I have gained fame and fortune on another message board for a series of theories about how words or phrases were first invented. I would like to do the same now on CW. First, I will share with you some of the theories I have already released.
THEORY #1 - What does that stupid phrase "til the cows come home" mean?
My theory on that is that every night cows at one farm move to another farm, and this occurs at every farm so that every set of cows take part in a movement from their original farm. And once they have been to every other farm in their province (can't expect them to go further than that, don't think they can afford petrol) they return to their original one, thus "the cows come home".
THEORY #2 - Scapegoat? Where did that come from?
I once again have a theory! Something happened in a farm or somewhere in which goats exist. The person responsible for the event (not a good event obviously, as the person was frightened of taking the blame for it) was madly searching for someone to blame and saw a goat which was innocently running around and it happened to be running away from the group of people at the time, and the guilty person yelled "look! there is the culprit! the escaping goat!" and he repeated it many times and got tired of all the syllables and it was reduced to "scapegoat! scapegoat!"
THEORY # 3 - Why's it called a Knee?
I do actually have a theory. Alright, here goes. Back in the days in which knees didn't have names, a person was standing around doing not much. Some other random person happened to be throwing stones around, as you do, and one stone thrown at great speed from not far away crashes into the first person's then unnamed knee. The impact causes great pain for the person, and he utters a sound like this "neeeeeeeeee!" and the k was just added because some bloke called Kevin was reponsible for spelling these words and liked the first letter of his name.
THEORY #4 - Who came up with the name Dairy?
Well. I have a theory!
When the first dairy was built, it looked remarkably like a diary. But not totally like a diary. It was slightly different. By one letter. So they called it a dairy.
THEORY #5 - Fog Horns...how did they get that name?
Well, most people believe that the reason for the name fog horn is that in times of fog you need a horn to avoid impact with other people's boats and stuff. But that is so wrong.
And now I will tell you why...ummmm....here is my theory...errr...ummm...
Some guy randomly invented this thing that resembled a frog but had a pointy horn type thing on the top, that made the type of noise the fog horns we know today make. One foggy morning a couple of people saw through the fog the outline of something that looked like a frog with a horn! So they called it frog with a horn. And they put up a sign with an arrow that pointed to it like this ---> so passers by could see it. But the sign was poorly built and the letter R and the words 'with a' soon fell off, leaving the name FOG HORN. The shape later changed too as they discovered its usefulness for avoiding boat crashes and that a frog shape wasn't very practical. There you have it.
So there you have it. If any of you want any other words or phrases cleared up, feel free to ask. But first, I will take this opportunity to tell you that you can purchase each of the five theories above in Microsoft Word format or in a beautifully framed (using Microsoft Paint) picture format, perfect for desktop wallpapers. Each theory costs $4999, or 1000 easy payments of $4.99. You can also get the complete set of theories in zip format for just $19,999.95. Don't miss out on this marvellous piece of memorabilia. You can have a look at it on NineMSN's website.