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Thread: The Lame Joke Corner

  1. #331
    State Vice-Captain yaju's Avatar
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    The marriage ceremony of an elephant and an ant was taking place, and when the ant was about to say "I do" suddenly a rat came from nowhere and shouted "THIS MARRIAGE CANNOT HAPPEN!"















    You stopped the tortoise, can't you stop the rat so that the marriage will happen without any hiccups?
    Yaju
    Self Proclaimed World's Greatest 12th Man.

    I like wasting homo sapiens' time - like the way I wasted yours just now.

    Quote Originally Posted by 5N1p3R j0C|<
    Why are you wasting time your reading others' quotes?
    Quote Originally Posted by DD
    <quack>

  2. #332
    International Coach PhoenixFire's Avatar
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    Q: What goes ring-ring, ring-ring, ring- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH HH!!!!
    A: Stevie Wonder answering the iron


    What did Stevie Wonder's mother do for punishment?
    Rearrange the furniture.


    What do you call Stevie Wonder playing tennis?
    Endless love
    Quote Originally Posted by Top_Cat View Post
    1) Had double pneumonia as a kid, as did my twin sis. Doctors told my parents to pray that we lived through the night. Dad said **** off, I'm an atheist, you ****s better save my kids, etc. Then prayed anyway.

  3. #333
    International Captain Agent TBY's Avatar
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    Q: Where did Stevie Wonder meet his wife?
    A: Blind date.

    Q: Why does Stevie Wonder bob his head in different directions while singing?
    A: He can't find the microphone.

    Q: How do you snap Stevie Wonder's neck?
    A: Increase the beats-per-minute.
    Last edited by Agent TBY; 27-02-2008 at 02:14 PM.
    orz

  4. #334
    Englishman BoyBrumby's Avatar
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    What's better than having daffodils around your piano?

    -Having tulips around your organ.
    Cricket Web's 2013/14 Premier League Tipping Champion

    - As featured in The Independent.

    "I don't believe a word of Pietersen's book, but then I don't believe a word anyone else has said either."
    - Simon Barnes renders further comment on KP's autobiography superfluous in a sentence


  5. #335
    Hall of Fame Member NZTailender's Avatar
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    Haha, got a smile out of that.
    President of SKAS - Kat is King | Proud member of CVAAS - One of the best | LRPLTAS - Rosco rocks!
    The NZTailender Supporting XI:
    H Rutherford, T Latham, N Broom, M Bracewell, D Brownlie, BJ Watling, D de Boorder+, M Henry, B Wheeler, H Bennett, A Milne
    Go Tigers!
    R.I.P. Fardin & Craig

  6. #336
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend Matteh's Avatar
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    Yeah, certainly underrated.
    Quote Originally Posted by cpr View Post
    3. Although Cow Tipping is a hilarious student game in backwater towns such as Bangor, there really is no need for Mitchell to cover one side of the cow in superglue

  7. #337
    State Vice-Captain yaju's Avatar
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    What do you call an egal who is sick?



    Ans. Ill-egal.

  8. #338
    International Debutant andmark's Avatar
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    Why hasn't Stevie Wonder written a hit in years?


    He dropped his pencil.
    Well the Irish did it on St Patrick's day

    Rip Fardin Qayyumi, Bob Woolmer and Craig.
    No offence Neil
    "No good thing ever dies." Andy Dufresne. The Shawshank Redemption.
    "Don't interupt the emeny when they're making a mistake" Napoleon

  9. #339
    Eternal Optimist / Cricket Web Staff Member GIMH's Avatar
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    What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?

    About 2.3 pounds including the urn.
    Quote Originally Posted by DingDong View Post
    gimh has now surpassed richard as the greatest cw member ever imo

    RIP Craigos. A true CW legend. You will be missed.

  10. #340
    Eternal Optimist / Cricket Web Staff Member GIMH's Avatar
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    A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he

    can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.

    'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks. 'Yes I think you are the father of one

    of my kids' she says.

    The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says

    ****ing hell are you the bird I shagged on me stag do, whilst your mate

    whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my ass?'

    'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'

  11. #341
    Eternal Optimist / Cricket Web Staff Member GIMH's Avatar
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    What's the difference between Harold Shipman and Tony Blair?

    Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists.

  12. #342
    Eternal Optimist / Cricket Web Staff Member GIMH's Avatar
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    A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I
    was a hooker!'.

    He says 'That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'.

    She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan !'.

    ---

    A man says to his wife 'tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time'.

    His wife replies 'You've got a bigger todger than your brother'

  13. #343
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend Matteh's Avatar
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  14. #344
    99*
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    International Debutant 99*'s Avatar
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    What happened to the wooden car?
    Wooden go!

    What happened to the steel car?
    Steel wooden go!

    What happened to the blue car?
    Blue up!

  15. #345
    99*
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    My girlfriend wanted me to tease her,
    so I said "alright fatty."

    My girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied,
    "Yes, who did you think it was?"

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