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Thread: Boredom

  1. #1
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend Top_Cat's Avatar
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    Boredom

    Joking around with Kirki, somehow ended up in a place where we wondered whether adding the word 'bitch' to any given piece of writing would create a credible rap. I wrote a quick awk script and added it efter every third word in Dulce Et Decorum Est. The results are surprisingly hilarious.

    Before

    Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
    Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
    Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
    And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
    Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
    But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
    Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
    Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.
    Gas! Gas! Quick, boys! An ecstasy of fumbling,
    Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
    But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
    And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime . . .
    Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
    As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
    In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
    He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.
    If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
    Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
    And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
    His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
    If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
    Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
    Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
    Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,
    My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
    To children ardent for some desperate glory,
    The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est
    Pro patria mori.


    After

    Bent double, like bitch old beggars under sacks,
    Knock-kneed, coughing like bitch hags, we cursed through sludge,
    Till on the bitch haunting flares we turned our backs
    And towards our bitch distant rest began to trudge.
    Men marched asleep. bitch Many had lost their boots
    But limped on, bitch blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
    Drunk with fatigue; bitch deaf even to the hoots
    Of tired, outstripped bitch Five-Nines that dropped behind.
    Gas! Gas! Quick, bitch boys! An ecstasy of fumbling,
    Fitting the clumsy bitch helmets just in time;
    But someone still bitch was yelling out and stumbling,
    And flound'ring like bitch a man in fire or lime . . .
    Dim, through the bitch misty panes and thick green light,
    As under a bitch green sea bitch, I sa bitchw him drowning.
    In all my bitch dreams, before my bitch helpless sight,
    He plunges at bitch me, guttering, choking, drowning.
    If in some bitch smothering dreams you too could pace
    Behind the wagon bitch that we flung him in,
    And watch the bitch white eyes writhing in his face,
    His hanging face, bitch like a devil's sick of sin;
    If you could bitch hear, at every jolt, the blood
    Come gargling from bitch the froth-corrupted lungs,
    Obscene as cancer, bitch bitter as the cud
    Of vile, incurable bitch sores on innocent tongues,
    My friend, you bitch would not tell with such high zest
    To children ardent bitch for some desperate glory,
    The old Lie; bitch Dulce et Decorum est
    Pro patria mori. bitch


    So, share some stupid **** you've done whilst bored.
    _Ed_ likes this.
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  2. #2
    International Regular zorax's Avatar
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    Want to see stupid **** I've done while bored? Check my post history.

  3. #3
    International Debutant Swingpanzee's Avatar
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    Joining cricketweb was a pretty stupid thing in hindsight

  4. #4
    International Captain Maximas's Avatar
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    Oh man, I remember analysing this poem to the point of ad nauseum in English
    Quote Originally Posted by Dawood Ahmad View Post

    Hamish, no body knows even name of him
    But Ponting, there's great fame of him


  5. #5
    Request Your Custom Title Now! Flem274*'s Avatar
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    Yup, was about as pleasant as inhaling mustard gas.
    Quote Originally Posted by Athlai View Post
    Jeets doesn't really deserve to be bowling.
    Quote Originally Posted by Athlai View Post
    Well yeah Tendy is probably better than Bradman, but Bradman was 70 years ago, if he grew up in the modern era he'd still easily be the best. Though he wasn't, can understand the argument for Tendy even though I don't agree.
    Proudly supporting Central Districts
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