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Thread: The Lame Joke Corner

  1. #91
    Cricketer Of The Year ripper868's Avatar
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    Q: How do you save a politicians life?



    A: Take your foot off his head
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    Avatar now by choice. 5-0 in the Ashes and all.

  2. #92
    Cricketer Of The Year Turbinator's Avatar
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    While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they’re intelligent.

    “I do so by asking them the right questions,” says the Queen. “Allow me to demonstrate.”

    She phones Tony Blair and says, “Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?”

    Tony Blair responds, “It’s me, ma’am.”

    “Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,” says the Queen. She hangs up and says, “Did you get that, Mr. Bush?”

    “Yes ma’am. Thanks a lot. I’ll definitely be using that!”

    Upon returning to Washington, he decides he’d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, “Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.”

    “Why, of course, sir. What’s on your mind?”

    “Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

    Helms hems and haws and finally asks, “Can I think about it and get back to you?” Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

    “Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?” Powell answers immediately, “It’s me, of course, you dumb ass.”

    Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, “I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It’s Colin Powell!” And Bush replies in disgust, “Wrong, you dumb ass, It’s Tony Blair!”

  3. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by Turbinator View Post
    While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they’re intelligent.

    “I do so by asking them the right questions,” says the Queen. “Allow me to demonstrate.”

    She phones Tony Blair and says, “Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?”

    Tony Blair responds, “It’s me, ma’am.”

    “Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,” says the Queen. She hangs up and says, “Did you get that, Mr. Bush?”

    “Yes ma’am. Thanks a lot. I’ll definitely be using that!”

    Upon returning to Washington, he decides he’d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, “Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.”

    “Why, of course, sir. What’s on your mind?”

    “Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

    Helms hems and haws and finally asks, “Can I think about it and get back to you?” Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

    “Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?” Powell answers immediately, “It’s me, of course, you dumb ass.”

    Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, “I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It’s Colin Powell!” And Bush replies in disgust, “Wrong, you dumb ass, It’s Tony Blair!”
    Too long TBH.
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  4. #94
    International Captain cover drive man's Avatar
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    Why did the hedgehog cross the road.

    To see his flat mate.
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    -Tolstoy


  5. #95
    Cricketer Of The Year ripper868's Avatar
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    why did the lemon cross the road



    it wanted to play squash

  6. #96
    International Captain cover drive man's Avatar
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    What do you call a black guy flying a plane?

    A pilot you racist!
    Last edited by cover drive man; 24-06-2007 at 11:45 PM.

  7. #97
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend andyc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cover drive man View Post
    What do you call a black pilot?

    A pilot you racist!
    You mean what do you call a black guy flying a plane? Otherwise you pretty much give away the joke.
    Quote Originally Posted by flibbertyjibber View Post
    Only a bunch of convicts having been beaten 3-0 and gone 9 tests without a win and won just 1 in 11 against England could go into the home series saying they will win. England will win in Australia again this winter as they are a better side which they have shown this summer. 3-0 doesn't lie girls.

  8. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by cover drive man View Post
    What do you call a black pilot flying a plane?

    A pilot you racist!


    At cdm, not the joke BTW.

  9. #99
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend Matteh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by andyc View Post
    You mean what do you call a black guy flying a plane? Otherwise you pretty much give away the joke.
    Haha, fair call.
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  10. #100
    International Vice-Captain headhunter's Avatar
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    A man walked into a bar

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  11. #101
    International Regular DCC_legend's Avatar
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    What's an australian kiss?


    A french one except down under
    Where's my money?

  12. #102
    International Coach KiWiNiNjA's Avatar
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    I think I read this one somewhere on CW, but anyways.

    Whats the smallest bone in a kangaroo?


    An Aussie guys ****.

  13. #103
    International Regular 1-9-7-7's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KiWiNiNjA View Post
    I think I read this one somewhere on CW, but anyways.

    Whats the smallest bone in a kangaroo?


    An Aussie guys ****.
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  14. #104
    International Captain LongHopCassidy's Avatar
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    My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

    Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

    With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "we are very happy that you have passed our little test... we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

    And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.
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  15. #105
    International Coach KiWiNiNjA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LongHopCassidy View Post
    My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

    Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

    With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "we are very happy that you have passed our little test... we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

    And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

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