Limericks!

[99*]

With this forum having so many pun experts, I though it might be a good idea for a limerick thread. Hopefully you all know what a limerick is. If you don't here's one I found:

I knew a young lady named Claire,
Who possessed a magnificent pair,
Or that's what I thought,
Till I saw one get caught,
On a thorn and begin losing air.

So we'll do it like this, I'll post a topic/person and the next person comes up with a limerick for that, then that person puts a topic for the next person.

First topic: Shane Warne.

[cover drive man]

Their once was a man named Warne
Who hated our man Michael Vaughn
So he bowled at the stump
Now Vaughn cant hump
And now he cant even watch porn!

Next subject: Jesus.

[SJS]

There once was a man from God
Who people believed to be odd
He healed the meek
rose within a week
and fed people with bread and scrod*

* catch of the day or fish

PS Its not written by me but from the net.

Next subject : Billy Bunter

[cpr]

There once was a man called Jesus
Who came down to Earth to free us
He caused quite a din
Talkin about sin
But just as he got going he leaves us


(sorry, had to keep the religious one bland and unoffensive y'know)

Someone have a crack at George Bush, got to be some punnage in there

---
Edit, bah, should've refreshed the thread first. Keeping it up though, because i cant do Billy Bunter, and SJS didnt write his own

[ripper868]

There once was a man from mantucket...

[SJS]

The Cold Reality of Bush

Mr. Bush has a plan, that is bold,
To halt global warming, we're told.
The Kyoto accord
Is completely ignored
To insure that the plan leaves us cold!

or
a preview of the Bush
Presidential address

As his surge simply slows to a crawl,
Mr. Bush has learned nothing at all.
With his words rearranged,
His solution's unchanged:
He just says "military," with drawl!

or the
Land of Libb(ert)y (Scooter)

Even sans Bush's chosen commute,
We were still on a treacherous route.
Our country's been mugged
By political thugs
And the thieves have escaped with the loot!

or as his pet poodle prepared to leave
Living on Prayer

The Britons have had their full share
Of Iraq and Prime Minister Blair,
So he soon will step down.
But we're left with our clown
And for respite we haven't a prayer!

Take your prick (typo intended)

Next : Fidel Castro

[Richard]

Originally Posted by 99*

With this forum having so many pun experts, I though it might be a good idea for a limerick thread.

Hmm, interesting comparison. I'm rather fond of the old puns, but the poetic expertise required for limericks is quite another matter.

[yaju]

There was a guy called Castro
Cubans hailed him as the Mastro
Two hands, two legs, two ears, wow wee
With two brown eyes he used to see
Beard beard beard, facial hair was his trademark
In Bermuda Triangle he used to hunt for blue shark
He used to think he was the greatest that ever is
But actually it is me who is the greatest that ever is


Next :: Michaelanglo.

BTW, 99*, fab thread!

[PhoenixFire]

Err, Yaju, that wasn't a proper Limerick.

[Swervy]

Originally Posted by PhoenixFire

Err, Yaju, that wasn't a proper Limerick.

neither was that

[PhoenixFire]

Can't argue with that.

[Neil Pickup]

There was an old bloke with a beard
His power he would never yield
He lived through lots
Of assassination plots
For with a cigar he'd be healed

Not perfect, granted, but I had to get "assassination" and "cigar" in, and I could only be arsed to think for a minute.

[Swervy]

Originally Posted by Neil Pickup

There was an old bloke with a beard
His power he would never yield
He lived through lots
Of assassination plots
For with a cigar he'd be healed

Not perfect, granted, but I had to get "assassination" and "cigar" in, and I could only be arsed to think for a minute.

Michaelanglo?

[Neil Pickup]

Originally Posted by Swervy

Michaelanglo?

Yaju's didn't count...

[Swervy]

You know, I don't know whether I have ever heard a limerick thats starts:

'There was an old man from Limerick....'...which is quite odd I think