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Thread: Greatest spam of all time (IMO)

  1. #1
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Greatest spam of all time (IMO)

    Subject: Nigerian Astronaut Wants To Come Home
    Dr. Bakare Tunde
    Astronautics Project Manager
    National Space Research and Development Agency (NASRDA)
    Plot 555
    Misau Street
    PMB 437
    Garki, Abuja, FCT NIGERIA


    Dear Mr. Sir,

    REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL

    I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde. He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 1979. He was on a later Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989. He was stranded there in 1990 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. There have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time. He is in good humor, but wants to come home.

    In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth. I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 American Dollars. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance.

    Consequently, my colleagues and I are willing to transfer the total amount to your account or subsequent disbursement, since we as civil servants are prohibited by the Code of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Laws) from opening and/ or operating foreign accounts in our names.

    Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous. In return, we have agreed to offer you 20 percent of the transferred sum, while 10 percent shall be set aside for incidental expenses (internal and external) between the parties in the course of the transaction. You will be mandated to remit the balance 70 percent to other accounts in due course.

    Kindly expedite action as we are behind schedule to enable us include downpayment in this financial quarter.

    Please acknowledge the receipt of this message via my direct number 234 (0) 9-234-2220 only.

    Yours Sincerely, Dr. Bakare Tunde
    Astronautics Project Manager
    tip@nasrda.gov.ng

    http://www.nasrda.gov.ng/

    Nigel Clough's Black and White Army, beating Forest away with 10 men

  2. #2
    International Captain nibbs's Avatar
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    haha word. dam nigerians and their scams.

    speaking of scams, the person used to live in my house was this week found guilty of some fruad.
    "Matt Damon"

  3. #3
    Eyes not spreadsheets marc71178's Avatar
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    That is quality!
    marc71178 - President and founding member of AAAS - we don't only appreciate when he does well, but also when he's not quite so good!

    Anyone want to join the Society?

    Beware the evils of Kit-Kats - they're immoral apparently.

  4. #4
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    It's certainly the funniest I've read.

    Of course, the first I heard about this one was round about the 3rd of April - I suspect that it may have started life as an April Fool, but if it is a 'true' spam, then kudos to the writer. If he sends me HIS bank account details, I promise that I will set up a mandate to transfer funds into his account.


  5. #5
    Soutie Langeveldt's Avatar
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    Hahah brilliant stuff...

    Theres a nigerian guy in my physics class whos dad is a major general or something.. pure sleaze, its hilarious sometimes...
    Quote Originally Posted by vic_orthdox View Post
    Don't like using my iPod dock. Ruins battery life too much.
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    Thanks Dick Smith. Will remember to subscribe to your newsletter for more electronic fun facts.

    ****.

  6. #6
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    This one arrived today. They must think people are idiots...

    From
    Dr. Mrs Luisa Ejercito Estrada
    Metro-manila
    philippines
    email:estrada_l2003@sify.com(respond here)

    Dear Friend,

    This letter may come to you as a surprise due to the
    fact that we have not met. The message could be
    strange but real, if you pay some attention to it. I
    could have notified you about it at least for the
    sake of
    your integrity.Please accept my apologies in
    bringing this
    message of goodwill to you, I have to say that I have

    no intention of causing you any pain or harm.

    I am LUISA E.ESTRADA,The wife of Mr. JOSEPH
    ESTRADA the former President of Philippines presently

    in jail and facing trial on charges of corruption and
    embezzlemen of public funds while in government.
    My husband was recently impeached from office by a
    backed uprising of mass demonstrators and the Senate.

    My husband is presently in jail and facing trial on
    charges of corruption, embezzlement, and the
    mysterious charge of plunder which might lead to
    death
    sentence.
    The present government is forcing my husband out of
    Manila to avoid demonstration by his supporters.
    During my husband's regime as president of
    Philippine,
    I realized some reasonable amount of money from
    various deals that I successfully executed. I have
    plans to invest this money for my children's future
    on real estate and industrial production. My husband
    is not aware of this because I wish to do it secretly
    for now.
    Before my husband was impeached, I secretly
    transfered
    the sum of $30,000,000 million USD (Thirty million
    United states dollars) out of Philippines and
    deposited the money with a security firm that
    transports valuable goods and consignments
    through diplomatic means. I also declared that the
    consignment was solid gold and my foreign business
    partner owned it.
    I am contacting you because I want you to go to the
    security company and claim the money on my behalf
    since I have declared that the consignment belong to
    my foreign business partner. You shall also be
    required to assist me in investment in your country.
    I hope to trust you as a God fearing person who will
    not sit on this money when you claim it, rather
    assist
    me properly, I am willing to offer you 25% of the
    funds for your sincere assistance. When I receive
    your
    positive response I will let you know where the
    security company is and also my son Carlito (Daniel)
    will contact you with the details of this project.
    For now, let all our communication be by e-mail
    because my lines are right now connected to the
    Philippines Telecommunication Network services.

    Please do send me your private telephone/ fax number
    so that we can have a smooth communication.
    Thank you and God bless you and your family
    Please respnd here Email:estrada_l2003@sify.com

    Warmest Regards

    DR. MRS LUISA EJERCITO ESTRADA


    They'd be right, of course.
    Note the email address - sify.com.
    The Nigerians have outsourced spamming to India.

  7. #7
    Cricket Web Owner James's Avatar
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    LOL Eddie . I'll have to copy some of the classics I receive via email into this thread!

  8. #8
    International Debutant iamdavid's Avatar
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    I got that second one a while back.

    Here's another one -
    From : <hmedlla@netscape.net>
    Sent : Monday, 8 March 2004 6:28:46 PM
    To : iamdavidvvs@hotmail.com
    Subject : iamdavidvvsGOODDAY FROM DR. ABDALLAH

    | | | Inbox


    Dear Sir/Madam,



    My name is Dr Abdalla Ahmed director,Transparency international ,Kenya. I got
    your email address from the web directory so I decided to contact you.



    We are interested in diverting some funds currently floating in the suspense
    account of the federal pay office to your account as soon as possible.



    Source of the funds are:

    During the Arap Moi's government, government’s officials awarded contracts to
    their own companies, these contracts were grossly overinvoiced. Now the present
    government set up contract review panel to settle those owed outstanding amount.
    My colleagues and I have identified a huge amount totaling US$ 370m (Three
    hundred and seventy million us dollars) oversea .



    We would wantUS$43.8m (Forty three million Eight Hundred Thousand) dollars out
    this money oversea transferred to your account because we are not eligible to
    operate foreign account, and I have been mandated to search for a partner
    abroad. We really want this transfer made as soon as possible before the
    government, who have started refunding money from Moi's foreign accounts track
    this money.We will be offering 20% for your assistance.



    If you would want to proceed with this transaction please reply with your name
    and phone number and if you do not accept my offer please treat with utmost
    confidentiality.



    For more information check and browse carefully all the links in the website
    below.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/3338023.stm

    Best Regards,

    Dr Abdalla Ahmed,

    Director Transparency International,

    Kenya




  9. #9
    Eyes not spreadsheets marc71178's Avatar
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    I got one now, although I think the bloke who calls the title of his email "[SPAM] read" is a tad silly!

    ASSISTANCE IN INVESTMENT.


    Dear Partner,

    You may be surprised to receive this letter from me since you do not
    know me personally. I am Zosimo Zaccheo,the first son of Wanda
    Zaccheo,the most popular black farmer in Zimbabwe who was murdered in
    the land dispute in my country.

    I got your contact through network online hence decided to write
    you.Before the death of my father, he had taken me to Johannesburg to
    deposit the sum of US12M (Twelve million, United States dollars), in one
    of the private security company, as he foresaw the looming danger in
    Zimbabwe this money was deposited in a box as gem stones to avoid much
    demurrage from security company.

    This amount was meant for the purchase of new machines and chemicals for
    the Farms and establishment of new farms in Swaziland. This land problem
    came when Zimbabwean President Mr.Robert Mugabe introduced a new Land Act
    Reform wholly affecting the rich white farmers and some few black farmers,
    and this resulted to the killing and mob action by Zimbabwean war veterans
    and some lunatics in the society.

    In fact a lot of people were killed because of this Land reform Act for
    which my father was one of the victims.

    It is against this background that, I and my family fled Zimbabwe for fear
    of our lives and are currently staying in the Netherlands where we are
    seeking political asylum and moreso have decided to transfer my fathers
    money to a more reliable foreign account, since the law of Netherlands
    prohibits a refugee (asylumseeker) to open any bank account or to be
    involved in any financial transaction throughout the territorial zone of
    Netherlands.

    As the eldest son of my father, I am saddled with the responsibility of
    seeking a genuine foreign account where this money could be transferred
    without the knowledge of my government who are bent on taking everything
    we have got. The South African government seems to be playing along with
    them.

    I am faced with the dilemma of moving this amount of money out of South
    Africa for fear of going through the same experience in future, both
    countries have similar political history. As a businessman,I am seeking
    for a partner who i have to entrust my future and that of my family in his
    hands, I must let you know that this transaction is risk free. If you
    accept to assist me and my family, all I want you to do for me, is to make
    an arrangements with the security company to clear the consignment(funds)
    from their afiliate office here in the Netherlands as i have already given
    directives for the consignment to be brought to the Netherlands from South
    Africa.

    But before then all modalities will have to be put in place like change of
    ownership to the consignment and more importantly this money I intend to
    use for investmentment.

    I have two options for you. Firstly you can choose to have certain
    percentage of the money for nominating your account for this transaction,
    Or you can go into partnership with me for the proper profitable
    investment of the money in your country. Which ever the option you want,
    feel free to notify me.

    I have also mapped out 5% of this money for all kinds of expenses incurred
    in the process of this transaction. If you do not prefer a
    partnership I am willing to give you 15% of the money while the remaining
    80% will be for my investment in your country. Contact me with the above
    email address I implore you to maintain the absolute secrecy required in
    this transaction till we successfully put claims to the funds.

    Thanking you, and may GOD BLESS YOU,

    Yours Faithfully,

    Zosimo Zaccheo.

  10. #10
    PY
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    This is what I got from someone as a joke SPAM.

    Hello, my name is none of your business.

    I am suffering from seven rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being mauled by squirrels, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a potato growing out of her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll meet the girl (or guy) of my dreams tomorrow! What a bunch of junk. So basically, this message is directed to all the people
    out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil letter leprechauns will come into my house and write "I'm a moron" on my forehead in permanent marker in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by a knight of the round table and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. It's getting old. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
    THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
    >
    > Chain Letter Type 1:
    >
    (scroll down)

    Make a wish!!!

    No, really, go on and make one!!!

    Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!

    Wish something else!!!

    No, I'm sorry, we're out of ponies at the time being!!

    Have you forgotten why you're scrolling yet?

    STOP!!!!

    Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish Now, to make you feel
    guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096
    people in the next 5 seconds, you will be kidnapped by ninja elves and
    thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true!
    Because,THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!
    Really!!! Here's how it goes:

    *Send this to 1 person: One person will be annoyed with you for sending
    them a stupid chain letter.
    *Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be annoyed with you for sending
    them a stupid chain letter.
    *Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be annoyed with you for
    sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
    *Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be annoyed with you for
    sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
    Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

    Chain Letter Type 2:
    Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving
    little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember,we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of junk. So go on reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly!!! Thanks again!!
    >
    > Chain Letter Type 3:

    Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad email addicts with nothing better to do. So this is how it works:
    1. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
    horrible will happen to you like:
    *Bizarre Horror Story* #1
    Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
    recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the
    sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
    poop, and went
    flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died too.
    This Could Happen To You!!!
    *Bizarre Horror Story* 2
    Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored
    it. Later that day, he was crushed by an anvil that was dropped by a plane
    that just happened to be flying directly above him.
    This Could Happen To You Too!!!
    Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this
    letter
    to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.

    Chain Letter Type 4:

    As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your
    friends.
    Friends
    Blah, Blah, Blah,
    Friends,
    Blah, Blah, Blah.
    A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his
    wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, no one
    will like you for as long as you live. I mean it, as long as you live.
    The point being?
    *If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you friendless
    or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
    *If it's funny, send it on. Don't annoy people by making them feel guilty
    about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead
    elephant for 27 years, whose only hance of living is the 5 cents per letter he'll
    receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda.
    Right?
    ****Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all your
    socks missing tomorrow morning!!
    A True Champion - Bob. Rest in peace. 15/04/06
    "People today have too big a devil and too small a God"

    - Stephen Currie

    "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

  11. #11
    Eyes not spreadsheets marc71178's Avatar
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    You're quite a cynic Pete...

  12. #12
    International Captain Deja moo's Avatar
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    PY..___This is what I got from someone as a joke SPAM.........rest clipped
    That was the most boring stretch of time I ever spent at cricketweb.
    Millhouse: you know when your dog ate my goldfish bart and you told me i never had a goldfish, then why did i have the bowl bart! why did i have the bowl!!!!
    Karthik_moo@hotmail.com
    Member of the MSC and the AAAS
    Wanna Search ?
    Waughney : We are well taken care of here at the Rehab centre.

  13. #13
    PY
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    Quote Originally Posted by orangepitch
    That was the most boring stretch of time I ever spent at cricketweb.
    I aim to please

  14. #14
    Cricket Web Vice Administrator
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    Quote Originally Posted by marc71178
    I got one now, although I think the bloke who calls the title of his email "[SPAM] read" is a tad silly!
    Hehe Marc the [SPAM] part comes from the Cricket Web filters set up on the Cricket Web servers for the Cricket Web E-mails (James is paying me for the amount of times I can say Cricket Web )

    Basically the servers check the subjects and either allows it through or adds tags as warning to the subject heading ( [SPAM] and [Virus] ) so you can just delete if you don't wish to check it.

  15. #15
    Eyes not spreadsheets marc71178's Avatar
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    Hmm, I thought I'd set up Outlook to automatically delete such messages (although it then labelled one of Liam's draft picks as Spam)

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