14-09-2006, 12:15 AM
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#151 (permalink) | ||
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Request Your Custom Title Now!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Vote 1 Tangy
Posts: 30,097
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Parmi | #1 draft pick | Jake King is **** | PM me for my list of CW posters you shouldn't talk cricket with in Cricket Chat Come and Paint Turtle Quote:
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14-09-2006, 12:57 AM
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#152 (permalink) |
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Eyes not spreadsheets
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: England
Posts: 56,346
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George Bush faces the school children
George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.
'Billy.' 'And what is your question, Billy?' 'I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?' Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, 'OK, where were we? Oh that's right question time. Who has a question?' Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is. 'Steve' 'And what is your question, Steve?' 'I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth, what happened to Billy?
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marc71178 - President and founding member of AAAS - we don't only appreciate when he does well, but also when he's not quite so good! Anyone want to join the Society? Beware the evils of Kit-Kats - they're immoral apparently. |
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14-09-2006, 06:35 AM
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#153 (permalink) |
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Cricket Web Content Updater
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 11,075
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Hahhaa lol not a bad one..
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Member of the AAAS Member of CW Green | Stedingham Jets Grade Cricket Team | Northside Power Manager of South Australia (WCC) Winner of AFL Tipping 2006 | Winner of Wimbeldon Prediction 2006 |
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14-09-2006, 09:19 AM
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#154 (permalink) |
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Cricketer Of The Year
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Sydney NSW
Posts: 8,213
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mum is pregnant with twins
1 Embryo says to the other as they where having a chat, what do you want to do when you grow up? and the other says i might be a Librarian. and the 1st embrio says, what the hell do you want to do that for, and the 2nd embryo says well i like books and reading so why not. 2nd embryo says why what do you want to be ? and the 1st embryo says i am going to be a boxer. 2nd embryo says what for you goose, and the 1st embryo says i want to bash that bold headed fella that keeps on coming in here and spitting on us boom boom
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Career cricket 311 wickets @16.54 and 3021 runs @ 34.56 from 176 games over 11 years H.S 178* Member of the CW Green Cricket Web Career:(end of season 11) FC: 7404 runs @ 30.85 H.S 253* : One Day: 7331 runs @ 48.55 H.S 155* Off season: FC 1209 @ 52.51 & One Day: 921 @ 92.10 COD4: djs clan World Of Warcraft: just sensational
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14-09-2006, 01:44 PM
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#155 (permalink) |
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State 12th Man
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: India
Posts: 752
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Slightly un-PC...
So there's a Russian guy, a Mexican guy, and a Japanese guy who work for a construction company. They're on a new project, and the owner comes over and says "Okay guys, we're gonna need to get some stuff. Russian dude here is gonna get cement, Mexican guy is going to get timber, and Japanese guy, you're on supplies." A few hours pass, and the owner comes back. The Russian guy has a nice stack of cement bags. The Mexican guy has a huge pile of various lumber products. The Japanese guy is nowhere to be found. The owner says "Hey, where's Japanese guy?" The Japanese guy jumps out from behind a nearby wall and screams "SUPPLIES!" |
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14-09-2006, 02:02 PM
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#156 (permalink) |
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Cricketer Of The Year
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Sydney
Posts: 9,653
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Got it the wrong way around mate... the Japanese say all 'r's as 'r's and all 'l's as 'r's too.
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'Copperfield,' said Mr. Micawber, 'farewell! Every happiness and prosperity! If, in the progress of revolving years, I could persuade myself that my blighted destiny had been a warning to you, I should feel that I had not occupied another man's place in existence altogether in vain. - Wilkins Micawber |
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14-09-2006, 02:05 PM
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#158 (permalink) | ||
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Soutie
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Stellenbosch - South Africa
Posts: 29,336
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What do you do if you see your television floating in the night?
Shout "DROP IT *****!" oh great, thought filter
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14-09-2006, 10:53 PM
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#159 (permalink) | ||
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International Vice-Captain
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hell In A Cell
Posts: 4,378
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Quote:
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Maria - Due December Quote:
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15-09-2006, 03:32 AM
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#160 (permalink) | |
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Hall of Fame Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 18,412
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The Jigsaw...
A beautiful blonde calls her boyfriend and says,'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and i can't figure out how to get it started.'
Her boyfriend asks,'What is it supposed to be when its finished?' the blonde says, ' According to the picture on the box, its a rooster.' Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a monent, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says... ' First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.' He takes her hand and says,' Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea then...' he said with a deep sigh,'lets put all these corn flakes back in the box'.
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15-09-2006, 08:58 AM
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#161 (permalink) | ||
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Cricket Web: All-Time Legend
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 24,238
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Quote:
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Cricketweb Colts Captain Quote:
I'm Green The color of immortality, nature and envy - you are truly a unique person. While clearly the color of nature, you also symbolize rebirth, fertility and hope in the world. On the other side of the spectrum, a natural aptitude to money with green coming to signify money and possibly even *********!
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15-09-2006, 08:58 AM
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#162 (permalink) | |
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Cricket Web: All-Time Legend
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Midlands
Posts: 22,938
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Also heard that about David Beckham and a box of Frosties.
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17-09-2006, 03:56 PM
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#163 (permalink) |
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Hall of Fame Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 18,412
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How to tell the someone special that you care...
Here they are get a blank card and tell that special someone what you think.........
1 . I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life... (Inside card) - I've changed my mind. 2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life... (Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you. 3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am.... (Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me . 4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go.... (Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again. 5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age.... (Inside card) - Almost lifelike! 6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me... (Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise. 7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.... (Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was? 8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket... (Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often . 9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday... (Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep. 10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder..... (Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking 11. I'm so miserable without you... (Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here. 12. Thank you for being part of my life..... (Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you! 13. Congratulations on your wedding day!... (Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband. 14. How can I say this.... (Inside card) - Your cooking kills me 15. Hooray..... (Inside card) - You're divorced. 16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened... (Inside card) - Especially since you survived. 1 7. Congrats on getting married... (Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life. 18. Someday I hope to marry... (inside card) - Someone other than you. 19. We have been friends for a very long time... (inside card) - What do you say we stop? |
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25-09-2006, 07:27 PM
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#164 (permalink) | |
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International Captain
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Perth. WA
Posts: 6,649
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more jokes please
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CW Black - The best team in the ComP Proudly supporting:
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25-09-2006, 07:30 PM
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#165 (permalink) |
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Hall of Fame Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 18,412
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The Convict
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked
up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants ***, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!" His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's ***, he thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too." |
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