I've waited a year to post this, with thanks to Slammin Sam K:
This, ladies and gentlemen, is a fork.
Nothing special about it. Four prongs, gilded in silver, a slightly salacious curve between the tines and the handles. If you stick it in food, you can pick it up, if you drop it on a table it resonates in E minor. If you stab Rove McManus in the head with it, he still isn't interesting.
This may be the best fork in Australia, but you'd never know it. Instead, it sits in the back of the cutlery draw, waiting for the next dinner party. It'll never win a Logie. It'll never get the chance to pick up a gong; thank it's parents and God; pick a fight with Don Lane or cop a blow job in the bathroom from a cast member of Home and Away.
Yet as I type this rant the entire Australian TV industry is currently at Crown Casino, frocked up and hoping to have their life's work validated by the readers of TV week, who have a combined age and IQ of 16. Then again, what do you expect from an industry which considers Richard Wilkins a talent?
It's simply the worst celebrity gathering in the world's history. Of course, I'm using celebrity in its orignal Latin context - "celeb" meaning well known and "ritus", meaning prat. It's time the ABA started revoking all licences until they start putting something decent on.