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Best Simpsons Quotes EVER

There's quite a few.....

Marge: Why all the black, Homer?

Homer: I could ask you the same thing. Why all the pearls? Why all the hair? Why anything?

Lisa: You look pretty shifty, Dad.

Homer: No YOU look pretty shifty, Lisa!

Bart: What's going on, Homer?

Homer: Oh nothing, I'm just going out to perform certain deeds. Heheh, suckers.

Abe: Not many people know this, but I owned the first radio in Springfield. Not much on the air then, just Edison reciting the alphabet over and over. 'A' he'd say. Then 'B'. 'C' would usually follow...

Bart: I’ll take up smoking, and give that up!

Homer: Congratulations boy, giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. Have a dollar.

Lisa: But he didn’t do anything!

Homer: Didn’t he Lisa? Didn’t he? ……Hey wait! He didn’t! *snatches dollar back*

Marge: The Plant called today and said that if you don’t come in tomorrow, don’t bother going in on Monday.

Homer: Woohoo! Four-day weekend!

Lionel Hutz: This is the biggest case of fraugalant advertising since my lawsuit against the film the Neverending Story!

Homer: In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.

Homer: Ah! Bees! Ouch! They’re defending themselves somehow!

Abe: My story begins in Nineteen dickety two. We had to say "dickety" because the Kaiser had stolen our word for "twenty." I chased him down the road but gave up after dickety-six miles...

Homer: Well I’m not going to sleep in the same bed with someone who thinks I’m lazy! I’m going to get out of bed, go downstairs, unfold the couch……..ah the hell with it. *goes to sleep*

FBI Guy: Now remember, your name, is Mr Thompson.

Homer: OK

FBI Guy: Hello, Mr Thompson.

Homer: …..

*Hours later*

FBI Guy: OK, when I say “Hello Mr Thompson” and press down on your foot, you say “Hello”

Homer: Got ya.


Homer: ………(to other FBI guy) I think he’s talking to you.

Bart: Take him away boys.

Wiggum: Hey! That's my job! Bake him away toys.

Lou: Uh...what chief?

Wiggum: ....Just do what the kid says.

And finally….

Homer: I want to set the record straight. I thought, the cop, was a PROSTITUTE.
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