I had a revelation.
I'm a mediocre poster.
This may come as a shock to many of you. I know the name "Flem274*" and it's many variations are revered across the forum world. Never before has a poster been so parochial, so knee jerk, so attention seeking, and never has a poster incensed a current first class cricketer so much they signed up just to tell me what a **** I am. Twice.
But I must tell the truth. Much like Daniel Flynn, I look the part and I try hard but I'm not actually very good. Unlike Daniel Flynn, I still have all of my teeth, which is more than our English population can boast.
I'm not as knowledgable as vic_orthdox or Top Cat. My one liners have nothing on Spikey, Heath or Sledger. I'm not as modly as Pickup or Spark, nor as insane and wacko as Richard, or as nerdy as Silentstriker, and I don't have a "gay little clique" (Prince CHEWS, 2012) to have really good *** with like our er, gay little clique. ****, half the time everyone thinks I'm this ****.
CricketWeb, I need your help. Despite your pathetic success record for helping people succeed in life (seriously Girl Trouble crowd, put Ed out of his misery already), you are my only hope. The other forums I frequent have either too many bogan Australians or too many Americans. It's CW or a lifetime of forum mediocrity.
I've tried being knowledgeable, I've tried being funny, I even tried being Richard. Nothing works. Now I know what you're thinking; "You're a moderator (somehow), just ban James or get yourself fired and go down in a blaze of glory. Not even Ginger Furball managed to get fired and he was terrible, and Scottish."
Well, I tried banning James but apparently I'm not allowed to do that. Let me show you the message I get when I try to infract Prince EWS just now.
Flem274*, you are not allowed to give warnings or infractions to Moderators.
As for going down in a blaze of glory, well I don't have the bottle. Despite being told off for my lack of diplomacy weekly in the mod forum, I am unable to bring myself to get fired. I quite like knowing what happens on CW, because as it happens I am an insufferable know-it-all.
I am suffering from what a certain Mr Burge would diagnose as Indian Inferiority Complex. I am sure I am not alone in this. I started this thread to make a safe place, where the afflicted can openly discuss their sickness without fear of scorn from the big shots.
Cricketweb, help me overcome my mid life crisis.