The Quality Jokes Thread

LongHopCassidy · 10-07-2005, 10:23 PM

In light of the total dross being peddled in the other thread, this thread came to be born.

Contributions?

LongHopCassidy · 10-07-2005, 10:29 PM

Getting the ball rolling.....

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer:

Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities.

The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million.

This time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, the Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format.

"The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!"

vic_orthdox · 10-07-2005, 10:31 PM

^Which thread is this?

Actually, this post does belong in the other joke thread.

roseboy64 · 10-07-2005, 10:39 PM

On further consideration I believe this should be in here instead.

Why is the Courtney Browne condom so popular?

Because with it you won't catch anything!

King_Ponting · 11-07-2005, 12:29 AM

Yeh this one is a classic.

"Two guys were drinking at a bar on the 5th storey of a building......... After a short conversation one of the guys says to the other guy
"Mate did u know if u jump off the balcony here (on the 5th floor) as your coming down a guy from the 3rd floor will pull u in, and then u just catch the elavator back up to the 5th floor to prove u did it"
The other guy asuming it was drunk talk says
"Thats bullsh*t mate, if its true i want u to go first and prove it"

So after agreeing to do it the first guy steadies himself on the balcony and jumps off. The other guy watches in disbelief as just as the first guy is going past the third floor he is sucked in and about 2 minutes later the elevator opens and there is the first guy with not a scratch on him.

Wanting to see if his eyes werent playing tricks on him, he asks the first guy to do it again. Which he does and the exact thing happens.

The first guy says "Now its your turn mate"

So the second guy steadies himself on the balcony and jumps................. and falls to his death

The first guy proceeds over to the bar where the barman says "Jeez superman your a real c*nt when your drunk

Dydl · 11-07-2005, 02:27 AM

This one is bad...

Why did the rooster cross the road?

It was the chicken's day off.

*Cough Cough*

luckyeddie · 11-07-2005, 02:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LongHopCassidy

In light of the total dross being peddled in the other thread...

Cricket Chat?

lord_of_darkness · 11-07-2005, 06:03 AM

^ LOL

Quote:

The first guy proceeds over to the bar where the barman says "Jeez superman your a real c*nt when your drunk

Hahaha..

nibbs · 12-07-2005, 02:20 AM

some definite quality right there

Mister Wright · 12-07-2005, 02:27 AM

Shane Warne turns up to the first Ashes test with a pair of women's panties wrapped around his left bi-cep. The players don't say anything, because they are used to his antics. Anyway, Ponting loses the toss and is forced to bowl, Warne continues to wear the panties around his arm for the entire day including when he bowls. The players return to the dressing room after the day's play and finally Langer gets the courage to ask his mate why he's wearing women's panties around his arm. Warne replies as he lights a cigarette, "It's a patch mate, I'm trying to give 'em up."

lord_of_darkness · 12-07-2005, 04:43 AM

^ hahahahha lol..

shaka · 12-07-2005, 05:08 AM

lol

Jamee999 · 12-07-2005, 09:29 AM

Why did the Dino cross the road?

Because the Chicken wasn't invented yet.

Langeveldt · 12-07-2005, 03:32 PM

Whats red and sits in the corner?
A baby playing with a razor blade

Whats green and sits in the corner?
The baby three weeks later..

vic_orthdox · 12-07-2005, 04:02 PM

Carrying on with the baby theme:

What's red pink and silver, screams and runs into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.

What's the difference between a truckload of babies and a truckload of bowling balls?
You can't unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

What's the difference between $10,000 and 10,000 dead babies?
There isn't $10,000 in my basement.

Please dont' hurt me

10-07-2005, 10:39 PM	#4 (permalink)
roseboy64 Cricket Web Content Updater Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Jamaica Posts: 18,549	On further consideration I believe this should be in here instead. Why is the Courtney Browne condom so popular? Because with it you won't catch anything! __________________ Sir Alexander Chapman Ferguson = Greatest Ever Manager "One from ten leaves zero." - Eric Williams, former T&T PM Member of Cricket Web Green Member of Northside Power R.I.P Fardin Qayyumi

11-07-2005, 02:27 AM	#6 (permalink)
Dydl International Debutant Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 2,333	This one is bad... Why did the rooster cross the road? It was the chicken's day off. Cough Cough __________________ Supporting: NSW & Australia, women's cricket

12-07-2005, 02:20 AM	#9 (permalink)
nibbs International Captain Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Auckland, New Zealand Posts: 6,873	some definite quality right there __________________ "Matt Damon"

12-07-2005, 09:29 AM	#13 (permalink)
Jamee999 Hall of Fame Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Leicestershire, UK Posts: 15,068	Why did the Dino cross the road? Because the Chicken wasn't invented yet. __________________ Or something. RIP Fardin Qayyumi (AKA "cricket player"; "Bob"), 1/11/1990 - 15/4/2006

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10-07-2005, 10:29 PM	#2 (permalink)
LongHopCassidy International Captain Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: www.edcowan.com Posts: 5,065	Getting the ball rolling..... During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million. This time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, the Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. "The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!"

10-07-2005, 10:31 PM	#3 (permalink)
vic_orthdox Global Moderator Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 24,371	^Which thread is this? Actually, this post does belong in the other joke thread.

11-07-2005, 12:29 AM	#5 (permalink)
King_Ponting International Regular Join Date: May 2005 Location: Western Australia Posts: 3,043	Yeh this one is a classic. "Two guys were drinking at a bar on the 5th storey of a building......... After a short conversation one of the guys says to the other guy "Mate did u know if u jump off the balcony here (on the 5th floor) as your coming down a guy from the 3rd floor will pull u in, and then u just catch the elavator back up to the 5th floor to prove u did it" The other guy asuming it was drunk talk says "Thats bullsht mate, if its true i want u to go first and prove it" So after agreeing to do it the first guy steadies himself on the balcony and jumps off. The other guy watches in disbelief as just as the first guy is going past the third floor he is sucked in and about 2 minutes later the elevator opens and there is the first guy with not a scratch on him. Wanting to see if his eyes werent playing tricks on him, he asks the first guy to do it again. Which he does and the exact thing happens. The first guy says "Now its your turn mate" So the second guy steadies himself on the balcony and jumps................. and falls to his death The first guy proceeds over to the bar where the barman says "Jeez superman your a real cnt when your drunk

12-07-2005, 04:43 AM	#11 (permalink)
lord_of_darkness Cricket Web XI Moderator Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Auckland , New Zealand Posts: 13,252	^ hahahahha lol..

12-07-2005, 05:08 AM	#12 (permalink)
shaka International Regular Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: auckland NZ Posts: 3,045	lol

12-07-2005, 04:02 PM	#15 (permalink)
vic_orthdox Global Moderator Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 24,371	Carrying on with the baby theme: What's red pink and silver, screams and runs into walls? A baby with forks in its eyes. What's the difference between a truckload of babies and a truckload of bowling balls? You can't unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork. What's the difference between $10,000 and 10,000 dead babies? There isn't $10,000 in my basement. Please dont' hurt me

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