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Thread: Mr. Casson's Guide to...

  1. #16
    Cricket Web XI Moderator lord_of_darkness's Avatar
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    ^ okay bro .. be quick im getting quite hungry atm.. and ran through my box of cheezles.. which isint good because its a huge box and i was rationing it..
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  2. #17
    Cricketer Of The Year Mr Casson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lord_of_darkness
    ^ okay bro .. be quick im getting quite hungry atm.. and ran through my box of cheezles.. which isint good because its a huge box and i was rationing it..
    Well I do suggest you start right here:

    Woolworths Recipes

    They have loads of recipes, and being a Woolworths, it will be close by and they should have all the necessary stuff!

    And by the way, when I said I already wrote it, it's not about food!
    'Copperfield,' said Mr. Micawber, 'farewell! Every happiness and prosperity! If, in the progress of revolving years, I could persuade myself that my blighted destiny had been a warning to you, I should feel that I had not occupied another man's place in existence altogether in vain.
    - Wilkins Micawber

  3. #18
    Cricket Web XI Moderator lord_of_darkness's Avatar
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    ^ i dont have a woolies near me..

    but good site im onto it ! cheers...

  4. #19
    Cricketer Of The Year Mr Casson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lord_of_darkness
    ^ i dont have a woolies near me..

    but good site im onto it ! cheers...
    Where are you?? The desert!?!


  5. #20
    Cricket Web XI Moderator lord_of_darkness's Avatar
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    No ive got like Coles near me..

  6. #21
    Cricketer Of The Year Mr Casson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lord_of_darkness
    No ive got like Coles near me..
    Ah well, same stuff!! They're still giant conglomerate supermarkets. They'd have whatever you need.

    And I just remembered that you're in Melbourne so they're all Safeways anyway, aren't they?

  7. #22
    Cricketer Of The Year Mr Casson's Avatar
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    Here is number two
    __________________________________________________ _________________________

    Apartments, townhouses, backpacker hostels and palatial bastions - everyone needs to live somewhere (vagrants excluded). Finding a dwelling that best suits you is a laborious ordeal that requires patience and a feminine je ne sais quoi. In Mr Cassonís Guide toÖ Seeking an Abode, you will discover some priceless hints that will leave you sufficiently equipped to sign the lease on a domicile of your very own.


    Number one: Stay within your means

    Thereís nothing worse than placing the winning bid at auction on the Bastille and realizing that you left your wallet in the Comby van. Applied on a more realistic scale, this means that paying weekly rent exceeding your paycheque is a no-no. Finding the perfect balance between your expenditures and what you are willing to pay for rent is a quandary that varies from person to person. Some people are willing to live modestly in return for regular patronage of the local rave scene or Hooters; others canít bear the thought of living in a shoebox, instead choosing to compromise their caviar soirees for a lavish penthouse in the central business district.

    Whatever you decide, just remember: even the old lady who lived in the shoe discarded the box. Sheíll tell you that Doc Marten insoles are far more comfortable than a recycled pizza coffer any day.


    Number two: Splitting the rent saves you money

    Finally friends can come in useful for you! If you happen to have a homeless chum willing to cohabit with you, perhaps you should suggest a trial as roommates. The great thing about being roomies is that just about anyone can be one; friends, co-workers and even family members can make the perfect live-in kith. Mother-in-laws, however, are generally not acceptable housemates as they tend to stop paying the rent when you kill them.

    Donít be discouraged if you donít have any friends or people who can tolerate your presence, as advertising for a flatmate can also be successful. Make sure you meet them first and gauge your compatibility before signing your own death warrant.

    Remember: more money in your pocket means more nights spent making yourself feel important at Hooters.


    Number three: Reconsider the invitation to the missus

    The amount of distance you want to be from your lady is directly proportionate to the length of your night out. That being the case, the last thing you need after a night on the VB is to come home to a loved one, as the metamorphosis from loved one to noxious-gas-breathing troll is a stunning sight best left unseen. If you need some hanky-panky, arrange for a night in at her house.


    Number four: Location, location, location!

    Sometimes itís not so much the house you live in as where it happened to be built. In the grottos, even simple tasks like commuting to work every day become markedly more difficult when you have to evade armed outlaws, counterfeit-Rolex vendors and pregnant mothers.

    Just keep in mind that some particularly unspectacular suburbs may one day become the victims of a housing boom and increase your houseís value exponentially. When renting, this becomes a problem for you, as you were too poor to buy the house as an investment. This leads to a significant mark-up in your out-of-pocket expenses rather than a financial windfall.

    Thatís all for this guide, happy house hunting!

    (By the way, wanna buy a genuine Rolex? Ten bucks.)

  8. #23
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend andyc's Avatar
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    Awesome, thanks Mr. Casson. now i just need to save this until i move out and ill be set.

  9. #24
    International Captain nibbs's Avatar
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    that's a fanatastic guide mr casson. it's going to come in really handy in the near future i reckon...
    "Matt Damon"

  10. #25
    Cricket Web XI Moderator lord_of_darkness's Avatar
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    good shizz once again casson.. good reading..

  11. #26
    Cricketer Of The Year Mr Casson's Avatar
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    Hehe thanks for the kind words guys... You want more? Anyone need some guidance somewhere?

  12. #27
    Cricket Web XI Moderator lord_of_darkness's Avatar
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    Entertainment..!

  13. #28
    Cricketer Of The Year Mr Casson's Avatar
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    How do you mean?

  14. #29
    Cricket Web XI Moderator lord_of_darkness's Avatar
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    You want more? Anyone need some guidance somewhere?
    And i said Entertainment in General

  15. #30
    Cricket Web: All-Time Legend andyc's Avatar
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    how about women?

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