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Thread: Girlfriend first, or mates?

  1. #1
    Soutie Langeveldt's Avatar
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    Girlfriend first, or mates?

    I've had a big (although amicable) argument with a friend over this one...

    I'm of the opinion, that if you go out with someone, you put them before your mates.. I don't mean you ignore your mates or anythin like that, but you have to put the needs of your hubby before those of your friends.. if that means spending less time with mates, then so be it..

    I have no worries with a friend spending less time with me if they are involved in a relationship.. So wouldn't like it if they kicked up a fuss when the boot is on the other foot..

    Anyway, basically I've found a load of girls who think my viewpoint is totally stupid.. Which has surprised me a lot..

    Thoughts, opinions, please
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    International Captain Slow Love™'s Avatar
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    I agree with you. Part of being a mate should be understanding that a relationship involves (or it should do) a level of intimacy and give/take that sometimes means you won't be available quite like you were when you were single. The "pussywhipped" taunting can get real old real fast, and I also think it's really immature.

    It can get very awkward if your girlfriend doesn't like ANY of your friends though. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
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    I think one has to put one's SO first, but that said I still generally go out on Friday nights without mine for a few ales with the chaps. To reconnect with my essential masculinity!
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    Hall of Fame Member luckyeddie's Avatar
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    Well, I've been married more than 30 years, and I still go out on my own every now and again - Monday, Tuesaday, Wednesday and Thursday to be precise (mind you, that's because I'm working abroad).

    I don't want to go out at the weekend - I brew my own beer and I'm that good it beats pub beer easily now.
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    Banned Pratters's Avatar
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    Its very different for different people. Even among the same people the needs of spending time together fluctuates at various ages according to me.

    What is vital though is that the needs of each other is understood. If it gets awkward and uncomfortable, it may stretch or break a relationship.

    The comfort level has to be maintained and awkwardness regarding any thing shouldnt creep in and if it does, should be removed immediately.

  6. #6
    Cricketer Of The Year Robertinho's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Langeveldt
    but you have to put the needs of your hubby before those of your friends
    Well, if you swing that way.

    But yeah, it would have to be the girlfriend first.
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    I'd agree with you guys that the other half has to come first though I think it's important not to completely lose contact with your mates because you'll still need them at some point I'd have thought (bear in mind I'm only 19 so relationships aren't quite as serious as the older folk ie moving in together and stuff) and it can cause friction if you ignore someone while things are good and then go running back when it goes belly up, it can get ugly.

    I've been on the receiving end of that recently and while I understand people doing this, it can get tough when people are friendly while they are having a bad time of it in this dept and then as soon as things get better, you get sidelined until the next drama. Is that unfair?

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    Soutie Langeveldt's Avatar
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    That makes me feel a lot less worried..

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    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend Mister Wright's Avatar
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    It depends on how the relationships work. Some relationships work well when the partners spend a lot of time going out with their own friends and see each other rarely, then others work well when they see each other a lot. It is all about communication, and if your partner doesn't mind you going out then do it! Because once the relationship gets serious you probably won't have as many chances. All about communication, but yes, your friends should be more understanding.
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    bros before hoes in my opinion, though only just.

  11. #11
    Cricket Web XI Moderator lord_of_darkness's Avatar
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    I think you needa keep in touch with best of the both worlds.. slightly tiltin towards your miss cause they deserve a hell lot more attention and mates are always mates and they are one call away... as long as you dont totally isolate yourself from your group of friends and keep the good touch once in a while you can keep all parties happy.. although the balance does shift time after time.. thats just how it is.. anyway i try and keep the balance with the tilt towards the miss..
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    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend andyc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slow Love™
    I agree with you. Part of being a mate should be understanding that a relationship involves (or it should do) a level of intimacy and give/take that sometimes means you won't be available quite like you were when you were single. The "pussywhipped" taunting can get real old real fast, and I also think it's really immature.

    It can get very awkward if your girlfriend doesn't like ANY of your friends though. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
    my friend is the most pussywhipped guy you'll find. she's cheated on him twice, and continuously takes advantage of him (and not in that way, voltman, boybrumby, steds,etc.), yet he still goes out with her. this has caused heaps of fights between him and his mates, including me, and we all pretty much hate her. so this experience has led me to believe mates are more important. girlfriends come and go, but you'll always have your friends. that said, your friends should understand that you're in a relationship and they shouldn't expect you to be hanging out with them all the time
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kasper
    bros before hoes in my opinion, though only just.
    Yeh and we can see how u turned out,................... Na chics before mates always

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    Quote Originally Posted by benchmark00
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