what does moses and a drug dealer have in common?
moses went up a hill with a tablet, and came down a profit
Last edited by wellAlbidarned; 01-10-2012 at 11:58 PM.
Exit pursuing a beer
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a 'soft' drink. It brings a whole new meaning to the words 'cocktails' and 'highballs'.
They have just found Jimmy Savile's diary.
His last entry was 10 years old.
Sports Direct are doing a Jimmy Saville memorial tracksuit. The tops in adult size, but you have to squeeze into kids bottoms
"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher." - Ambrose Bierce
Langeveldt: I of course blame their parents.. and unchecked immigration!
GingerFurball: He's Austrian, they tend to produce the odd ****ed up individual
Burgey: Be careful dealing with neighbours whose cars don't have wheels but whose houses do.
Uppercut: Maybe I just need better strippers
I bet Gary Glitter regrets not asking Jim to fix it instead of taking his computer to PC World now.
Cricket Web's 2013/14 Premier League Tipping Champion
- As featured in The Independent.
"as much a news event as an actual footballer, a worthy stop-start centre forward, but an all-time hyper-galactico when it comes to doing funny things with cars and hats, a player whose signing proves once again that the Premier League is still undoubtedly the best in the world when it comes to doing things with cars and hats."
- Barney Ronay on Mario Balotelli
I hate glory hunting Man U supporters' excuses..."Well my dad supported them when I was young..."
My dad used to shag my mum too; it doesn't mean I have to.
I do that because I'm an East Anglian.
A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the
Third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation.
After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well, sister, this looks pretty grim."
"I know, father."
"In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two."
"I agree", says the Father, "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out
Of here alive, would you u do something for me?"
"I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."
"Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm."
The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
"Sister, would you mind if I touched them? She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
"Father, could I ask something of you?"
"I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"
"I suppose that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe.
"Oh Father, may I touch it?" The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.
"Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life."
"Is that true father?"
"Yes, it is, Sister."
"Oh Father that's wonderful, stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here."
Hope this is considered as a lame joke..
I was stuck at a desert outpost during my time in the French Foreign Legion. I asked one of the other guys what was usually done in order to get some relief and he told me “We use the camels.” At first I was disgusted, but after a few weeks I started rationalizing it to myself…so late one night I snuck into the stables where the camels were kept and started going at it with one of ‘em. Right after I got into a rhythm the same dude who first mentioned humping the humped creatures walked into the building and stared at me, bug-eyed and slack jawed.
“What are you doing?!” he finally exclaimed.
“Dude, you told me ya’ll use the camels when you’re horny” was my flustered response as I started pulling up my pants.
“Well, yeah” he said, “But me and the other guys use the camels to ride into town and pick up girls”
Would've suffocated long ago if that were the case
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