have missed off stump by a long way. The trouble is, it would have missed leg by the same distance. One ball, no worries.
DD rating - 6 lilypads

Gerrie Snyman (Namibia)

Another first-baller as Namibia slump to 7-32 in the eighth over. Pad only, no attempt to play the ball. No matter how much he flexes his right knee, he just cannot get outside the line. Gerrie is still trying five seconds after the umpire has raised the dreaded finger. Shoaib's fourth wicket in as many overs.
DD rating - 5.5 lilypads

Breadcrumb moment - Waqar Younis (Pakistan).

Having seen the openers whip out the first 9 'batsmen', Waqar is trying so hard to catch his captains eye. Suddenly, he realises that HE IS the captain and calls upon Saqlain to wrap the game up. Rudolph van Vuuren, having looked remarkably comfortable against Shoaib and Wasim, sees his chance. A lofted drive finds the Pakistani skipper in the outfield. Yes! He's finally got himself into the game. He leaves the field beaming (no change there then).

[luckyeddie]

<quack>

16 February, South Africa v New Zealand, Johannesburg

Breadcrumb moment - David Shepherd (England)

Despite the fact that 'Shep' does not feature anywhere in the match officials, his influence on world cricket is undeniable. At a similar stage in their respective innings, both sides reach 111-1. The crowd as one each raise one leg off the ground in recognition of the fact and in reverence to the rotund one (but Inzy isn't playing in this game). This one is going to run and run - well, hop and hop anyway.

Breadcrumb moment - Chris Scott (South Africa - groundsman, Wanderers Cricket Ground)

<quack> For the second interview in our series, we talk to Chris Scott, groundsman at the Wanderers Cricket Ground, Johannesburg.

<DD> Thank you, Mr Scott, for talking to us at such short notice - and so soon after such a splendid game. I'm sure that there are many people waiting to congratulate you on producing such a marvellous batting track.
<CS> Not at all, Devil Ducky. Just make sure you spell my name correctly.
<DD> Yes, I've heard about your run-ins with the media before. All a terrible misunderstanding, I hope?
<CS> So they tell me.
<DD> I'm sure that some of our overseas fans haven't the slightest idea what we are talking about. Could you explain, please?
<CS> It all goes back to November last year. A company calling themselves 'LG Electronics' were looking for someone to play a groundsman in an advertisement for their products.
<DD> And you were overlooked?
<CS> I was totally ignored. They gave the job to an ACTOR, for goodness sake. I mean, what the heck does he know about drop-in pitches? I bet he's never even SEEN Couch Grass...
<DD> Indeed...
<CS> ... let alone knowing about its hard-wearing properties, recovery time, growing speed....
<DD> Yes, well.....
<CS> AND THEY CHANGED MY NAME
<DD> I'm sorry?
<CS> They changed my name. In the advertisement, they didn't use my name - they called me/him CHRIS O'REILEY, for goodness sake!
<DD> Can we talk about todays game, Chris?
<CS> WHAT?
<DD> Todays game...
<CS> Yes, I'm sorry. I'm still a little rankled about the whole thing. Well, when we prepare a wicket at The Wanderers, we like to think that the surface is going to give both sides a chance - whoever wins the toss. I'm confident that the surface we produced today did just that.
<DD> It was only the second game without a duck
<CS> ... but you more than make up for that.
<DD> Thank you. At this moment, could I bring in Herschelle Gibbs and Stephen Fleming. Gentlemen, I'm sure you would like to say something to Chris Scott...
<SF> Mr Scott, I remember a couple of years ago we played a test match here. The weather won, but you and your team were voted 'Man of the Match'. I should like to shake your hand.
<HG> Cocked that one up good and proper, didn't you, O'Reiley?
<DD> Good night from The Wanderers.

[luckyeddie]

<quack>

18 February, West Indies v Bangladesh, Benoni

Chris Gayle (West Indies)

With Wavell Hinds and Extras going along quite nicely at a run a ball, the previously immobile Chris Gayle lurched into life, only to swat a regulation half-volley from Manjural Islam straight to Sanwar Hossain at cover. A creditable five balls. At least Chris's namesake had two hits in her career. It certainly made Carl 'butterfingers' Hooper's brown eyes blue, Crystal. I bet he'll be talking in his sleep tonight - 'zzzzzz fancy opening next game, Ricardo?'
DD rating - 3 lilypads

Vasbert Drakes (West Indies)

Some dismissals are comic, some are unfortunate, some are careless, some are tragic. This one falls into a new category altogether - 'Vasbert'. Three balls into his innings, the hero of Cape Town, surely one of the greatest players ever to don the maroon of the Calypso Kings, played an immaculate drive to mid-off. Seldom have I seen a ball struck more sweetly in my entire life. Mohammad Rafique sneakily pretended to lose the ball behind him and Drakes, with the sun having made a brief if unexpected appearance through the murk and shining straight into his eyes, called Ridley Jacobs through for what should have been, 99 times out of 100, a regulation single. Jacobs, impassive as ever, allowed the great all-rounder to get three quarters of the way down before sending him back, at which point, horror of horrors, all the studs from his right boot, which had been sneakily loosened in the changing room by a desperate Chris Gayle, fell out. Seeing the unfortunate Drakes unable to turn quickly on the rain-sodden surface, two fielders quite deliberately ran into his way to obstruct his path as the brilliant Barbadian valiantly tried to regain his ground. He made it, too, by a clear yard. Not only that, the wicket-keeper broke the wicket before he had control of the ball and the umpire had already called 'dead ball'. The third umpire, Billy Bowden, too busy practicing his ludicrous signals or basking in his new-found fame having been interviewed last week by Devil Ducky to pay attention to his monitor, gave him out in what amounted to a flagrant disregard of his supposed impartiality. To avoid controversy in a World Cup which has already been drawn far too deeply through the mud, Vasbert Drakes sacrificed himself for the good of the game.
DD rating - 6 lilypads

Breadcrumb moment - the slip cordon (West Indies)

Once again, we turn to modern technology in order to bring you the cricket from just about as close as it gets. Today, we use the DevilDucky stump-mic (pat pending) to give you a feel of what it is like to be part of the camaraderie of a 'team within a team' - the West Indian slip cordon.

Second over
<Carl Hooper> Looks like rain, lads. I reckon Duckworth-Lewis might come into the equation a little later in the day. Now keep on your toes and for goodness sake don't drop anything. I'm looking at you, Crystal.
<<<snick>>>
<Chris Gayle> (for it is he) Oops, sorry skip. The sun was in my eyes a bit I think and the ball's a bit slippy.
<Carl> OK, Chris. Bad luck. These things happen. Now remember what I told you the other day - if you are fielding at second slip, watch the ball from the bowlers hand. Don't watch the edge of the bat - that's what great first-slippers (like me) do.
<Chris> Right, skip. Thanks for the advice. (shouts) Sorry, Vasbert.
<Vasbert Drakes> mutter, mutter, brown eyes'll be black and blue if you do it again mutter mutter.

Third over
<Carl> I've had second thoughts, Chris. You go to first slip and I'll stand at second. Now watch the edge of the bat - watch the edge of the bat all the time. Let your reactions do the rest - like the other day when Brian told you it was your round - and you'd just gone to the toilet.
<Chris> Righto - I've got it. Watch the edge of the bat, watch the edge of the bat, watch the edge of the bat, watch th....
<<<snick>>>
<Carl> ...e edge of the bat what am I doing, what am I doing?
<Mervyn Dillon> Bad luck, skipper.
<Chris> (s******) Yes, bad luck, skip.
<Carl> Don't just stand there saying 'watch the edge of the bat, you pudding.'
<Chris> (barely containing himself) sorry.
<Merv> If you drop another one off me you'll end up with a bigger gap in your front teeth than... (fades into the distance)

Sixth over
<Carl> Feel any rain in the air?
<Chris> I think I felt a few spots. Nothing to worry about though. Just a drop....
<<<snick>>>
<Carl> Oops.
<Chris> (crying with laughter) B-b-b-bad luck, skip. Would you be happier going back to first?
<Carl> I thought that you were going for that one
<Chris> It was yours
<Carl> I mean, I thought Ridley was going for it...
<Chris and Ridley Jacobs together> No, skip - it was yours.....
Carl plods forlornly after the ball.
<Vasbert> Bad luck skip (turns to walk back to his mark) **** ******* **** **** Hooper wouldn't have ******* happened if I'd been captain. Idiot'd be down at third man where he...
<Carl> What was that, Vas?
<Vasbert> Nothing, skipper.
<Carl> Let's swop again, Chris. I think you've learned your lesson now.
<Chris> (whispers) ****.
<Carl> What?
<Chris> OK, skip. No problem.
<<<snick>>>
<Chris> HOWZZZZAAAAAATTTTTT?

[Neil Pickup]

That was absolutely brilliant

Possibly the duck's best work yet!

[Simon]

thats some great work DD

[Rik]

Here here!

[Langeveldt]

Today Riaan Walters of Namibia got dropped having failed to score a run in two innings. Little bit harsh i thought.

And Nick de Groot collects his hat trick of ducks. Joining an elite club consiting only of Shahdab Kabir. Maybe a special DD mention in order?

[Simon]

Originally posted by Langeveldt
Today Riaan Walters of Namibia got dropped having failed to score a run in two innings. Little bit harsh i thought.

my fantasy team continues to struggle. At least i cant go any lower than last!

[luckyeddie]

<quack>

19 February, England v Namibia, Port Elizabeth

Gerrie Snyman (Namibia)
A quick inswinger from Craig White was far too good for Gerrie. The off stump went walkabout, and so did the batsman. 1 ball faced. It's becoming a bit of a habit for Snyman.
DD rating - 5 lilypads

B Kotze (Namibia)
First ball from Ronnie Irani saw the unfortunate Bjorn Kotze thrust bat and pad towards a ball which seemed destined to miss leg stump. No doubt about it, really - look in the scorebook.
DD rating - 4 lilypads

Breadcrumb moment - Nasser Hussain (England) with assistance from Jan-Berry Burger and Rudy van Vuuren (Namibia)
Nasser woke up with a pain in the neck. Little did he know that he would end up meeting four more before the day was out - four men intent on scuppering his sides chances in the 2003 World Cup.
First of all, we had Rudy van Vuuren, appearing in his second World Cup, the first being the Rugby Union version. His finishing analysis of 5-43 was a creditable effort against his more illustrious opponents.
His second cause for concern was a young university student, Andries (Jan-Berry) Burger who smote Englands attack all around the park for a sparkling 85.
The third and fourth pains in Nassers neck? Messrs Duckworth and Lewis. From over 25 through to over 32, Namibia were ahead of the game. All it needed was the heavens to have opened and that would have been that.

[luckyeddie]

<quack>

19 February, Zimbabwe v India, Harare

M A Vermeulen (Zimbabwe)
Back of a length from Javagal Srinath, a flat-footed swish, a snick, an outside edge to keeper Dinesh Mongia, a five-ball duck - who said this game was easy?
DD rating - 3 lilypads

Breadcrumb moment - Sachin Tendulkar (India)
Every moment of his 81 was sheer class. Cuts, pulls, drives, it had the lot. For a man carrying the hopes of a country the size of India on his shoulders, he doesn't show the strain. The ball which dismissed him will keep Grant Flower in beer for the rest of his life.

[luckyeddie]

<quack>

19 February, Sri Lanka v Canada, Paarl

John Davison (Canada)
Second over of the game, Ratnayake Nissanka nips a beauty back between bat and pad. The inside edge gets in the way and Kumar Sangakkara snaffles a straightforward chance. 4 balls he lasted. In the context of the innings, a marathon from John.
DD rating - 5 lilypads

Abdul Sattaur (Canada)
Fifth over, six on the board, Abdul has played himself in for 10 balls and is just itching to cut loose. Chaminda Vaas, convinced that he has already dismissed the batsman twice, finally convinces the umpire that a straight one was straight.
DD rating - 7 lilypads

Nicholas de Groot (Canada)
Mister consistency does it again. Three innings, three ducks. He is fast becoming the player of the tournament. No arguments about this one, either. Ratnayake Nissanka wins the lottery this time - leg before in just 2 balls, although he did have a 10 minute rest at the non-strikers end.
DD rating - 8 lilypads

Ishwar Maraj (Canada)
Nissanka again, straight again, pad again, plumb again, out again, first ball this time.
DD rating - 4 lilypads

Austin Codrington (Canada)
Sorry, Austin, but your valiant rearguard action was not quite enough to avoid the world record lowest score. Having stood resolute for 13 minutes and 9 balls, Austins eyes light up as Murali puts one right where he wants it - almost! The heave across the line fails to despatch the ball into the stands, but helps to despatch Canada into the history books.
DD rating - 7.5 lilypads

Breadcrumb moment - Joseph Harris (Canada)
Nice one, Joe. Top scorer with 9 with 40% of his sides boundaries, the swift of foot skipper decides to trip the light fantastic all over his stumps whilst pulling a short ball from Nissanka.


Breadcrumb moment - that world record (Canada)

Canada innings
D Chumney c Sangakkara b Vaas 9
JM Davison c Sangakkara b Nissanka 0
AF Sattaur lbw b Vaas 0
IS Billcliff lbw b Vaas 1
NA de Groot lbw b Nissanka 0
*JV Harris hit wicket b Nissanka 9
I Maraj lbw b Nissanka 0
+A Bagai c Jayawardene b Fernando 6
S Thuraisingam lbw b Fernando 6
A Codrington b Muralitharan 0
BB Seebaran not out 0
Extras (lb 2, w 2, nb 1) 5
Total (all out, 18.4 overs, 87 mins) 36

[marc71178]

Originally posted by luckyeddie

Nicholas de Groot (Canada)
Mister consistency does it again. Three innings, three ducks. He is fast becoming the player of the tournament. No arguments about this one, either. Ratnayake Nissanka wins the lottery this time - leg before in just 2 balls, although he did have a 10 minute rest at the non-strikers end.
DD rating - 8 lilypads

Choora's particular prediction's of greatness for this bloke are legendary - a sample of his quotes:

"N Degroot is agressive in the shorter form of the game. He has been playing One-dayers and four dayers for years in the C/bean and has been a star to many, while Pollock and Murali might cause problems, warne will be food for him."

"Don't get me wrong I really like his style, but batsmen like Degroot - who love spin - are not to be taken lightly on the field."

On de Groot's first duck being pointed out : "Not surprising considing this is comming from someone who is used to judge a player by his performance in a single match."

and, "Show you from where?? How many matches have Canada played till now ?? Premature judgement is your trade mark! "

IN interests of fairness, Mr Mxyzptlk came up with "It's not that I think deGroot is a prodigy or anything. I just think that you're being unfair by dismissing him as crap."

Strangely Our Nick's greatest fan has gone quiet recently on the subject...

[luckyeddie]

<quack>

20 February, Australia v Netherlands, Potchefstroom

Jeroen Smits (Netherlands)
Ian Harvey's gentle away swinger draws Jeroen Smits into the shot. Jimmy Maher waits. A little late, a little edge, a little innings which lasted just 2 balls.
DD rating 4 lilypads

Jacob-Jan Esmeijer (Netherlands)
Another lovely away swinger. Jacob Esmeijer eyes the vacant cover area, but alas the ball flies straight to Ricky Ponting at slip. Just the 4 balls faced.
DD rating 3 lilypads

Breadcrumb moment - the Australian balcony
With grovelling apologies to our antipodean brethren

Modern technology to the rescue again - this time we take you right into the Australian camp. To be precise, to the Australian balcony where Brett Lee is showing off his prowess on the acoustic guitar to the other non-playing members of the squad.

<Adam Gilchrist> G'day, guys. Anyone fancy a beer?
<Brad Hogg> Nah, mate. I'm cutting down - I'm only having a dozen now because I'm going out with Fruitfly and a few of his mates tonight.
<Adam> We'll see you next Thursday, then, mate.
<Brett> Yeah, cheers, Churchy. I could do with a bit of inspiration.
<Adam> Why's that, then, mate?
<Brad> (shouts) Bowled, Dizzy - great ball!
<Brett> I'm working on a few new numbers for the next 'Six & Out' gig.
<Adam> What yer come up with?
<Brett> (sings) "I know this guy, his name is Warney. Took Grandads pills - they made him horny"
<Brad> Like it. Very topical...
<Brett> Is it? Yeah, got a few other bits I'm stuck on too. What rhymes with Thunder?
<Adam> Down Under
<Brett> Cheers, sport.
<Brad> Chunder
<Brett> Yeah, that's the one. Hey, look at that. McGrath's just bowled a wide (shouts) Yer poufdah, Pigeon.. ah spit. I've just snapped my G string...
<Adam> Fielding's not up to much, is it?
<Brad> Nah. Just been talking to Benaud about it. He reckons we're in the best place today
<Brett> You're joking. It's at least 30 yards to the bar.
<Brad> This'll be a laugh. They're bringing Roy and Boof on.
(Andy Symonds plays his part by bowling a mixture of wides, full tosses and unplayable deliveries)
<Adam> Christ, look at that. Boof just got through an over in 87 seconds. Never seen him move so fast.
<Brad> (shouts) Bar's closing in a bit, Symmo - speed up.
<Adam> They obviously think you're serious. Lehmann's next over took 65 seconds
<Brad> I am serious.
<Adam> Gotta go, mate. Just realised I've forgot to, er, do the webbing on me gauntlets
<Brett> Yeah, me too sport. Just realised I've got to, er, um, practice me er, um musical things
<Adam> Chords?
<Brett> Nah, mate. Flannels, but they're really hard-wearing.