20/20 Media (brought to you by BetFare)

[Nnanden]

There's a lot to be said. This is the place.

[Mr Mxyzptlk]

I hear whispers of big things on the horizon...

[Samuel_Vimes]

Rumours are that Aftenposten are printing a special on the Mørkambe team.

[Nnanden]

Horse & Hound
Upper Body make Snooker Champion their first signing
by Abhinav Shankar


In what is the first of many big signings to come in the newly formed CW 20/20 League, Darren Murphy has reportedly joined East Robham Upper Body on a one-year deal. Although not yet officially approved by the CWBCC, ERUB Captain Nath Patrick seemed certain on the legitimacy of the signing. "I've given things I can never give again." he said. "These days - is it any wonder I'm tired?"

Murphy, best known worldwide for his Snooker prowess and iconically Australian muscular figure, claims to have always been an avid cricket fan.

Darren says:
number 3 batsman
Darren says:
can bowl nippy seam ups if needed
Darren says:
i dont wanna be mathew sinclair **** though
Darren says:
we've all seen the ut00b video

The 'ut00b' or 'YouTube' video he refers to of course, is this fine artwork which this reporter finds factual and informing.

Darren is widely known across most circles as a brash, yet loveable tramp with impeccible offside play and a killer break. However, some people seem to have sided against the sporting star, probably out of fear and estrogen. One of these "enemies" as it were, is Liam Camps jr., who shockingly, is the Icon player for the East Robham franchise.

Upon hearing of his potential teammate, Murphy was far from impressed.

Darren says:
nah, refuse to play CWXI
Darren says:
on principle
Darren says:
camps is a ****
Darren says:
with boyish good looks

Nath Patrick however, was adament in making this happen. Most would think this move crazy. Camps Jr. and Murphy in the same league was barely feasible, but in the same team? Impossible. But with flattery and shares in Network Video, Time's Snooker Player of a little bit of 1974 began to sway. He wielded his sword of popularity and tongue of prosperity to make some requests, if there was ever to be the slightest chance of him joining.

Darren says:
You're a mutant, camps
Darren says:
now that's off my chest
Darren says:
i demand two things
Darren says:
and two things only
Darren says:
Cathy Camps
Darren says:
Cathy Camps' curried sausage recipe

Under instructions from his Captain and knowing Darren's signing would mean more ladies around the clubhouse, Liam Camps jr. (known as [The Conversations] in the dialogue below) handed over the recipe, located once in his breast pocket, but now in the hands of a genius madman. What happened next however, was unprecedented.

[The Conversations] says:
we have a deal then
Darren says:
we have nothing of the sort
Darren says:
Darren says (1:25 AM):
i will seriously consider it if camps publicly acknowledges my superiority over him
Smitty says:
laughing out loud here
[The Conversations] says:
the people won't allow it...
[The Conversations] says:
surely... the people won't allow it!
Smitty says:
i'm okay with it
Darren says:
the people will allow nothing but it

And so it was with much resentment, but even more attractiveness, that Camps released this tidbit upon society and it was gobbled up with aplomb.

And then, as it so often is with the most famous among us, other scattered orders were barked from Murphy's well-formed mouth, in which his captain could only adhere to, or lose the most talented man to ever play the great game since Richard Chee-Quee.

Darren says:
ok here are my conditions
Darren says:
i get a press release about me commenting on my love of curried sausages and wicked wings
[The Conversations] says:
smith desperate for friends imo
Smitty says:
making friends with your attractive long-term girlfriend aws

Darren says:
a cushy bar job during the tournament
Nath - NEW E-MAIL - nath_patrick@hotmail.com says:
Robbins dead aws
Nath - NEW E-MAIL - nath_patrick@hotmail.com says:
body still on the CW Bar floor
Nath - NEW E-MAIL - nath_patrick@hotmail.com says:
weve been ignoring it
Nath - NEW E-MAIL - nath_patrick@hotmail.com says:
so done

Darren says:
also demand a pair of mittens
Darren says:
as promised
Darren says:
and pommie mbangwa to be our media manager

And as there was barely a thing more Darren Murphy could possibly think to ask for, a settlement was reached. Stones Ginger Beer was then consumed and Atomic Kitten sung, mainly by CW Black Captain, Daniel Smith.

It is believed that Darren Murphy will sign on as a 3-point overseas player and is a direct swap for a draft pick of the International Players listed here. Whether this gamble pays off or not, time will tell. But one thing is for sure - fans of Upper Body will one day be able to say to their grandchildren "I was there. I was there when that random snooker player played cricket and took as many catches than he made runs. And he made a duck that day. But boy, was he handsome."

[Jamee999]

A fine piece of journalism.

[Samuel_Vimes]

I hear the mittens are made from iridium trioxide.

[ash chaulk]

hahaha feel like ive just read my 2nd ever book

[Mr Mxyzptlk]

T20 kicks into gear with first franchise assignments
CWBCC names names

Excitement continues to build for the upcoming Cricket Web Twenty20 Cup (yet to be officially named) and the CWBCC tonight put some faces to that anticipation with the first player assignments.

Davistow Dazzlers
One of picks of the round is CW Black and CW XI opening batsman James Stedman. The one day player has just 2 T20 innings under his belt, but will hope to gain valuable experience at Davistow Dazzlers. Joining him is fast bowler Travis Demeza - the CW Blue captain - who recently player for New South Wales. His experience as the CW XI spearhead will undoubtedly come into play for the Dazzlers. The third Dazzlers assignment is Darren Dubb-Lynch. The wicketkeeper-batsman has forged a career at CW Green as a flashy batsman and solid gloveman, and could start the season as first choice for Clapham, behind the stumps.
Signings: JE Stedman (Black), TJ Demeza (Blue), DY Dubb-Lynch (Green)

Garven Island Turistas
Xavier Rose looks to be building a strong squad, as Pete Young was the first to be signed by the Turistas. Though Young has minimal T20 experience, his pedigree in first-class and one-day cricket is well known in the Dev League. Two players of lesser fame have been assigned to the franchise with Young. Thad Bochat - the CW Colts fast bowler - and Manju Reddlapalli - CW Red allrounder - are far from established in their respective teams. But after some time in the Indian Premier League, both should add some nous and enthusiasm to the pack. Bochat in particular, having bowled economically for his IPL franchise, Bangalore, may find himself in the spotlight.
Signings: PE Young (Blue), T Bochat (Colts), M Reddlapalli (Red)

Fardingham Cockatoos
Though he is yet to decide on a club for the upcoming season, Thamba Mamesh will find a T20 home in Fardingham with Heath Davis and Rob Dauth. Mamesh has been prolific in FC cricket, and though he has struggled to establish himself in ODs, his big hitting and aggressive attitude is well known in CWLand. In a similar situation, CW Colts captain Kyle Wright will try to find his feet in the shorter form, having dominated in FC, but struggled in OD cricket recently. Third to the plate is David Kearsley of CW Red. Since Kearsley was dropped from the CW XI senior squad, he has been inconsistent in all forms of cricket. He played just one innings in the recently completed IPL, scoring a run-a-ball 3. Kearsley and the Cockatoos will hope that he can significantly improve upon that showing.
Signings: T Mamesh (unattached), KS Wright (Colts), DA Kearsley (Red)

[dontcloseyoureyes]

What can I say, You can make me whole againnnn.

[Johnners]

Awesome signings for the Dazzlers. Full report to come in the late news.

[Prince EWS]

FFS, he lays into Sinclair at every opportunity, doesn't he?

[superkingdave]

*crosses fingers for anywhere but Mørkambe*

[alternative]

Itstl.

[NZTailender]

City's namesake linked to club
By Appleo Juicetice

It's rumoured that Nixontown Ninja's player-coach Greg Thomas has been in talks with James Nixon as to a possible appearance for the city that is named after him.

Nixon, who is the overseer to CWLand, is thought to be a handy signing in that any team that beats Nixontown will have all their members banned and disposed of.

[Nnanden]

What a gimmick.