Greatest spam of all time (IMO)

[luckyeddie]

Subject: Nigerian Astronaut Wants To Come Home
Dr. Bakare Tunde
Astronautics Project Manager
National Space Research and Development Agency (NASRDA)
Plot 555
Misau Street
PMB 437
Garki, Abuja, FCT NIGERIA


Dear Mr. Sir,

REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL

I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde. He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 1979. He was on a later Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989. He was stranded there in 1990 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. There have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time. He is in good humor, but wants to come home.

In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth. I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 American Dollars. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance.

Consequently, my colleagues and I are willing to transfer the total amount to your account or subsequent disbursement, since we as civil servants are prohibited by the Code of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Laws) from opening and/ or operating foreign accounts in our names.

Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous. In return, we have agreed to offer you 20 percent of the transferred sum, while 10 percent shall be set aside for incidental expenses (internal and external) between the parties in the course of the transaction. You will be mandated to remit the balance 70 percent to other accounts in due course.

Kindly expedite action as we are behind schedule to enable us include downpayment in this financial quarter.

Please acknowledge the receipt of this message via my direct number 234 (0) 9-234-2220 only.

Yours Sincerely, Dr. Bakare Tunde
Astronautics Project Manager
tip@nasrda.gov.ng

http://www.nasrda.gov.ng/

[nibbs]

haha word. dam nigerians and their scams.

speaking of scams, the person used to live in my house was this week found guilty of some fruad.

[marc71178]

That is quality!

[luckyeddie]

It's certainly the funniest I've read.

Of course, the first I heard about this one was round about the 3rd of April - I suspect that it may have started life as an April Fool, but if it is a 'true' spam, then kudos to the writer. If he sends me HIS bank account details, I promise that I will set up a mandate to transfer funds into his account.

[Langeveldt]

Hahah brilliant stuff...

Theres a nigerian guy in my physics class whos dad is a major general or something.. pure sleaze, its hilarious sometimes...

[luckyeddie]

This one arrived today. They must think people are idiots...

From
Dr. Mrs Luisa Ejercito Estrada
Metro-manila
philippines
email:estrada_l2003@sify.com(respond here)

Dear Friend,

This letter may come to you as a surprise due to the
fact that we have not met. The message could be
strange but real, if you pay some attention to it. I
could have notified you about it at least for the
sake of
your integrity.Please accept my apologies in
bringing this
message of goodwill to you, I have to say that I have

no intention of causing you any pain or harm.

I am LUISA E.ESTRADA,The wife of Mr. JOSEPH
ESTRADA the former President of Philippines presently

in jail and facing trial on charges of corruption and
embezzlemen of public funds while in government.
My husband was recently impeached from office by a
backed uprising of mass demonstrators and the Senate.

My husband is presently in jail and facing trial on
charges of corruption, embezzlement, and the
mysterious charge of plunder which might lead to
death
sentence.
The present government is forcing my husband out of
Manila to avoid demonstration by his supporters.
During my husband's regime as president of
Philippine,
I realized some reasonable amount of money from
various deals that I successfully executed. I have
plans to invest this money for my children's future
on real estate and industrial production. My husband
is not aware of this because I wish to do it secretly
for now.
Before my husband was impeached, I secretly
transfered
the sum of $30,000,000 million USD (Thirty million
United states dollars) out of Philippines and
deposited the money with a security firm that
transports valuable goods and consignments
through diplomatic means. I also declared that the
consignment was solid gold and my foreign business
partner owned it.
I am contacting you because I want you to go to the
security company and claim the money on my behalf
since I have declared that the consignment belong to
my foreign business partner. You shall also be
required to assist me in investment in your country.
I hope to trust you as a God fearing person who will
not sit on this money when you claim it, rather
assist
me properly, I am willing to offer you 25% of the
funds for your sincere assistance. When I receive
your
positive response I will let you know where the
security company is and also my son Carlito (Daniel)
will contact you with the details of this project.
For now, let all our communication be by e-mail
because my lines are right now connected to the
Philippines Telecommunication Network services.

Please do send me your private telephone/ fax number
so that we can have a smooth communication.
Thank you and God bless you and your family
Please respnd here Email:estrada_l2003@sify.com

Warmest Regards

DR. MRS LUISA EJERCITO ESTRADA

They'd be right, of course.
Note the email address - sify.com.
The Nigerians have outsourced spamming to India.

[James]

LOL Eddie . I'll have to copy some of the classics I receive via email into this thread!

[iamdavid]

I got that second one a while back.

Here's another one -
From : <hmedlla@netscape.net>
Sent : Monday, 8 March 2004 6:28:46 PM
To : iamdavidvvs@hotmail.com
Subject : iamdavidvvsGOODDAY FROM DR. ABDALLAH

| | | Inbox


Dear Sir/Madam,



My name is Dr Abdalla Ahmed director,Transparency international ,Kenya. I got
your email address from the web directory so I decided to contact you.



We are interested in diverting some funds currently floating in the suspense
account of the federal pay office to your account as soon as possible.



Source of the funds are:

During the Arap Moi's government, government’s officials awarded contracts to
their own companies, these contracts were grossly overinvoiced. Now the present
government set up contract review panel to settle those owed outstanding amount.
My colleagues and I have identified a huge amount totaling US$ 370m (Three
hundred and seventy million us dollars) oversea .



We would wantUS$43.8m (Forty three million Eight Hundred Thousand) dollars out
this money oversea transferred to your account because we are not eligible to
operate foreign account, and I have been mandated to search for a partner
abroad. We really want this transfer made as soon as possible before the
government, who have started refunding money from Moi's foreign accounts track
this money.We will be offering 20% for your assistance.



If you would want to proceed with this transaction please reply with your name
and phone number and if you do not accept my offer please treat with utmost
confidentiality.



For more information check and browse carefully all the links in the website
below.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/3338023.stm

Best Regards,

Dr Abdalla Ahmed,

Director Transparency International,

Kenya

[marc71178]

I got one now, although I think the bloke who calls the title of his email "[SPAM] read" is a tad silly!

ASSISTANCE IN INVESTMENT.


Dear Partner,

You may be surprised to receive this letter from me since you do not
know me personally. I am Zosimo Zaccheo,the first son of Wanda
Zaccheo,the most popular black farmer in Zimbabwe who was murdered in
the land dispute in my country.

I got your contact through network online hence decided to write
you.Before the death of my father, he had taken me to Johannesburg to
deposit the sum of US12M (Twelve million, United States dollars), in one
of the private security company, as he foresaw the looming danger in
Zimbabwe this money was deposited in a box as gem stones to avoid much
demurrage from security company.

This amount was meant for the purchase of new machines and chemicals for
the Farms and establishment of new farms in Swaziland. This land problem
came when Zimbabwean President Mr.Robert Mugabe introduced a new Land Act
Reform wholly affecting the rich white farmers and some few black farmers,
and this resulted to the killing and mob action by Zimbabwean war veterans
and some lunatics in the society.

In fact a lot of people were killed because of this Land reform Act for
which my father was one of the victims.

It is against this background that, I and my family fled Zimbabwe for fear
of our lives and are currently staying in the Netherlands where we are
seeking political asylum and moreso have decided to transfer my fathers
money to a more reliable foreign account, since the law of Netherlands
prohibits a refugee (asylumseeker) to open any bank account or to be
involved in any financial transaction throughout the territorial zone of
Netherlands.

As the eldest son of my father, I am saddled with the responsibility of
seeking a genuine foreign account where this money could be transferred
without the knowledge of my government who are bent on taking everything
we have got. The South African government seems to be playing along with
them.

I am faced with the dilemma of moving this amount of money out of South
Africa for fear of going through the same experience in future, both
countries have similar political history. As a businessman,I am seeking
for a partner who i have to entrust my future and that of my family in his
hands, I must let you know that this transaction is risk free. If you
accept to assist me and my family, all I want you to do for me, is to make
an arrangements with the security company to clear the consignment(funds)
from their afiliate office here in the Netherlands as i have already given
directives for the consignment to be brought to the Netherlands from South
Africa.

But before then all modalities will have to be put in place like change of
ownership to the consignment and more importantly this money I intend to
use for investmentment.

I have two options for you. Firstly you can choose to have certain
percentage of the money for nominating your account for this transaction,
Or you can go into partnership with me for the proper profitable
investment of the money in your country. Which ever the option you want,
feel free to notify me.

I have also mapped out 5% of this money for all kinds of expenses incurred
in the process of this transaction. If you do not prefer a
partnership I am willing to give you 15% of the money while the remaining
80% will be for my investment in your country. Contact me with the above
email address I implore you to maintain the absolute secrecy required in
this transaction till we successfully put claims to the funds.

Thanking you, and may GOD BLESS YOU,

Yours Faithfully,

Zosimo Zaccheo.

[PY]

This is what I got from someone as a joke SPAM.

Hello, my name is none of your business.

I am suffering from seven rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being mauled by squirrels, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a potato growing out of her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll meet the girl (or guy) of my dreams tomorrow! What a bunch of junk. So basically, this message is directed to all the people
out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil letter leprechauns will come into my house and write "I'm a moron" on my forehead in permanent marker in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by a knight of the round table and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. It's getting old. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
>
> Chain Letter Type 1:
>
(scroll down)

Make a wish!!!

No, really, go on and make one!!!

Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!

Wish something else!!!

No, I'm sorry, we're out of ponies at the time being!!

Have you forgotten why you're scrolling yet?

STOP!!!!

Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish Now, to make you feel
guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096
people in the next 5 seconds, you will be kidnapped by ninja elves and
thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true!
Because,THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!
Really!!! Here's how it goes:

*Send this to 1 person: One person will be annoyed with you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be annoyed with you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be annoyed with you for
sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be annoyed with you for
sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

Chain Letter Type 2:
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving
little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember,we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of junk. So go on reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly!!! Thanks again!!
>
> Chain Letter Type 3:

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad email addicts with nothing better to do. So this is how it works:
1. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story* #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the
sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
poop, and went
flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died too.
This Could Happen To You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story* 2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored
it. Later that day, he was crushed by an anvil that was dropped by a plane
that just happened to be flying directly above him.
This Could Happen To You Too!!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this
letter
to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.

Chain Letter Type 4:

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your
friends.
Friends
Blah, Blah, Blah,
Friends,
Blah, Blah, Blah.
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his
wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, no one
will like you for as long as you live. I mean it, as long as you live.
The point being?
*If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you friendless
or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
*If it's funny, send it on. Don't annoy people by making them feel guilty
about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead
elephant for 27 years, whose only hance of living is the 5 cents per letter he'll
receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda.
Right?
****Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all your
socks missing tomorrow morning!!

[marc71178]

You're quite a cynic Pete...

[Deja moo]

PY..___This is what I got from someone as a joke SPAM.........rest clipped

That was the most boring stretch of time I ever spent at cricketweb.

[PY]

Originally Posted by orangepitch

That was the most boring stretch of time I ever spent at cricketweb.

I aim to please

[Rich2001]

Originally Posted by marc71178

I got one now, although I think the bloke who calls the title of his email "[SPAM] read" is a tad silly!

Hehe Marc the [SPAM] part comes from the Cricket Web filters set up on the Cricket Web servers for the Cricket Web E-mails (James is paying me for the amount of times I can say Cricket Web )

Basically the servers check the subjects and either allows it through or adds tags as warning to the subject heading ( [SPAM] and [Virus] ) so you can just delete if you don't wish to check it.

[marc71178]

Hmm, I thought I'd set up Outlook to automatically delete such messages (although it then labelled one of Liam's draft picks as Spam)