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Thread: The Lame Joke Corner

  1. #1816
    Global Moderator nightprowler10's Avatar
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    A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire. The billionaire asks them to participate in a year-long experiment wherein they will be taken to a deserted island to survive. He assigns them each tasks according to their heritage:

    The Spaniard will be in charge of food.
    The American will be in charge of shelter.
    And the Japanese man will be in charge of supplies.

    A year passes on the island and the billionaire returns to find only the Spaniard and American left. "What happened?! Where is the Japanese man?" he asks. "We're not sure! As soon as we got here he took off into the forest and we haven't seen him since."

    Worried for the Japanese man, they decide to search the island. After a few minutes of walking, all of the sudden, the Japanese man leaps out from the bushes and yells, "SUPPLIES!"
    OverratedSanity likes this.
    RIP Craigos

  2. #1817
    Eternal Optimist / Cricket Web Staff Member GIMH's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Samuel_Vimes View Post
    Bonus points for a Stevie Wonder joke where the punchline isn't about blindness
    From the best man speech at my wedding

    Why can't Stevie Wonder see his mates?
    Because he got married

  3. #1818
    International Captain watson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BoyBrumby View Post
    Stevie Wonder is playing his first ever gig in China and the place is packed to the rafters.

    In a bid to break the ice he asks if anyone has a request. One chap jumps out of his seat and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"

    Amazed he knows about the jazz influences in his music, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale & then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about ten minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild. The chap jumps out of his seat again and shouts, "No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord"
    .
    A bit cheesed off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight in to a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord & really tears the place apart. The crowd goes ballistic with this impromptu show of his musical chops. But, still the little Chinese man jumps up again and shouts, "No, no. Play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord".

    Stevie is really annoyed now that this chap doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability and shouts to him from the stage "Ok, smart arse, you get up here and do it"

    The little bloke climbs onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing....

    "A jazz chord to say, I ruv you... "
    That joke reminds me of Ken Lee....

    Len Hutton - Jack Hobbs - Ted Dexter - David Gower - Walter Hammond - Frank Woolley - Ian Botham - Alan Knott - Hedley Verity - John Snow - Fred Trueman

  4. #1819
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend smalishah84's Avatar
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    Not one likes for all the corny jokes I posted
    And smalishah's avatar is the most classy one by far Jan certainly echoes the sentiments of CW

    Yeah we don't crap in the first world; most of us would actually have no idea what that was emanating from Ajmal's backside. Why isn't it roses and rainbows like what happens here? PEWS's retort to Ganeshran on Daemon's picture depicting Ajmal's excreta


  5. #1820
    International Coach G.I.Joe's Avatar
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    It's a "like" button, not the "lame" button.
    uvelocity likes this.
    Quote Originally Posted by Athlai View Post
    If GI 'Best Poster On The Forum' Joe says it then it must be true.
    Athlai doesn't lie. And he doesn't do sarcasm either, so you know it's true!

  6. #1821
    Englishman BoyBrumby's Avatar
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    What's the difference between a microwave oven and an arse?

    A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
    Daemon likes this.
    Cricket Web's 2013/14 Premier League Tipping Champion

    - As featured in The Independent.

    "I don't believe a word of Pietersen's book, but then I don't believe a word anyone else has said either."
    - Simon Barnes renders further comment on KP's autobiography superfluous in a sentence

  7. #1822
    Cricket Web Staff Member fredfertang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BoyBrumby View Post
    What's the difference between a microwave oven and an arse?

    A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
    A strange thought to have at this time of a Saturday morning Brumbers

  8. #1823
    Cricketer Of The Year Manee's Avatar
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    Went to a pub, the wifi was rubbish. So I went to a second bar...and a third bar, and it was better.
    Daemon and vic_orthdox like this.
    The speed at which a fielding team gets through the innings is overrated.

  9. #1824
    International Captain Migara's Avatar
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    Alll the farmers have gathered to listen the lecture on mad cow disease. The lecturer was an attractive female with nice I features. Getting directly in to thr the business she asked from the audience how do you think mad cow disease is caused?.

    After a thirty second silence middle aged farmer answered.
    "You know that we milk our cows daily"
    "Yes" answered the lecturer.
    "They only mate twice a year"
    "Yes but what it has to do with mad cow disease?" Said the lecturer who was becoming uneasy by now.
    "Don't you see it is the reason for the disease? " queried the farmer.
    "No I don't think" said lecturer.
    "Now look lady, if some one plays with your tits daily and **** you only six monthly won't you get mad?"
    smalishah84 likes this.

  10. #1825
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend smalishah84's Avatar
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  11. #1826
    Englishman BoyBrumby's Avatar
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    I'm so homophobic I've had to devise a way to masturbate without even touching my own cock.

    I get my mate Dave to do it for me.

  12. #1827
    International Vice-Captain OverratedSanity's Avatar
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    A roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. "You mean a martini", the bartender asks. The roman replies "If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it"

  13. #1828
    Englishman BoyBrumby's Avatar
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    If I had a quid for every time I get paranoid...

    I'd wonder who the **** was giving me money and what was their angle.
    Daemon likes this.

  14. #1829
    Gob
    Gob is offline
    Cricket Spectator Gob's Avatar
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    At the finals of the National Poetry Competition the two finalist were an
    unlikely pair. Finalist number one was a Harvard educated professor of
    literature and the winner of several previous competitions. Finalist number two
    was a young Marine Lcpl. from the hills of West Virginia who needed help filling
    out the entry form.
    The final round consisted of each competitor being given the same word and
    having thirty seconds to complete a verse, using the word.
    The Professor went first. The Judge said, " The final word this year is
    ' Timbuktu' " The Prof. started thinking. Ten seconds went by. Twenty seconds.
    The crowd became nervous. After twenty eight seconds the Prof. began,
    " Across the hot Sahara sand,
    Trekked the dusty caravan.
    Men on camels, two by two,
    Destination- Timbuktu.
    The crowd went wild, there was no way that the Hillbilly Marine would ever top
    that.
    The Lcpl. was brought on stage. The judge gave the word, " Timbuktu.
    The young Lcpl. looked to the sky, he thought for 1 0 - 1 5 seconds, stepped up to
    the microphone, cleared his throat, and began,
    " Tim ' en me, a-hunting went,
    Met three girls in a pop-up-tent,
    They was three and we was two,
    So, I bucked one and Tim Buck Two!
    weldone likes this.



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