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Thread: 9/11 Widow Spends All Compensation Money

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    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend Top_Cat's Avatar
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    9/11 Widow Spends All Compensation Money

    Was browsing a news website and came across this which filled me with an enormous sadness;

    http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117...-38198,00.html

    The visceral reaction is to ask "My God, her husband is dead. Why would she spend her money on such frivolous things as shoes?!?" But then the real issues become apparent. She's depressed. I mean clinically and still grieving. She lost her soul mate and her rather erratic behaviour is symptomatic of someone who is constantly trying to fill a void left by the loss of a loved one. I mean think about it; that sort of spending is compulsive, not necessarily totally conscious. I bet she's on anti-depressants too.

    Sure there'll be people who will hate her for what she's done; why not give the money to charity? Why not spend it on something worthwhile? Etc., etc.......... But she's obviously in a great deal of pain. Even if a resolution was passed to make her pay back the money to the compensation fund, I doubt she'd be too affected by it. I mean, what can anyone else do to her that hasn't already been done? She's pining for someone who will never return, her heartache will never end. She's going to have to find some way to prevent the 'bad stuff' from getting in. I guess her mind figured it was the short-lived euphoria of buying stuff which her and her hubby might have talked about which would fill the void. But then you read quotes like this;

    "I feel if I look pretty, I'm going to find someone like Danny," she said. "I want him to come home."

    Her suffering will never end. And now she's has the added guilt of having spent all of her money and judgements by others on what she's spent it on. A person like this doesn't need derision, she needs understanding. In this current climate, which one is she more likely to get?

    On the flipside, the pain she's feeling is mirrored by those victims of US aggression worldwide over the last 30 years. Unfortunately there's no multi-million dollar compensation fund for the people of Iraq, Afghanistan, Somalia, Vietnam, etc. None of those people get air-time; they're just red specks on a strategic map or huge numbers which make us all stop and think................for about 10 seconds. Their suffering is as real and as pertinent as anyone else's. But they don't get news articles about them, the same degree of sympathy or $5 million. But I digress.........

    This just goes to show, no-one wins a war (not even a 'war' on terror). Everyone loses. A war isn't a measure of who's right; it's a measure of who's left. And those left behind have terrible scars to bear apart from any physical ones. This lady will never find peace and that's just sad.
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    Hall of Fame Member Jamee999's Avatar
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    Aye, just as you said Corey, "A war doean't decide who's right, it decides who's left"

    Terrible.
    Or something.

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    International Vice-Captain KennyD's Avatar
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    Top Cat! You make me depressed man! I was reading your "Dangerous Attitudes" thread, and now this, and, well, its depressing.

    What are you trying to do to me?
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    State Vice-Captain jot1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KennyD
    Top Cat! What are you trying to do to me?
    I don't think he's trying to do anything bad to you! I do think that he is bringing some intelligent, thought provoking, pertinent issues into a forum where more than one thread has deplored the standards of the threads, and so doing, uplifting the standards. Well done, Top Cat. I always read your threads first even though I don't always post in them.


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    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend Samuel_Vimes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Top_Cat
    A war isn't a measure of who's right; it's a measure of who's left.
    That quote sums up a lot of things.

    Brilliantly written...it's hard to have opinions on these kinds of things, though, because you've treated it so thoroughly
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    Cricket Web XI Moderator lord_of_darkness's Avatar
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    I don't think he's trying to do anything bad to you! I do think that he is bringing some intelligent, thought provoking, pertinent issues into a forum where more than one thread has deplored the standards of the threads, and so doing, uplifting the standards. Well done, Top Cat. I always read your threads first even though I don't always post in them.
    Damn it but uplifting standards we didnt mean though provoking threads .. in OT we like to do as less thinking as we can and the threads still be within our thinkin and answering capacities..... oh what the hell thats just summin up myself lol
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    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend Top_Cat's Avatar
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    I don't bring this stuff up to depress people. It's just what goes on in the world and I think it needs to be shared because in the rush to violent solutions, little people like this are forgotten.

    Just my way of saying 'think global, act local'. I'll continue to post this stuff as it comes up because we really do have a lot of thoughtful people on the forum and I'm always interested to hear what people have got to say.

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    Global Moderator vic_orthdox's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Samuel_Vimes
    Brilliantly written...it's hard to have opinions on these kinds of things, though, because you've treated it so thoroughly
    So true. You cant' discuss this, Top_Cat has summed it up too well. All the loose ends have been tied.

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    International Vice-Captain KennyD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jot1
    I don't think he's trying to do anything bad to you!
    I dont think so either.

    ~sigh~

    Reality bites.

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    World Traveller Craig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Top_Cat
    I bet she's on anti-depressants too.
    It said in the article she battled with booze and anti-depressants.

    Quote Originally Posted by Top_Cat
    Sure there'll be people who will hate her for what she's done; why not give the money to charity? Why not spend it on something worthwhile? Etc., etc.......... But she's obviously in a great deal of pain. Even if a resolution was passed to make her pay back the money to the compensation fund, I doubt she'd be too affected by it. I mean, what can anyone else do to her that hasn't already been done? She's pining for someone who will never return, her heartache will never end. She's going to have to find some way to prevent the 'bad stuff' from getting in. I guess her mind figured it was the short-lived euphoria of buying stuff which her and her hubby might have talked about which would fill the void. But then you read quotes like this;

    "I feel if I look pretty, I'm going to find someone like Danny," she said. "I want him to come home."

    Her suffering will never end. And now she's has the added guilt of having spent all of her money and judgements by others on what she's spent it on. A person like this doesn't need derision, she needs understanding. In this current climate, which one is she more likely to get?

    On the flipside, the pain she's feeling is mirrored by those victims of US aggression worldwide over the last 30 years. Unfortunately there's no multi-million dollar compensation fund for the people of Iraq, Afghanistan, Somalia, Vietnam, etc. None of those people get air-time; they're just red specks on a strategic map or huge numbers which make us all stop and think................for about 10 seconds. Their suffering is as real and as pertinent as anyone else's. But they don't get news articles about them, the same degree of sympathy or $5 million. But I digress.........

    This just goes to show, no-one wins a war (not even a 'war' on terror). Everyone loses. A war isn't a measure of who's right; it's a measure of who's left. And those left behind have terrible scars to bear apart from any physical ones. This lady will never find peace and that's just sad.
    As with everybody, well written post.

    Hopefully now she has owned up to her guilt, she can get some help to get over her grief.

    One thing that would be interesting is how many people who survived 9/11 (ie got out just in time) have had problems with the drink since, yet had none before hand?
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    International Captain Slow Love™'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Top_Cat
    Her suffering will never end. And now she's has the added guilt of having spent all of her money and judgements by others on what she's spent it on. A person like this doesn't need derision, she needs understanding. In this current climate, which one is she more likely to get?
    Probably sympathy? Not entirely sure where you're going with this, T_C.

    This could be a really bad idea, but I guess I'll play devil's advocate, although these are pretty much my actual views on the subject. I feel sad for the person, but I find the insistence that her suffering will never end, or that she'll never find peace, a little presumptuous and oprahesque. Perhaps she will, who knows? People do. And she still has half a million left of a compensation payout that many people would argue doesn't make a lot of sense. Sounds very much like survivor guilt, as Craig suggests. I wish her the best - your second last paragraph about victims of American aggression is kinda close to being ironic though.

    On war - while I appreciate and agree with the tone of your comments, I DO think that wars can be won and lost, and can matter. What will vary will be how acceptable the costs are. I don't think it's inevitable that everybody loses.
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    International Captain Swervy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slow Love™
    Probably sympathy? Not entirely sure where you're going with this, T_C.

    This could be a really bad idea, but I guess I'll play devil's advocate, although these are pretty much my actual views on the subject. I feel sad for the person, but I find the insistence that her suffering will never end, or that she'll never find peace, a little presumptuous and oprahesque. Perhaps she will, who knows? People do. And she still has half a million left of a compensation payout that many people would argue doesn't make a lot of sense. Sounds very much like survivor guilt, as Craig suggests. I wish her the best - your second last paragraph about victims of American aggression is kinda close to being ironic though.

    On war - while I appreciate and agree with the tone of your comments, I DO think that wars can be won and lost, and can matter. What will vary will be how acceptable the costs are. I don't think it's inevitable that everybody loses.
    pretty much what I was thinking..however I am in no way articulate enough to write it in such a good manner...'tis why I didnt say anything
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    Cricketer Of The Year Anil's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Top_Cat
    None of those people get air-time; they're just red specks on a strategic map or huge numbers which make us all stop and think................for about 10 seconds. Their suffering is as real and as pertinent as anyone else's. But they don't get news articles about them, the same degree of sympathy or $5 million. But I digress.........
    it's bad that she lost her husband...it's sad that she has apparently become mentally unbalanced, but she has had more help/sympathy/understanding dealing with the truama than most victims of aggression around the world......

    maybe you should digress, you know...
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    International Captain Slow Love™'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swervy
    pretty much what I was thinking..however I am in no way articulate enough to write it in such a good manner...'tis why I didnt say anything
    Ha, I nearly didn't either, mate. Perhaps I felt that this was more of a tightrope act than it was, but I edited that message about five times before I posted it. I didn't want to offend everybody (although I'm sure Top_Cat can hack a difference of opinion) but I have to admit I had a bit of a "sheesh" reaction.

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    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend Top_Cat's Avatar
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    Probably sympathy? Not entirely sure where you're going with this, T_C.
    I sure hope so although the results of the straw poll I did in my office (admittedly all cops) suggest not.

    This could be a really bad idea, but I guess I'll play devil's advocate, although these are pretty much my actual views on the subject. I feel sad for the person, but I find the insistence that her suffering will never end, or that she'll never find peace, a little presumptuous and oprahesque. Perhaps she will, who knows? People do. And she still has half a million left of a compensation payout that many people would argue doesn't make a lot of sense. Sounds very much like survivor guilt, as Craig suggests.
    Again, I hope so. I was doped up on Panadeine Forte at the time of posting for my broken foot so excuse the over-emotion but still, it depends not just on support but on the nature of the loss too. Losing someone close to you is bad enough, losing them violently to irrational hatred is in a new category of pain. A personal example;

    My 10-year-old cousin, Darryl, was riding his bike when a man driving his car swerved violently towards him and ran him over. The man then backed up and ran him over again three times to make sure he was dead and pretty messed up. He was eventually caught up with and when interrogated, stated he hated "abo's" and was taking revenge for his house being broken into the previous night which he was sure was "one of the abo kids in the neighbourhood".

    Now stuff like this doesn't happen too happen (I don't mean racially-motivated attacks but I mean such violent ones don't happen every day) but I can promise you my Auntie has been inconsolable ever since, not even being able to mention Darryl's name without hysterical tears following, despite years of counselling by my Dad, her older brother. That happened in 1981. I hope my favourite Auntie will one day be able to talk about what happened but that hasn't happened yet.

    As I said, I sure hope you're right but I don't hold great hopes for her if my Auntie and a few others in my slightly extended family are any indication (not connected to this incident, by the way; there have been quite a few more, mostly racially-motivated).

    On war - while I appreciate and agree with the tone of your comments, I DO think that wars can be won and lost, and can matter. What will vary will be how acceptable the costs are. I don't think it's inevitable that everybody loses.
    That's a more accurate summation of what I was trying to say, really. Although I maintain, everyone loses a part of their humanity, I certainly agree it depends on how the losses/gains match up.

    it's bad that she lost her husband...it's sad that she has apparently become mentally unbalanced, but she has had more help/sympathy/understanding dealing with the truama than most victims of aggression around the world......
    Can't disagree with that at all. As for whether to digress, I think we've already done that on this forum and I think something like this can descend quickly into a 'my grief is bigger than yours' game.

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