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Thread: The Lame Joke Corner

  1. #1696
    Cricketer Of The Year Manee's Avatar
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    Always wonder how bad swimmers are successfully conceived.
    The speed at which a fielding team gets through the innings is overrated.

  2. #1697
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    Quote Originally Posted by smalishah84 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Agent Nationaux View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by smalishah84 View Post
    use the like feature noobs
    cpr likes this.

  3. #1698
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend Samuel_Vimes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daemon View Post
    use the like feature noobs
    uvelocity likes this.
    Messi scores on the rebound.

    Founder of ESAS - Edgar Schiferli, the best associate bowler
    A follower of the schools of Machiavelli, Bentham, Locke, Hobbes, Sutcliffe, Bradman, Lindwall, Miller, Hassett and Benaud
    Member of JMAS, DMAS, FRAS and RTDAS

    Quote Originally Posted by Adolf Grünbaum
    Is the conduct approved by the gods right ("pious"), because of properties of its own, or merely because it pleases the gods to value or command it?

  4. #1699
    Cricketer Of The Year Manee's Avatar
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    Auditioned for The Matrix. I got a call back and it transpired that I'd either be playing the hero or the hated villain. Luckily, got cast as the hero...feel I dodged a bullet there.
    Agent Nationaux likes this.


  5. #1700
    Cricketer Of The Year Agent Nationaux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daemon View Post
    use the like feature noobs
    Have to increase my post count ****
    Quote Originally Posted by BoyBrumby View Post
    Yeah, look, it gives me a pain deep inside my uterus to admit it, but it's Ajmal until such time as we get a working throwing law again.
    Never in a million years would I have thought Brumby to admit this!!!!!!

  6. #1701
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    Quote Originally Posted by Agent Nationaux View Post
    Have to increase my post count ****
    Well others need to increase their 'likes received' count
    GIMH likes this.

  7. #1702
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    I saw a study that said one out of every 10 people are gay.

    I've had sex with 10 people.

    That really weirds me out, because statistically, that means at least one of those dudes was probably gay.
    GIMH and TommoHawk like this.

  8. #1703
    International Coach uvelocity's Avatar
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    it was you tbf
    Quote Originally Posted by sledger View Post
    I just love all kinds of balls.

  9. #1704
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    Rumour is that Kate's having a Caesarian. They want the baby to come out through the sunroof as a tribute to its grandmother.
    Uppercut and Son Of Coco like this.

  10. #1705
    Cricketer Of The Year Manee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daemon View Post
    Rumour is that Kate's having a Caesarian. They want the baby to come out through the sunroof as a tribute to its grandmother.
    Oh no!

  11. #1706
    U19 Debutant Esperance's Avatar
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    There was a young couple very much in love. On the night before they were to be married, both were killed in an automobile accident.
    They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by St. Peter.
    After a couple of weeks in heaven, the prospective groom took St. Peter aside and said, “St. Peter, my fiancee and I are very happy to be in heaven, but we miss very much the opportunity to have our wedding vows celebrated. Is it possible for people in heaven to get married?”
    St. Peter looked at him and said, “I’m sorry, I've never heard of anyone in heaven wanting to get married. I’m afraid you’ll have to talk to the Lord God Almighty about that. I can get you an appointment in two weeks from Wednesday.”
    Come the appointed day, the couple was escorted by the guardian angels into the presence of the Lord God Almighty, where they repeated the request.
    The Lord looked at them solemnly and said, “I tell you what; wait a year and if you still want to get married, come back and we will talk about it again.”
    A year went by and the couple, still very much wanting to get married, came back.
    Again, the Lord God Almighty said, “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but you must wait another year, and then I will consider your request.”
    This happened year after year, for ten years. Each time they reasserted their yearning to be married; each time God put them off for another year.
    In the tenth year, they came before they Lord God Almighty to ask again.
    This time the Lord answered, “Yes, you may marry! This Saturday at 2:00 p.m. We will have a beautiful ceremony in the main chapel. The reception will be on me!”
    The wedding went off without a hitch. The bride looked beautiful. All of heaven’s denizens attended, and a good time was had by all.
    Tragically, but perhaps inevitably, within a few weeks, the newlyweds realized that they had made a horrible mistake. They simply couldn't stay married to one another. So they made another appointment to see the Lord God Almighty.
    Groveling and frightened, they asked if they could get a divorce.
    The Lord heard their request, looked at them, and said, “Look, it took us TEN YEARS to find a priest up here in heaven. Do you have any idea how long it’ll take us to find a lawyer?”
    You take my pawn, I take your rook. You take my bishop, I take your queen. You take my knight, I buy Mayfair. Because while you were busy playing chess, I've been playing Monopoly the entire time.

  12. #1707
    Cricketer Of The Year Manee's Avatar
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    Spouses grow to look like each other. So, to be good looking and get girls, I must first marry a model...hmmm...
    GIMH likes this.

  13. #1708
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    I spent an hour at my wife's grave this morning.

    She still thinks I'm digging a fish pond.
    Marcuss, cpr, uvelocity and 2 others like this.
    Cricket Web's 2013/14 Premier League Tipping Champion

    - As featured in The Independent.

    "as much a news event as an actual footballer, a worthy stop-start centre forward, but an all-time hyper-galactico when it comes to doing funny things with cars and hats, a player whose signing proves once again that the Premier League is still undoubtedly the best in the world when it comes to doing things with cars and hats."
    - Barney Ronay on Mario Balotelli

  14. #1709
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend smalishah84's Avatar
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    And smalishah's avatar is the most classy one by far Jan certainly echoes the sentiments of CW

    Yeah we don't crap in the first world; most of us would actually have no idea what that was emanating from Ajmal's backside. Why isn't it roses and rainbows like what happens here? PEWS's retort to Ganeshran on Daemon's picture depicting Ajmal's excreta

  15. #1710
    Englishman BoyBrumby's Avatar
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    I saw my mate in the pub today looking really pissed off so I asked him what was wrong.

    "I got fired today", he said, "for downloading something on to the work computer and causing everything to crash."

    "That sounds a bit harsh", I replied.

    "They don't **** around at Air Traffic Control", he said.
    Daemon and TommoHawk like this.



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