Cricket Player Manager
Page 104 of 123 FirstFirst ... 45494102103104105106114 ... LastLast
Results 1,546 to 1,560 of 1834
Like Tree123Likes

Thread: The Lame Joke Corner

  1. #1546
    International Coach Shri's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    11,181

  2. #1547
    State Vice-Captain MrPrez's Avatar
    Tournaments Won: 1
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    South Africa
    Posts
    1,092
    A baptist pastor and his wife wanted to get a dog. However, they realized that the dog would have to Baptist too in order for it to be accepted by the congregation. So the search began.

    It lasted weeks and weeks until they finally reached a dog shelter. As per usual they asked if the shelter had any Baptist dogs. This time, though, the person in charge didn't say "sorry, no" but instead said "I have just the one." She went and fetched the dog.

    The pastor wanted to test the dog before he purchased it, and he noticed a bible in a nearby bookshelf. "Fetch the bible" he commanded. The dog ran up to the bookshelf, rummaged among the books and found the bible. He brought it back to the pastor and put it at his feet. "Find Psalms 22:4," he commanded. The dog, showing incredible resourcefulness, managed to use its paw to flick between the pages. He soon found the requested verse. "Impressive," said the pastor. "We'll take him."

    The couple threw a party to welcome the dog to the home, inviting many of the congregation. Much of the time was spent watching the dog find various requested pieces of scripture. Eventually, one of the congregation asked the pastor: "Can it do normal dog tricks too?"

    "Why, I don't know!" the pastor replied. "Let's try."

    "Heel!"

    The dog immediately bounced up to an elderly lady in a wheelchair, raised itself up onto two legs, and place a paw on her.

    "Oh no!" cried the pastor.

    "It's not a Baptist dog; it's Pentecostal!"
    @CowsCorner - 202 followers and counting!

    Disclaimer: I am a biased South African. Anything I say is likely to have something in it that ultimately favours the Proteas.

  3. #1548
    U19 Debutant
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    389
    smali et al..

    A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "D d d doc, I've bbeen stttutering ffor yyyears and IIII'm tttired of it. Cccan yyyou hehehelp mmme?"

    The doctor says, "Well, I'll have to examine you to see what's going on."

    So he examines him and says, "Well I think I know what the problem is.."

    The guy says, "Wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc?"

    The doctor says, "Well, it's your penis, it's about a foot long and all the down pressure is putting strain on your vocal cords.”

    The guy says, "Wwwat cccan we ddo?"


    The doctor advises, "Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one."

    The guy says, "Dddeal.....Dddo it!"

    The guy has the operation and six weeks later, he comes back into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, you solved the problem and I don't stutter anymore, but I've only had sex once in the past three weeks. My wife doesn't like it anymore. She liked it with my long one. I don't care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back on"

    The doctor says, "P p p piss o o o off. A ddddeal's a dddeal.

  4. #1549
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend smalishah84's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    IL
    Posts
    22,068
    Quote Originally Posted by doesitmatter View Post
    smali et al..

    A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "D d d doc, I've bbeen stttutering ffor yyyears and IIII'm tttired of it. Cccan yyyou hehehelp mmme?"

    The doctor says, "Well, I'll have to examine you to see what's going on."

    So he examines him and says, "Well I think I know what the problem is.."

    The guy says, "Wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc?"

    The doctor says, "Well, it's your penis, it's about a foot long and all the down pressure is putting strain on your vocal cords.

    The guy says, "Wwwat cccan we ddo?"

    The doctor advises, "Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one."

    The guy says, "Dddeal.....Dddo it!"

    The guy has the operation and six weeks later, he comes back into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, you solved the problem and I don't stutter anymore, but I've only had sex once in the past three weeks. My wife doesn't like it anymore. She liked it with my long one. I don't care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back on"

    The doctor says, "P p p piss o o o off. A ddddeal's a dddeal.


    dude, your jokes are pretty good
    And smalishah's avatar is the most classy one by far Jan certainly echoes the sentiments of CW

    Yeah we don't crap in the first world; most of us would actually have no idea what that was emanating from Ajmal's backside. Why isn't it roses and rainbows like what happens here? PEWS's retort to Ganeshran on Daemon's picture depicting Ajmal's excreta


  5. #1550
    U19 Debutant
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    389
    one more..

    A young and foolish hot-shot pilot wanted to sound cool and show who was boss on the aviation radio frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching an airfield during the nighttime.

    Instead of making an official landing requests to the tower, he said: ...."Guess who?"

    The tower controller switched the field lights off and replied: ....."Guess where!"

  6. #1551
    U19 Debutant
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    389
    An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"

    "There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.

    The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."

    "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

    The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."
    The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people things in a room full of others, if the answer could embarrass anyone."

    The man walked out, waited several minutes and then reentered.

    The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

    "There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.

    "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"

    "I can't piss out of it," the man replied.

    The doctor's office erupted in laughter.

  7. #1552
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend smalishah84's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    IL
    Posts
    22,068

  8. #1553
    International Captain wellAlbidarned's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    away from the palms
    Posts
    6,539
    Do you make these up yourself? Manee could have competition if so
    Exit pursuing a beer

  9. #1554
    Cricketer Of The Year Manee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Heaven
    Posts
    8,437
    Quote Originally Posted by wellAlbidarned View Post
    Do you make these up yourself? Manee could have competition if so
    Haha, on that note, just did a gig last night for the university, went pretty well.

  10. #1555
    U19 Debutant
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    389
    Quote Originally Posted by wellAlbidarned View Post
    Do you make these up yourself? Manee could have competition if so
    I wish..btw here is one more...........

    Having reached the age of 65, I went to apply for Social Security last
    week. After waiting in line for a very long time, I finally got to the counter.

    The woman there asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I
    looked in my pockets and realized, to my great dismay, that I had left
    my wallet on the night stand in my bedroom. I told the lady that I was
    very sorry, but I see med to have left my wallet at home. "I'll have to
    go get it and come back later," I said. At that point, she said to me,
    "Unbutton your shirt." I was confused, but I opened my shirt, revealing lots
    of curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and, with that, she promptly processed my application.

    When I got home, I couldn't wait to tell my wife about my experience at
    the Social Security Office.! She listened to the whole story and then
    said, "You should have dropped your pants . . you might have gotten
    disability, too."

  11. #1556
    International Coach Agent Nationaux's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    10,000

  12. #1557
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend smalishah84's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    IL
    Posts
    22,068
    Quote Originally Posted by doesitmatter View Post
    I wish..btw here is one more...........

    Having reached the age of 65, I went to apply for Social Security last
    week. After waiting in line for a very long time, I finally got to the counter.

    The woman there asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I
    looked in my pockets and realized, to my great dismay, that I had left
    my wallet on the night stand in my bedroom. I told the lady that I was
    very sorry, but I see med to have left my wallet at home. "I'll have to
    go get it and come back later," I said. At that point, she said to me,
    "Unbutton your shirt." I was confused, but I opened my shirt, revealing lots
    of curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and, with that, she promptly processed my application.

    When I got home, I couldn't wait to tell my wife about my experience at
    the Social Security Office.! She listened to the whole story and then
    said, "You should have dropped your pants . . you might have gotten
    disability, too."

  13. #1558
    International Captain LongHopCassidy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Nursing a broken ****ing arm
    Posts
    5,681
    Judge to defendant: 'Sir, why do you keep beating your wife and children?'

    Defendant: 'If you ask me, your Honour, I'd say it's my superior reach, footwork and technique.'
    "The Australian cricket captain is the Prime Minister Australia wishes it had. Steve Waugh is that man, Michael Clarke is not." - Jarrod Kimber

    RIP Fardin Qayyumi and Craig Walsh - true icons of CricketWeb.

  14. #1559
    Englishman BoyBrumby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Gone too soon
    Posts
    45,338
    I had a drink with my brother the other day and we had a laugh about how competitive we were as kids.

    But I laughed more.
    Cricket Web's 2013/14 Premier League Tipping Champion

    - As featured in The Independent.

    "I don't believe a word of Pietersen's book, but then I don't believe a word anyone else has said either."
    - Simon Barnes renders further comment on KP's autobiography superfluous in a sentence

  15. #1560
    International Coach duffer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    63*
    Posts
    11,963
    Heh.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jono View Post
    True, a Duffer "heh" is like 50 likes.



Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 2269
    Last Post: 16-11-2014, 12:44 PM
  2. Joke of the day
    By Mister Wright in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 279
    Last Post: 12-06-2008, 03:44 PM
  3. Fletcher's a joke
    By BingLeeElectric in forum Ashes 2006/07
    Replies: 61
    Last Post: 07-12-2006, 10:55 PM
  4. Black armbands - what a joke !
    By sqwerty in forum Cricket Chat
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 30-11-2006, 03:15 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •