Worst Joke You Ever Heard/Unleashed upon This Sorry World - Page 3

David · 12-01-2005, 05:48 PM

What is red and white and runs through the jungle?

A coke machine.

Or (variation on the fridge)

What is big and green and if it falls out of a tree will kill you?

A Golf Course.

My apologies!

Mr Casson · 12-01-2005, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jamee999

One idiot said to the other "What would you do if a bird **** on your head?
And the reply? "I woudn't go out with her again"

Dude, that is not a bad joke at all!!!

_Ed_ · 12-01-2005, 07:47 PM

A panda walks in to a bar, buys some food and eats it before getting out a gun (don't ask me where he got it from, pandas don't have pockets, do they?) and shooting the guy next to him. The barman asks "what did you do that for?" and the panda says "look up panda in the dictionary" and walks out. When the barman gets home he looks up panda in the dictionary and it says "a member of the bear family that eats shoots and leaves".

An apology is definitely in order. Sorry.

Deja moo · 12-01-2005, 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by _Ed_

A panda walks in to a bar, buys some food and eats it before getting out a gun (don't ask me where he got it from, pandas don't have pockets, do they?) and shooting the guy next to him. The barman asks "what did you do that for?" and the panda says "look up panda in the dictionary" and walks out. When the barman gets home he looks up panda in the dictionary and it says "a member of the bear family that eats shoots and leaves".

An apology is definitely in order. Sorry.

hahaha. I know the naughty version of that one. It ends with the definition '" a member of the bear family that eats bush and leaves."

_Ed_ · 12-01-2005, 11:01 PM

that's brilliant.

Mr Casson · 12-01-2005, 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deja moo

hahaha. I know the naughty version of that one. It ends with the definition '" a member of the bear family that eats bush and leaves."

I hate political jokes....

Deja moo · 12-01-2005, 11:17 PM

Sorry....

Talking of political jokes, heres one:

During campaigning for presidency in 2000, political analysts noted that George W protested against the excessive amount of violence depicted on American Television. Al Gore on the other hand, wanted to curb the increasing prevelance of full frontal nudity on television.

In other words, Bush thought there was a lot of Gore on television and Gore wanted less of Bush on TV.

Beleg · 13-01-2005, 04:59 AM

Mr. Casson that doesn't necessarily have to be taken in the political sense.

Mr Casson · 13-01-2005, 05:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beleg

Mr. Casson that doesn't necessarily have to be taken in the political sense.

I'll say this as politely as I can.

"No sh*t, Sherlock."

andyc · 13-01-2005, 07:03 AM

what has 50 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk?
my fly.

andyc · 13-01-2005, 07:11 AM

oh and also. a science teacher at our school had just taught us about mastercation (spelling?), which is something to do with digestion. anway his joke was:
one day on the farm, i went behind the shed, and caught the cow mastercating.
utterly hilarious

Beleg · 13-01-2005, 07:26 AM

LOL, It's mastication.

Samuel_Vimes · 13-01-2005, 07:33 AM

Is it sad if you laugh at this thread?

BoyBrumby · 13-01-2005, 01:51 PM

Irishwoman walks into a chemists & orders a packet of tampons and some sunglasses.....

She was expecting a sunny period.

superkingdave · 13-01-2005, 02:11 PM

... This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out.
Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again.
Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing.
About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "Hey, how the heck are you doing that?!"
The first guy responds, "Oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk."
"WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!"
So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below.
The bartender looks over to the first man and says,

"Superman, you're an ******* when you're drunk."

12-01-2005, 05:48 PM	#31 (permalink)
David International 12th Man Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Perth, Western Australia Posts: 3,661	What is red and white and runs through the jungle? A coke machine. Or (variation on the fridge) What is big and green and if it falls out of a tree will kill you? A Golf Course. My apologies! __________________ Signatures are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. Cricket Web Red FC: 263 Matches. 1830 Runs @ 7.66. HS: 57*. 92 Ducks. 170 Catches 1107 Wickets @ 26.91 . BB 7/38 First CW player to reach 500, 600, 700, 800, 900, 1000, 1100 FC wickets .

13-01-2005, 01:51 PM	#44 (permalink)
BoyBrumby Englishman Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Doing the stance Posts: 42,629	Irishwoman walks into a chemists & orders a packet of tampons and some sunglasses..... She was expecting a sunny period. __________________ *- As featured in The Independent.* "This is not the time for namby-pamby promising youngsters who might just do something; not the time for building for the future. Pragmatism rules and they don't come more pragmatic than Rogers." - Victor Marks makes the case for stiff-legged and stiff-armed 35 year old left-handers in Ashes squads

13-01-2005, 02:11 PM	#45 (permalink)
superkingdave Hall of Fame Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Inflection Points - 2 Posts: 18,291	... This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing. About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "Hey, how the heck are you doing that?!" The first guy responds, "Oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk." "WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below. The bartender looks over to the first man and says, "Superman, you're an ******* when you're drunk." __________________ Dave Mohammed >>>> You ▲

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12-01-2005, 07:47 PM	#33 (permalink)
_Ed_ Hall of Fame Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Auckland, Aotearoa Posts: 19,103	A panda walks in to a bar, buys some food and eats it before getting out a gun (don't ask me where he got it from, pandas don't have pockets, do they?) and shooting the guy next to him. The barman asks "what did you do that for?" and the panda says "look up panda in the dictionary" and walks out. When the barman gets home he looks up panda in the dictionary and it says "a member of the bear family that eats shoots and leaves". An apology is definitely in order. Sorry.

12-01-2005, 11:01 PM	#35 (permalink)
_Ed_ Hall of Fame Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Auckland, Aotearoa Posts: 19,103	that's brilliant.

12-01-2005, 11:17 PM	#37 (permalink)
Deja moo International Captain Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Navi Mumbai , India Posts: 5,974	Sorry.... Talking of political jokes, heres one: During campaigning for presidency in 2000, political analysts noted that George W protested against the excessive amount of violence depicted on American Television. Al Gore on the other hand, wanted to curb the increasing prevelance of full frontal nudity on television. In other words, Bush thought there was a lot of Gore on television and Gore wanted less of Bush on TV.

13-01-2005, 04:59 AM	#38 (permalink)
Beleg International Regular Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Stockholm, Sweden Posts: 3,400	Mr. Casson that doesn't necessarily have to be taken in the political sense.

13-01-2005, 07:03 AM	#40 (permalink)
andyc Cricket Web: All-Time Legend Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Canberra Posts: 23,218	what has 50 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? my fly.

13-01-2005, 07:11 AM	#41 (permalink)
andyc Cricket Web: All-Time Legend Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Canberra Posts: 23,218	oh and also. a science teacher at our school had just taught us about mastercation (spelling?), which is something to do with digestion. anway his joke was: one day on the farm, i went behind the shed, and caught the cow mastercating. utterly hilarious

13-01-2005, 07:26 AM	#42 (permalink)
Beleg International Regular Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Stockholm, Sweden Posts: 3,400	LOL, It's mastication.

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