I was asked to go and see my ex-girlfriend today. One thing lead to another and we ended up having sex.
The Police weren't too pleased. I was only meant to be identifying her body.
Cricket Web's 2013/14 Premier League Tipping Champion
- As featured in The Independent.
"as much a news event as an actual footballer, a worthy stop-start centre forward, but an all-time hyper-galactico when it comes to doing funny things with cars and hats, a player whose signing proves once again that the Premier League is still undoubtedly the best in the world when it comes to doing things with cars and hats."
- Barney Ronay on Mario Balotelli
My mate reckons he's got six testicles.
I think that's a load of bollocks.
A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she
needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, 'Before we begin, I'll
need to ask a few questions.'
He-getst1er name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, 'What is
The woman replies, 'I'm a whore.' .
The accountant balks and says, 'No, no, no. That will never work. That is much
too crass. Let's try to rephrase that.'
The woman, 'OK, I'm a prostitute.'
'No, that is still too crude. Try again.'
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, 'I'm a chicken farmer.'
The accountant asks, 'What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore
or a prostitute?'
'Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.'
Lad next to me had to talk a certain British pornstar through her tax return.... Apparently she's a singer/model, according to her job description. Lets just say googling her and clicking her website was definately NSFW.
"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher." - Ambrose Bierce
Langeveldt: I of course blame their parents.. and unchecked immigration!
GingerFurball: He's Austrian, they tend to produce the odd ****ed up individual
Burgey: Be careful dealing with neighbours whose cars don't have wheels but whose houses do.
Uppercut: Maybe I just need better strippers
As a young boy I was concerned with the Earth, how we was damaging it with pollution. I was worried for the welfare for all the endangered species, how we were eradicating whole species with every skyscraper we built or every gas-guzzling car was made. I feared for poor, underprivileged children in far away countries that didn't have clean water and were dying of horrible diseases.
Then I discovered wanking.
Way to worsen the problem with nocturnal emissions.
"The Australian cricket captain is the Prime Minister Australia wishes it had. Steve Waugh is that man, Michael Clarke is not." - Jarrod Kimber
RIP Fardin Qayyumi and Craig Walsh - true icons of CricketWeb.
What do you call something that isn't related to elephants?
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