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Thread: CW Times

  1. #1
    International Debutant Kimbo's Avatar
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    CW Times

    Post your news items here
    life's a gift thats why they call it the present

  2. #2
    International Debutant Kimbo's Avatar
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    Macca Crowing about Hollywood

    Where has Craig McMillan gone? To Hollywood!
    McMillan got the phone call from to Hollywood director, Steven Spielberg, one month ago. He is acting as a stunt double to Russel Crowe in Gladiator II.
    "I was asleep when the phone woke me up" McMillan recalls "I thought it was a prank call, but I got faxed my flight details straight away. I am absolutely stoked".
    McMillan has regrown his facial hair and is loving the attention he is getting. Speilberg has so far been impressed with McMillan's acting work, saying "He is doing well. He enjoys the challenge and always thinks of new ways to overcome problems."

  3. #3
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Cricket umpire suffering from severe crap

    Umpire David Shepherd was this evening reported to be resting at home following an alarming attack of Nelsonitis.

    Our medical correspondent, Dr Edward Good-Fortune, explained "The condition is not dissimilar to St Vitus' Dance inasmuch as the victim tends to alternately hop around or shuffle from one foot to another. It is a psychosomatic condition brought on by the belief that keeping more than one leg on the ground at any time will not get a laugh".

    Reports from the vicinity of Mr Shepherd's house 'Owizzee' in the village of 'Missing Legstump' indicate that he had drawn quite a crowd who appeared to be in a state described as 'hopoplectic' by our man on the spot, David Notsoconstant.

    Police are seeking a 49 year-old journalist from the universal city of CricketWeb who has just submitted his 1111th post.

    Correction : The headline should read "Cricket umpire suffering from severe cramp"

    <quack Oh no it shouldn't>
    Nigel Clough's Black and White Army, beating Forest away with 10 men

  4. #4
    Eyes not spreadsheets marc71178's Avatar
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    Outrage as jealousy hits Cricketweb.

    Moderator Neil Pickup has caused a scandal by closing the "marc71178 tribute" thread. An un-named source said "It's so unfair, he's clearly jealous of me having a tribute thread when he hasn't got one"

    More to follow...
    marc71178 - President and founding member of AAAS - we don't only appreciate when he does well, but also when he's not quite so good!

    Anyone want to join the Society?

    Beware the evils of Kit-Kats - they're immoral apparently.


  5. #5
    International Debutant Kimbo's Avatar
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    Neil Pickup backhander

    Sunil Havascar, a honest hard-working girl on Cricketweb has reported that Neil Pickup tried to pay her to start a tribute thread. Havascar was lying sick in bed when Pickup called her
    "He tried to pay me 15 pounds"she told reporters, "I told him I was not interested, but he has been calling me every hour with higher offers."
    Havascar says that the offer is now 100 pounds, she warns other Cricketweb members to watch out.
    "Neil is desperate. I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to call other people."
    Havascar is definitely not going to start a thread for Neil as she thinks he is most undeserving, especially after this debacle.

  6. #6
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Duck voted CricketWeb Journalist of the Year'

    Amidst unprecedented scenes at the Cricket Writers Guild yesterday, a small yellow mallard which miraculously glows red in the dark was bestowed with the honour by an amazing margin of 27,809,447 votes, defeating Mark Nicholas (7 votes) into second place. Bob Willis was nowhere (as usual).

    The victorious duck was as magnanimous in victory as we have come to expect, saying "<quack> to say that most of my best work is done when that **** (expletive deleted) LuckyEddie locks me in the cupboard does not really do it justice. If it was up to me, I would not bother with this award ceremony in future since the outcome is a foregone conclusion."

    Nicholas and Willis were unavailable for comment, but came in for particular praise from the golden wordmeister, "<quack> pair of losers. I'm just amazed that anyone bothered to vote for those ***** (expletive deleted). ".

    During the dinner itself, Devil Ducky sat resplendant in the soup tureen, eating the croutons wittily shouting "<quack> Oi garkon break that bread roll up and throw it in here before I chin yer, yer ******* (expletive deleted)".

    On a completely unrelated subject, police were investigating two separate hacking incidents - one at the Cricket Writers Guild server and the second at the home of a second-rate cricket hack from Derby. Detectives said "... we are baffled. All we have to go on is a yellow feather and some breadcrumbs."

    Later, Mark Nicholas was escorted away by uniformed officers protesting his innocence. "Not me. It was Willis. He's always hated me."

    Dominic Cork is 87.

  7. #7
    International Debutant Eyes_Only's Avatar
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    Originally posted by luckyeddie
    Cricket umpire suffering from severe crap

    Umpire David Shepherd was this evening reported to be resting at home following an alarming attack of Nelsonitis.

    Our medical correspondent, Dr Edward Good-Fortune, explained "The condition is not dissimilar to St Vitus' Dance inasmuch as the victim tends to alternately hop around or shuffle from one foot to another. It is a psychosomatic condition brought on by the belief that keeping more than one leg on the ground at any time will not get a laugh".

    Reports from the vicinity of Mr Shepherd's house 'Owizzee' in the village of 'Missing Legstump' indicate that he had drawn quite a crowd who appeared to be in a state described as 'hopoplectic' by our man on the spot, David Notsoconstant.

    Police are seeking a 49 year-old journalist from the universal city of CricketWeb who has just submitted his 1111th post.

    Correction : The headline should read "Cricket umpire suffering from severe cramp"

    <quack Oh no it shouldn't>
    Love your work Eddie...but you are aware of the fact that you seriously have way too much time on your hands aren't you??
    Simon Taufel---ICC Umpire Of The Year 2005/2006/2007


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    "Just keep your mouth shut and I'll only have to think you're stupid." The golden rule of umpiring according to the world's best cricket umpire, Australia's Simon Taufel.

  8. #8
    Cricket Web Staff Member / Global Moderator Neil Pickup's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Eyes_Only
    Love your work Eddie...but you are aware of the fact that you seriously have way too much time on your hands aren't you??
    It's not his fault he's unemployed...

    Marc - You can tell full well that there is a completely unrelated reason for closing that thread!

    Kim - I don't need a tribute thread. I know I'm great 8D
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  9. #9
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Love your work Eddie...but you are aware of the fact that you seriously have way too much time on your hands aren't you??
    <quack> it's all part of the fat one's master plan for world domination. He's in Barnsley at the moment with his silly wife doing silly bowelling or something completely unrelated to water weed or bread.

    <quack> do you know - the swine EATS eggs instead of sitting on them. AND he won't set me up with a sign-in or email address. How can my fans contact me?

    DD

  10. #10
    International Debutant Kimbo's Avatar
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    Kim - I don't need a tribute thread. I know I'm great 8D
    You just keep telling yourself that Neil...

  11. #11
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Remember this :

    I have so many years experience of writing garbage (at least 30) that it just rolls off my fingers.

    I COULD cut it out and just stick to the serious stuff and articles....

    <quack I wish you would, funny man. The only person you are amusing is yourself. AND where's my bread?>

  12. #12
    Eyes not spreadsheets marc71178's Avatar
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    Kim - I don't need a tribute thread. I know I'm great 8D
    But not great enough to even have one tribute thread, let alone 2!:saint::saint:8D

  13. #13
    Eyes not spreadsheets marc71178's Avatar
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    AND he won't set me up with a sign-in or email address. How can my fans contact me?

    DD
    Don't worry DD, we know who the real brains in the operation is

  14. #14
    Cricket Web XI Moderator lord_of_darkness's Avatar
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    You just keep telling yourself that Neil...
    Lol comments like those that neil makes that gets him no where in life :P or maybe does a teeny bit
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  15. #15
    International Debutant Kimbo's Avatar
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    Well unsubstantiated comments do that for anyone.

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