Page 11 of 19 FirstFirst ... 910111213 ... LastLast
Results 151 to 165 of 280

Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #151
    Request Your Custom Title Now! benchmark00's Avatar
    Tournaments Won: 1
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Is this CricketWeb's greatest poster in the short history of the forum?
    Posts
    37,156
    Quote Originally Posted by Mister Wright
    Bit lengthy, but enjoyable all the same.
    That's what your attractive mother said
    Parmi | #1 draft pick | Jake King is **** | Big Bash League tipping champion of the universe
    Come and Paint Turtle
    Quote Originally Posted by Jono View Post
    Kohli. Do something in test cricket for once please.

    Thanks.

  2. #152
    Eyes not spreadsheets marc71178's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    England
    Posts
    57,589

    George Bush faces the school children

    George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.

    'Billy.'

    'And what is your question, Billy?'

    'I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?'

    Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, 'OK, where were we? Oh that's right question time. Who has a question?'

    Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is.

    'Steve'

    'And what is your question, Steve?'

    'I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth, what happened to Billy?
    marc71178 - President and founding member of AAAS - we don't only appreciate when he does well, but also when he's not quite so good!

    Anyone want to join the Society?

    Beware the evils of Kit-Kats - they're immoral apparently.

  3. #153
    Cricket Web Content Updater alternative's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Sydney, Australia
    Posts
    11,114
    Hahhaa lol not a bad one..
    Member of the AAAS
    Member of CW Green | Stedingham Jets Grade Cricket Team | Northside Power

    Manager of South Australia (WCC)

    Winner of AFL Tipping 2006 | Winner of Wimbeldon Prediction 2006

  4. #154
    Cricketer Of The Year bugssy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Sydney NSW
    Posts
    8,213
    mum is pregnant with twins
    1 Embryo says to the other as they where having a chat, what do you want to do when you grow up? and the other says i might be a Librarian. and the 1st embrio says, what the hell do you want to do that for, and the 2nd embryo says well i like books and reading so why not.
    2nd embryo says why what do you want to be ? and the 1st embryo says i am going to be a boxer. 2nd embryo says what for you goose, and the 1st embryo says i want to bash that bold headed fella that keeps on coming in here and spitting on us


    boom boom
    Career cricket
    311 wickets @16.54 and 3021 runs @ 34.56 from 176 games over 11 years H.S 178*
    Member of the CW Green
    Cricket Web Career:(end of season 11) FC: 7404 runs @ 30.85 H.S 253* : One Day: 7331 runs @ 48.55 H.S 155*
    Off season: FC 1209 @ 52.51 & One Day: 921 @ 92.10
    COD4: djs clan
    World Of Warcraft: just sensational


  5. #155
    State 12th Man
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    India
    Posts
    752
    Slightly un-PC...


    So there's a Russian guy, a Mexican guy, and a Japanese guy who work for a construction company. They're on a new project, and the owner comes over and says "Okay guys, we're gonna need to get some stuff. Russian dude here is gonna get cement, Mexican guy is going to get timber, and Japanese guy, you're on supplies."
    A few hours pass, and the owner comes back. The Russian guy has a nice stack of cement bags. The Mexican guy has a huge pile of various lumber products. The Japanese guy is nowhere to be found. The owner says "Hey, where's Japanese guy?"
    The Japanese guy jumps out from behind a nearby wall and screams "SUPPLIES!"

  6. #156
    Cricketer Of The Year Mr Casson's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    9,652
    Got it the wrong way around mate... the Japanese say all 'r's as 'r's and all 'l's as 'r's too.
    'Copperfield,' said Mr. Micawber, 'farewell! Every happiness and prosperity! If, in the progress of revolving years, I could persuade myself that my blighted destiny had been a warning to you, I should feel that I had not occupied another man's place in existence altogether in vain.
    - Wilkins Micawber

  7. #157
    State 12th Man
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    India
    Posts
    752
    Ah well. Still one of the funniest jokes I know.

  8. #158
    Soutie Langeveldt's Avatar
    Pinball Champion!
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    South Africa
    Posts
    29,542
    What do you do if you see your television floating in the night?

    Shout "DROP IT *****!"

    oh great, thought filter
    Quote Originally Posted by vic_orthdox View Post
    Don't like using my iPod dock. Ruins battery life too much.
    Quote Originally Posted by benchmark00 View Post
    Thanks Dick Smith. Will remember to subscribe to your newsletter for more electronic fun facts.

    ****.

  9. #159
    International Vice-Captain 33/3from3.3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Hell In A Cell
    Posts
    4,378
    Quote Originally Posted by marc71178
    George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.

    'Billy.'

    'And what is your question, Billy?'

    'I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?'

    Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, 'OK, where were we? Oh that's right question time. Who has a question?'

    Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is.

    'Steve'

    'And what is your question, Steve?'

    'I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth, what happened to Billy?
    Hehehe pretty good
    Maria - Due December

    Quote Originally Posted by NUFAN View Post
    "So this is what it feels like to be on top of a batsmen".
    RIP Fardin Qayummi - 15th April 2006

  10. #160
    Hall of Fame Member Johnners's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    19,030

    The Jigsaw...

    A beautiful blonde calls her boyfriend and says,'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and i can't figure out how to get it started.'

    Her boyfriend asks,'What is it supposed to be when its finished?' the blonde says, ' According to the picture on the box, its a rooster.'

    Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a monent, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says...

    ' First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.' He takes her hand and says,' Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea then...' he said with a deep sigh,'lets put all these corn flakes back in the box'.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jono View Post
    Mitch Johnson is ****ing awesome for cricket.
    Quote Originally Posted by pasag View Post
    Ponting's ability to ton up in the first innings of a series should not be understated. So much pressure, so important. What a great!

  11. #161
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend Mister Wright's Avatar
    Burger Time Champion!
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    24,351
    Quote Originally Posted by Clapo
    A beautiful blonde calls her boyfriend and says,'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and i can't figure out how to get it started.'

    Her boyfriend asks,'What is it supposed to be when its finished?' the blonde says, ' According to the picture on the box, its a rooster.'

    Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a monent, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says...

    ' First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.' He takes her hand and says,' Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea then...' he said with a deep sigh,'lets put all these corn flakes back in the box'.
    I'm still laughing and coubt I will stop for many hours.
    Cricketweb Colts Captain



    Quote Originally Posted by Richard
    Hayden > Lehmann
    I'm a member of Club Kerry

    I'm Green

    The color of immortality, nature and envy - you are truly a unique person. While clearly the color of nature, you also symbolize rebirth, fertility and hope in the world. On the other side of the spectrum, a natural aptitude to money with green coming to signify money and possibly even *********!

  12. #162
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend Matteh's Avatar
    Boredmeeting Champion!
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Midlands
    Posts
    22,939
    Also heard that about David Beckham and a box of Frosties.
    Quote Originally Posted by cpr View Post
    3. Although Cow Tipping is a hilarious student game in backwater towns such as Bangor, there really is no need for Mitchell to cover one side of the cow in superglue

  13. #163
    Hall of Fame Member Johnners's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    19,030

    How to tell the someone special that you care...

    Here they are get a blank card and tell that special someone what you think.........


    1 . I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
    (Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

    2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
    (Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

    3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
    (Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me .

    4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
    (Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

    5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
    (Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

    6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
    (Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

    7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
    (Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

    8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
    (Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .

    9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...
    (Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

    10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder.....
    (Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking

    11. I'm so miserable without you...
    (Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

    12. Thank you for being part of my life.....
    (Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!

    13. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
    (Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

    14. How can I say this....
    (Inside card) - Your cooking kills me

    15. Hooray.....
    (Inside card) - You're divorced.

    16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened...
    (Inside card) - Especially since you survived.

    1 7. Congrats on getting married...
    (Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

    18. Someday I hope to marry...
    (inside card) - Someone other than you.

    19. We have been friends for a very long time...
    (inside card) - What do you say we stop?

  14. #164
    International Captain ash chaulk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Perth. WA
    Posts
    6,649
    more jokes please
    CW Black - The best team in the ComP

    Proudly supporting:
    • Wasim Ranamadruta
      Ahkeep Myteefina Jahbesidabed
      Ramatunga Downathroata



    Quote Originally Posted by pasag View Post
    So ash chaulk is the first ever AFL Last Man Standing.

  15. #165
    Hall of Fame Member Johnners's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    19,030

    The Convict

    A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked
    up for 15 years. He
    breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
    Inside, he finds a young
    couple in bed He orders the guy out of bed and
    ties him to a chair.

    While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the
    convict gets on top of
    her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into
    the bathroom. While he's
    in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
    "Listen, this guy is an
    escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's
    probably spent a lot of time in
    jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how
    he kissed your neck. If
    he wants ***, don't resist, don't complain... do
    whatever he tells you.
    Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
    This guy is obviously
    very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us
    both. Be strong, honey. I
    love you!" His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing
    my neck. He was
    whispering in my ear. He told me that he's ***, he
    thinks you're cute, and
    asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in
    the bathroom. Be strong
    honey. I love you, too."

Page 11 of 19 FirstFirst ... 910111213 ... LastLast


Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Joke (no offence meant)
    By C_C in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 13-12-2004, 04:25 AM
  2. OT Section Joke
    By Sehwag309 in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 24-11-2004, 03:03 AM
  3. Great Joke!
    By SquidAU in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 13-04-2004, 02:32 AM
  4. I made up a joke.
    By Kimbo in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 24-02-2004, 04:20 PM
  5. World's funniest joke?
    By luckyeddie in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 13-10-2002, 06:27 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •