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Thread: Funniest Joke You Ever Heard

  1. #1
    School Boy/Girl Captain Wally West's Avatar
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    Nov 2004

    Funniest Joke You Ever Heard

    I'm not sure if there is already a thread like this here, but i was telling a friend some jokes and thought of starting a thread like this, all you have to do is post some good jokes.

  2. #2
    School Boy/Girl Captain Wally West's Avatar
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    Nov 2004

    A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long
    flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer leans over to her and asks
    if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants
    to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window
    to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is
    really easy and a lot of fun.

    He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you
    don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa."

    Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

    The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily
    win the match, so he makes another offer.

    "Okay, how about this, if you don't know the answer you pay me only
    $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

    This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be
    no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.

    The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the
    earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her
    purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

    Now, it's the blonde's turn.
    She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes
    down with four? "

    The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop
    computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air-phone
    with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress.

    Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he
    knows.All to no avail. After over an hour of searching for the answer
    he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

    The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to

    The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde
    and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

    Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the
    lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep!

  3. #3
    International Captain nibbs's Avatar
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    "Matt Damon"

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    International Coach GotSpin's Avatar
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  5. #5
    International Regular NikhilN's Avatar
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    Neils microsoft joke -MSN

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    Is 15+ allowed?

  7. #7
    Soutie Langeveldt's Avatar
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    My favourite jokes are definitely unsuitable for a decent forum..

    MSN me if you are that interested! (No PC's allowed)
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    Thanks Dick Smith. Will remember to subscribe to your newsletter for more electronic fun facts.


  8. #8
    International Vice-Captain SupaFreak2005's Avatar
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    Mar 2003
    Jon's house
    Quote Originally Posted by Langeveldt
    My favourite jokes are definitely unsuitable for a decent forum..! (No PC's allowed)
    Mines too.
    Heres one:


    A couple was invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party.

    The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to
    go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

    So he took his costume and away he went.

    The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain, and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party.

    In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

    So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband
    cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

    His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe
    herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After some more to drink he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and
    had a quickie in the back seat.

    Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and
    went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour.

    She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.

    "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good
    time when you're not there."

    Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

    He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.
    When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."

    "You must have looked really silly wearing that costume
    playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.

    To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad.

    Apparently he had a whale of a time."

  9. #9
    State Vice-Captain nikhil1772's Avatar
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  10. #10
    State Vice-Captain nikhil1772's Avatar
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    Oct 2004
    Mine: Pretty good

    Who Died the Worst Death?

    Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven.

    However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit

    33 of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the

    worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in

    turn and asks them about how they died.

    First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was

    cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one

    afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When

    I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife

    was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't

    find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place

    I looked was out on the balcony.

    I found the ******* hanging from the edge, trying to get back

    in So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he

    yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer,

    and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors

    screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the *******. He

    landed in some bushes So I dragged the refirgerator from the

    kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and

    hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed

    him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went

    back into the bedroom and shot myself."

    St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then,

    telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside.

    Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this

    apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning

    exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the

    sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily,

    I only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and

    holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when

    this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and

    started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but

    he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull

    myself up again, but he came out with a hammer and smashed my

    fingers to a pulp I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I

    landed in some bushes. I couldn't believe my second stroke of

    luck, but it didn't last. The last thing I saw was this enormous

    refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and

    crushing me."

    St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken

    bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.

    Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding naked in a


  11. #11
    International Captain LongHopCassidy's Avatar
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    I once saw a mermaid. She wasn't bad looking. She even told me her measurements: 36-24-$4.95 a kilo.

  12. #12
    Cricket Web XI Moderator lord_of_darkness's Avatar
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    The joke wally said.. didnt pipes make a thread about it ?
    Don L-o-d , Legion Of Doom

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  13. #13
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend andyc's Avatar
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    god us blondes cop it. even though im a guy, it makes telling blonde jokes hard with a full crop of blonde hair.

  14. #14
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend _Ed_'s Avatar
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    Auckland, Aotearoa
    Too right. I should get a hat for whenever I want to tell a blonde joke.

  15. #15
    Cricket Web XI Moderator lord_of_darkness's Avatar
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    Auckland , New Zealand
    god us blondes cop it
    Lmao there was 0 manlyness in that sentence..

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