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Thread: Devil Duckys World Cup Essentials

  1. #136
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    <quack>

    4 March, somewhere over Africa

    <LE> I'm bored. What are we going to do now?
    <DD> Well, we could have some more champagne, watch the in-flight movie, flick peanuts at Richie Benaud or we could write another article for Cricket Web.
    <LE> (enthusiastically) Flick peanuts flick peanuts flick peanuts.....
    <DD> Let's pick our team of the tournament so far.
    <LE> (disappointed) Oh, OK. Got to have appeared in our column?
    <DD> MY column.
    <LE> If you say so. First of all, we want a couple of really solid openers. Who do you reckon?
    <DD> Not sure. I'd like to think we could rely on Wavell. He got the tournament off to the perfect start with that 20 minute duck against South Africa.
    <LE> Yes, and he ran out Lara as well against New Zealand. On the other hand, he made 64 against Canada. Strong bowling line-up, Canada.
    <DD> More important, though, it'd give us an excuse to mention Fernando's Guest House and Grill at Port Elizabeth again. They sponsored the Brian Lara runout 'breadcrumb'.
    <LE> Do we actually need an excuse?
    <DD> No. Reckon we could get Malaysian Airlines in here too?
    <LE> Later.
    <DD> OK, Wavell Hinds bats at number one. Number two?
    <LE> I think Riann Walters has made this position his own.
    <DD> Agreed. Two innings, two ducks then gets dropped by Namibia - that's an achievement.
    <LE> Number three's always an important position. I mean, he's got to be solid rather than flamboyant just in case one of the openers gets out early...
    <DD> With this team, that's a certainty.
    <LE> But then again, what if they get away to a flyer?
    <DD> In my view, there's only one candidate - the Bashar of Bangladesh.
    <LE> Yup - Habibul's my man too. Number four?
    <Both> Inzy.
    <LE> I'll leave five to you. I've got to go down to tourist class - Tony Greig owes me money.
    (LE goes to see the bald one. DD spends 10 minutes looking at the files he previously downloaded from the 'Playduck' and 'Ducks Only' websites).
    <DD> <<<click close window>>> Oh, you're back.
    <LE> Got number five?
    <DD> No doubt about it in my mind. Nicky de Groot.
    <LE> Six was always going to be a problem. Any ideas?
    <DD> Well, Gerrie Snyman played at six against England. I was going to say 'batted' but in Gerrie's case that word hardly seems appropriate.
    <LE> The guy is a star. Let's just put him to one side for now then fit the rest of the team around him. Fine uneconomical seamer too - goes at nearly six an over. What about the other bowlers?
    <DD> I reckon Brett and Shoaib are certainties. Not only that, it'll allow Shoaib to live up to his bragging about being top of the batting averages.
    <LE> I don't know. One thing, though - he'll have plenty of overs in which to make a score.
    <DD> We've got two quicks - now how's about a trundler?
    <LE> Ronnie?
    <DD> Good grief, how did I forget him? Ronnie Irani is a must-have. I mean, his batting adds strength to any bowling attack.
    <LE> And vice-versa
    <DD> Not vice anything. I was only reading an article on spark plugs from 'Playduck'. You misunderstood my motives. The only problem is, where do we fit Rudy van Vuuren in?
    <LE> Sacrifices have to be made. 12th man?
    <DD> Agreed. Spinners? Wicket keeper?
    <LE> The wicket keeper is key. The main problem is, each team in World Cup 2003 seems to have a good glove man, so I'll leave it to your better judgement.
    <DD> Right. Mark Boucher - just in case we get close to winning a game under Duckworth-Lewis and we need a quick single. His general keeping has impressed me too - although he's caught 11 I reckon he's dropped far more than that. I'm also going to give him the troublesome number 6 spot.
    <LE> Gerrie at seven, Ronnie at eight?
    <DD> Other way around.
    <LE> Why the other way around?
    <DD> I just think I've been agreeing with you too much lately.
    <LE> OK. Now a twirly to bat at nine?
    <DD> Barry Seebaran for me. Goes at over seven, averaging 130. Nice, plodding pace.
    <LE> Yup - conceded some enormous sixes. Could be considered a danger to aircraft.
    <DD> I think that we ought to warn Malaysian Airlines about him.
    <LE> Definitely. Malaysian Airlines will have to be told.
    <DD> Did I ever tell you that Malaysian Airlines are considered to be the finest in the world?
    <LE> I was not aware of that fact. Mind you, I'm seriously considering getting another one of their flights to Port Elizabeth tomorrow to sample another one of Mr Fernando's wonderful steaks.
    <DD> I think it's important to state here that this team has no captain. The skipper will be allocated democratically on a match-by-match basis.
    <LE> Spoof?
    <DD> Too intelligent. Stone-paper-scissors, I reckon.
    <LE> Fine. Ah, dinner's arriving.
    <Malaysian Airlines Stewardess> Here you are, gentlemen. One extra-large meat pie, a kilogram of peanuts and a gallon of bitter for Mister LuckyEddie, a slice of bread soaked in St Estephe for Mister Devil Ducky.
    <DD> What year?
    <MAS> 1976
    <DD> Wonderful. I must confess that your complimentary first-class tickets were a most unexpected bonus.
    <MAS> Thank you, sir. We aim to please.
    <LE> <<<flick>>>
    <Richie Benaud> Ouch!

    Our team in full :

    1. Wavell Hinds
    2. Riann Walters
    3. Habibul Bashar
    4. Inzamam ul-Haq
    5. Nicholas de Groot
    6. Mark Boucher
    7. Ronnie Irani
    8. Gerrie Snyman
    9. Barry Seebaran
    10. Brett Lee
    11. Shoaib Akhtar

    12th man Rudy van Vuuren
    Last edited by luckyeddie; 05-03-2003 at 12:33 PM.
    Nigel Clough's Black and White Army, beating Forest away with 10 men

  2. #137
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    I wonder what DD thinks of Sean Pollock or the South African Team not not knowing how to count ?:!(

  3. #138
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Legglancer
    I wonder what DD thinks of Sean Pollock or the South African Team not not knowing how to count ?:!(
    <quack>

    If Shaun Pollock had been a wicket-keeper, he would have been in the side instead of Boucher. He would have also been captain (and would have saved me about 2 hours of juggling).

    The Boucher selection covers the 'not being able to count' nicely, though (see reference to D/L)

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    Is their a chance that DD might interviewe Pollock or Boucher ??? I also would like to findout where Andrew Hall he left his brain before the match and why he kept on Feeding Desilva and Atapatu out side the off ???

    I am sorry to make these requests from DD as I know he is quite a busy "DUCK". But in DD's infinite wisdom and compassion for cricket fans I implore him to oblige.


    Thanks be to Duck !!!


  5. #140
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Legglancer
    Is their a chance that DD might interviewe Pollock or Boucher ??? I also would like to findout where Andrew Hall he left his brain before the match and why he kept on Feeding Desilva and Atapatu out side the off ???

    I am sorry to make these requests from DD as I know he is quite a busy "DUCK". But in DD's infinite wisdom and compassion for cricket fans I implore him to oblige.


    Thanks be to Duck !!!
    <quack> We'll see.

  6. #141
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    Looks like the pond has dryed up for the duck recently no posts for 4 days :O
    A True Champion - Bob. Rest in peace. 15/04/06
    "People today have too big a devil and too small a God"

    - Stephen Currie

    "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

  7. #142
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    <quack> Oh ye of little faith. LE's been doing his website for a couple of days, and today he went swanning about with his tenpin bowling buddies (see LE's website). I've done a few bits myself, but I'm not that happy with it as yet. You guys demand perfection and that's what you'll have.

    Tomorrow's job is a 'proper' match report for CW, then I'll catch up with the 'essentials' tomorrow evening.

    Hmmm. Been doing that much HTML recently, I really ought to end it </quack>


  8. #143
    International Debutant V Reddy's Avatar
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    Much Work for LE today

  9. #144
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    <quack>

    On to the super Sixes. Sorry for the delay.

    7 March, Australia v Sri Lanka, Centurion

    Mahela Jayawardene (Sri Lanka)

    Brett Lee, steaming in, gives Mahela Jayawardene a quite excellent 'throat ball'. The Sri Lankan, taken by surprise by the pace of the delivery can only fend it off. Gilchrist dives and snaffles the catch one-handed. Three balls.
    DD rating - 3 lilypads

    Breadcrumb moment - Adam Gilchrist (Australia)

    Oscar Wilde once said "There is only one thing in the world WORSE than being talked about - and that is NOT being talked about".

    Well, there is only one thing in the world funnier than getting a duck - and that is getting out for 99.
    There is only one thing in the world funnier than getting out for 99 - and that is an Australian getting out for 99.
    There is only one thing in the world funnier than an Australian getting out for 99 - and that is an Australian getting run out for 99.
    There is only one thing in the world funnier than an Australian getting run out for 99 - and that is an Australian getting run out for 99 when it was his partner who hit the ball AND whose call it was AND who was running to the danger end AND his partner was the captain AND he went on to register a century himself AND the skipper went on to win the 'Man of the Match' award.

    Take a bow, Oscar Gilchrist.

  10. #145
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    <quack>

    7 March, India v Kenya, Cape Town

    <DD> No ducks.
    <LE> Not one.
    <DD> What do you think we ought to talk about?
    <LE> The masterful Indian fielding?
    <DD> They impressed me no end. Almost as good as South Africa in the dropping department.
    <LE> What about that knock by Thomas Odoyo?
    <DD> A fine effort, but do you think that we going to waste precious kilobytes on that?
    <LE> Knowing you, I very much doubt it.
    <DD> Anyway, this is how I saw the game panning out. Chasing 226 to win, the Kenyans had India 22-3 with the strong-headed Virender Sehwag already gone, the cool, clean, crisp Sachin Tendulkar finished and Mohammed Kaif drained to the last drop, keeping his smooth creamy head to the last.
    <LE> What on earth are you rabbiting on about?
    <DD> The game. Fancy a beer?
    <LE> Yes please.
    <DD> (Pours out smooth, refreshing glass of lager). Here - try this.
    <LE> Superb. What is it?
    <DD> Only a glass of the finest brew in Bangalore.
    <LE> Not Kingfisher beer?
    <DD> It certainly is. Have you had it before?
    <LE> Never, although it is now sold in over 7,000 Indian Restaurants in the United Kingdom.
    <DD> I'm not surprised.
    <LE> It certainly has a smooth, malty, hoppy taste.
    <DD> It's been brewed by United Breweries of Bangalore since 1857, so there's years of experience behind that unique flavour.
    <LE> It is a rare pleasure, colourful, revered and the most thrilling chilled.
    <DD> Pardon?
    <LE> Just reading the label. I remember reading somewhere that they are a sponsor of the Indian cricket team too.
    <DD> I had no idea. That explains it, then.
    <LE> What?
    <DD> The century by his regal left-handedness, Sourav.
    <LE> You think it's what gives him his mighty, god-like powers of inspiration and leadership?
    <DD> Without a doubt. Kingfisher's promise is 'The King of good times'.
    <LE> Hence 'Good times' For 'The King?'
    <DD> Surely. If it comes down to the beer, then India are certainties to win the World Cup.
    <LE> Why do you say that?
    <DD> Because Fosters is weasel-pee. The Australians won't stand a chance.
    <LE> How much did you get paid for this blatant advertising?
    <DD> Four crates.
    <LE> I've just remembered something.
    <DD> What?
    <LE> Kingfisher sponsor the West Indies
    <DD> Pour the rubbish down the sink.

  11. #146
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    <quack>

    8 March, New Zealand v Zimbabwe, Bloemfontein

    Dion Ebrahim (Zimbabwe)

    Having watched Craig Wishart play out an uneventful first over without dufficulty, Dion gets his chance to impress as he faces up to receive his first ball from Andre Adams. The ball is hopelessly wide, Ebrahim swishes aimlessly and misses. So does the wicket-keeper. McCullum does really well to lay a glove on it but four wides is the result. Ah well. Where was I? Oh yes. Dion gets his chance to impress as he faces up to his first ball (again) from Andre Adams (still). The ball is short, outside off stump. Ebrahim shows his versatility by cleverly dragging the ball on to his stumps for an (honorary) golden duck.
    DD rating - 6 lilypads

    Guy Whittall (Zimbabwe)

    With Zimbabwe having just lost their third wicket in the 17th over, drinks are called for. New batsman Guy Whittall strolls out to the wicket, confident in his ability to see Zimbabwe through to a big total. He watches as Andy Flower successfully negotiates the first three balls of Chris Cairns's third over. A single off the fourth ball brings Whittall on strike. With his skippers words still ringing in his ears ("Take your time - have a good look at the bowling and then take it to them!") he takes his time as advised and has a good look at the fifth ball which sails safely wide of the off stump. Yup - it's white and round. Final ball (Whittall's second), Guy's confident that he's played himself in. A cross-batted heave, the outside edge and Brendon McCullum takes a fine catch. Next time you wander out to the middle during a drinks interval, Guy, you just might be taking it to them (the tray, that is).
    DD rating - 6.5 lilypads
    Last edited by luckyeddie; 10-03-2003 at 06:03 PM.

  12. #147
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    <quack>

    10 March, India v Sri Lanka, Johannesburg

    Marvan Atapattu (Sri Lanka)

    Atapattu faces his seventh delivery, a regulation Javagal Srinath long-hop. Tony Greig's favourite player, 'Morvellous Morvan Otopottu' shapes to smash the ball through the covers for four. Unfortunately, he is unable to get over the shot and Mohammed Kaif takes a far-from-regulation catch at cover.
    DD rating - 4 lilypads


    Jehan Mubarak (Sri Lanka)

    The oh-so-disappointing Jehan Mubarak gets a beauty from Srinath second ball up. Pitches off, it draws the shot. A tad of away movement, the outside edge is found and Rahul Dravid takes a fine, tumbling catch low to his left. There have been some fine (some would say regal) performances with the bat by left-handers in this World Cup. This, alas, wasn't one of them.
    DD rating - 4 lilypads


    Mahela Jayawardene (Sri Lanka)
    Sri Lanka are 2-2. Enter the out-of-form Mahela Jayawardene (are any of the Sri Lankan batsmen actually IN form?). His first ball from the sensational Srinath is a nervous prod towards mid-off, the ball ends up at square leg. End of the over. Down the other end, Jayasuriya pinches a single. 3-2 - a recovery. Zaheer Khan to Mahela, defensive. Easy game, this. Khan's no Srinath. Next ball, he pads up, offering no stroke. Not out - dead lucky. Jayasuriya comes down the track. We switch on the DevilDucky stump-mic (patent pending) for the first time in a few days (Arthur X has bought a new battery) to eavesdrop.
    <Sanath> Look, matey, these umpires are giving that many LBW's in this World Cup - don't make it easy for them.
    <Mahela> Sorry, skip. How's the arm?
    <Sanath> Fine. just make sure you play a stroke at the ball.
    <Mahela> OK, mate. How's the thumb?
    <Sanath> Fine. Stop changing the subject. Look, it's Zaheer bowling, so he's not likely to pitch many on the stumps. Bat and pad together, well forward - I'll help you through this bad patch.
    <Mahela> Thanks, skip. Play a stroke, bat and pad together - I've got it.
    <Sanath> Just like I do.
    <Mahela> Right.
    Jayawardene goes back to face the next ball from Zaheer Khan.
    <Mahela> <<<Swipe - Thuddd>>> Bum!
    <Zaheer> HOWZAAATTTT?
    <Mahela> Sorry, skip. How's the side?
    <Sanath> Rubbish.
    DD rating - 4 lilypads

    Aravinda de Silva (Sri Lanka)
    A three-baller for Anavinda. Srinath steams in, our man shuffles across his stumps (as usual), Javagal is on target (as usual), de Silva falls across his stumps (as usual), swipes at it (as usual) and misses it (for once). LBW (as usual). Normal service is resumed, Sri Lanka are rattling along at more than 5 runs an over (as usual) and more than a wicket an over (as usual).
    DD rating - 4 lilypads (as usual)

    Prabath Nissanka (Sri Lanka) - sponsored by Mark Knopfler
    Nissanka is disgusted when he walks to the wicket. After all, he's a bowler. He's witnessed four of his so-called batsman colleagues register ducks (to the delight of this columnist). Some people expect Money for Nothing. Not Nissanka. He plays this game not thinking of financial rewards. For him, it is a case of Love Over Gold. The Communique has been sent to him from his skipper - stay there. If he can pull it off, back home they will be Making Movies about him for years. On Every Street, people will whisper the name of Ratnayake Arachchige Prabath Nissanka. On The Night he was born, it was written that he was destined for greatness. Some call it fate - others call it Alchemy. Four of his Brothers in Arms have failed miserably - he will not, nay MUST not - be the fifth.
    Unfortunately, Ashish Nehra and the Sultans of Swing see things differently. 78-8 has become, in the space of just 4 balls, 78-9 as Nissanka tamely prods a short ball to Kaif in the slips. Five ducks in the innings and Sri Lanka are truly in Dire Straits.
    DD rating - 8.5 lilypads
    Last edited by luckyeddie; 11-03-2003 at 10:31 AM.

  13. #148
    International Debutant V Reddy's Avatar
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    Originally posted by luckyeddie
    <quack>
    Mahela Jayawardene (Sri Lanka)
    Sri Lanka are 2-2. Enter the out-of-form Mahela Jayawardene (are any of the Sri Lankan batsmen actually IN form?). His first ball from the sensational Srinath is a nervous prod towards mid-off, the ball ends up at square leg. End of the over. Down the other end, Jayasuriya pinches a single. 3-2 - a recovery. Zaheer Khan to Mahela, defensive. Easy game, this. Khan's no Srinath. Next ball, he pads up, offering no stroke. Not out - dead lucky. Jayasuriya comes down the track. We switch on the DevilDucky stump-mic (patent pending) for the first time in a few days (Arthur X has bought a new battery) to eavesdrop.
    <Sanath> Look, matey, these umpires are giving that many LBW's in this World Cup - don't make it easy for them.
    <Mahela> Sorry, skip. How's the arm?
    <Sanath> Fine. just make sure you play a stroke at the ball.
    <Mahela> OK, mate. How's the thumb?
    <Sanath> Fine. Stop changing the subject. Look, it's Zaheer bowling, so he's not likely to pitch many on the stumps. Bat and pad together, well forward - I'll help you through this bad patch.
    <Mahela> Thanks, skip. Play a stroke, bat and pad together - I've got it.
    <Sanath> Just like I do.
    <Mahela> Right.
    Jayawardene goes back to face the next ball from Zaheer Khan.
    <Mahela> <<<Swipe - Thuddd>>>
    <Zaheer> HOWZAAATTTT?
    <Mahela> Sorry, skip. How's the side?
    <Sanath> Rubbish.
    DD rating - 4 lilypads


  14. #149
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    <quack>

    11 March, New Zealand v Australia, Port Elizabeth

    Brad Hogg (Australia)

    The all-too-familiar 'Collapse of Australia-esque proportions' is well under way. The brittle upper and middle order have disappeared without trace yet again. All is not lost though, because striding to the wicket is George Bradley Hogg, GLA. The fearful Kiwis are aware that this southpaw comes straight out of the Sourav Ganguly book of left-handed batting excellence. For Shane Bond, having already removed the rabbits Hayden, Gilchrist, Ponting and Martyn, this first ball to Brad is a different proposition entirely. He shuts his eyes and hopes for the best. The bowler hears a resounding thud!!! "I hope it's only four" says Shane to himself. Seeing the ball lying in the middle of the pitch, he realises that the noise was pad. Bond turns to his best mate Asoka de Silva and his promise of beer is answered in the affirmative.
    DD rating - 7 lilypads
    <LE> One thing puzzles me. What does 'GLA' stand for?
    Greatest Living Australian.
    <LE> Whatever happened to Kylie?

    Nathan Astle (New Zealand)

    Glenn McGrath, fresh from scoring his first runs ever in a World Cup game at the 25th attempt, is relishing his unfamiliar role of all-rounder. The hard-hitting Nathan Astle, facing just his third ball of the innings receives an absolute peach. Pitching outside off stump it jags away and lifts - the edge is found and Ricky Ponting takes a simple catch.
    DD rating - 5 lilypads


    Jacob Oram (New Zealand)

    First ball, Brett Lee to Jacob Oram, pitches leg, hits the top of off. Did him for sheer pace. All too predictable. All too unplayable. All too unlilypadable.
    DD rating - 0 lilypads


    Andre Adams (New Zealand)

    Using all of his skills of flight and guile, honed from years of playing on the dustbowl which is the SCG, Brett Lee totally bamboozles Andre Adams who has been in for half a dozen balls. The ball absolutely fizzes in to the base of the stumps. The six-hitting Aussie elbow-spinner has done it again. Killer Harbhajan, eat your heart out.
    DD rating - 7.5 lilypads


    Breadcrumb moment - Andre Adams (New Zealand) v Andy Bichel (Australia)

    Bichel and Bevan have done it again, rescuing Australia from disgrace and disaster. The Kiwis turn to Adams in order to break the stubborn partnership.

    Andre comes charging in to bowl to Andy. Which of his secret weapons will it be? Ah, number 23, the back of the hand thing. The ball hits the bowler on the toe before bouncing again half way down the track. There is a resounding <<<Th-wack>>> and the ball is deposited in the crowd.

    Andre comes charging in to bowl to Andy. Which of his secret weapons will it be? Ah, number 24, the back of the head thing. The ball hits the batsman on the helmet before bouncing again half way down the road. There is a resounding <<<Th-Waqar>>> and the batsman is deposited in the dirt.

  15. #150
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    <quack>

    12 March, Kenya v Zimbabwe, Bloemfontein


    Heath Streak (Zimbabwe)

    It's 97-6. Zimbabwe, fighting for their World Cup lives against the non-test-playing giants of Kenya, send Heath Streak out to bat, fresh from his brilliant 72 against New Zealand. Collins Omondi Obuya is a different proposition altogether, though. He is that rarest of rare breeds - an accurate leg-spin bowler with no idea where the chemist is. Ravindu Shah waits at slip, anticipating, licking his lips. First ball from Obuya, a tentative prod from Streak and the turn is so prodigious, it would have missed the edge of 'Shock' White's bat (look it up). Second delivery, another fizzer. Success for the Zimbabwean skipper - he gets near it. The third ball is a little flatter, and Heath actually hits it - just wide of Shah. Streak continues his improvement - he gats a bit more bat to the next ball (his fourth and last) - just enough to give Ravindu Shah a simple catch.
    DD rating - 5 lilypads


    Breadcrumb moment - Andy Flower and Arnoldus Blignaut (Zimbabwe)

    Aasif Yusuf Karim bowling, the batsman on strike is Andy Flower. From the non-strikers end, Emperor Arnoldus 'Augustus' Mauritius Blignaut Caesar has watched Flower go to a superb fifty when everything is tumbling down around his ears. At this point, we turn on the Devil Ducky stump-mic(patent pending) to eavesdrop, just as we normally do when something silly's going to happen. Karim to Flower, the ball is played to a squarish midwicket or a midwicketish square leg.
    <Andy> er.....one?
    <Arnie> er.....three?
    <Andy> no no no no yes no no no
    <Arnie> yes yes yes yes no yes yes yes
    <Andy> er.... my call?
    <Arnie> no no no no yes no er perhaps no yes no no pythagoras
    <Andy> yes yes yes wait yes no yes come one .... what do you mean pythagoras?
    <Arnie> well, I'm trying to work out if the ball is behind square ar not.
    <Andy> what if it is?
    <Arnie> then it's my call
    <Andy> your call?
    <Arnie> yes yes no yes no no no yes
    <Andy> no no yes no no yes no.
    <Arnie> five
    <Andy> but it's my call
    <Arnie> look - he's definitely behind square.
    (he comes down for a closer look)
    <Arnie> Oh, he was in front of square. Your call.
    <Andy> Bye
    <Arnie> No, you hit it.
    <Andy> No, bye. AND I said 'WAIT'.
    <Arnie> Is it the end of the over?
    <Andy> Why?
    <Arnie> Kennedy Otieno's just run up to the other end with the ball. Ohhhhhhh, THAT bye.

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