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Thread: The put-down thread

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    Request Your Custom Title Now! Burgey's Avatar
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    The put-down thread

    Following on from the BCCI's plan to seek a ban on sledging, this is a thread to post your favourite non-cricketing put-downs.

    Be they yours, a friend's or belong to a famous person from history, feel free to post your favourite (non-abusive) put-downs here.
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    You need to clap a cows c**** over your head and get a woolly bull to f**** some sense into you.

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    Request Your Custom Title Now! Burgey's Avatar
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    To get things started, here are a few from one of the great parliamentary debators, and the king of the put down, former Australian PM Paul Keating:

    On John Howard (who succeeded him as PM):

    "The little desiccated coconut is under pressure and he is attacking anything he can get his hands on"

    "What we have got is a dead carcass, swinging in the breeze, but nobody will cut it down to replace him."

    "He's wound up like a thousand day clock..."

    "...the brain-damaged Leader of the Opposition..."

    "He is the greatest job and investment destroyer since the bubonic plague."

    "But I will never get to the stage of wanting to lead the nation standing in front of the mirror each morning clipping the eyebrows here and clipping the eyebrows there with Janette and the kids: It's like 'Spot the eyebrows'."

    "I am not like the Leader of the Opposition. I did not slither out of the Cabinet room like a mangy maggot..."

    "He has more hide than a team of elephants."

    "Come in sucker."

    During Great Debate '96: "You're so rude!"

    On Peter Costello (Liberal treasurer):

    "The thing about poor old Costello is he is all tip and no iceberg. He can throw a punch across the parliament but the bloke he should be throwing a punch to is Howard, but of course he doesn't have the ticker for it."

    On Former Leader of the Opposition, John Hewson:

    (His performance) is like being flogged with a warm lettuce.

    I was implying that the Honorable Member for Wentworth was like a lizard on a rock - alive, but looking dead.

    I'd put him in the same class as the rest of them: mediocrity.

    This is the sort of little-boy, stamp your foot stuff which comes from a financial yuppie when you shoe him into parliament.

    On former Liberal Party Leader and Shadow Treasurer, Andrew Peacock:

    "...what we have here is an intellectual rust bucket."

    On Peacock's ascension to the liberal leadership the second time:
    "A souffle never rises twice".

    "...if this gutless spiv, and I refer to him as a gutless spiv..."

    "He could not rise above his own opportunism or his incapacity to lead."

    "I suppose that the Honourable Gentleman's hair, like his intellect, will recede into the darkness."

    "He represents nothing and nobody."

    "You've been in the dye pot again, Andrew."

    "The Leader of the Opposition is more to be pitied than despised, the poor old thing. The Liberal Party ought to put him down like a faithful dog because he is of no use to it and of no use to the nation."

    "We're not interested in the views of painted, perfumed gigolos."

    "It is the first time the Honourable Gentleman has got out from under the sunlamp."

    In conversation with former Labor PM Gough Whitlam:

    Whitlam: "That was a good speech. You should go back comrade, and get yourself an honours degree."

    Keating: "What for ? Then I'd be like you."

    On the press:

    "Anyone who is impressed with himself because he has made Page One is sort of a shingle short."

    "You (Richard Carleton, journalist) had an important place in Australian society on the ABC and you gave it up to be a pop star...with a big cheque...and now you're on to this sort of stuff. That shows what a 24 carat pissant you are, Richard, that's for sure"

    Reporter: You don't talk to ordinary people!
    Keating: "Who says I don't ? Who says I don't ? I mean I see as many people as perhaps anyone in public life could..."
    Reporter: How long is it since you've been to Fyshwick Markets ?
    Keating: "Not long, not long. In fact if you get down to woollies at Manuka on Saturday I'd probably run over you with a trolley as I did a journo recently."

    On Former Labour politician, Jim McClelland (over the phone):
    "That you Jim? Paul Keating here. Just because you swallowed a f***ing dictionary when you were about 15 doesn't give you the right to pour a bucket of **** over the rest of us."
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    Hall of Fame Member FaaipDeOiad's Avatar
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    Haha. Keating was so awesome.

    "...if this gutless spiv, and I refer to him as a gutless spiv..." can't be beaten.
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    Request Your Custom Title Now! Burgey's Avatar
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    Churchill on Atlee: "A modest little man, with much to be modest about".
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    Muldoon and Churchill both had a fair few good'uns.
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    123/5 Flem274*'s Avatar
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    Muldoon, for all his incompetence as a PM, had some bloody great put downs in his amoury. One of the more famous ones is when a large number of kiwis were migrating to Australia and he said "Let them go, they're raising the IQ of both countries"

    Can't argue really
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    Englishman BoyBrumby's Avatar
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    Churchill was always good value. One of my favourites of his was, upon meeting the somewhat plain wife of the notoriously gay Labour MP Tom Driberg,

    "Oh, well. Buggers can't be choosers I suppose"
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    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend andyc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by flibbertyjibber View Post
    Only a bunch of convicts having been beaten 3-0 and gone 9 tests without a win and won just 1 in 11 against England could go into the home series saying they will win. England will win in Australia again this winter as they are a better side which they have shown this summer. 3-0 doesn't lie girls.

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    Quote Originally Posted by nibbs View Post
    "hey kids. lets rip on the egg with two daddies"

    hahahahahaha so gun.
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    State Captain Shaggy Alfresco's Avatar
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    Mrs. Braddock: Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk
    Churchill: Yes, and you are ugly. But I shall be sober tomorrow.

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    Some bint: Mr Churchill, if I was your wife then I would poison you.

    Churchill: Madam, if I was your husband, I would drink it!
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    1) Had double pneumonia as a kid, as did my twin sis. Doctors told my parents to pray that we lived through the night. Dad said **** off, I'm an atheist, you ****s better save my kids, etc. Then prayed anyway.

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    The Wheel is Forever silentstriker's Avatar
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    Churchill was awesome tbh.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shaggy Alfresco View Post
    Mrs. Braddock: Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk
    Churchill: Yes, and you are ugly. But I shall be sober tomorrow.
    Haha yes, this is one of my favourites.
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    cpr is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by PhoenixFire View Post
    Some bint: Mr Churchill, if I was your wife then I would poison you.

    Churchill: Madam, if I was your husband, I would drink it!

    Haha, the best one, IIRC it was one of the first prominant female MP's, however i cant remember her name. Her and Churchill used to be right at each others throats in this fashion, old Winny winning hands down each time.
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