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Thread: The Lame Joke Corner

  1. #1816
    Global Moderator nightprowler10's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Madhouse on Madison
    A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire. The billionaire asks them to participate in a year-long experiment wherein they will be taken to a deserted island to survive. He assigns them each tasks according to their heritage:

    The Spaniard will be in charge of food.
    The American will be in charge of shelter.
    And the Japanese man will be in charge of supplies.

    A year passes on the island and the billionaire returns to find only the Spaniard and American left. "What happened?! Where is the Japanese man?" he asks. "We're not sure! As soon as we got here he took off into the forest and we haven't seen him since."

    Worried for the Japanese man, they decide to search the island. After a few minutes of walking, all of the sudden, the Japanese man leaps out from the bushes and yells, "SUPPLIES!"
    OverratedSanity likes this.
    RIP Craigos

  2. #1817
    Eternal Optimist / Cricket Web Staff Member GIMH's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    On a trip to the moon
    Quote Originally Posted by Samuel_Vimes View Post
    Bonus points for a Stevie Wonder joke where the punchline isn't about blindness
    From the best man speech at my wedding

    Why can't Stevie Wonder see his mates?
    Because he got married

  3. #1818
    International Vice-Captain watson's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Quote Originally Posted by BoyBrumby View Post
    Stevie Wonder is playing his first ever gig in China and the place is packed to the rafters.

    In a bid to break the ice he asks if anyone has a request. One chap jumps out of his seat and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"

    Amazed he knows about the jazz influences in his music, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale & then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about ten minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild. The chap jumps out of his seat again and shouts, "No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord"
    A bit cheesed off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight in to a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord & really tears the place apart. The crowd goes ballistic with this impromptu show of his musical chops. But, still the little Chinese man jumps up again and shouts, "No, no. Play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord".

    Stevie is really annoyed now that this chap doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability and shouts to him from the stage "Ok, smart arse, you get up here and do it"

    The little bloke climbs onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing....

    "A jazz chord to say, I ruv you... "
    That joke reminds me of Ken Lee....

    "Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong" - Oscar Wilde

  4. #1819
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Not one likes for all the corny jokes I posted

  5. #1820
    International Coach G.I.Joe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    It's a "like" button, not the "lame" button.
    uvelocity likes this.
    Quote Originally Posted by Athlai View Post
    If GI 'Best Poster On The Forum' Joe says it then it must be true.
    Athlai doesn't lie. And he doesn't do sarcasm either, so you know it's true!

  6. #1821
    Englishman BoyBrumby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Locked up inside my opium den, surrounded by some Chinamen
    What's the difference between a microwave oven and an arse?

    A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
    Daemon likes this.
    Cricket Web's 2013/14 Premier League Tipping Champion

    - As featured in The Independent.

    "as much a news event as an actual footballer, a worthy stop-start centre forward, but an all-time hyper-galactico when it comes to doing funny things with cars and hats, a player whose signing proves once again that the Premier League is still undoubtedly the best in the world when it comes to doing things with cars and hats."
    - Barney Ronay on Mario Balotelli

  7. #1822
    Cricket Web Staff Member fredfertang's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    It is a far far better place ............ etc etc
    Quote Originally Posted by BoyBrumby View Post
    What's the difference between a microwave oven and an arse?

    A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
    A strange thought to have at this time of a Saturday morning Brumbers

  8. #1823
    Cricketer Of The Year Manee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Went to a pub, the wifi was rubbish. So I went to a second bar...and a third bar, and it was better.
    Daemon and vic_orthdox like this.
    The speed at which a fielding team gets through the innings is overrated.

  9. #1824
    International Captain Migara's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Just under your skin
    Alll the farmers have gathered to listen the lecture on mad cow disease. The lecturer was an attractive female with nice I features. Getting directly in to thr the business she asked from the audience how do you think mad cow disease is caused?.

    After a thirty second silence middle aged farmer answered.
    "You know that we milk our cows daily"
    "Yes" answered the lecturer.
    "They only mate twice a year"
    "Yes but what it has to do with mad cow disease?" Said the lecturer who was becoming uneasy by now.
    "Don't you see it is the reason for the disease? " queried the farmer.
    "No I don't think" said lecturer.
    "Now look lady, if some one plays with your tits daily and **** you only six monthly won't you get mad?"
    smalishah84 likes this.

  10. #1825
    Join Date
    Aug 2010

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