I didn't make these up, just this post was on another forum I use, and thought I would post them here,
Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was English?
A. An all-rounder.
Q. What's the English version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.
Q. What advantage do Kevin Pietersen and Jonathan Trott have over the rest of their teammates?
A. At least they can say they're not really English.
Q. Why don't English fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything.
Q. What do you call a Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.
Q. What do Matt Prior and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason.
Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by English batsmen?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.
Q. What is the definition of optimism?
A. An England batsman putting on sunscreen before going out to bat.
Q. What is the difference between an England batsman and a Formula 1 car?
A. Nothing! If you blink you'll miss both.
Paul Collingwood's mobile rings in the dressing room and the team manager picks it up.
"Hi, I'd like to speak to Paul."
"Sorry he has just gone out to bat, but hold the line he wont be long."
England sent an emergency call to Prince Charles after the match asking him to come to India and save their World Cup campaign. Prince Charles replied: "I'd love to come and help, however I can't bat. But don't worry ... Camilla Parker Bowles."
Steven Beacon, the editor of The Belfast Telegraph, told Melbourne radio station SEN this morning "Guys, we've just won the Ashes back for ya." ...