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Thread: Lists

  1. #1
    International Debutant Kimbo's Avatar
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    Apr 2002


    I love lists. And over the past year I become mental enough to think of my own. I want it to be longer though. This is what I have so far.

    Annoying things to do while eating.

    1. Chew everything as though it is really tough.
    2. Act as if everything you eat is really spicy, even cucumber. Be dramatic.
    3. Nod as you eat.
    4. Choke on everything you eat, even just one chip, then give yourself the hymanack manouvre. If anyone asks, act as if nothing happened.
    5. Chew your food with disgust, act like it tastes like crap. Then exclaim how lovely it is.
    6. Eat as fast as you can.
    7. Eat as slow as you can.
    8. Put as much food in you mouth as possible at once, then struggle for long periods trying to down the food. Repeat until meal is finished. Make a habit of it.
    9. Catch popcorn in your mouth and miss, repeatadly. Use up the whole bowl.
    life's a gift thats why they call it the present

  2. #2
    International Debutant Kimbo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    heres more.

    11. Take tiny bites- take about 5 minutes just to finish a chip.
    12. Fill your mouth with food and drink at the same time.
    13. Chew with your mouth open, wide open.
    14. Repeat the expression "mmmmm this is devine" after every mouthful. Do this during every meal you have.
    15. Pour mountains of salt on your food then complain that its too salty.
    16. Have a salad consisting only of grated carrot, eat one bit at a time.
    17. Become frustrated as you thrust your fork enthuiastically at peas and they fly off your plate. Make a scene.
    18. Puff out your cheeks every few minutes as if you are about to vomit. Look distressed as it happens but assure everyone that you are perfectly fine and they must be imagining it.
    19. Say "num num num" as you eat, just like babies do.
    20. Chew your drink, make sure its convincing.

  3. #3
    Request Your Custom Title Now! Simon's Avatar
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    May 2002
    haha sunil, it must take you 4 hours to eat your meals.

  4. #4
    International Debutant Kimbo's Avatar
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    Apr 2002
    I don't do these things. Actually I got some inspiration from my father, he keeps filling his mouth as he has a conversation, and he chews with his mouth open.

  5. #5
    Cricket Web XI Moderator lord_of_darkness's Avatar
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    Apr 2002
    Auckland , New Zealand
    LOL i bet he chokes on his food too !!
    Don L-o-d , Legion Of Doom

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  6. #6
    International Debutant Kimbo's Avatar
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    Apr 2002
    he is just rude

  7. #7
    Hall of Fame Member age_master's Avatar
    Plasmanaut on Fire Champion!
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    Nov 2001
    Sydney, NSW, Australia
    i have many lists, i will post soon - have to go and find them again
    Member of CW Green
    Kerry O'Keefe - Worlds funniest Commentator

  8. #8
    International Debutant Kimbo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    did you write them yourself. i had a lot of fun writing mine.
    maybe all us cricketwebbers should get together to write some lists.
    any topic ideas?

  9. #9
    Hall of Fame Member age_master's Avatar
    Plasmanaut on Fire Champion!
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Sydney, NSW, Australia
    50 Things To Do In A Public Toilet

    1. Comment "Pooh, who did that?"

    2. Complement people on their shoes.

    3. Introduce yourself to the person in the next stall. Strike up a conversation.

    4. Provide 'strenuous' sound-effects.

    5. Ask the person in the next stall if there's anything swimming in THEIR bowl.....

    6. Discuss the pros and cons of laxatives.

    7. Scream " Oh my GOD! What the hell is THAT?"

    8. Simulate a drug deal.

    9. Pretend to fall in (with appropriate sound effects).

    10. Roll Easter Eggs under the doors.

    11. Start a sing-a-long.

    12. Act schizophrenically.

    13. Knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in there. If so, ask if they are busy....

    14. Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman.

    15. Ask loudly "When does the movie start?"

    16. Write 'nerdy' graffitti like "Please wash your hands. Thank you."

    17. Kick in stall doors, camera in hand.

    18. Pour water over the stall door onto occupant.

    19. Say "Oops.... missed" while syringing water out around the bowl and under the walls and door into other stalls.

    20. Fake an orgasm.

    21. At night, switch off the lights.

    22. Run around naked yelling "Where's the fish?"

    23. Collect a door charge.

    24. Ask "Is there a doctor in the house?"

    25. Impersonate Elvis. Be convincing.

    26. Ask whether anyone can see your pet sewer rat/river python/axolotl.

    27. Write essay questions on the toilet paper.

    28. Put cling-film (Glad Wrap) over the toilet bowl.

    29. Offer refreshments.

    30. Replace rolls of toilet paper with rolls of sand paper.

    31. Run in, yelling "Free Willy!"

    32. Charge admission.

    33. Electrify metal urinals.

    34. Leave a ladle in the toilet bowl.

    35. One word: GOLDFISH.

    36. Make a jello in the bowl.

    37. Place a sign advertising "Driver's side airbags" as standard.

    38. Remove stall doors.

    39. Glue seat and cover down to bowl.

    40. Place signs warning of 24 hour video surveillance.

    41. Make stall doors lockable only from the OUTSIDE.

    42. Put itching powder on the toilet seats.

    43. Leave a fried egg floating in the bowl.

    44. Replace soap in dispenser with custard.

    45. Completely soak the towel in the towel dispenser, or the paper towels if available.

    46. Make kitty litter trays that fit into toilet bowls. Install.

    47. Replace condoms in vending machine with tampons (or vice versa).

    48. In one stall, attach the toilet bowl to roof. (Advice for young players: Don't leave the water in while you do this....)

    49. Create a crime scene complete with police tape and chalk silhouette.

    50. S**T.

  10. #10
    Hall of Fame Member age_master's Avatar
    Plasmanaut on Fire Champion!
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    Nov 2001
    Sydney, NSW, Australia
    i gtg, more tomorrow

  11. #11
    All Time Legend Paid The Umpire's Avatar
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    Mar 2002
    In Your House, With A Knife!
    you are mad...

    You have read it, you can't unread it.

  12. #12
    Request Your Custom Title Now! Simon's Avatar
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    May 2002
    Things To Do In An Elevator

    1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

    2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

    3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

    4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

    5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

    6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

    7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

    8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.

    9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

    10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

    11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

    12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

    13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

    14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

    15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

    16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

    17) Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

    18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

    19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

    20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

    21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

    22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

    23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

    24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

    25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

    26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"

  13. #13
    Request Your Custom Title Now! Simon's Avatar
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    May 2002
    19 Fun Things to Do In The Public Bathroom - Continuing on from Age Master.

    1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

    2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

    3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise

    4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

    5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot! My glass eye!"

    6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."

    7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh

    8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

    9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

    10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while
    yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

    11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"

    12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?

    13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!

    14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"

    15. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

    16. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks

    17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

    18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

    19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."

  14. #14
    School Boy/Girl Captain
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Bris Vegas, Australia
    Originally posted by broncoman
    Things To Do In An Elevator

    3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

    18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

    Hilarious.... just hilarious!!

  15. #15
    Hall of Fame Member age_master's Avatar
    Plasmanaut on Fire Champion!
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Sydney, NSW, Australia
    Top 98 Ways to Order a Pizza
    If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

    Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

    Use CB lingo where applicable.

    Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

    Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

    Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

    Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up. Answer their questions with questions.

    In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.

    Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.

    Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

    Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD. "Chop your pizza on a mirror!" "Master! Master! Put pepperoni on my pizza!" "Gimme pizza! You will do what I say, when I say Gimme pizza!"

    Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

    Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

    Stutter on the letter "p."

    Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (If phoning Domino's, ask for a CheeserCheeser!)

    Ask what the order taker is wearing.

    Crack your knuckles into the receiver.

    Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

    Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.

    Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

    Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.

    Change your accent every three seconds.

    Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

    Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"

    Start your order with "I'd like...". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."

    If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99 please pull up to the first window."

    Rent a pizza.

    Order while using an electric knife sharpener.

    Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

    Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.

    Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."

    Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"

    Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak.

    When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.

    Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead. Imitate the order taker's voice.

    Eliminate verbs from your speech.

    When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."

    Play a guitar in the background.

    Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.

    Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.

    Ask to see a menu.

    Quote Carl Sandberg.

    Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.

    Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.

    Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.

    Belch directly into the mouthpiece then tell your dog it should be ashamed.

    Order a slice, not a whole pizza.

    Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"

    Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"

    Psychoanalyze the order taker.

    Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.

    Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."

    Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included.

    Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.

    Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.

    Report a petty theft to the order taker.

    Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."

    Ask for the guy who took your order last time.

    If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."

    Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

    Try to talk while drinking something.

    Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and... action!"

    Ask if the pizza is organically grown.

    Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.

    Be vague in your order.

    When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

    If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.

    After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.

    Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."

    State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.

    Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.

    Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.

    Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.

    When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.

    Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.

    Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.

    Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.

    Put them on hold.

    Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.

    Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say, "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."

    Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.

    When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"

    When you're given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."


    Order a one-inch pizza.

    Order term life insurance.

    When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"

    Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.

    Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.

    While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often act embarrassed.

    Engage in some serious swapping.

    Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."

    Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.

    If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.

    Order a steamed pizza.

    Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.

    Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging. If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."

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