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Thread: Pathetic Pro Wrestling!

  1. #1
    International Captain Agent TBY's Avatar
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    Pathetic Pro Wrestling!

    They'll put just about anything here on Cable Access channels nowadays. Junior Proms, town meetings, etc.. that's all that's ever on these types of channels, especially living in Mumbai.

    Why are me and my friends watching cable access while there's better stuff on? I don't know.. we've just been drinking and lusting after these teenage girls in their tight prom dresses, wondering where the heck they live.

    Finally, after two hours, someone decided to suggest actually changing the channel.

    *CLICK*

    And look.. it's Mae Young[80 yr old ex-female wrestler] prancing around half naked on TV!

    One of my friends, who must have been really wasted, started calling Mae Young a hot piece of ass and wondered how the hell can someone like him get someone like her.

    Uh... okay.

    Well, we told him that most women in the wrestling business tend to hang out with guys also in the business. Probably due to the loneliness or whatever.. that gave him an inspiration.

    "Dude, let's be pro wrestlers! Maybe someday the WWE will notice us and we can hang out with them hot chicks like Mae Young and the Fabulous Moolah!"

    Now, I was hoping that was the alcohol talking, but that wasn't a bad idea. However, obviously we'd wanna get involved with Stacy Keibler, Trish Stratus, etc.. and maybe, just maybe we'd get lucky enough to join the WWE and be 'company' for the divas on long plane/bus/train/etc rides across the country.

    So, the next day we got together and started wrestling. We had no training, so we were pretty much horrible. There was some potential, but for the most part we were brutally bad. How the heck is the WWE going to notice us?

    Simply put.. we were pathetic. However, that hasn't stopped anybody else before. We were going to follow our dreams and become true wrestling superstars. We were going to form our own promotion, but we were pathetic.. and that gave me
    an idea.. "Pathetic Pro Wrestling"! I knew someone down at the cable access station that can give us some time to show the local Mumbai crowd what we were capable of, and hopefully in our delusion there'd be some word of mouth... leading to bigger and better things!

    Yea, right.. but it couldn't hurt to give it a shot, eh?
    orz

  2. #2
    International Captain Agent TBY's Avatar
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    Okay, I sat down with the roster and figured that the best way to get any attention, and to get people watching was with some of the strangest gimmicks anybody can think of.

    After a few hours(or 15 minutes to be exact) of brainstorming, here are the 12 wrestlers that will make up PPW:

    Face [Good Guys]:

    A Cat - I had a convenient cat costume lying around, so I decided to give the costume to one of my guys and told him to come up with a name. He decided that he would be called 'A Cat'. Gee, that was original.

    Ash Ketchum - Hailing from Pallet Town, he wants to be the greatest Pokemon Master in the universe. In real life, this guy's a Pokemon freak, and he claims to sometimes see Pokemon when he's stoned off his ass.

    Unga Bunga - The stupidest and least talented guy on the roster. Always speaks in the first and second person, and threatens to smash his opponents. I don't have to worry about this guy getting stolen by competitors anytime soon.

    2 The Extreme - Now this is an ironic gimmick. He calls himself 2 The Extreme, but wrestles a very technical style. I guess he feels the name is too cool for some reason *shrug*. Don't expect any tables or fire or anything from this guy.

    Underwear Man - The biggest comic book freak we have. He decided to call himself Underwear Man for whatever reason, even though he loves comic books and could come up with something better. Wears a yellow outfit and white underwear outside of the outfit, and has a giant U on his chest.

    Snotrocket - He's a pretty decent prankster. It's usually some pretty harmless pranks, but sometimes if he's in the mood, he'll come up with something nasty. It's fairly rare, though.



    Heel [Bad Guys]:

    Tiger Woods - One of my friends was obsessed with this guy. I don't know why. He's a good golfer, but there's something about him that I don't like. He decided to name himself after him and named his finishers as golf related stuff. However.. for some reason he decided to put glitter all over him, cover his face in makeup, spray hairspray in his hair and other fun things... oookaay..

    The President of the United States - I could've never argued politics with this guy. He felt George W. Bush was the greatest thing since sliced bread and if you didn't agree with him you were either a Commie or a terrorist. He hates French people, German People, Arabs, anybody that's not a 'true' American.

    Alex Trebek - Named after the host of Jeopardy, he feels the need to punch random fans in the face for no reason. He thinks that's what makes a good heel, but I just hope his actions don't lead to a lawsuit someday.

    Smokey McSmokington - Wants to join the WWE someday, but for another reason altogether. He hates those damn truth.com commercials. They are so annoying according to him(hey, I agree!), and he hopes that his cigarette smoking gimmick will get truth.com to pull their commercials from WWE programming.

    Pervo the Magnificent - An aspiring young magician. The only trick he knows how to do is stealing women's underwear. I don't know how successful he's going to be right now, seeing that there are no women on our roster right now, and there are probably no pretty female fans that'll be showing up to shows anytime soon. Still, he persists.

    Telemarketing Timmy - Comes to the ring with a telephone, and tries to sell his opponent valuable opportunities. Is hated by many, mainly because that's his real life job. Surpsingly charismatic, as he's suckered many old people into buying the crap he's selling. Also talented in the ring, might be the first of us to make the bigtime.



    Once the roster was finally decided, we decided to bring in a few guys as referees, writers, announcers, etc.. it looks like we have some time on the local Cable Access station to do our thing. Problem is, will anybody bother to watch this?

  3. #3
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    needs more duck, if you ask me
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  4. #4
    International Captain Agent TBY's Avatar
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    PATHETIC TV

    We fade into Mick Karch holding up a cardboard sign saying "Pathetic TV", and he's humming the Pathetic TV theme. What's the theme, you ask? Whatever Karch decides to hum. Anyway, Mick Karch and his broadcast partner Laughing Larry decide to discuss the title tournaments coming up. They mention the finals are coming up at the end of the month card called "Bad". Yea, the name sucks, I know, but so does PPW

    Smokey and Underwear Man confront!

    We pan the camera around and Smokey McSmokington is standing in front of a bunch of 6 year olds sitting on the swingset.

    Smokey: "Smokes?"

    Smokey pulls out a pack of smokes and opens it up, waving the cigarettes in front of the faces of the children.

    Smokey: "C'mon! Smoking is COOL! Everybody does it!"

    Smokey is suddenly interrupted..

    Voice off camera: "STOP, EVIL DOER!"

    It's UNDERWEAR MAN! YAY!

    Underwear Man: "Put down the cigarettes, evil doer! Smokers are JJJJOOOOOKKKEEERRRSSS!"

    Underwear Man lunges for the cigarettes, and they start fighting! The kids are safe from the corruption of big tobacco.. for now!

    Rating: 34%


    This of course.. leads into the match!

    The commentators announce that this is the first match in the tournament to crown a PPW Champion! Underwear Man gets the advantage by heroically whipping Smokey into a shopping cart, but Smokey reverses it. Smokey is beating up Underwear Man while the youngsters in the previous segment are crying. Well, that's because Alex Trebek was wandering around kicking them. Underwear Man, seeing the plight of the young children, started to mount a furious comeback, even hitting a flying elbow off of the swing set! The cries from the children as Trebek is pounding 'em are starting to be too much, as it's distracting Underwear Man! While he's distracted, Smokey pulls out a cigarette and starts lighting it.. and puffing away! Underwear Man, smelling the smoke, turns around and gets a cigarette buried right in his eye! Ouch! Smokey rolls him up and gets the three! Smokey wins and advances in the tournament! Meanwhile, Trebek starts kicking Underwear Man. Looks like this is a situation that just got started!

    Crowd reaction: 16%
    Match quality: 64%
    Overall: 40%


    Ash Ketchum.. Pokemon Master!

    Ash: "Okay, Pikachu! Thundershock!"

    We see young Ash standing around barking out orders to an invisible Pikachu. In his own mind, he's watching his faithful Pikachu battling whatever, and he seems overly excited. Suddenly, Tiger Woods prances onto the scene.

    Ash: "TEAM ROCKET! What are you doing here?"

    Tiger: "Girlfriend, puh-leeze. I am, Tiger Tiger Woods y'all! Whatcha doin', sweet heart?"

    Ash: "Don't call me sweetheart! I'm in the middle of a match!"

    Tiger: "What match? I don't see a match."

    Tiger is looking all around him, and he turns and shrugs his shoulders.

    Tiger: "You one whacked out dude, man..."

    Ash, not appreciating the interruption, picks up a rock.

    Ash: "Pokeball, GO!"

    Ash throws the rock and hits Tiger Woods right in the eye! Uh oh!

    Rating: 35%


    Just like the other time.. it's match time!

    Ash jumps on Woods and starts pummeling him like a little boy would pummel someone in the knee. Woods is selling it as such, and gets the advantage after he feels the need to not sell such pathetic pummeling anymore. Woods hits a swinging DDT that nearly kills the kid for a two count. Ash takes the advantage after Woods seriously telegraphs a backdrop, and screws up a back heel kick for a two count. However, he hits a nice Shining Wizard as Woods gets up, and nearly scores the pinfall! He tells the ref that it was a slow count, as Woods gets up. Woods then reaches into his khaki pants and pulls out a golf club! Nine Iron to the Forehead! The referee sees it, but doesn't call for a DQ as that's his finishing move! Woods gets the three count for a win! However, this is not a tournament match.

    Crowd reaction: 16%
    Match quality: 62%
    Overall: 39%


    Main event time!

    Mick and Larry introduce us to the main event of the evening. It's a tag team match between Unga Bunga and A Cat vs. Alex Trebek and the President of the United States! Before the match starts, the President starts insulting a member of the crowd that turned out for the first show, calling him a "French Scumbag hiding Weapons of Mass Destruction" and that he was going to nuke their commie asses. Trebek started hitting the fan that the President was referring to. Then Unga Bunga waddled out, followed by A Cat!

    Lemme put it this way, the match sucked. A Cat proved to be a halfway decent wrestler for a cat, and the President of the United States showed some skill. However, the match dragged when Alex Trebek was tagged in, and he would rather have beaten up fans and wrestled. When Unga Bunga was in.. ugh. He stinks . Turned out Unga Bunga was in the ring for most of the match, getting worked on by the heels and hardly selling at all. However, the heels screwed up a spot, as Alex Trebek was barely able to lift Unga Bunga up in the air, and mistakingly hit the President with Unga Bunga's legs! After Trebek fell to the mat holding his back, Unga Bunga hit the President with BUNGA SMASH for a three count! After the match, the President accused Alex Trebek of being Nazi scum, but then decided that Unga Bunga and A Cat were members of Al Qaeda and it was Trebek's duty as an American(although Trebek is Canadian, the President isn't smart enough to know that. Don't tell him!) to attack the terrorists! After Unga Bunga and A Cat were laid out, the President was waving the US Flag and the camera faded out as Trebek was kicking a pregnant woman.

    Crowd reaction: 10%
    Match quality: 47%
    Overall: 28%


    Turns out the pregnant woman, the kids in the park, and the French scumbag were the entire attendance as only four people showed up. The rating on TV was only a 0.02, which is not a good start . Hopefully word of mouth will increase, and Alex Trebek wouldn't beat up any fans.


  5. #5
    International Captain Agent TBY's Avatar
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    Originally posted by luckyeddie
    needs more duck, if you ask me
    LOL LE,my bad!

    I shouldve started out with this post...the way you summarize the cricketing world with ur diary,the trials and tribulations of a wrestling promotion are recounted in this diary!

  6. #6
    International Captain masterblaster's Avatar
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    What in the hell are you talking about?
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  7. #7
    International Captain masterblaster's Avatar
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    this is the stupidest thing ive read about today

  8. #8
    International Captain Cloete's Avatar
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    it's some wrestling simulator he has. EWR or sumthin:rolleyes:
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  9. #9
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Cloete
    it's some wrestling simulator he has. EWR or sumthin:rolleyes:

    Ohhhhh, make-believe. Just like the real thing, then.

  10. #10
    International Captain Agent TBY's Avatar
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    First of all...its not a wrestling sim..its a wrestling promoter sim.

    Errr.....make believe??? The game lets us choose the winners and losers. The game cleary states the fact that wrestling is make believe.

    If you dont like it,dont read it...its just there for the humour side of things.If you want a laugh you are welcome to come here.

  11. #11
    State Vice-Captain yaju's Avatar
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    See this.
    Attached Files Attached Files
    Yaju
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    Quote Originally Posted by 5N1p3R j0C|<
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  12. #12
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Papa Shango
    First of all...its not a wrestling sim..its a wrestling promoter sim.

    Errr.....make believe??? The game lets us choose the winners and losers. The game cleary states the fact that wrestling is make believe.

    If you dont like it,dont read it...its just there for the humour side of things.If you want a laugh you are welcome to come here.
    Ahem

    Touchy today, aren't we?

    I implied that the sim (as you confirmed by your statement that you can 'choose' the winner) was make-believe in exactly the same way as the, er, 'real thing' was also make-believe.

    It's an entertainment medium - I'm not taking the mickey out of something (the self-parody which is Pro Wrestling) which is perfectly capable of doing it itself.

    I read it, I thought it was amusing - now apologise before I throw you out of the ring, beat you with a chair and then leave to join another wrestling organisatiion (again)

  13. #13
    Cricket Web XI Moderator lord_of_darkness's Avatar
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    I admire your dedication ...

    may the wrestling force be with you...
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  14. #14
    State Vice-Captain yaju's Avatar
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    I hope that you fully read the file that I uploaded, Sriram.

    Also see www.brethart.com .

  15. #15
    International Captain Agent TBY's Avatar
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    No I didnt read it because I had already read it before.Anyways,what is the point of dragging the Montreal screwjob into this thread?



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