Never seen a close friend cry?

[G.I.Joe]

Today I was out with with a buddy, one of my two closest friends. There was something he mentioned that doesn't seem right to me. We were discussing our mutual friend, and I remarked how I've never ever seen him lose his temper or cry. My friend said he had seen him cry on a few occasions, some after they'd had huge arguments. And these instances were relatively recent, not the run of the mill childhood scrapes.

Now, granted they've been buddies since the fourth grade, while I've only known that mutual friend for the past 10 years or so, but it troubles me that despite our closeness, and we are close, I've never had a single substantial argument with him or seen him cry once. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen any buddy of mine cry as a grown up, and vice versa.

Is this normal? We share our secrets, our hopes and ambitions. We share stuff with each other that even our parents don't know of. We have literally the same quirky interests and tastes in any sphere of life. We're not classically confrontational, and I guess that and our shared interests explain to an extent why we've never had an argument. We just get along. But does the fact that we've never been exposed to each other in a truly vulnerable state mean we've never really opened up to each other? As of this moment I'm starting to believe this means I've never really had a truly deep enough friendship.

Can any of you relate to this?

[Flem274*]

Yeah, I wouldn't worry too much though, people are different around different people. Your relationship with him is different to your friends relationship with him, its just how you two interact, neither relationship is better or worse.

[Top_Cat]

I hear ya. Same with a mate of mine who really has been one of my best mates since we started high school. Have never seen him cry, have only really heard about his troubles after the fact (to his credit, sometimes immediately after the fact). He and I have shared both our parents' divorces and associated melodramas, went through music school together and shared each others successes and failures and played similar sports. We're about to start up a band too.

I don't, however, think this means you've never been close. I have another friend of mine I've known since we were about 4 years old. I've seen him cry a bazillion times (caused a few myself, dislocated shoulder once) and we've been housemates for a while now too. We've also shared each others' life experiences. But, in my eyes, they're just as close to me as each other. Even better, despite having met each other years apart, they're good mates too.

Some guys just different ways of expression. Some blokes like to express what's up at the time, others want to chew on it for a while and then go burden someone with it. Just different styles. I understand why you'd ask the question, though. I myself sometimes wonder why friend A above has never really lost it in front of me then I remember who his Dad is, a drunk, narcissistic, agoraphobic type who never talks about anything and it becomes clearer.

[Richard]

I'd say none of my friends will have seen me cry for about 8-10 years, maybe even longer, and I reckon there's just 2 occasions where I've truly lost my temper amongst them\one-of-them in that time too. With one exception, the last group of people who might've seen me cry I speak to very rarely these days, though I'd be only too happy to become regularly acquainted with some of them again should they return to the area.

Now then, I lead what some might call rather a mollycoddled life - the stuff I'd cry and\or lose my temper over would be relatively trivial to not-a-few. So I'm not an especially good example.

Nonetheless, I don't know that it's neccessarily that unusual. But the one exception I mention above - the guy who's been my best friend since year nine (year of age 14 to 15) - the two of us have literally been through almost everything together in the time from that year onwards and have experienced just about all the other has suffered\enjoyed\endured\etc. He's had to deal with rather a lot more of a severe nature than I have, BTW. A hell of a lot more.

[Flem274*]

Love the ad at the bottom of the page "I'm popular, you're not"

Like Richard, I'm not really a crier (though obv. i have, and the last time I did was quite recent over something really corny, so you're not hearing it but previous to that I hadn't in like, 7 years), so I guess I might not be able to relate to the OP as others in this thread because I'm not likely to get cut up if people don't cry to me.

[Richard]

It's not neccessarily a case of "not being a crier", just that I've been pretty fortunate really in that I've had no major upheaval or loss at any point in my life for a long, long time now (the only time really was when Mum and Dad dragged me down here at the age of 11, that cut me to pieces in a way nothing ever had before or ever has since, as I loved our old home and virtually everyone I knew there very dearly indeed).

As I say, some would say I've been mollycoddled. If so, I don't really make any apologies for that - I've been pretty lucky, some are less lucky, that's just the way it goes. It won't last forever, of course.

The only thing that ever really saddens me much is that good times past - and there've been many of them - are now past and can to some extent never be regained, even though the memories remain. I'm generally at my happiest reminissing, but usually doing so too much causes me to end-up rather melancholy (at best).

It also generally takes quite a bit to make me lose my temper, though (as with most people in that boat) if I ever do, watch-out.

[ripper868]

Originally Posted by Richard

The only thing that ever really saddens me much is that good times past - and there've been many of them - are now past and can to some extent never be regained, even though the memories remain. I'm generally at my happiest reminissing, but usually doing so too much causes me to end-up rather melancholy (at best).

It also generally takes quite a bit to make me lose my temper, though (as with most people in that boat) if I ever do, watch-out.

This TBH

[silentstriker]

I have never cried in front of my friends, nor has my best friend cried in front of me. I don't think its all that unusual. I've known him for 12-13 years, since the second day I landed in this country.

Also, who the hell cries after arguments? I could see if there were some personal problems and such. But I've had those recently, and I've never done anything like that in front of other people - not even family. I think most guys don't.

[Top_Cat]

Originally Posted by Richard

It's not neccessarily a case of "not being a crier", just that I've been pretty fortunate really in that I've had no major upheaval or loss at any point in my life for a long, long time now (the only time really was when Mum and Dad dragged me down here at the age of 11, that cut me to pieces in a way nothing ever had before or ever has since, as I loved our old home and virtually everyone I knew there very dearly indeed).

As I say, some would say I've been mollycoddled. If so, I don't really make any apologies for that - I've been pretty lucky, some are less lucky, that's just the way it goes. It won't last forever, of course.

The only thing that ever really saddens me much is that good times past - and there've been many of them - are now past and can to some extent never be regained, even though the memories remain. I'm generally at my happiest reminissing, but usually doing so too much causes me to end-up rather melancholy (at best).

It also generally takes quite a bit to make me lose my temper, though (as with most people in that boat) if I ever do, watch-out.

Originally Posted by ripper868

This TBH

Classic psychopaths, tbh.

[ripper868]

Originally Posted by Top_Cat

Classic psychopaths, tbh.

Nail on head

[Richard]

Originally Posted by Top_Cat

Classic psychopaths, tbh.

I've noted certain psychopath-inclusive traits in myself before, indeed - that is, aside from the two you comment on. Even with my rudimentary knowledge of the mind.

Fortunately, I lack the one most crucial ingredient - a fascination with death and a wish to inflict it. Which means I'm a tad unlikely to ever go the whole hog.

[Trumpers_Ghost]

If someone doesn't cry, try kicking them in the balls 95% success or your money back.

[alternative]

Originally Posted by silentstriker

Also, who the hell cries after arguments? I could see if there were some personal problems and such. But I've had those recently, and I've never done anything like that in front of other people - not even family. I think most guys don't.

Just bloody shoot them instead imo.

[silentstriker]

No, I mean that really. I've never seen an adult cry after an argument between friends.

[Athlai]

Whenever they cry I slap them in the face and growl "BE A MAN."