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Thread: Mental Health Thread

  1. #61
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    My girlfriend has anxiety and based on what I have read about the matter BPD also. She loves me more than life itself but I can vouch for the other party in this dynamic just how hard it is to be on the receiving end. I keep at it because there's some good in it to be salvaged, because I knew her as a friend before I viewed her as a mate, but it is such a corrosive factor in a relationship.
    Gnske and OverratedSanity like this.

  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by anil1405 View Post
    Identifying the root cause of an Anxiety and Depressive disorder might be the first step towards combating it.

    Here is my root cause and how it all emerged.

    Growing up as a kid I was a shy and introverted guy who was raised in a protective environment. But in school I used to see people around me having fun together and enjoying life. I always wanted to be an outgoing guy who could do the same i.e. enjoy life and make the most of it. But this clash in my expectations and the reality of who I was gave birth to Depression and Anxiety. Besides I was a guy always low on self-confidence and unaware of what to do in life. Academically I was an average student at best who could barely concentrate on what was being taught in the class.

    I had no clue what to study after high school and decided to go with the flow of what others were doing at that point. And the trend in those days was studying Computer Science Engineering. But the subjected sounded Greek and Latin to me so I barely managed to scrap through my degree. Once I was out of college I had no clue what to do in life while I was seeing people around me get into jobs or go abroad for higher studies. This made me depressed that everyone around me were progressing well while I was stuck. On the other hand my anxiety always prevented me from stepping out and meeting new people and even going for job interviews. Later I decided to head to Scotland to do Masters as one of my friend went there few months back. Life was good while I was there but again after completing my Masters I was anxious to even apply for jobs, let alone going out for interviews. I continued working at McDonald's but had to come back once my visa was about to expire. (The shittiest decision of my life was to come back from Scotland). Once I got back to India things turned worse as I couldn't adjust back to the Indian lifestyle. I always felt comfortable among people who were polite or greeted and initiated a conversation first, something that the Scots were good at from my experience. So I badly missed the country for good 4-5 years after coming back.

    My anxiety and depression only doubled and tripled during this period. I started to question myself for the stupid decision I had taken and used to hate myself. Then I thought why not try and establish a career on the business side of sports since that was my only area of interest. So I did an online course and took up an internship at a football club in India. But during this period I realised that I was not meant for sports industry as this industry demanded people who could socialise and network with ease, something that I was terrible at. So hopes came crashing down again and this was the worst period of my life.

    Somehow I realised that marketing is where I belong and I started feeling passionate about this subject for a change. The thought of helping a client establish a relationship with their customers and in the process sell their products sounded exciting and creative for me. Once I discovered my passion few years back Depression started to fade away. But I was desperate to achieve something and be known for something. This desperation only increased my anxiety and I continue to battle with anxiety till date.

    My psychologist also revealed that I had Generalised Anxiety Disorder. This disorder stops me from doing basic things that normal people do. For example, going to bank to get things done or just imagining me driving a car freaks me out. I start to ask myself questions like 'what if i go to the bank and do not fill this form properly?', 'What if the bank employee looks at me like a fool for not knowing the procedures?'. 'What if I bump into another car while I am driving?' or 'What if someone else bumps into my car?'. Constantly thinking about these thoughts freaks me out before I even do it. Heck even trying to reach somewhere on time increases my heartbeat by 10 folds at times.

    Now I am in a position where I know what I am passionate about in life but I still am not in a place to execute it. I am a freelancer of sorts so I am alone most of the time with no one to talk to or motivate me to get things going or just someone to talk to and keep myself upbeat. But at the same time this over exuberance of wanting to achieve something and be known for something drives me crazy.
    Anil, my life almost mirrors yours (and you share my father's first name too), but I have never felt anxiety as a "thing". It's such a difficult thing to nail down; my upbringing if we are to attribute anxiety to it had everything that should have driven me into lifelong depression, but it didn't. My personal theory is that it helps to find that one thing to love, not because it is an escape valve or a means to monetary relief, but for what it is in purely idealistic terms. And it better not be a person either. But that's just me. It truly is a confounding topic and not understood until you care for someone suffering through it.
    Last edited by Arachnodouche; 08-06-2019 at 12:57 PM.

  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirkut View Post
    Exercise is great but only temporarily solves the issue, it does not resolve emotional wounds.
    I was referring to anxiety, not emotional wounds. With regard to anxiety, there is a connection to the amygdala and the inability in the modern world to "fight or flight" when we feel anxious (which is nowadays usually due to a social situation or a stressful work situation, rather than physical threat). Exercise releases the endorphins we would have felt when we were anxious for a physical reason 100s of years ago, eg. running away from a sabre toothed tiger. The modern world doesn't let us release these as easily, so exercise can do the same thing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Test_Fan_Only View Post
    Red Hill is a piece of ****

  4. #64
    International Coach Gnske's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arachnodouche View Post
    My girlfriend has anxiety and based on what I have read about the matter BPD also. She loves me more than life itself but I can vouch for the other party in this dynamic just how hard it is to be on the receiving end. I keep at it because there's some good in it to be salvaged, because I knew her as a friend before I viewed her as a mate, but it is such a corrosive factor in a relationship.
    I feel this my friend. It's absolutely sabotaging, my former partner endured this and it ended the whole thing after one late-night panic attack too many.
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  5. #65
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    On the phone thing: when I donít have my phone on me I donít miss it. And when I do it takes over. It takes me away from things I want to do - whether thatís talk to my wife, read, watch TV, whatever. So Iíve been trying to leave it when I can, like if the wife and I get out for an hour or two, my phone stays home. Leave it in a different room when I want to read etc. Yes I should just have more self control, but still got to find a way to be detached.

    On the wider topic, I donít like to divulge too much round here these days but the missus has Generalised Anxiety Disorder. For a good few years it absolutely crippled her to the point where she couldnít get out of bed some days. She knows how to control it now, and is much better for it. But it will always be there and always needs managing. Big learn for me in realising how I should react to behaviours and asks that I might instinctively want to think are ridiculous.
    Last edited by GIMH; 09-06-2019 at 03:16 PM.

  6. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arachnodouche View Post
    Anil, my life almost mirrors yours (and you share my father's first name too), but I have never felt anxiety as a "thing". It's such a difficult thing to nail down; my upbringing if we are to attribute anxiety to it had everything that should have driven me into lifelong depression, but it didn't. My personal theory is that it helps to find that one thing to love, not because it is an escape valve or a means to monetary relief, but for what it is in purely idealistic terms. And it better not be a person either. But that's just me. It truly is a confounding topic and not understood until you care for someone suffering through it.
    Yeah as I mentioned above, I have found that one thing that I am passionate about now. Things have changed a lot for me over the last couple of years since I found that purpose in life. I have been able to put myself in a position where I am understanding myself better and setting up myself for a better future while learning to deal with Anxiety which is going to be by my side for the rest of my life. I am starting to realise that I can be depressed or anxious or nervous about life and can still be positive at the same time.

  7. #67
    International Regular anil1405's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by andmark View Post
    Seeings as others have given a stiff right hand to the stigma (and thank you for doing so), I guess I should be open as well. Since last year I've been on medication for anxiety and depression. There were physical symptoms as it were such as self-harm and a suicide attempt. It began with trouble with the student loans company in the UK who are incredibly difficult to work with ("you need this document"; andmark gives them that document; "oh no, we mean in this way") and escalated when needing to do the likes of 12,000 words of essays in a month. I've pretty much dropped out of the MA I was studying and feel generally better for it. Still though, I can understand how stories of students committing suicide can happen

    Sorry, I don't mean to be dreary or dramatic but I guess I'm trying to stay within the open spirit of this thread; and thank you to everyone who has posted or liked posts in the thread. These types of discussions are a sign things are heading in the right way I'd like to think.
    You're a brave soul for hanging in. And thanks for sharing your story here.
    vcs, andmark, vogue and 1 others like this.

  8. #68
    International Captain andmark's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by anil1405 View Post
    You're a brave soul for hanging in. And thanks for sharing your story here.
    Thanks Anil, and thanks for making this thread.
    And come what may we're unstoppable
    'cause we know just what we are
    Yeah we know just what we are
    - Oasis, "Stay Young"

  9. #69
    Request Your Custom Title Now! OverratedSanity's Avatar
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    Just wanted to say this is a superb thread with lots of great posts.
    _Ed_ and Arachnodouche like this.
    Quote Originally Posted by TNT View Post
    You need to clap a cows c**t over your head and get a woolly bull to f**k some sense into you.

  10. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by OverratedSanity View Post
    Just wanted to say this is a superb thread with lots of great posts.
    Second this.

    Y'all are awesome people and doing awesome work by giving strength to others.
    And smalishah's avatar is the most classy one by far Jan certainly echoes the sentiments of CW

    Yeah we don't crap in the first world; most of us would actually have no idea what that was emanating from Ajmal's backside. Why isn't it roses and rainbows like what happens here? PEWS's retort to Ganeshran on Daemon's picture depicting Ajmal's excreta

  11. #71
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    What is the point of me being alive?

    I have destroyed my health because I wanted to die, well I didn't, but I did in part. Eating healthy, why? I wanted to be dead. Getting fat and having a heart attack seemed like such a good idea. I now don't want to die, I want to live, I want to be healthy but that is not going to happen,
    I am a obese 41 year old man who is single and lonely. I have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and depression. The last being a cause of most of the rest.
    Then I come on here and try to talk cricket but right from the start I have had posters like sledger harassing me. Why shouldn't I be here?
    IS THERE ANYWHERE I BELONG?
    I am in tears as I write this post which might be the last one on this forum
    Last edited by Test_Fan_Only; 12-06-2019 at 03:26 AM.

  12. #72
    International Regular anil1405's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Test_Fan_Only View Post
    What is the point of me being alive?

    I have destroyed my health because I wanted to die, well I didn't, but I did in part. Eating healthy, why? I wanted to be dead. Getting fat and having a heart attack seemed like such a good idea. I now don't want to die, I want to live, I want to be healthy but that is not going to happen,
    I am a obese 41 year old man who is single and lonely. I have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and depression. The last being a cause of most of the rest.
    Then I come on here and try to talk cricket but right from the start I have had posters like sledger harassing me. Why shouldn't I be here?
    IS THERE ANYWHERE I BELONG?
    I am in tears as I write this post which might be the last one on this forum
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sF5r...vGz9ayxPGkPdCo

    Please do not lose hope. Its not worth giving up.
    andmark and vogue like this.

  13. #73
    International Captain andmark's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Test_Fan_Only View Post
    What is the point of me being alive?

    I have destroyed my health because I wanted to die, well I didn't, but I did in part. Eating healthy, why? I wanted to be dead. Getting fat and having a heart attack seemed like such a good idea. I now don't want to die, I want to live, I want to be healthy but that is not going to happen,
    I am a obese 41 year old man who is single and lonely. I have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and depression. The last being a cause of most of the rest.
    Then I come on here and try to talk cricket but right from the start I have had posters like sledger harassing me. Why shouldn't I be here?
    IS THERE ANYWHERE I BELONG?
    I am in tears as I write this post which might be the last one on this forum
    Come on mate, you do belong here. Anyone who can talk about cricket belongs here. And your posts in this thread about your mental health have helped me and no doubt other members on the forum. You are genuinely valued and appreciated here. And as Anil says, please don't lose hope. I realise that's easier said than done, but the world has too many beautiful and interesting things to miss out on. For what it's worth, I'm doing voluntary work at a charity shop and it's allowed me to feel valued because it's part of a community and the work ultimately helps someone. Could that be an option for you?
    vcs, zorax, Bijed and 3 others like this.

  14. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by sledger View Post
    The problem with the term mental toughness is that it implies that anyone who isn't "mentally tough" is "mentally weak", which itself implies that anyone who struggles with mental health issues is weak or is suffering because there is something wrong with them etc.
    This is a bit pc-gone-mad for me. Some people are extremely resilient and that is what the term is describing.

    I also don't like this idea of artificially separating mental health from personality. I'm not saying that in order to shame people, I just think it's totally unhelpful to pretend that there is this great clinical divide between someone's actions and "them when they're themself". You are yourself - there is no separation between your body and your mind. You are you when you're well, you're also you when you're sick. Again, that's not an attempt to shame people, it's so that people can come to grips with reality: humans are not perfect nor rational, least of all our brains and behaviours.
    Last edited by hendrix; 13-06-2019 at 12:11 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jono View Post
    "You don't look like me in this world without being firm on what you want to do."

    - Hashim Amla.
    Quote Originally Posted by DriveClub View Post
    He bowls with a lot of heart, his heart makes the ball bounce more

  15. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by hendrix View Post
    I also don't like this idea of artificially separating mental health from personality. I'm not saying that in order to shame people, I just think it's totally unhelpful to pretend that there is this great clinical divide between someone's actions and "them when they're themself". You are yourself - there is no separation between your body and your mind. You are you when you're well, you're also you when you're sick. Again, that's not an attempt to shame people, it's so that people can come to grips with reality: humans are not perfect nor rational, least of all our brains and behaviours.
    Is that really true? Illness can make quite a difference in peoples behaviour and how they react to situations. You could argue that their reaction is part of them, but long term illness can change peoples behaviour significantly going into the future. And particularly when it comes to mental illness, long term depression is shown to change the chemical balances within the brain over time. There is clear physiological impacts to long term mental illnesses (and illness in general) that can change behaviour and the way you react to life.
    "The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think theyíve found it."

    "I have neither the time nor crayons to explain it to you...."

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