Spennymoor Accordian Allstars - Sponsored by a lower mid-table finish

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Spennymoor Accordian Allstars​

News of the Day - April 23rd​

Serving up some Jaffa's!​

A consortium led by the Jaffa Cake mogul Baron von Jaffa, a distant relation to the Queen of England, is set to announce the formation of the Spennymoor Accordian Allstars, a team built of only the finest professional cricketers from across the globe, brought together to compete in the Cricket Web Premier League.

Von Jaffa, aged only 34 is one of England's youngest billionaires, but has a deep love for the game. The Baron cites Chris Tavaré and Mike Atherton as his favourite cricketers, but continues to enjoy cricket today.

The Baron told one of our reporters that he hopes that "the cricketers I secure may inspire the young players of today to become the stars of tomorrow".

The Allstars will play at the Tip Foster Memorial ground, located in the heart of rural England. Rumoured sponsors include Nike, Ribena and Argos.

Paul Jackson donated his fee for this article to his saturday night party fund.

News of the Day - April 30th​

Spennymoor snap up super signings!​

The media has been ablaze with stories about whom the Spennymoor Accordian Allstars may draft into their squad. However, we here at News of the Day are delighted to bring you an EXCLUSIVE look at the first group of players.

Much of the excitement as been aimed at MS Dhoni, who will presumably skipper the team. The Indian captain and wicket-keeper is joined by his international team-mate Gautam Gambhir. The opener, who has been in top form recently, will hope to lead the team into a strong position from the start of games to try and win the Premier League.

Tillakaratne Dilshan, the new Sri Lankan skipper, will presumably open the innings with the Indian, providing his own unique attacking style to the team. He will also be able to share his experience of leading an international team with Dhoni, as the pair aim to capture the inaugural title.

There's also experience in the bowling attack too. Chaminda Vaas will take the new ball alongside Tim Bresnan. Bresnan was born and bred on County Championship cricket, and has recently broken into the England team, and is a workhorse with the ball. Like Vaas, he's more than handy with the bat too.Vaas is a model pro, having played over a hundred test matches.

Dwayne Bravo will also provide a threat with ball and bat, bringing a typical Caribbean flair to the team. Youth is provided by his half-brother Darren Bravo, who has an air of Brian Lara about him.

Nobody is quite sure who the remaining nine players will be, but there have been suggestions that former England internationals may be next on the list. Who knows what will happen though.

Paul Jackson donated his fee for this article to his retirement fund.

 

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More international stars unveiled by Spennymoor!

Spennymoor Accordian Allstars, reportedly Barack Obama's favourite Cricket Web Premier League outfit, announced their next wave of signings today. The President is rumoured to already have purchased a season ticket, and should look forward to seeing some of the new international superstars announced today.

JP Duminy, South Africa's favourite part-time off-spinner takes pride of place among the names announced today. The left hander will form part of a strong batting line up, whilst his devious offbreaks are likely to snag all sorts of wickets, almost entirely through good fortune and stumpings.

Slotting in alongside Duminy in the batting line up is young Indian starlet Suresh Raina. The aggressive left hander can bowl even more part-time spin than Duminy, leading to the mouth watering prospect of three of the top four bowling a combined seventeen overs of half trackers each innings. Raina's T20 experience should prove useful when chasing down a target and he's also electric in the field.

Matthew Hoggard joins what was already a delightfully old pace attack, bringing his own brand of swinging deliveries and shaggy hair. A well known defensive batsman, Hoggard will bring back memories of his glorious cover drive whilst playing for the Allstars, which will hopefully lead them to victory in the league.

Joining Hoggard is Tim Southee, the Kiwi. Somewhere during his international career, Southee has developed a well perfected talent for always looking very pale, causing fear that he may be about to faint. Although, being in a dressing room with Dilshan, we can't really blame him.

Just five more players will make up the Spennymoor Accordian Allstars. Key questions remain. Are they going to pick a spinner? Does the middle order need an old head? Does anyone give a ****?

Paul Jackson donated his fee for this article to pay for his expensive pepsi habit.

Current team listing:

Dilshan (7)
Gambhir
Bravo
Raina
Duminy (6)
Bravo (4)
Dhoni (wk)
Bresnan (3)
Vaas (1)
Hoggard (2)
Southee (5)