Heisenberg is stopped by a traffic cop who asks: "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know exactly where I am."
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
Answer: [SPOILER]To get to the same side.[/SPOILER]
Is that an answer to line 1 or 2??
"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher." - Ambrose Bierce
Langeveldt: I of course blame their parents.. and unchecked immigration!
GingerFurball: He's Austrian, they tend to produce the odd ****ed up individual
Burgey: Be careful dealing with neighbours whose cars don't have wheels but whose houses do.
Uppercut: Maybe I just need better strippers
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Dear Justin Bieber ,
Ariel would really love her voice back.
Sincerely, King Triton
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle
Dear Taylor Swift,
If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves in the end.
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Dear Rubik's Cube,
Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho's.
Sincerely, Tiger Woods
Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,
I. Can't. Breathe.
Sincerely, Your Balls
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio
My death isn't the only thing I've been faking...
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Dear Edward Cullen,
I really hope that one day, I can find my way into your heart.
Sincerely, a stake
Parmi | #1 draft pick | Jake King is **** | Big Bash League tipping champion of the universeCome and Paint Turtle
A man who is in a strange town for work visits a reataurant and sits down for dinner one evening, alone.
He looks at the adjoining table and sees a beautiful woman, with a stunning body poured into a tight black dress. She is also alone.
He's trying to think of something to say when suddenly the woman sneezes and her glass eye flies out. Acting without thinking, the man stops the eye from hitting the ground and hands it back. As she puts the eye back in, the woman thanks him sincerely and offers to buy him dinner by way of thanks.
Well, they hit it off like no one's business. Laughing, chatting, a few drinks. After dinner she asks him to go to a show, so they visit the theatre - love it. Then a cocktail bar and out for some dancing. Brilliant night.
As the club closes she asks him back to her place for a nightcap, and maybe breakfast. Of course he's there quick smart and they spend the night in her bed making mad, passionate love.
When he wakes up in the morning, she brings him a fantastic breakfast in bed - cereal, fruit, toast, eggs, bacon, fresh juice, espresso coffee - the works.
He says "you know, you're amazing. You're beautiful, amazing in bed, you're funny, bright and charming. You can cook as well. That was one hellof a night. Do you treat all the blokes you bring home like that?"
"Not all of them", she said. "But you caught my eye".
Last edited by Burgey; 02-02-2011 at 06:19 AM.
WWCC - Loyaulte Mi Lie
"People make me happy.. not places.. people"
"When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life." - Samuel Johnson
"Hope is the fuel of progress and fear is the prison in which you put yourself" - Tony Benn
#408. Sixty three not out forever.
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