Outside apartment building, night. George and Jerry are sat on a low wall:
George: Well there is traffic. It might take her till eight-fifteen.
Jerry: I got one problem: you're keeping her busy in the other room. Now,
what if she somehow gets away from you and is coming in? You have to signal me
that she's coming.
George: A signal, right, erm, OK, er OK, the signal is, I'll call out 'Tippy
Jerry: 'Tippy Toe?' I don't think so.
George: You don't like 'Tippy toe?'
Jerry: No 'Tippy toe.'
George: Alright, er, OK I got it, erm, I'll sing.
Jerry: What song?
George: Erm, 'How do you solve a problem like Maria?'
Jerry: What is that?
George: Oh, it's a lovely song. (Sings) How do you solve a problem like
Jerry: Anything else?
George: You pick it.
Jerry: 'Lemon Tree'
George: Peter, Paul and Mary.
Jerry: No, Trini Lopez.
Both: (Singing) Lemon tree very pretty and a lemon flower
George: You got the tape?
Jerry: (Produces tapes) Standard. Micro.
George: How do you feel? Confident?
Jerry: Feel good.
George: You nervous?
Jerry: Not at all.
George: Get up, get up, it's her. Oh, the hell with this, I'm scared to
death, just walk away, it's off, cancel everything, go!
George: Hey! What are you doing here? I thought I was supposed to call you
when I got home.
George: I, I couldn't wait. I was too anxious to see you.
Carol: Oh, that's so sweet.
George: Oh, this is my friend, Jerry Seinfeld. I just bumped into him
around the corner. Isn't that a coincidence? The funny thing is, I see him all
Jerry: All the time.
Carol: It's nice to meet you.
Carol: So, I'm starving. Where are we gonna eat?
George: You know, we could go uptown, and that way we could give Jerry a
Carol: OK. Let's go, I'm ready, where'd you park?
George: Don't you wanna go upstairs first?
Carol: No, what for? I'll just give my bag to the doorman.
Jerry: You know, I really need to use the bathroom.
Carol: Oh well there's a bathroom in the coffee shop just next door.
George: Yes, yes, but er, I have to make a call, so...
Carol: Well they have a phone.
(George takes Carol to one side)
George: I know Jerry. He has this phobia about public toilets. I think we
really should go upstairs.
Carol: (Aloud) You know, I think I will go upstairs. I can check my
George: Right, right.
(They enter building)
Inside Carol's apartment. Carol, Jerry and George enter:
Carol: The bathroom's on the hall to the right.
Jerry: Er, you know, why don't you go first, you just had a long trip.
Carol: No, I'm fine.
Jerry: Uhmmm, you know, it's the damnedest thing, it went away.
Carol: Oh that's weird.
George: No, no that can happen. I've, er, I've read about that in medical
journals. It's a freak thing, but...
Carol: Well, let me just check my messages, and we'll go.
George: Uh, Carol, can I talk to you for a second? Right now.
George: Please, this is very, very important. (Leads her to other room)
(Jerry goes over to machine to switch tape)
George: (Shouts from other room) Uhh, tippy toe! Tippy toe! Lemon tree!
(Carol reappears followed by George)
Carol: (To Jerry) Now I know who you are. You're a comedian. I've seen
you, it's driving me crazy.
Jerry: Right. I am.
George: Carol, that's so rude. Please, I'm serious, just for a moment, if
you wouldn't mind, and then we'll talk to Jerry.
(George leads Carol back out, Jerry switches tapes)
Jerry: (Shouts) Hey you two. I'm ready to go.
(George and Carol return)
Carol: That's what you had to tell me? Your father wears sneakers in the
George: (To Jerry) Don't you find that strange?