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Thread: The Quality Jokes Thread

  1. #1
    International Captain LongHopCassidy's Avatar
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    The Quality Jokes Thread

    In light of the total dross being peddled in the other thread, this thread came to be born.

    Contributions?
    "The Australian cricket captain is the Prime Minister Australia wishes it had. Steve Waugh is that man, Michael Clarke is not." - Jarrod Kimber

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  2. #2
    International Captain LongHopCassidy's Avatar
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    Getting the ball rolling.....

    During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer:

    Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities.

    The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million.

    This time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, the Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format.

    "The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!"

  3. #3
    Global Moderator vic_orthdox's Avatar
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    ^Which thread is this?

    Actually, this post does belong in the other joke thread.

  4. #4
    Cricket Web Content Updater roseboy64's Avatar
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    On further consideration I believe this should be in here instead.

    Why is the Courtney Browne condom so popular?

    Because with it you won't catch anything!
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    R.I.P Fardin Qayyumi


  5. #5
    International Regular King_Ponting's Avatar
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    Yeh this one is a classic.

    "Two guys were drinking at a bar on the 5th storey of a building......... After a short conversation one of the guys says to the other guy
    "Mate did u know if u jump off the balcony here (on the 5th floor) as your coming down a guy from the 3rd floor will pull u in, and then u just catch the elavator back up to the 5th floor to prove u did it"
    The other guy asuming it was drunk talk says
    "Thats bullsh*t mate, if its true i want u to go first and prove it"

    So after agreeing to do it the first guy steadies himself on the balcony and jumps off. The other guy watches in disbelief as just as the first guy is going past the third floor he is sucked in and about 2 minutes later the elevator opens and there is the first guy with not a scratch on him.

    Wanting to see if his eyes werent playing tricks on him, he asks the first guy to do it again. Which he does and the exact thing happens.

    The first guy says "Now its your turn mate"

    So the second guy steadies himself on the balcony and jumps................. and falls to his death


    The first guy proceeds over to the bar where the barman says "Jeez superman your a real c*nt when your drunk

  6. #6
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    This one is bad...

    Why did the rooster cross the road?


    It was the chicken's day off.


    *Cough Cough*
    Supporting: NSW & Australia, women's cricket

  7. #7
    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LongHopCassidy
    In light of the total dross being peddled in the other thread...
    Cricket Chat?
    Nigel Clough's Black and White Army, beating Forest away with 10 men

  8. #8
    Cricket Web XI Moderator lord_of_darkness's Avatar
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    ^ LOL

    The first guy proceeds over to the bar where the barman says "Jeez superman your a real c*nt when your drunk
    Hahaha..
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  9. #9
    International Captain nibbs's Avatar
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    some definite quality right there
    "Matt Damon"

  10. #10
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend Mister Wright's Avatar
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    Shane Warne turns up to the first Ashes test with a pair of women's panties wrapped around his left bi-cep. The players don't say anything, because they are used to his antics. Anyway, Ponting loses the toss and is forced to bowl, Warne continues to wear the panties around his arm for the entire day including when he bowls. The players return to the dressing room after the day's play and finally Langer gets the courage to ask his mate why he's wearing women's panties around his arm. Warne replies as he lights a cigarette, "It's a patch mate, I'm trying to give 'em up."
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  11. #11
    Cricket Web XI Moderator lord_of_darkness's Avatar
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    ^ hahahahha lol..

  12. #12
    International Regular shaka's Avatar
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    lol

  13. #13
    Hall of Fame Member Jamee999's Avatar
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    Why did the Dino cross the road?

    Because the Chicken wasn't invented yet.
    Or something.

    RIP Fardin Qayyumi (AKA "cricket player"; "Bob"), 1/11/1990 - 15/4/2006

  14. #14
    Soutie Langeveldt's Avatar
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    Whats red and sits in the corner?
    A baby playing with a razor blade

    Whats green and sits in the corner?
    The baby three weeks later..
    Quote Originally Posted by vic_orthdox View Post
    Don't like using my iPod dock. Ruins battery life too much.
    Quote Originally Posted by benchmark00 View Post
    Thanks Dick Smith. Will remember to subscribe to your newsletter for more electronic fun facts.

    ****.

  15. #15
    Global Moderator vic_orthdox's Avatar
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    Carrying on with the baby theme:

    What's red pink and silver, screams and runs into walls?
    A baby with forks in its eyes.

    What's the difference between a truckload of babies and a truckload of bowling balls?
    You can't unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

    What's the difference between $10,000 and 10,000 dead babies?
    There isn't $10,000 in my basement.

    Please dont' hurt me

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