In light of the recent downturn in the quantity and quality of rants, I’ve decided to put together a best of list, to remember the good times and the best of the best. This is only part one, part two will be published depending on demand.
NZTailender on hipsters
C_C on poor drivers and people who kill for funIt's like an L Plate for your hookers licence. Stop wearing them, please.
Voltman on women at supermarket checkoutsTwo of my pet peeves.
Good thing i dont have a car. Or else i'd go ram some of these ******s on the road outta sheer spite.
BoyBrumby on cyclists who use pelican crossingsHonestly, why are you surprised that you have to pay when the checkout chick tells you the total? Get your EFTPOS card, your chequebook, your credit card or some of your cash out before she reaches that point.
Fraz on, well…nfi…& If I jumped the red light & ran them over I'd be in the wrong. Where's the justice?
Mr Casson on teen mothers riding the busמה בעייתי ?
זיפה ארמקוצ להיות ככל ש- ; חיובי, שפה, לשון !!!!!!!!
Mr Casson on beggarsIt’s a shame that there are 22 year old guys around that are quite happy to screw a 15 year old girl and take a punt on the wisdom of not using a prophylactic. Look, I don’t want to tell people how to live their lives, but most of these girls probably owned a Baby Born doll no more than 8 years ago and have thrown it out by now. What’s going to happen to the baby? If you’re irresponsible enough to have unprotected *** at the age of 15, chances are you’re not responsible enough to wipe a baby’s bum. And think about how much substance a twenty-something moron has when he asks you to marry him after two months of going out - the possibility that he’s an immature, antisocial failure are pretty high.
Actually, when I’m riding the bus it’s not just the teen mothers who disgust me. I hate the gutter scum who loudly rebuke or hit their children when they’re acting up, just to save face and stop people from thinking that they let their children run wild. People around you don’t actually mind kids being loud – that’s what they do, and it’s far better than seeing you hit them.
dontcloseyoureyes on rantingI’m waiting for a bus, not thinking about what to do with all this surplus money I’ve got. I’m not rich and I’m not giving you squat. Go rob the Salvation Army guy sitting outside the mall, he probably won’t mind because he’s raising money for chumps like you anyway. Oh, and don’t tell me that you need the money for lunch and maybe a coffee; I know that your lunch comes in liquid form and the coffee is Irish sans coffee.
Mr Casson on the morbidly obesePeople who think that their complaining means **** at all. Seriously, why the **** does this thread even exist. No one gives a ****. Poorest excuse for a vent.
dontcloseyoureyes on post-rock and its fansHow can a human being get THAT big? I used to think obesity was just a poisonous cocktail of laziness and gluttony, but apparently I was wrong. It takes a conscious and deliberate effort to eat nothing but bad food, and then overeat it, and then never, ever do any form of even mild exercise to balloon to such a stratospheric index of corpulence. And why? Fair enough, most people couldn’t care less if they were an athlete, but surely being only just on the right side of a tonne isn’t the most enjoyable physical condition either? Get up and move, you lazy ****s, and while you’re up, have a little read about nutrition.
Scaly piscine on millionaire 'celebs' telling people to give money to charity****ing wake up to yourselves. Why the **** do you need to be so pretentious? Wow, you can make 45 minute songs with about 17 seconds of actual ****ing music in them, whoop-dee-****ing-doo. I actually got told that the music I listen to has too short a songs (I WAS LISTENING TO DREAM THEATER AT THE TIME, RIIIIIGHT) and that makes it bad. WHAT. THE. ****. I mean come on, Godspeed You! Black Emperor have 35 minute songs that consist of ****ing background noise with a guitar strum every minute and forty-five seconds. Get of that ****ing high horse you pretentious bastards.
Sir Redman on people playing music in public placesHypocritical tossers. They're the ones that have all the money for doing sweet FA each week, a couple of you tossers giving up most of your soft earned money would make infinitely more difference than hundreds of thousands doing some real work giving what they can. Go on then celebs, lets see you rummage through your bank accounts then. Na, didn't think so.
Mr Casson on Sandi ThomWhat gives you the right to blast your crap music at such a loud volume? What's wrong with using an MP3 player or walkman? It's such an arrogant, selfish thing to do and it really pisses me off, especially when I'm trying to concentrate on something. What makes it even worse is that without exception it is people who listen to garbage who do it - it's always hip-hop or some ghastly wailing from some talentless muppet.
Craigos on the TomKat weddingI get it - you wish you were a punk rocker. What I don’t get is why her sceptic-scented mooing, now the ultimate repository of post-ska teenage banality, sounds suspiciously unlike anything ever credited to punk rock; I’d have thought a person, even a poor one like Sandi Thom, would at least make a credible attempt at being something they idealised and aspired to instead of something so totally different. Worse news is that I heard this song is apparently Australia’s anthem of 2006 – hold up, buttercup! This song doesn’t represent me, and as an ‘anthem’ is symbolic only of how contemporary music is dominated by like, bopping teen girls. Ah! And all of you who like this song can stick a fork in your backsides and twist the handle, because it’s filthy flapdoodle that would make more ears bleed than a ward of haemophiliacs.
I hope you die and have a very cheap funeral, Thom.
Nnanden on opinionated cricket followersCelebrity wedding of the year? More like who gives a rat's really. Deadset what is so friggin' great about these two people that everybody has go like crazy over these two, and celebrity wedding of the year? WTF? More like publicity stunt of the year IMO and Tom Cruise has to be one of the most annoying cringeworthy people out there. I wonder how many people would like to give him an uppercut?
Craigos on the unemployedPeople who talk about the cricket like they gave birth to Billy Grace. So many selection issues and such that they think they know best about. I don`t know much about many subjects in life, but I do know a lot about Australian Cricket, from around club level up. When people say "Pick MacGill" after he`s just taken 0/129 off 20 overs in Grade Cricket, they obviously aren`t heaps informed. I don`t mind at all when people have an opinion on it, just like I would for other countries` teams, but when they state it as fact and imply there is no other possible way, it annoys me.
That BaggyGreen poll a few weeks ago said pick between Clark, Johnson and Tait. I think 11% went with Clark for goodness sake.
Enjoy the cricket, try the veal, but don`t fornicate over Tait because you watched him bowl a yorker in a Prime Ministers` XI match.
Craigos on Schappalle CorbyThose who have a cry about how hard off they are should take a look in the mirror and realise there are worse off then them, and if you are so struggling, then find a way and do something about it. I mean for teenagers to boost about a $190 a fortnight allowance, I mean that is $95 a week, how on earth can you live off that?
I have seen on ACA about people struggling to find public housing and being forced to live in a tent. Here is a tip get a job you lazy bogan. Get up early in the morning and walk around all the business asking for work, they will either say yes or no.
And as for those young girls who spread their legs to get a $4000 baby bonus just for the money then they should have the baby taken off them until such time they are proven to be suitable mothers. It isn't fair on the child to be forced to be brought by a greedy money hungry ****.
cpr or people who stand still on escalatorsWhen will her and inbred bogan family get over themselves? If she kept her mouth shut and paid the bribes she would be home by now. That is how it works in Indonesia. You don't get anywhere without paying a bribe or two. Not your drugs, why not put a lock on the first place. It isn't that hard nor expensive (if you can afford a plane ticket to Bali then you can afford a lock from Crazy Clarks).
16 tins of Spam on Christmas adsThere still stairs!!!!!! Walk goddamit. Its even worse when a couple stand next to each other on the same step, blocking the way for those who realise that their legs work
superkingdave on ironyI hate that Super Cheap Auto ad where the dad unwraps the enormous adjustable spanner and says "Thank you Santa!"
I want to reach through the screen, grab the spanner and beat him to death with it.
16 tins of Spam on his flatmateGetting with someone you've liked for 2 years less than a month before you go to the opposite side of the world for a year...
Even worse said female telling you they told you how much they liked you last christmas(2005) but you not remembering because you were too drunk.
Son Of Coco on ATM usageAside from the fact that she spends most of her time sitting on the sofa like a vast slug mindlessly staring at the E! channel, or the fact that she never reads anything other than Women's Weekly, or that she likes anything played on top-40 radio but hates any music that she's never heard of, is the fact that she endlessly whinges about the weather here. The other day she called Wellington "a ****ing hole". Seriously, you know where the airport is, you cow. Stop bumming me out.
BoyBrumby on ‘blokes who breach bog etiquette’Just a tip here for people using ATM's...once you've got your money, card, and receipt out of the machine don't stand there for a minute reading your balance while those behind you seriously consider jamming you into the tiny rubbish bin the read receipts are dumped into once you've finished. Reading is difficult, and if you're ignorant enough to be completely unaware of your surroundings and have absolutely no spatial awareness whatsoever it's best you move aside and wait for the first literate person to come wandering past and let them read your receipt to you.
Craigos on parents who leave their kids in carsIn my local pub there's four urinals, now clearly if someone's already having a pee in (say) trap one you'd go to trap four & if traps one & three are occupied you'd still go to trap four as it means you're only pissing next to one bloke as opposed to between two. What I can't stand is if I'm using trap one & someone comes to use trap two when three & four aren't occupied! I mean, what's that about? Does he want a look at mine or does he just prefer company when he's holding his dick?
Worse, of course, are strangers who speak. Sometimes it's ok to share a silence. We aren't women.
andyc on people who refer to cricketers by their nicknamesFFS you don't deserve to have them and should be taken off you until you can prove your a good parent or take parenting classes, I mean on a hot day when the temp gets up to 45-50 degrees, that is too much for anybody, let alone a small kid. Or too be cruel we could lock you in a hot room and wait to get hotter and hotter and see how you like it. If you can't look after them, then (if it is a woman) you should have kept your legs shut or (if a bloke) then keep your willy out.
Jungle Jumbo on bus usersYou do not know the players. You're not mates with them. So stop calling them 'Bear' or 'Roy' or some other wanky obscure name, cause it just makes you sound like an absolute idiot. I don't mind if you don't it once or twice, and if it's an obvious, well known one like 'Warnie' or 'Freddie,' but when you do it every freaking time you talk about a guy then it's just stupid. They have proper names for a reason.
FaaipDeOiad, also on bus usersPeople who swear loudly on the bus do my head in too. FFS, keep it to yourself, don't you have any decency. And 14 year olds who talk about who so-and-so did last weekend at so-and-so's party. And people who get on with pushchairs during rush hour, then complain when there isn't enough space. And, worst of all perhaps, the snooty retired woman who goes home on the busiest bus of the day and then complains about how all these schoolchildren are filling the bus up. Senior citizens' free passes should run out after four, IMO.
Matt79 on mobile phones and societyThe one thing that does bug me even when I'm listening to music and staring out the window is when people attempt to engage me over things. Not "can I see your ticket sir" or "can I have this seat", but things like "nice day isn't it?". When I have headphones on and I'm not looking in your direction, that doesn't mean I want you to tap me on the shoulder and start a pointless conversation. I'm thinking of carrying a sign that says "piss off" and just tapping it politely in these situations.
and finally….Mobile Phones as Fashion Accessories, and especially the saturation advertising for ring-tones, wall-papers, games and ***-chats etc. Seriously, I would ban programmable ring-tones, SMS subscription services etc in a heart-beat - or make it a government monopoly, and thus a de facto stupidity tax. It must be one of the current pinnacles of a decadent society in decline...
NZTailender on Australia
In the light of recent events in Australia to do with flags, white bashing videos, leb bashing videos, jingoism, xenephobia, anythnig the media says, John Howard, The Liberal Party, The Labor Party, IR Laws, all I have to say is...
You know what really grinds my gears? Australia. **** YOU!