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Thread: Eat your heart out, Bill Oddie

  1. #1
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Eat your heart out, Bill Oddie

    I go for a walk every lunchtime, and in the last 3 months I've taken to watching (and feeding) the waterfowl on the canal that runs close to where I work. It's therapy - helped me control the constant pain I was in until my operation a couple of weeks ago. I've a tiny pair of 10x Olympus binoculars - brilliant because they just slip into the trouser pocket.

    Over the last few weeks the feisty little divvels have been, well, full of the joys of spring - mallards, moorhens, geese and swans have all paired up and gradually, over the last few weeks, the females have become harder and harder to find until yesterday, I never saw one all lunchtime.

    Today - w00t, oh joy. About a mile along the canal, I saw a mallard duck and drake together for the first time in days, and sure enough a few seconds later their brood popped into sight - ten floating balls of fluff all taking great care not to venture more than a yard or so away from the far bank. I decided not to throw any bread in (it's not good for them anyway, especially the babies). Everyone who saw them said the same thing - Hoisin Sauce... I mean 'Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh'.

    On my return journey, no more than 30 yards from my office, I happened to spot a moorhen in a small stream that flows alongside the canal. She made a great show of diving repeatedly into the undergrowth at the water's edge, all the time moving further and further away.

    So I moved away a few yards, and focused on the foliage right opposite where I had been standing when I first saw her - sure enough, a couple of tiny heads were peeking out of the reeds. Mum was trying to lure me away from her nest. Clever thing.
    Nigel Clough's Black and White Army, beating Forest away with 10 men

  2. #2
    Hall of Fame Member steds's Avatar
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    And the moral of this heartwarming tale is?

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    International Coach Barney Rubble's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by steds
    And the moral of this heartwarming tale is?
    Perhaps the fact that a duck was able to attempt to fool a human being (albeit unsuccessfully)?

  4. #4
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by steds
    And the moral of this heartwarming tale is?
    A few weeks ago, I was utterly convinced that I had colon cancer (after an illness that had lasted more than 2 years).

    I didn't - it was an extremely nasty condition I was suffering from that was utterly excruciating but not life-threatening (except I was ready to kill anyone who upset me). Now that nonsense has finally been sorted out, I can appreciate some of the finer points in life - and today's little nature trail is just one of them.

    Just humour me for a bit - Pedro Delgado has already noted how good a humour I've been in of late. Give it a couple of weeks and I'll be back to being obnoxious again.

    Now I've just got to lose 6 stone in weight.


  5. #5
    International Coach Barney Rubble's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by luckyeddie
    A few weeks ago, I was utterly convinced that I had colon cancer (after an illness that had lasted more than 2 years).

    I didn't - it was an extremely nasty condition I was suffering from that was utterly excruciating but not life-threatening (except I was ready to kill anyone who upset me). Now that nonsense has finally been sorted out, I can appreciate some of the finer points in life - and today's little nature trail is just one of them.

    Just humour me for a bit - Pedro Delgado has already noted how good a humour I've been in of late. Give it a couple of weeks and I'll be back to being obnoxious again.

    Now I've just got to lose 6 stone in weight.
    Glad to hear you're back to your old self Eddie, and that the illness is all in the past. Certainly been on top form comically these last few weeks - shame Volty has been as well.

    Good luck with the weight loss - here's to a leaner, meaner LE any time soon.

  6. #6
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Barney Rubble
    Glad to hear you're back to your old self Eddie, and that the illness is all in the past. Certainly been on top form comically these last few weeks - shame Volty has been as well.

    Good luck with the weight loss - here's to a leaner, meaner LE any time soon.
    Volty's brilliant - I never thought that I'd ever come across (cue 'our' avatar) anyone as sick, disgusting, heartless, depraved and perverted as me, but I surely did. Not only that - he's a member of the fourth estate to boot. Hot metal, top bloke.

  7. #7
    Banned josephcooper's Avatar
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    I'd like to eat out Bill Oddie.

  8. #8
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by josephcooper
    I'd like to eat out Bill Oddie.
    I'd like to out-eat Inzamam ul-Haq

  9. #9
    Hall of Fame Member Smudge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by luckyeddie
    Volty's brilliant - I never thought that I'd ever come across (cue 'our' avatar) anyone as sick, disgusting, heartless, depraved and perverted as me, but I surely did. Not only that - he's a member of the fourth estate to boot. Hot metal, top bloke.
    I'm still waiting on you to email me your bank account number, Eddie, so I can make that handsome deposit for those kind words.

    Yours,
    Jackson Ngane,
    Voltman Perpetual Motion Society Ltd (Nigeria Branch)
    1537 Freedom Avenue
    Lagos
    Nigeria

  10. #10
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Voltman
    I'm still waiting on you to email me your bank account number, Eddie, so I can make that handsome deposit for those kind words.

    Yours,
    Jackson Ngane,
    Voltman Perpetual Motion Society Ltd (Nigeria Branch)
    1537 Freedom Avenue
    Lagos
    Nigeria
    Scam alert...... awooga awooga.

    Can't fool me - you didn't make it sound important enough.

    Should have used upper-case. That'd have done it.

  11. #11
    Eyes not spreadsheets marc71178's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by luckyeddie
    I'd like to out-eat Inzamam ul-Haq
    But I thought you said you had to lose weight?
    marc71178 - President and founding member of AAAS - we don't only appreciate when he does well, but also when he's not quite so good!

    Anyone want to join the Society?

    Beware the evils of Kit-Kats - they're immoral apparently.

  12. #12
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marc71178
    But I thought you said you had to lose weight?
    Got me there.

    Anyway, this morning I made the effort, catching a bus at 7.00 am instead of the usual 7.20. This allowed me the luxury of disembussing ('embus' is a verb meaning to catch a bus, so 'disembus' should be its opposite ) on University Boulevard, leaving me a couple of miles stroll along the canal into Nottingham city centre.

    More ducks.

    That brook that flows alongside part of the canal (apparently it's called Tinker's Leen) is now home to another proud mallard mum and her brood - five bite-size ducklings.

    I saw a heron too.

    Ah well. Back to work.



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